A very bad week

Hello again

I am going to start out this evening by asking for your help with donations. Two people have already donated, I need more of you to do this. I ask and have to continue to ask for your help.

I will represent myself in the Supreme Court. Saving thousands of dollars in legal fee's. But I really do need to hire a lawyer just for legal advice.

Yes you know the saying a fool for a client...................... I under estimated the actual cost to hire a lawyer to represent me in court. By thousands of dollars

Now the $10000 is going to be used for two things. Half for court costs and the other half to give mom and service and celebration of life.

So I cannot even look at pictures of mom without crying anymore. And I can't stop looking at pictures of mom. I just need to look at her pictures.

It is very difficult for me. Mom has no closer, I have no closer. I can't imagine how mom feels right now, knowing that her ashes are not with the person who loved her and actually cared for her. Just sitting in a funeral home. Cold, lonely.

It is heart breaking. It is sacrilegious to me. I know now that the girls are just evil. That is the only way to describe them. And them saying mom can just rot in the morgue.

My heart is getting weaker and weaker. I am breaking down inside. I am very lonely. Very, very lonely.

I have not had anyone to speak to about my feelings or what is going on with me.

Nothing is going on. I am in pain, I want have a serious conversation with someone about what I am feeling.

Yes I write this. And this is about what I am feeling at his very moment as I write this. And what has happened and how I feel about it today.

I worry about tomorrow when it gets here. I can't even think that far a head.

I am very religious and spiritual, but that is even being challenged. My faith needs strength. I need to know that there is my GOD standing beside me.

I pray and pray. But so far nothing.

I have not heard from mom. Yes I believe spirits can and do come to visit there lost and troubled loved one's. That would be me.

Mom was my rock in this world. She brought me stability. Mom was the nicest person I knew. Yes she did have her moments.

OK I am done for the night. If I continue I will turn into a wreck.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk

Please help. It is not just for legal fee's but to give mom a great send off.

Up and down today

Hello again

So my day was busy, this is a good thing. It keeps my mind busy, so I am not thinking to much about mom. The only problem is the bus ride. I am constantly looking at all the photo's I have of mom, Thinking to myself that I should of taken more. There is not enough of them. Just not enough.

I do wish I could of done more for mom. Take her out more often, do more things for her. Even though I had time issues, as a result of taking the bus 3 hours or more to get to see mom and having to pick things up for her. But that made my day more enjoyable. Getting things I thought mom would like, picking out clothing for her. fruit etc..... I did enjoy all of that.

I should of wrote more about mom, yes this is true. I still have the opportunity to do that. To describe to you all of mom's days.

I don't know. Really

I just am lost still and I know I am still in shock over her death. But I do know that there is something brewing deep down inside of me. Ready to let loose. The grieving process has not begun yet and that I fear is what is brewing inside me. Not sure if I will be able to deal with it, when it happens. I am thankful that I have a distraction. Trying to get mom's ashes. I do still need help raising funds for this.

https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk

But the one main thing I need to do is to give mom and memorial service, one that she so deserves. If I do it where mom's ashes are, then I can have mom's ashes present during the service. The whole issue of who will finally be awarded her ashes will still come down to a Supreme Court Justice, making that decision. The sisters and myself will not agree on this. They just want there own way. And nothing will change their minds.

They really do think it is going to be easy for them and that I will give in and let them have her ashes. Not going to happen. I will do whatever it takes to make sure of that. I don't care if it kills me. Than mom will just be buried with me.

I can't say anymore this evening. I was just busy today, and tomorrow as well. I have to travel to New Westminster and then to Coquitlam and back. That by bus, is a whole day. Including the appointment in each city. Yes that is the problem with taking the bus. One can only plan a few things in one day.

So I do wish all of you a good night.

GOD bless

Kristopher Schmuland

I just not sure of anything, anymore

Hello again

So I have just been thinking about mom allot today, how I want to see her smile again, I want to hear her voice again. I want to hold her hand again.

But I can't and this alone, is causing havoc in my life. I am freaking out. I really need to see someone about this. But I also need to have my mother's ashes with me, so I know she is close to me.

Yes her spirit is with me, always, but with all the confusion that is happening I just can't feel her spirit with me. I am not doing well .

It is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I thought quiting drinking was hard. This is much worse. On the only bright side of this, is that quiting smoking will be a breeze for me. That is next. I am having a difficult time just getting up each day. I have nothing, I am nothing and at this moment in time I am going nowhere, rather quickly. My days are lost days and nowhere days. I try all the time. I get up early and then what. I have no idea what is next.

I need to raise funds for a legal defense to get mom's ashes. Yet no one even gives a crap about that. I am not asking for the funds for myself. But to pay for a lawyer. And if any is left over to give mom and funeral service, which because of my sister's, mom has not had.

Remember, it was all set to happen. The date, the time, everything. But they, the sister's canceled it, the very next day. Again not including me in that decision. Which they had to.

And so, because of my sister's mom's ashes just sit and sit and sit. And the only way any of us are going to get mom's ashes is through the Supreme Court of BC. Period.

This is all their causing. They did this with my dad. Now they are trying to do it again, with my mother. I don't consider them family. Not at all. Maybe blood, but that is it.

And for the rest of my family. What family. I don't or have not seen any of them around to offer any sort of comfort to me. Nothing. Oh yea, get a job. The very next day after mom passed away.

What kind of BS is that. I did not even have time for my mother's death to sink in. Now, not a soul has reached out to me. Actually, nobody at all. Not a single human being has reached out to offer any sort of comfort to me. Or to even try to understand what the hell I am going through.

This is exactly what it was like while I looked after mom for all those years. No one around. No one to even talk to. And even someone I use to call a friend, has unfollowed me on FaceBook. Wasn't a friend to begin with and certainly isn't now or ever will be.

No friends, no one to look after anymore or even to call family. When I say I am alone, really believe me that I am alone. My phone doesn't even ring with some of the people or staff I knew at Al Hogg. or any of the children of residents. They all were taking my number and giving me theirs. I tried calling some of them, they didn't answer their phone and never returned any of my messages.

So once again, when I say to you I am alone, Believe it. Because I am truly alone for the first time in my entire life. Not a soul to talk to, not a soul to care if I am dead or alive. NO ONE! AT ALL.

So what do I do. Do I continue on and suffer more anguish and frustration, do I try to speak with someone  about all of this. Yes to that. I really don't want to carry on anymore. But I do not want to die, either. I don't know what I am to do, Now it has been almost two months since mom passed.OK one and a half months. But still I am not doing well with all of it.

I have some good moments. But I just start to cry, where ever I may be.

I am trying to raise money to get mom's ashes, but again, know one gives a shit about it. If mom sits and sits on a shelf in the funeral home. Forever. It could be years that mom just sits there.

I am done for the day. I need to eat. Oh yea that is another thing I need to do more often. Eat!

Please help out and donate to my campaign. I am not trying to raise money to go on a trip. All will be used on a lawyer.

I need GOD's help and I am not getting any of it.

Please help out.

https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Background.

Hello again

Today another day of grieving for me.  Grieving the loss of  my mother. Grieving for her ashes having to sit on a shelf in the funeral home.

When mom first became sick, Started slowly with beginning stages of Alzheimer's. I knew what needed to be done for mom, than and for the future.

Someone needed to step up and take control over how mom is to be treated and what needs to happen at each stage of her disease. And along  the way, came mini strokes which made matter worse.

I knew what the future was going to be like. I knew mom needed someone to be on her side, Right from the start. Not to let her slip into the system, without someone there to make sure mom was always treated with the respect she deserved.  Not letting anyone take her for granted.

Not letting anyone give her medication she did not need or should not be taking.

Remember mom was 72 at the time this all started. Maybe a little younger. Let us say 70. I watched my grandfather go through Alzheimer's and I was very aware of all the stages of this horrible disease.

I have research and research Alzheimer's and Dementia. Plus strokes What to do for them, what they should and should not get for medication.

How to treat them properly. What type of music is best for Alzheimer's patients.

I knew I would have to do everything for mom. My answer was bring it on .... I will be there for everything that was going to happen and did happen.

I was prepared for everything.

I have so much literature on these diseases. So much research on what to give them in the form of supplements and medication would benefit mom the most.

I have a external hard drive full of research. Both medical and  natural

I have always believed that this disease can be cured. I just didn't have the money to try it on mom. All healthy things for her.

The average life span of someone with Alzheimer's is 7 years. Mom lived 10 Years past this time. And it was all the love and caring I gave her. The vitamins and supplements.  Making sure mom was taking the proper medication, at the right time.

It is all about symmetry It was all about caring for her. Being there for her. Mom knowing I would be there, no matter what.

I still receive constant updates on the latest research from highly respected Medical institutions. Johns Hopkins, The Mayo Clinic to name just a few.

I am a seniors advocate. I fought for mom's rights and others.

I was there taking care of what needed to be done.

Taking care of mom at her home, was just part of what was needed to be done.  The proper diet, exercise

You see I don't eat anything from a can. I only eat as fresh as possible.  And all of the home cooked meal, I made for mom. Were from the freshes ingredients as possible. Proper diet.

Both my mother and father had Alzheimer's. So I have a very good chance of getting it as well.  That is why I made sure I did all the research necessary to help mom live a longer life, which she did, and to help prevent myself from getting this disease.

Now I just need your help to do one last thing for my mother. That is to help me get her ashes out of storage, sitting on a shelf, probate. Whatever it is called I need your help to do this.

I am doing as much as I can to save money. I am downtown Tuesday to try and finish all of the forms off. So I can go and sit in front of a Supreme Court Justice and ask for this case to be heard

This is where I need help with. Once I am granted the ability to sit in front of the Supreme Court, I need someone to represent me.

Sure I can do it myself. But I only know a little bit about the law, That pertains to this type of case.

This is where I need a lawyer.  And this is where I need your help.

Please donate. I am only at $100 dollars It is going to cost at least $5000. if I do allot of the work myself. With guidance from someone.

Please donate

https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk

GOD bless all of you for reading my Blog and sharing my plight.

Kristopher Schmuland

A better day

Hello again

I did not even realize it has been several days since I last wrote on this Blog. I was moving from Coquitlam to White Rock. I had to pack and I have more things than I originally thought. I am sharing a place with some people I know, who I met while coming out to White Rock. Just a bedroom for now. I am going to be applying to the one subsidized housing that I want to get into. 1/3 of my income  But my own place. You need to be 55 plus and well I am almost there.

Now I have a room full of boxes and bags to go through. Not fun. My room is crammed full of things. So  tomorrow I will be going through boxes and then taking things down to the storage locker.

I don't need allot of things at the moment. As the roommates have all the kitchen things one needs. And all of my decorations need to go down to the storage locker.

So being busy has kept my mind off of my grief. To a point. I did have bus trips and it brought out memories, but also caused me to tear up. I am so use to tearing up, on the bus. It doesn't bother me anymore, that I might cry. I just don't care. If someone has a problem with it or is curious, I will tell them.

Not everybody knows yet. That is the hardest part. Telling other's when they ask about my mother. I wish I could just make a blanket statement.

But now I am here I am very upset that my mother just sits in the funeral home. OK, her ashes. My mother's spirit is with me all the time. I know this. I can feel this. Yet I just want to hold her again, to hold her hand again. One more time.

I do very much miss mom. I cry out to her. I sing to her. I am constantly thinking about her. And still in shock.

The worse part of this. Is people just tell me to get over it.. OK one person in particular. Get a job, do this, do that. I try to explain to them, that I have some disabilities and I am still in shock, and the mourning part of this has not even begun.

My mother's ashes are still being held up. There is no closer. I have not even given my mother the proper service she deserves.

This is all thanks to my sisters. Who by the way, don't even call or care. OK they never called so why I am even thinking they would now. We are only family by blood. Nothing else. As I have mentioned time and time again.

The process of the will has started, But big deal. It doesn't matter. The bottom line is, even if we agree on the division of everything. It still comes down to mom's ashes and who gets them.

Once again. I did the work, and still would be doing the work. My mother even wants me to have her ashes. Until I can raise the funds to have my mother's and father's ashes interned at Ocean View cemetery. Where my grandparents are buried. That is allot of money though. But I count on GOD to help me do this.

I am a wreck because of my sisters. I just want mom to be with someone who actually cared about her. Not someone who stated that they lost there mother a long time ago. Then who was it that I was caring for all those years. Who was it that I was singing to and having conversations with and still asking for her advice. MY MOTHER

Now that I am in White Rock. Maybe I can get some help with this. Grieving that is. Helping me come to terms with it. A support group.

I do still and always will hurt deep down. I feel that I just can't go on. I know I am lost and do not have a clue what to do with my time.

Even living out here now. The first day, around the time I usually leave, I left and got on the bus to go back to Coquitlam. And the next night, and so on. I don't get far before I am turning around again. Or I just waste some time, doing nothing.

I was thinking today, it has been over 15 years since I have been anywhere. Not even a camping trip. I would not go camping now. With all of my injuries. But just to go away somewhere for a week would be nice.

I think, if GOD helps me out here, getting mom's ashes out of the funeral home, I just might do just that. Go somewhere, and just sit.

It is time to start to get things done and the very first thing this Monday is to go down to the Supreme Court and start to get the rest of the forms filled out.

I need to go now. I have to eat. I am not eating much since mom passed. Just not hungry. But I am going to try to eat.

So thank you and sorry I have not written in several days. I will be back at a nightly Blog now.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland