Hello again
Today, is another day of Christmas depression. It started out good. I got up early. Then I took a shower. But before the shower. Time to shave. Well I cut the crap out of my face today. It was going to happen. I have been using the same razor blade for over year and a half. Well it was time for rubbing alcohol like crazy. I was managed to make it look not to bad. But little nicks everywhere.
I really am telling you like it is, no bull shit. I only write the truth.
Well I just checked my email and tried to think of something to bring mom. Nothing! That I could bring her. This upsets me. As mom is still not eating much. And it is not healthy, I am extremely worried that mom is going to get sick.
This is not a good thing. I have brought it up with the PGT and no response. Nothing at all. All I know. is that he keeps telling me the hospital has food. And my response is always. Mom does not like the food and will not eat it. This was the problem at Riverview, where she through the food away. And got mad when they tried to feed food that she did not like.
I know mom eats what I bring and just about all of it. Well I always make more, so that is OK. And mom barely eats anything. As in tonight, it was chicken, and some veg's. No, nothing. I did have some fruit and mom ate that. Still that is not dinner.
I am actually getting pissed off. I don't normally get this mad. And it is directed at the PGT. they are going to have to supply funds for groceries. Don't worry, I have had no appetite for awhile now. It is the Christmas depression I have. I only want my tea and that is it. OK I am eating some nuts and that is it. And allot of what mom eats I just simply can't eat.
No caned food, no dairy, no pork, no fast food and I am finding more and more foods that I can't eat. And it is getting harder and harder to stay healthy myself. But I am only concerned about mom and her eating habit.
Let me back up, when walking to Coquitlam Centre. So I could cut through to the bus loop. I became soaking wet. I mean just drenched. From head to toes. And I means toes. Wet shoes mean wet toes, and well feet.
I was completely dry and had styled my hair nice, just the way mom likes it. Mom is always changing my hair when I get their. It seems she does not like it when I slick it back.
Then walking through the mall, my depression really hit me hard. Everyone shopping and laughing and smiling. Beautiful gifts under tow. Kids playing and goofing around. Lights abound. Everything in the festive space. Except for the fact I got $5.00 to last me a month. Make my mother's Christmas special.
Last year I was able to make mom's Christmas special and this year, so far not going to happen. Unless of course a huge miracle happens. And happens now. I need to make mom dinners, and get those dinner out to mom and out their hot.
I want to make mom a great Christmas again. Remember, mom has Dementia and lung Cancer and so far mom has lived far beyond what they expected her to live. Mom is, at this moment, healthier than I am.
So see my concern at making every holiday a special holiday, and to make everyday a special day. This is why I give mom a spa treatment everyday and this she loves.
GOD forbids mom goes anytime soon. But I don't know how much time I have left with her. Thank GOD the lung cancer has not spread and is holding it's own. This is why I am so insistent on making mom's life great and making sure each and every day is great.
I need this Miracle and please GOD now. They did not even think mom was going to make it through last Christmas. But she did. And during Christmas is when her husband died, my father. Mom knows it it coming up soon. The aniveristy of her husbands death.
This makes Christmas even more depressing. I am also trying to make sure mom has such a great Christmas that it lesson's the feeling of the lose of her husband. They were together 55 years or more. And mom is already starting to miss him, and I do as well. Right at Christmas is when her passed away. Come on now.
This is why I make each and every Christmas as special as possible and why I ask for everyone to find it in your heart and help us out.
Now back to the pitiful me. I did look around, window shopping as it were. And I found so much stuff, at great prices, and mom would look good in allot of the clothing I saw. And the clothing I saw for myself would keep me dry and warm. Which I do need. And a new razor and well I need everything. As I have nothing.
If I don't make sure this is a great Christmas for mom. I don't know what I will do. Christmas, and now especially, since dad passed away 3 years ago. And mom is still going strong. Alzheimer's and Dementia is a horrible disease and can take you just like that. One minute your healthy and the next gone. And add cancer to the mix and I pray everyday that mom makes it another day.
So more on Tiny Tim when I can think of it
I need to go, The story saddens me.
GOD bless and good night
Kris
