Hello again
I don't know if I am having a nervous break down or just going crazy. I am not a lover of Christmas, OK I like it but it always sucks, as this year is going too. Come on, I have nothing, broke. And the tree and decorations I have for mom, I can't use. To old. Needs to be new. A new tree, table top, 3 feet. and unbreakable decorations.
I have decorated mom's rooms for, well all the time, years now. This is something mom and I do every year. Mom helps me decorate and loves this very much. I don't have money for this. I can't disappoint mom this year.
This is why I dislike Christmas. I can never do this right. I feel like a complete looser. Especially this year. Mom is out of Valley view she has her own room and it gives me the opportunity to continue this tradition.
I have nothing and have to go for over a month, before I get anything. Mom is not eating and I have tried to do something about this. But I can't do anything now. I am getting no where with him at the PGT. they have made many promises in the last month or three and none have come to pass.
I need a phone to be able to contact the individuals and places for mom to move to.
I am singing Christmas tunes and I don't usually do this. I am happy about this and sad and depressed. I would love to go shopping like a normal person and have a phone. That would be a novelty.
It would be so great to be able to do this. $3000. was promised and nothing.
I mentioned about a part time job. This is all I can do. Once mom moves I will be walking her daily. Exercising her left arm. Helping her with her speech. Feeding her, spa treatment.
As I have stated that as soon as I get their, the staff don't do anything, except take her to the bathroom and change her for bed. Then add everything else, this is 5 hours. And with my traveling time.
Anyways I really need help. And I need your prayer's for help.
This is the time of the year, when it is necessary to keep mom;s mind off, of the fact that dad died a few years ago at this time.
I don't know how many Christmas' I have left with my mother, and I would like to make every single one of them count. It is important for mom and it is important for the memories that I will have afterwards. This is the only thing I will be able to hold on to.
Yes I should of been married with children by now and have the whole white picket fence thing going on. But does any one realize that maybe that was not in the cards for me. And that I was to be here for my mother. This is what I am suppose to do. To love and care for mom. To make sure everyday and every year is a wonderful time for her. To make sure mom has the best care possible and for her to enjoy all of what she has left. GOD bless she does not pass anytime soon.
There have been plenty of opportunities for me to get married, but it never felt right. This feels right. This feels like this is exactly what I am suppose to do. Deep in my heart, And to do whatever is necessary to make sure this happens. Without reservation.
I have never in my life felt the feeling of purpose as I feel now. To actually look after and care for someone. It has always been about me. And not anymore.
Sure I want a phone. A new TV and stereo. But mom is first and I am last. This is the way, my heart tells me it is to be. To put mom above everything and anything. And not to worry about what I will eat, or the clothes that I shall wear, or where I will sleep. But to trust that everything will work out the way it to be.
I just would like to keep warm and dry and be able to have the individuals I need to be able to get ahold of me and keep in touch with me. And to be able to pay bills.
I am getting extremely emotional right now, so I must leave you for now.
Please pray or contact the PGT on my behalf.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
