Hello again
Tonight mom was very emotional, wanting be be very close to me. She was leaning as close as she could get to me. I tired to straighten her up so she could eat properly without choking. Or me spilling things all over her.
Mom was greatly affected by the passing of her roommate. It is hard, even though the never spoke. But mom knew that she did not have that many visitors and that her children were not around much or came in and left right away. Even though they knew she was at the end of her life. Mom saw this and reflects on her own life. How I am the only one that is their for her.
That her daughters don't spend anytime with her. Well the one does come once a week and the other, not at all. This mom sees and is comparing it to her roommate. Who didn't get to have her family around her. To say their goodbyes.
This was mentioned to them, that it was time. This means have everyone come together and say what they need to say. And show her love.
Mom saw this unfolding about her. It is a shame that this happens. I know I am the only one their who spends the time with their loved one. And have been throughout mom's stays at the various places she has lived over the last 6 years..
Mom's and my own mortality has come to the forefront. It is hard to see this. She passed away with mom and I around her. At least someone was in the room for her. And mom knew this. And knows this.
I say again, that one does not wish this disease on anyone and to watch the decline and death of someone with this disease is a terrible thing. And to see two of your loved one's pass from this disease is even more heart breaking.
I kept letting mom know that I am their for her and will always be their for her. I will be by her side no matter what. And I needed mom to understand this. So I kept giving her hugs and kisses. This she wanted. Mom wanted to be loved today and I made sure that this happened. So mom won't feel alone. Even though she knows her daughters aren't around.
Which is a shame. I can't get a hold of them. Don't know their phone numbers. And I tell you the truth. I am glad I don't have their numbers. They know how to get a hold of me. In fact all the relatives know how to get in touch with me.
But I am ostracized by the family. They, like everyone else, think I should be working full time and not spending so much time with mom. And being her advocate. Yet again, if I don't do this, no one else in my family will. And just let mom be abused by all. To let everyone walk all over her.
This is why I do what I do, and obviously no one gets this. It is very apparent as I don't talk to anyone or get any help from anyone. No one. Not a single family member or friend. OOP's that is right I have no friends left anymore. Because no one can deal with what I deal with everyday.
No one wants to her bad news or her about someone dieing.
Now I only have a 10 days to pay the balance of the rent.
I need to go. It is only 11:00 pm on Saturday. But I am very tired. It was an emotional day for mom and I.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Saturday, July 21, 2012
What we know
Hello again.
Tonight my mother's roommate passed away, while we were in the room. She was alive when I took mom back to her room for her nightly sap treatment and then less than 15 minutes latter, I hear the roommates last breath. And that was that. I went to get some hot water to rinse mom's face and looked at her and said to myself that she is dead.
And not long after this, within a few minutes, a staff member came in and tried to wake her up. And of course could not. She ran out and got other staff members and the blood pressure machine. I said she passed away a few minutes ago.
I did, yesterday, after hearing the night before, to tell her. Daughter I give you peace. This is what I heard while praying for her. And this is what I did. And she received her peace.
I also while praying for her several days ago, asked GOD to take her pain away. And the next day I am their and the nurse tells another nurse that she doesn't feel pain anymore. Go figure. The miracle of GOD's word. I ask, and HE does. He tells me to tell her Daughter I give you peace. And then she passes away. Just like that tonight. I tell her and not long after that she passes away.
To weird, don't you think. Or is it just me listening to GOD.
Now the problem I do have with this is that her son has, for the last month, just comes in and within 5 minutes is gone. And tonight was the same thing. Even though I knew it was the last days for her. She passed away alone, with no one their holding her hand or the family coming together saying their good byes.
I felt that I should of said something to him the other night. That get everyone together as your mom is about to pass away. This I felt while in the elevator with him, yesterday. And sure enough, it was a correct feeling.
What I am writing about is this. Mom got very upset at the fact no one was their for her roommate. And looking at me as if I would ever do this to her. I told her that I was their every day when you were in for hip surgery, both times. And I stayed with her all day, until late when it was time for her to go to sleep. But she slept most of the time, anyways. But I was their. And I told mom that when it is time, I will be by her side all the time.
And by then we should have a place, so this doesn't happen. I want mom to be in a home, our home, not alone and everyone around her. Or at least myself. But I promised her I would be their for her, no matter what. And this what I have done and will do. This is why I spend so much time with mom.
I cannot leave mom alone, by herself. Especially when no one was their for mom's roommate tonight. Not a one. Not even a staff member. This also upset me that not a single member of her family was their. This I can see happening with my family. As it is they are not even around.
This is my motivation behind me being their for mom. For her to know someone is always going to be their for her. This I will not change. I always hope people that people understand this.
It is when someone passes away alone that I know I am doing the right thing. This is why I continually ask for help. And most likely will continue to do so. This is why it is so important to spend time with your loved one's. Nobody wants to die alone. With no one their holding your hand or seeing all of your family. Which mom's roommate didn't get a chance to have.
Mom tonight was tired. It is the weekend though and she usually is tired and not very hungry on the weekends. But I did feed her fruit, a pudding, cheese. She ate most of her dinner and a desert I brought her.
And after her spa treatment, she didn't want me to stop holding her hand and go. But I assured her that she is healthier than I am and will be their tomorrow, for her. She is just worried about being alone. That is not going to happen, ever. To mom, ever.
So I am still in need of $100.00 for my rent. And I do not eat much at all. Not very often as well. But I do survive though.
So I said my piece tonight. How upset both mother and I were that no one was their for mom's roommate.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland.
Tonight my mother's roommate passed away, while we were in the room. She was alive when I took mom back to her room for her nightly sap treatment and then less than 15 minutes latter, I hear the roommates last breath. And that was that. I went to get some hot water to rinse mom's face and looked at her and said to myself that she is dead.
And not long after this, within a few minutes, a staff member came in and tried to wake her up. And of course could not. She ran out and got other staff members and the blood pressure machine. I said she passed away a few minutes ago.
I did, yesterday, after hearing the night before, to tell her. Daughter I give you peace. This is what I heard while praying for her. And this is what I did. And she received her peace.
I also while praying for her several days ago, asked GOD to take her pain away. And the next day I am their and the nurse tells another nurse that she doesn't feel pain anymore. Go figure. The miracle of GOD's word. I ask, and HE does. He tells me to tell her Daughter I give you peace. And then she passes away. Just like that tonight. I tell her and not long after that she passes away.
To weird, don't you think. Or is it just me listening to GOD.
Now the problem I do have with this is that her son has, for the last month, just comes in and within 5 minutes is gone. And tonight was the same thing. Even though I knew it was the last days for her. She passed away alone, with no one their holding her hand or the family coming together saying their good byes.
I felt that I should of said something to him the other night. That get everyone together as your mom is about to pass away. This I felt while in the elevator with him, yesterday. And sure enough, it was a correct feeling.
What I am writing about is this. Mom got very upset at the fact no one was their for her roommate. And looking at me as if I would ever do this to her. I told her that I was their every day when you were in for hip surgery, both times. And I stayed with her all day, until late when it was time for her to go to sleep. But she slept most of the time, anyways. But I was their. And I told mom that when it is time, I will be by her side all the time.
And by then we should have a place, so this doesn't happen. I want mom to be in a home, our home, not alone and everyone around her. Or at least myself. But I promised her I would be their for her, no matter what. And this what I have done and will do. This is why I spend so much time with mom.
I cannot leave mom alone, by herself. Especially when no one was their for mom's roommate tonight. Not a one. Not even a staff member. This also upset me that not a single member of her family was their. This I can see happening with my family. As it is they are not even around.
This is my motivation behind me being their for mom. For her to know someone is always going to be their for her. This I will not change. I always hope people that people understand this.
It is when someone passes away alone that I know I am doing the right thing. This is why I continually ask for help. And most likely will continue to do so. This is why it is so important to spend time with your loved one's. Nobody wants to die alone. With no one their holding your hand or seeing all of your family. Which mom's roommate didn't get a chance to have.
Mom tonight was tired. It is the weekend though and she usually is tired and not very hungry on the weekends. But I did feed her fruit, a pudding, cheese. She ate most of her dinner and a desert I brought her.
And after her spa treatment, she didn't want me to stop holding her hand and go. But I assured her that she is healthier than I am and will be their tomorrow, for her. She is just worried about being alone. That is not going to happen, ever. To mom, ever.
So I am still in need of $100.00 for my rent. And I do not eat much at all. Not very often as well. But I do survive though.
So I said my piece tonight. How upset both mother and I were that no one was their for mom's roommate.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
I am
Hello again
I am nothing, I am nobody, and I have nothing. I am not even worthy to call myself a Christian.
I write this blog to let y'all know what it is like on a daily basis' through the journey of Alzheimer's and/or Dementia. What it is like for my mother and what it is like for myself as a caregiver and advocate for her.
How our lives are effected each and everyday. What my mom goes through each and everyday. What I feel about this and what is going on with mom. How she is treated. What I need to do for her. The calls I need to make for her.
What I need to do in my life, to try to keep myself healthy. The stress that I face dealing with the PGT and the home that mom resides in.
How I am constantly being threatened with not being able to see mom,. And the PGT, now, trying to get me kicked off of Welfare, the dole etc....
What goes on in my mind and how I try to do all I can for my mother. As I don't have anyone to speak with about what is happening in my life. How this all makes me feel.
I have been a caregiver for my grandfather then my father and now my mother. For over 10 years now. And in that time what has happened to my mother and myself.
Not good at all. 6 months ago I had my mother walking, and she used the washroom. Now she doesn't walk and this place tells me she is not weight bearing. Which is complete nonsense. They did not even check her out, I am sure of it. As with everything else.
I still need a $100. to cover the rent.
And I don't know what to do about my friend in Russia. And her and her family loosing everything in a fire.
I have to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland.
I am nothing, I am nobody, and I have nothing. I am not even worthy to call myself a Christian.
I write this blog to let y'all know what it is like on a daily basis' through the journey of Alzheimer's and/or Dementia. What it is like for my mother and what it is like for myself as a caregiver and advocate for her.
How our lives are effected each and everyday. What my mom goes through each and everyday. What I feel about this and what is going on with mom. How she is treated. What I need to do for her. The calls I need to make for her.
What I need to do in my life, to try to keep myself healthy. The stress that I face dealing with the PGT and the home that mom resides in.
How I am constantly being threatened with not being able to see mom,. And the PGT, now, trying to get me kicked off of Welfare, the dole etc....
What goes on in my mind and how I try to do all I can for my mother. As I don't have anyone to speak with about what is happening in my life. How this all makes me feel.
I have been a caregiver for my grandfather then my father and now my mother. For over 10 years now. And in that time what has happened to my mother and myself.
Not good at all. 6 months ago I had my mother walking, and she used the washroom. Now she doesn't walk and this place tells me she is not weight bearing. Which is complete nonsense. They did not even check her out, I am sure of it. As with everything else.
I still need a $100. to cover the rent.
And I don't know what to do about my friend in Russia. And her and her family loosing everything in a fire.
I have to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland.
The PGT
Hello again
So I am going to start by saying the PGT is refusing me assistance. And on top of Stephen Flynn, case manager of my mother, and his supervisor Leanne Dospital are threatening to have me cut off from Welfare. The only way I can pay my rent. And well not live or eat, but pay my rent. I need this.
So I stopped writing his name on this blog. But for today I write his name and the email he sent me. Which he does not like me to publish.
So here it is the email.
"Flynn, Stephen SFlynn@trustee.bc.ca
Kris,
First of all we have had this discussion ten times. The answer is no.
This moving fiasco is a problem of your own creation. Not the landlord, not the Ministry and not the Public Guardian and Trustee. It has nothing to do with me, my care of your mother’s finances, or our work.
When I provided you with the $200 yesterday, it was not to assist you to pay your rent. It was to provide you with funds to move your things. If you are not going to move your things, I am requesting you return this money.
If you do not, you are going to find that I can say no quite abit.
You clearly stated to me this money was for you to move your and your mothers belongings into the home of your Great Aunt. So whether you intentionally lied to me, or lied to me about the purposes for these funds in the belief you would be able to move the effects, does not matter to me. You know now that you don’t want to use the money for moving, you want to pay your rent with it.
I never agreed to provide you with an additional $200 for rent.I will ensure the Ministry knows that you have received these funds.
If your mother needs a fan for her room, tell the staff at Dr.Hogg and they can purchase one for her out of her comforts allowance.
I want you to return the $200 to this office by the end of business on Friday July 20. End of story.""
Now after speaking with the ministry and finding out they would pay for part of the rent. And them telling me I have to come up with the rest of the rent myself. I asked them about borrowing the money and if I have to pay it back dollar for dollar. No I don't, but I need to come up with the rest. And I am short $100.00
And I know it was my mess and I leaped to soon, without taking everything into consideration.
Now there is a national Alzheimer's conference in Vancouver this past week. If I knew this is the way Stephen would act, I would of been at the conference with picket sign in tow.
Now tonight I didn't even leave the Al Hogg pavilion until 9 pm. As the staff didn't even get to changing mom until after 8pm. And this is not acceptable.
You would never let a baby sit in their diapers for any length of time. But it is OK to let our loved one's Seniors with Alzheimer's do so. This is serious abuse. But they don't see it that way. There has been many times that mom is messy and it is several hours that I know she has been sitting in her filth. What is the difference between a baby sitting in their diapers or a senior. Nothing except age. Respect is missing.
I was then told that they were going to wait until I left to change mom. When was this the case. When did I ever leave before mom was changed and I fixed the bed, tucked her in. Put on the final lotion and more lip balm. And then sing her our good night song. NEVER!
I stay until mom is ready for me to leave. She lets me know. And I plan on staying now, until she falls asleep. I feel this is what she wants me to do.
And today I found mom in her room, put in front of the TV. But that is not the problem. She is staring at her roommate who is dying. And might not even be alive when I get their tomorrow.
Mom ate most of dinner and lots of fruit. Then she ate two of her Lindor chocolates. Then off to have the spa treatment done. And all mom wanted to do was go to sleep. I did tell her no matter how fast I go we still have to wait for the staff to come and change her. And wait we did. Over two hours. Nice isn't it.
For my friend Kseniya, I started a web site to funds raise for her. A free one. Limited though. But I haven't had time to do anything with it. Except the title. I really would like to help somehow.
I need to go to bed now, myself.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
So I am going to start by saying the PGT is refusing me assistance. And on top of Stephen Flynn, case manager of my mother, and his supervisor Leanne Dospital are threatening to have me cut off from Welfare. The only way I can pay my rent. And well not live or eat, but pay my rent. I need this.
So I stopped writing his name on this blog. But for today I write his name and the email he sent me. Which he does not like me to publish.
So here it is the email.
"Flynn, Stephen SFlynn@trustee.bc.ca
Kris,
First of all we have had this discussion ten times. The answer is no.
This moving fiasco is a problem of your own creation. Not the landlord, not the Ministry and not the Public Guardian and Trustee. It has nothing to do with me, my care of your mother’s finances, or our work.
When I provided you with the $200 yesterday, it was not to assist you to pay your rent. It was to provide you with funds to move your things. If you are not going to move your things, I am requesting you return this money.
If you do not, you are going to find that I can say no quite abit.
You clearly stated to me this money was for you to move your and your mothers belongings into the home of your Great Aunt. So whether you intentionally lied to me, or lied to me about the purposes for these funds in the belief you would be able to move the effects, does not matter to me. You know now that you don’t want to use the money for moving, you want to pay your rent with it.
I never agreed to provide you with an additional $200 for rent.I will ensure the Ministry knows that you have received these funds.
If your mother needs a fan for her room, tell the staff at Dr.Hogg and they can purchase one for her out of her comforts allowance.
I want you to return the $200 to this office by the end of business on Friday July 20. End of story.""
Now after speaking with the ministry and finding out they would pay for part of the rent. And them telling me I have to come up with the rest of the rent myself. I asked them about borrowing the money and if I have to pay it back dollar for dollar. No I don't, but I need to come up with the rest. And I am short $100.00
And I know it was my mess and I leaped to soon, without taking everything into consideration.
Now there is a national Alzheimer's conference in Vancouver this past week. If I knew this is the way Stephen would act, I would of been at the conference with picket sign in tow.
Now tonight I didn't even leave the Al Hogg pavilion until 9 pm. As the staff didn't even get to changing mom until after 8pm. And this is not acceptable.
You would never let a baby sit in their diapers for any length of time. But it is OK to let our loved one's Seniors with Alzheimer's do so. This is serious abuse. But they don't see it that way. There has been many times that mom is messy and it is several hours that I know she has been sitting in her filth. What is the difference between a baby sitting in their diapers or a senior. Nothing except age. Respect is missing.
I was then told that they were going to wait until I left to change mom. When was this the case. When did I ever leave before mom was changed and I fixed the bed, tucked her in. Put on the final lotion and more lip balm. And then sing her our good night song. NEVER!
I stay until mom is ready for me to leave. She lets me know. And I plan on staying now, until she falls asleep. I feel this is what she wants me to do.
And today I found mom in her room, put in front of the TV. But that is not the problem. She is staring at her roommate who is dying. And might not even be alive when I get their tomorrow.
Mom ate most of dinner and lots of fruit. Then she ate two of her Lindor chocolates. Then off to have the spa treatment done. And all mom wanted to do was go to sleep. I did tell her no matter how fast I go we still have to wait for the staff to come and change her. And wait we did. Over two hours. Nice isn't it.
For my friend Kseniya, I started a web site to funds raise for her. A free one. Limited though. But I haven't had time to do anything with it. Except the title. I really would like to help somehow.
I need to go to bed now, myself.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Almost there
Hello again
Today mom was really hungry. But she did not want her dinner. Thank GOD I had allot of fruit for her. She ate all of it. She did eat half of her dinner as well. Then she had two of her Lindor Chocolates and most of her fresh frozen fruit slushy/drink.
And all the while wanting to go to bed and have her spa treatment. Which I did, I also cleaned her ears. I did sing quit a bit to her tonight. I was just in that mood. Mom liked it very much and it is great therapy for her. I was goofy as well, which made her laugh and smile allot. I continued to give her the frozen dessert and her drinks. I tried tap dancing. For some reason, I think I took lessons as a kid. It seems natural to me. But runners stick allot and I tripped many times. Which again made mom laugh.
The staff came in a changed mom while I went to make some hot water. I came back, laid out some clothing for her, for tomorrow and sang our good night song to her. Much better tonight.
For me, it was a bit of a productive day;. First moving into my great aunts house is a big fat NO! and even moving my belongings into their is anther big fat NO! So not good. I found this out first thing this morning. Great start to the day. This is my family, that is what I thought though. But obviously they are not. They, like all , only care about themselves. If I didn't get the news a little bit latter, I would be living on the street now. And my belongings would be gone.
But an hours latter I had $365.00 towards my rent ( from the ministry) and then, when I checked my email. And another $200.00 was waiting for me to pick up at the PGT. Yet everything is good except for the $100.00 that I am still short. This I need, my landlady is expecting the rent by Thursday. Let us hope tomorrow/today lets me see the balance of the rent. And then after this is done, my rent will be normal again. This was a very large learning experience.
Listen to GOD and not myself. I felt it was a wrong move, but I was so much of a hurry to move to White Rock, I didn't think things through. And this caused me and mom allot of stress. No I did not tell her anything about this matter. But mom knew something was up. Hence my good mood today. It has been a while since I was able to be goofy like I was.
So let us hope something happens to alleviate the rest of the tension I am feeling as a result of not having my rent paid. I now only need $100.00 not much, but allot when you are broke. I don't even have any money to buy mom anymore fruit. Which she is eating, mostly for her dinners.
Now about my friend in Russia.
I have been writing her for many months now. It was going good, but she started to develop feelings for me and wrote to tell me that if I don't feel the same way to not write her back. So I didn't write her back. It takes allot for me to fall in love. It has only happened once in my life and I was a drunk back then and she left me. By the way, I have not drank or smoked pot in a very long time now. Over 10 years now. It was a few years after she moved back east to be near her twin sister, who was pregnant. I did speak to her for a few years afterwards and she wanted me to come and get her. I was to afraid to go and get her. So we haven't spoken in many years now.
But anyways. She wrote back to me and asked why I didn't write back to her. I wrote her and explained to her that it is not easy for me to fall in love and it takes a while for this to happen for me. The girl I loved, we were friends first for a long time first.
But she was OK with this and we continued to write. We wrote about each other's life in our respective countries and about our lives, hopes and dreams.
The a week ago she wrote me about the fire. So I now include the emails concerning this.
Her email to me.
My dear Kristopher, on July, 7st in the afternoon there was a fire in our apartment. Anybody from my family was not at home. Fire has destroyed everything, that was in an apartment. Now repair is required to an apartment. My family is very crushed by it misfortune, we have tears on the face. We have appeared in the street. My parents were placed by our neighbours. I now live at my girlfriend.
Unfortunately, the apartment was not insurance. Now the fire service finds out the reason of a fire. I shall check my mail and I shall write to you at my first opportunity. With love and respect, yours Kseniya
My response
Kseniya
I am sorry to hear about your misfortune.
I am hoping everyone is alright. And you get back home soon.
I feel for your loss as I have lost everything due to a fire before.
I feel for you and your parents.
I would love to help out. But I am in a financial mess right now. I am not sure what I can do.
Please take care of yourself.
With love
Kris
And the last email I received from her.
Hello my dear Kristopher, many thanks for your words of support. I and my family are really very grateful to all warm words which you write to me in your letter. The situation remains former, my family is divided. Mother and the father live at neighbours, I while live at the girlfriend. Major overhaul is required to an apartment.
My dear Kristopher, it would be good, if you could help utensils: saucepans, frying pans, a teapot, cups, plates, spoons, plugs, knifes and household subjects: an iron, a hair drier, an inflatable mattress that it was possible sleep on a floor. Because the girlfriend where I now temporarily live has only one bed. To us it is close sleep together. Therefore it would be good, if you could send an inflatable mattress. Probably, what you can send me clothes? All clothes of my family have been destroyed by fire. I and my family to you would be very grateful. Can use services of air mail.
This case was strong impact for me and my family, my Kristopher. Now I do not know, when we can recover from a fire and make in an apartment repair. Now I shall close my letter. I check your mail at my first opportunity. With all my love and respect, yours Kseniya
That is our conversation to date.
I really would like to help her out. I have nothing. But I am hoping that maybe, since no one would help me, that maybe y'all might help this family out.
So send whatever financial aid or other things to my address listed o this blog and I will put together a care package or two and send it off via air mail to her.
This is a somewhat urgent matter, as the family is displaced and not together anymore. They are a close knit family, as most families are. Not mine though. They lost everything and are not living together right now.
So if you can find this in your heart, to help out. It would be very much appreciated. Kseniya and her parents would be very grateful. As you can read from her emails, she doesn't ask for money. But things.
But in order for me to send her what she needs, I need financial help to purchase the items and to send them.
But I leave it to you.
So I need to go to bed and get some sleep.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Today mom was really hungry. But she did not want her dinner. Thank GOD I had allot of fruit for her. She ate all of it. She did eat half of her dinner as well. Then she had two of her Lindor Chocolates and most of her fresh frozen fruit slushy/drink.
And all the while wanting to go to bed and have her spa treatment. Which I did, I also cleaned her ears. I did sing quit a bit to her tonight. I was just in that mood. Mom liked it very much and it is great therapy for her. I was goofy as well, which made her laugh and smile allot. I continued to give her the frozen dessert and her drinks. I tried tap dancing. For some reason, I think I took lessons as a kid. It seems natural to me. But runners stick allot and I tripped many times. Which again made mom laugh.
The staff came in a changed mom while I went to make some hot water. I came back, laid out some clothing for her, for tomorrow and sang our good night song to her. Much better tonight.
For me, it was a bit of a productive day;. First moving into my great aunts house is a big fat NO! and even moving my belongings into their is anther big fat NO! So not good. I found this out first thing this morning. Great start to the day. This is my family, that is what I thought though. But obviously they are not. They, like all , only care about themselves. If I didn't get the news a little bit latter, I would be living on the street now. And my belongings would be gone.
But an hours latter I had $365.00 towards my rent ( from the ministry) and then, when I checked my email. And another $200.00 was waiting for me to pick up at the PGT. Yet everything is good except for the $100.00 that I am still short. This I need, my landlady is expecting the rent by Thursday. Let us hope tomorrow/today lets me see the balance of the rent. And then after this is done, my rent will be normal again. This was a very large learning experience.
Listen to GOD and not myself. I felt it was a wrong move, but I was so much of a hurry to move to White Rock, I didn't think things through. And this caused me and mom allot of stress. No I did not tell her anything about this matter. But mom knew something was up. Hence my good mood today. It has been a while since I was able to be goofy like I was.
So let us hope something happens to alleviate the rest of the tension I am feeling as a result of not having my rent paid. I now only need $100.00 not much, but allot when you are broke. I don't even have any money to buy mom anymore fruit. Which she is eating, mostly for her dinners.
Now about my friend in Russia.
I have been writing her for many months now. It was going good, but she started to develop feelings for me and wrote to tell me that if I don't feel the same way to not write her back. So I didn't write her back. It takes allot for me to fall in love. It has only happened once in my life and I was a drunk back then and she left me. By the way, I have not drank or smoked pot in a very long time now. Over 10 years now. It was a few years after she moved back east to be near her twin sister, who was pregnant. I did speak to her for a few years afterwards and she wanted me to come and get her. I was to afraid to go and get her. So we haven't spoken in many years now.
But anyways. She wrote back to me and asked why I didn't write back to her. I wrote her and explained to her that it is not easy for me to fall in love and it takes a while for this to happen for me. The girl I loved, we were friends first for a long time first.
But she was OK with this and we continued to write. We wrote about each other's life in our respective countries and about our lives, hopes and dreams.
The a week ago she wrote me about the fire. So I now include the emails concerning this.
Her email to me.
My dear Kristopher, on July, 7st in the afternoon there was a fire in our apartment. Anybody from my family was not at home. Fire has destroyed everything, that was in an apartment. Now repair is required to an apartment. My family is very crushed by it misfortune, we have tears on the face. We have appeared in the street. My parents were placed by our neighbours. I now live at my girlfriend.
Unfortunately, the apartment was not insurance. Now the fire service finds out the reason of a fire. I shall check my mail and I shall write to you at my first opportunity. With love and respect, yours Kseniya
My response
Kseniya
I am sorry to hear about your misfortune.
I am hoping everyone is alright. And you get back home soon.
I feel for your loss as I have lost everything due to a fire before.
I feel for you and your parents.
I would love to help out. But I am in a financial mess right now. I am not sure what I can do.
Please take care of yourself.
With love
Kris
And the last email I received from her.
Hello my dear Kristopher, many thanks for your words of support. I and my family are really very grateful to all warm words which you write to me in your letter. The situation remains former, my family is divided. Mother and the father live at neighbours, I while live at the girlfriend. Major overhaul is required to an apartment.
My dear Kristopher, it would be good, if you could help utensils: saucepans, frying pans, a teapot, cups, plates, spoons, plugs, knifes and household subjects: an iron, a hair drier, an inflatable mattress that it was possible sleep on a floor. Because the girlfriend where I now temporarily live has only one bed. To us it is close sleep together. Therefore it would be good, if you could send an inflatable mattress. Probably, what you can send me clothes? All clothes of my family have been destroyed by fire. I and my family to you would be very grateful. Can use services of air mail.
This case was strong impact for me and my family, my Kristopher. Now I do not know, when we can recover from a fire and make in an apartment repair. Now I shall close my letter. I check your mail at my first opportunity. With all my love and respect, yours Kseniya
That is our conversation to date.
I really would like to help her out. I have nothing. But I am hoping that maybe, since no one would help me, that maybe y'all might help this family out.
So send whatever financial aid or other things to my address listed o this blog and I will put together a care package or two and send it off via air mail to her.
This is a somewhat urgent matter, as the family is displaced and not together anymore. They are a close knit family, as most families are. Not mine though. They lost everything and are not living together right now.
So if you can find this in your heart, to help out. It would be very much appreciated. Kseniya and her parents would be very grateful. As you can read from her emails, she doesn't ask for money. But things.
But in order for me to send her what she needs, I need financial help to purchase the items and to send them.
But I leave it to you.
So I need to go to bed and get some sleep.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
It is official
Hello again
So it is official that tomorrow/today my landlady wants me out. I have tired everything. I have asked for help, from the ministry, the PGT and whoever would be able to help.
And I have received no help. And I need to leave and no place to go.. No place to put my mother's and my things.
I have no way of even moving them.
I went to see my great aunt today as well. Not were I was told it was. I walked around for an hour. Asking for directions and getting the wrong directions all the time. Finally found it, but I could only stay for 15 minutes and had to get going to see mom.
I called my cousin, who's mother I went to see, if I could stay at my great aunts house. Left a message and she returned my call latter tonight. I asked and she will have to talk to the rest of the family.
Now tonight mom was not very hungry. All I could get her to eat was fruit and some of her frozen drink. I did bring her some pasta, she ate a little bit of it. She didn't want anymore. She just ate a papaya and a kiwi. And a pudding. She did drink a fair bit of her juice, coke and water. As well as the tea she loves. That was it. Mom just wanted to go to bed and have the spa treatment done. So that is what I did. Of course during the spa treatment, I give her lots to drink.
Mom was getting upset at me and was crying. She knew something was wrong with me. She can always tell. I didn't say anything about being homeless or about to become homeless.
I sang a little to her, I fell a few times. My balance is completely off. I talk to her. I always put my phone on her chest so she can feel the music as well as listen to it. This is good therapy for her. It relaxes her.
Now I have no way of doing anything.
Now a friend in Russia that I write to, her parents apartment caught fire and they have nothing left. She was living with them. And her parents are now with neighbours and my friend is staying with a friend. She never asked me for money. But I did write to her telling her I am in a financial mess right now and wish I could help.
She did write me back and asked for other things, a inflatable bed as she is staying in the same bed with her friend and it would be nice to have this., an iron, maybe some cloths. Other household items.
I really do wish I could help her out. With anything. Like I listed above. Just items for her self and her parents. They lost everything. I have trouble believing anything anyone tells me.
But I think this is true.
I don't know what to think anymore.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmland
So it is official that tomorrow/today my landlady wants me out. I have tired everything. I have asked for help, from the ministry, the PGT and whoever would be able to help.
And I have received no help. And I need to leave and no place to go.. No place to put my mother's and my things.
I have no way of even moving them.
I went to see my great aunt today as well. Not were I was told it was. I walked around for an hour. Asking for directions and getting the wrong directions all the time. Finally found it, but I could only stay for 15 minutes and had to get going to see mom.
I called my cousin, who's mother I went to see, if I could stay at my great aunts house. Left a message and she returned my call latter tonight. I asked and she will have to talk to the rest of the family.
Now tonight mom was not very hungry. All I could get her to eat was fruit and some of her frozen drink. I did bring her some pasta, she ate a little bit of it. She didn't want anymore. She just ate a papaya and a kiwi. And a pudding. She did drink a fair bit of her juice, coke and water. As well as the tea she loves. That was it. Mom just wanted to go to bed and have the spa treatment done. So that is what I did. Of course during the spa treatment, I give her lots to drink.
Mom was getting upset at me and was crying. She knew something was wrong with me. She can always tell. I didn't say anything about being homeless or about to become homeless.
I sang a little to her, I fell a few times. My balance is completely off. I talk to her. I always put my phone on her chest so she can feel the music as well as listen to it. This is good therapy for her. It relaxes her.
Now I have no way of doing anything.
Now a friend in Russia that I write to, her parents apartment caught fire and they have nothing left. She was living with them. And her parents are now with neighbours and my friend is staying with a friend. She never asked me for money. But I did write to her telling her I am in a financial mess right now and wish I could help.
She did write me back and asked for other things, a inflatable bed as she is staying in the same bed with her friend and it would be nice to have this., an iron, maybe some cloths. Other household items.
I really do wish I could help her out. With anything. Like I listed above. Just items for her self and her parents. They lost everything. I have trouble believing anything anyone tells me.
But I think this is true.
I don't know what to think anymore.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmland
Sunday, July 15, 2012
it is just
Hello again
So on top of the fact I need rent, my sole is starting to come off my runners. And I am getting holes in both of the heels of the shoes. Great don't you think. I think not. It rains and then it pours.
That is OK, I really do believe that GOD does not give me more than I can handle. And well I think I am close to what I can handle. Or not.
Mom is still constipated, and again this is due to the continuous use of Tylenol. Which I have asked them to stop giving her. To our surprise, they haven't. This is how well they listen to the family members. NOT AT ALL!
Tylenol damages the liver and mom has enough problems without adding a ruined liver to the list. And they just don't get it. Mom's liver goes I sue. And I am sure I will find a good lawyer who would want to take on Fraser Health, for free. As well Tylenol causes constipation, and then they give mom a suppository to make her have a bowl movement.
The first thing I need to do is to write it down and give them a copy of it. Then give them a few weeks to take action, or in this case stop giving her Tylenol.
Now tonight I realized something. I have to space out everything I bring mom, so she can clearly define what it is that she wants. And choose it. Being bunched together I cannot tell what she wants.
She still has a serious cough. And the doctor has not returned my call yet. I am not even sure if the staff member passed on the message for me.
So Tuesday is the day that the eviction notice ends and I need to move or file a counter complaint against the landlord. Or something happens before then.
So the PGT has not kept any of the promises and it is time to write up a single page flyer and copy it, make a picket sign. Then go across the street from their office and picket them. As I said I would do, if they didn't keep any of their promises. I have to keep my word. So the PGT I guess should write that cheque out of their own coffers. Not that of my mother's.
I just need to wait until this rent thing works out. And the PGT tells me to move to a homeless shelter. And when I asked them, what do I do with my belongings. His response was I don't know, and we will not help with that either. Great, tell me to move to a homeless shelter and loose everything I own, which is not much. And allot of what I have is mom's. Which I store for her. And exchange the clothing for each season.
So where do I go from here. I need to continue to be their for mom and that is it.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
So on top of the fact I need rent, my sole is starting to come off my runners. And I am getting holes in both of the heels of the shoes. Great don't you think. I think not. It rains and then it pours.
That is OK, I really do believe that GOD does not give me more than I can handle. And well I think I am close to what I can handle. Or not.
Mom is still constipated, and again this is due to the continuous use of Tylenol. Which I have asked them to stop giving her. To our surprise, they haven't. This is how well they listen to the family members. NOT AT ALL!
Tylenol damages the liver and mom has enough problems without adding a ruined liver to the list. And they just don't get it. Mom's liver goes I sue. And I am sure I will find a good lawyer who would want to take on Fraser Health, for free. As well Tylenol causes constipation, and then they give mom a suppository to make her have a bowl movement.
The first thing I need to do is to write it down and give them a copy of it. Then give them a few weeks to take action, or in this case stop giving her Tylenol.
Now tonight I realized something. I have to space out everything I bring mom, so she can clearly define what it is that she wants. And choose it. Being bunched together I cannot tell what she wants.
She still has a serious cough. And the doctor has not returned my call yet. I am not even sure if the staff member passed on the message for me.
So Tuesday is the day that the eviction notice ends and I need to move or file a counter complaint against the landlord. Or something happens before then.
So the PGT has not kept any of the promises and it is time to write up a single page flyer and copy it, make a picket sign. Then go across the street from their office and picket them. As I said I would do, if they didn't keep any of their promises. I have to keep my word. So the PGT I guess should write that cheque out of their own coffers. Not that of my mother's.
I just need to wait until this rent thing works out. And the PGT tells me to move to a homeless shelter. And when I asked them, what do I do with my belongings. His response was I don't know, and we will not help with that either. Great, tell me to move to a homeless shelter and loose everything I own, which is not much. And allot of what I have is mom's. Which I store for her. And exchange the clothing for each season.
So where do I go from here. I need to continue to be their for mom and that is it.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
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