Hello again
I am not dealing well with this diagnosis. I went to my doctor and I told him I wanted to see a different neurologist. Took some insisting but I will be seeing someone else. Don't know when, but as soon as I can. I told him I am not going to wait 6 months for to see someone else.
Went and had my hearing tested again. It is getting a little worse. I have a hard time hearing someone behind me. Great hearing if you are standing in front of me, speaking to me.
When I arrived today, mom was in bed. So much for her Friday night hair wash. This morning or early afternoon, whenever they get mom up. They gave her an enema and mom got sick as well. Through up all over the place, so they put her back into bed in case she became sick again. I understand this. But they didn't even bother to rinse anything. They just put everything in a bag. So when I took everything out to fold it up. Well you get the picture. I just put on some gloves and rinsed everything off and folded it up.
Mom was smiling at me. It wasn't her fault. Things happen. It is okay. I have dealt with much worse over the years.
Well mom was very dehydrated when I got to her room. And she drank allot. Do you see why I write these things. They should of been giving her small amounts to drink through out the day. Not let her just lie their. Speaking of this. On the side rails there is padding. Now they have the TV on for mom to watch. But she can't watch the TV, while lying in bed, with the side rails up and padded. It blocks her view of the TV.
Being sick this day, I was not sure how much dinner mom would eat. But I knew I needed to get fruit into her at least. I brought her a burger, but she wanted no part of this. Closed her mouth when I brought it up to her lips. Lucky the served dinner came at that moment. This she ate some of. I knew she was full. So I went and got her some ice cream. This, with the papaya, she enjoyed. Then, of course, she wouldn't refuse her Lindt chocolate.
We finished up and it was spa treatment time. When mom is sick or got sick, she doesn't want the entire treatment. Just her face and arms/hands. That is all she got and she was ready to just grab my hand and hold on, so she could fall asleep. I sang to her. Oh yea, I removed the padding on the side rails and lowered them, for her to see the TV. It was news hour and she wanted to watch it. Afterwards I turned the volume off on the TV and turned the music on. So I sang with the songs that were playing. Nice jazz. I know most of the lyrics to these songs. Mom enjoys it when I sing to her.
I just stayed with her until she was snoring and packed up. She woke up at this point. I let go of her hand. I quickly packed and grabbed her hand again.
I let her fall back to sleep and sang our good night song to her. Then off I went.
I am done, unless I need to complain some more. Not tonight.
I am desperate. I need to move. Please pray for me to find a place.
GOD says if there are two or more people in the room, praying for the same thing. It shall be done.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Friday, February 13, 2015
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
The stress is getting to me
Hello again
Today, I just missed the bus by a few seconds. The driver wouldn't wait for a minute while I go to the stop. I was 20 meters away. If that
Anyways I arrived at mom's at the usual time. I have been trying to get there earlier. And have been doing this successfully for a few weeks now. Until today.
Now mom hears me when I come in, if she is not facing the door. And I see her hand go out. I can feel the smile on her face. It is such a wonderful feeling. Gets me right to the heart.. I got over to her and just looked at her face and there was that smile I knew I felt. Yet mom seemed a little tired as well.
So I got everything out of the fridge and off to her room we went. I thought it would be good to eat in her room again tonight. Which we did, and the staff brought in mom's served dinner while mom was having her dessert. We didn't need this.
After dinner, being Wednesday, it was time to wash mom's hair. Didn't get to do this last week and she only had her hair washed on Saturday. Last Wednesday, mom visited the dentist, to tired to have her hair washed and Friday, mom was still to tired. Monday is the day she goes to the salon downstairs and get her hair done. But it was a holiday here in BC so that didn't happen. It needed to be done. It always relaxes her.
Then back to the room to get mom changed and into bed. So today we were able to get her entire nightly ritual completed before the girls came into change mom's diapers and wash her. This just left me to hold her hand after the girl was finished. And I stayed for an extra amount of time tonight. Just wanted too. Didn't want to come back here.
Got home 15 minutes ago. Enough time to get changed and get at writing this.
Mom was so happy that we had extra time tonight. She grabbed my hand tightly and pulled it into her. Then just relaxed. I am safe and loved. I could see this on her face. Breaks my heart that I have to leave so early.
Oh yea when the staff came in, she apologized for being late and I told her it was okay, that I was able to get everything done. We talked a little and I said if I lived out here it would not matter what time you came, I would just sit and hold mom's hand. I know why this conversation happened. I was telling mom it is not time to go to sleep, as the girl still needs to come in and change you.
Anyways, I sang to mom, she sung along with me, Our good night song. Something I made up. Tucked her in and said good bye and good night to her. Told her that I loved her and will see her tomorrow.
About me. I feel like I am a prisoner. Stuck in a tinny space and not able to get out of it. Of my own doing of course. The closer I get to Coquitlam the more stressed I become.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Today, I just missed the bus by a few seconds. The driver wouldn't wait for a minute while I go to the stop. I was 20 meters away. If that
Anyways I arrived at mom's at the usual time. I have been trying to get there earlier. And have been doing this successfully for a few weeks now. Until today.
Now mom hears me when I come in, if she is not facing the door. And I see her hand go out. I can feel the smile on her face. It is such a wonderful feeling. Gets me right to the heart.. I got over to her and just looked at her face and there was that smile I knew I felt. Yet mom seemed a little tired as well.
So I got everything out of the fridge and off to her room we went. I thought it would be good to eat in her room again tonight. Which we did, and the staff brought in mom's served dinner while mom was having her dessert. We didn't need this.
After dinner, being Wednesday, it was time to wash mom's hair. Didn't get to do this last week and she only had her hair washed on Saturday. Last Wednesday, mom visited the dentist, to tired to have her hair washed and Friday, mom was still to tired. Monday is the day she goes to the salon downstairs and get her hair done. But it was a holiday here in BC so that didn't happen. It needed to be done. It always relaxes her.
Then back to the room to get mom changed and into bed. So today we were able to get her entire nightly ritual completed before the girls came into change mom's diapers and wash her. This just left me to hold her hand after the girl was finished. And I stayed for an extra amount of time tonight. Just wanted too. Didn't want to come back here.
Got home 15 minutes ago. Enough time to get changed and get at writing this.
Mom was so happy that we had extra time tonight. She grabbed my hand tightly and pulled it into her. Then just relaxed. I am safe and loved. I could see this on her face. Breaks my heart that I have to leave so early.
Oh yea when the staff came in, she apologized for being late and I told her it was okay, that I was able to get everything done. We talked a little and I said if I lived out here it would not matter what time you came, I would just sit and hold mom's hand. I know why this conversation happened. I was telling mom it is not time to go to sleep, as the girl still needs to come in and change you.
Anyways, I sang to mom, she sung along with me, Our good night song. Something I made up. Tucked her in and said good bye and good night to her. Told her that I loved her and will see her tomorrow.
About me. I feel like I am a prisoner. Stuck in a tinny space and not able to get out of it. Of my own doing of course. The closer I get to Coquitlam the more stressed I become.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Tuesday, February 10, 2015
My journey
Hello again
First I would like to speak on the time I have spent traveling to and taking care of my mother. I have said that I have never missed a day in the 3 1/2 years mom has been in White Rock.
Just writing 3 1/2 years doesn't seem like it is allot. But let us break it down.
Days Traveled
365 days in a year
3 1/2 years
It is over 1275 days in a row
Not missing even one day. That I have traveled to and taken care of my mother. That is just since she has been in White Rock. Let us not take into consideration the other 6 years that I traveled to and from, taking care of my mother all over the Lower Mainland
Traveling distance
It is ruffly 180 km's per day that I travel, there and back.
Which is 65,700 km's per year
For a total so far, of 229,950 km's to date. And counting.
Traveling Time
It is 7 to 8 hours a day traveling time for me to get their.
Let us go with 7.5 hours it takes me to get their each day.
That is 2,737.50 hours in a year spent traveling
The total so far, is 9581.25 hours that I have spent traveling to and from White Rock. And still counting.
Yes there are others that come and take care of their loved one's, but they are not their every single day. They take holidays, time off etc....
And I will continue to travel this distance to take care of my mother. Without fail. I want to live closer to free up time and distance. By doing this it will greatly benefit my mother in so many different ways. Just to be able to stay longer is one of them. And I could go on and on.
On my way home this evening. I realized that all I want to do right now, is to take care of my mother. Nothing else. Of course there are the day to day things I need to get done for myself. Doctors to see, arrange to see whom I need to see to accomplish the tasks at hand for my needs and my mothers needs.
Other than that, I just want to take care of mom. There is no one else to do this for her.
I thought about this today. My mother is completely dependent on everyone for everything. Okay she can wipe her nose and her eye's. She can grab my hand and hold it. She has lots of strength in her arms. Even the left arm which doesn't work. She can move it about a little bit. But not to much. So it is her right arm that she uses to do the little she can do. Mom doesn't know how to write anymore. I have purchased a wet board, and pens. I have tried to get her to hold the pen and write something. But to no avail. I have made an attempt at getting mom to write something many, many time now. Each time it is the same thing. I will put the pen in her hand, place her hand, on the wet board. Ask her to write mom, cat, dog. Anything. Within seconds after letting go of her hand. Mom will let go of the pen. Of course I will not stop trying to get her to write something.
This is just like me continuing to get mom to speak clearly. I keep trying. Or to bend her legs. Which she is doing a fine job of bending her legs. They bend even more each week. But only a very little.
I lost my train of thought here. Which was Would you like to live like this. Not being able to do anything for yourself. Completely dependent on everyone for everything. If you want a drink, you have to wait for someone to bring it to you and give you a drink. At their convenience.
I certainly wouldn't. I would never wish to live like this.
But I am going to be there for mom no matter what is going on or happens.
I will be her voice
I will be her hands.
I will be her legs.
I am her caregiver
I give my life, gladly, to take care of her.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
First I would like to speak on the time I have spent traveling to and taking care of my mother. I have said that I have never missed a day in the 3 1/2 years mom has been in White Rock.
Just writing 3 1/2 years doesn't seem like it is allot. But let us break it down.
Days Traveled
365 days in a year
3 1/2 years
It is over 1275 days in a row
Not missing even one day. That I have traveled to and taken care of my mother. That is just since she has been in White Rock. Let us not take into consideration the other 6 years that I traveled to and from, taking care of my mother all over the Lower Mainland
Traveling distance
It is ruffly 180 km's per day that I travel, there and back.
Which is 65,700 km's per year
Traveling Time
It is 7 to 8 hours a day traveling time for me to get their.
Let us go with 7.5 hours it takes me to get their each day.
That is 2,737.50 hours in a year spent traveling
The total so far, is 9581.25 hours that I have spent traveling to and from White Rock. And still counting.
Yes there are others that come and take care of their loved one's, but they are not their every single day. They take holidays, time off etc....
And I will continue to travel this distance to take care of my mother. Without fail. I want to live closer to free up time and distance. By doing this it will greatly benefit my mother in so many different ways. Just to be able to stay longer is one of them. And I could go on and on.
On my way home this evening. I realized that all I want to do right now, is to take care of my mother. Nothing else. Of course there are the day to day things I need to get done for myself. Doctors to see, arrange to see whom I need to see to accomplish the tasks at hand for my needs and my mothers needs.
Other than that, I just want to take care of mom. There is no one else to do this for her.
I thought about this today. My mother is completely dependent on everyone for everything. Okay she can wipe her nose and her eye's. She can grab my hand and hold it. She has lots of strength in her arms. Even the left arm which doesn't work. She can move it about a little bit. But not to much. So it is her right arm that she uses to do the little she can do. Mom doesn't know how to write anymore. I have purchased a wet board, and pens. I have tried to get her to hold the pen and write something. But to no avail. I have made an attempt at getting mom to write something many, many time now. Each time it is the same thing. I will put the pen in her hand, place her hand, on the wet board. Ask her to write mom, cat, dog. Anything. Within seconds after letting go of her hand. Mom will let go of the pen. Of course I will not stop trying to get her to write something.
This is just like me continuing to get mom to speak clearly. I keep trying. Or to bend her legs. Which she is doing a fine job of bending her legs. They bend even more each week. But only a very little.
I lost my train of thought here. Which was Would you like to live like this. Not being able to do anything for yourself. Completely dependent on everyone for everything. If you want a drink, you have to wait for someone to bring it to you and give you a drink. At their convenience.
I certainly wouldn't. I would never wish to live like this.
But I am going to be there for mom no matter what is going on or happens.
I will be her voice
I will be her hands.
I will be her legs.
I am her caregiver
I give my life, gladly, to take care of her.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Monday, February 9, 2015
Wet again, this is the way it is
Hello again
So another typical day in Vancouver. Rain. But we were the hottest in the country yesterday. Broke records for this time of the year. 16 c.
I arrived very early today Just wanted to be able to spend more time with mom. Take our time eating and getting the spa treatment done. I gave her something to drink, I cleaned her up a little from the day. And mom wanted to eat in her room again. Less noise for her. To much noise gets mom upset. This is part of Alzheimer's. And going to bed early, well if you don't do anything all day, you would be tired as well. I made mom a very nice pasta dinner, with meatballs. This time the meatballs were not dry. As every other time I made them. I was surprised. This will probably be the one and only time. I think I figured it out.
Anyways, mom ate very well tis evening. I am happy about that. A very nice dessert, which I made for her. I am getting better at making desserts. I only started to bake a year ago. And I am doing very well at it.
So the typical routine took place this evening as always. I changed mom, we got her into bed and the full spa treatment is what mom wanted tonight. And tonight, mom easily bent her knee's. It is getting better, mom is able to bend her knee's more and more.
Then I just held her hand, until I was falling asleep. It was time to leave. I am standing up and falling asleep. I told mom. But she didn't hear me, she was almost snoring. I packed up, she woke up and I gave her something else to drink before I left. Then a little touch up, Sang to her, gave her the nightly good bye kiss. And off I went.
Once again, I notice my stress level going up the closer I get to Coquitlam. I appear to be calm, but I have twitches when really stressed out and it is not fun.
I can't stand it anymore. I need to be living out their. Even if it is in a tent. I can't stand living with anyone. I am tired of cleaning up after people.
I am done.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
So another typical day in Vancouver. Rain. But we were the hottest in the country yesterday. Broke records for this time of the year. 16 c.
I arrived very early today Just wanted to be able to spend more time with mom. Take our time eating and getting the spa treatment done. I gave her something to drink, I cleaned her up a little from the day. And mom wanted to eat in her room again. Less noise for her. To much noise gets mom upset. This is part of Alzheimer's. And going to bed early, well if you don't do anything all day, you would be tired as well. I made mom a very nice pasta dinner, with meatballs. This time the meatballs were not dry. As every other time I made them. I was surprised. This will probably be the one and only time. I think I figured it out.
Anyways, mom ate very well tis evening. I am happy about that. A very nice dessert, which I made for her. I am getting better at making desserts. I only started to bake a year ago. And I am doing very well at it.
So the typical routine took place this evening as always. I changed mom, we got her into bed and the full spa treatment is what mom wanted tonight. And tonight, mom easily bent her knee's. It is getting better, mom is able to bend her knee's more and more.
Then I just held her hand, until I was falling asleep. It was time to leave. I am standing up and falling asleep. I told mom. But she didn't hear me, she was almost snoring. I packed up, she woke up and I gave her something else to drink before I left. Then a little touch up, Sang to her, gave her the nightly good bye kiss. And off I went.
Once again, I notice my stress level going up the closer I get to Coquitlam. I appear to be calm, but I have twitches when really stressed out and it is not fun.
I can't stand it anymore. I need to be living out their. Even if it is in a tent. I can't stand living with anyone. I am tired of cleaning up after people.
I am done.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Sunday, February 8, 2015
I need a simple break
Hello again
I just need a simple break. A wish come true. Someone to call and say I have a place for you. I do this for my mother. Please understand this. I do it to be closer to her and to be able to have her over for dinner.
If I wasn't looking after my mother. My life would be over. I have nothing and no one. Not even friends. They are long gone. I don't even have conversations with anyone. Not in a very long time. I don't have time, I am extremely stressed out. I hate coming back here at night. I can see my stress level rising the closer I get to here. In Coquitlam.
Okay I speak with people, but it is actually them telling me their life story and all of their problems. They do ask how I am doing. But as soon as I answer, it doesn't matter what I say. They are right into telling me their problems. I do listen and try to assist them. If they ask. But it is just for them to be able to tell someone. Get it off of their chest. This happens all the time. I know so much about so many people. Their secrets. They trust me enough to tell me what is going on with them and their families. I never say anything to anyone about what is said. It is between myself and the individual who is telling me their problems. Or just telling me about their lives.
I never say anything to anyone about what is told to me. Trust. They trust me enough to tell me, I keep it to myself. And no that is not a conversation.
Over the last several days mom has been very tired. Today was the first day that mom was more awake than she has been since her dental appointment. A very good thing. Except I had to leave a little early to get to the pharmacy to pick up my medications. And mom did n't ant me to go, she wasn't ready for me to leave just yet. As I was getting ready to go, she kept reaching out her hand for me to hold. I mentioned to her the why of me having leave early. But it didn't matter. She just wanted me to stay. Mom wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. This is when I mentioned that this is why I need to be living out here. Why I wanted so badly to find a place that I can afford. So I can stay as long as she likes. Instead of having to leave early, because I have 3 hours of transit before I get back to where I stay.
It really pisses me off. I am so tired of people saying to me, GOD will bless you, GOD will find you a place. WHERE IS IT, WHEN. I HAVE ONLY BEEN LOOKING, PLACING ADDS FOR OVER 3 YEARS NOW. AND NOTHING.
So mom just pulled her hand in and closed her eye's. She still tried to get me to stay. I really wanted too. I didn't want to leave. I don't like to go until mom is asleep.
You know I have nothing, I pray all the time for mom's health and other's health. I read the Bible daily. I only ask for a simple thing. A place close to mom that I can afford. Nothing else. I need all sorts of things for a household. I can get that over time and from someone. There is always furniture that one can find. I don't need anything,Well I do need household items. But I am saying I don't need anything major. I don't need a car, I don't need brand new furniture. I do have a few wants, but who doesn't. I just would like an affordable place close by to mom. Really is that to much to ask for. There are those of you who thinks that I don't deserve anything. That I am taking advantage of my mother. That I am a complete loser. A shouldn't get any help from anyone. Well let me tell you this. I don't get help from anyone and I have never received help from anyone, The entire time I have looked after dad and mom and now mom. I do what is necessary to get by. I do what is necessary to get mom all that she deserves.
Now I fed mom in her room tonight. She doesn't like all the noise. And being alone. Since she doesn't vocalize her speech as we do, no one bother's with her. I talk to her almost nonstop. I ask her questions, I get answers. She speaks to me, I try to understand her. I get most of it. I read her. Her eye's, read her lips, Her body language.
Mom ate very well tonight. Until it started coming out of her. When mom is getting full, her chewing slows down.
And because it is a certain care aid on this evening, I can't put her to bed myself. Or she will tell the nurse. Other's don't have a problem with this. It saves them time, because all they have to do is change her diapers and clean her. I do the rest.
So I just held her hand, while we waited for the care aid to come in. She was on time. And we got the full spa treatment done early. Again, when we were done, I packed up as quick as I could, so I could spend more time just being there with mom, holding her hand before I left.
While feeding her dinner, I had turned the TV on and mom was watching this show, we like, called Mantracker. She was really into it. It is great that she enjoys some TV shows.
Well I need to finish. I am really tired myself and very stressed out.
I will continue to thank GOD for mom's health. Just in case. And continue to bless all of you at the end of each Blog. As I have always done.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
I just need a simple break. A wish come true. Someone to call and say I have a place for you. I do this for my mother. Please understand this. I do it to be closer to her and to be able to have her over for dinner.
If I wasn't looking after my mother. My life would be over. I have nothing and no one. Not even friends. They are long gone. I don't even have conversations with anyone. Not in a very long time. I don't have time, I am extremely stressed out. I hate coming back here at night. I can see my stress level rising the closer I get to here. In Coquitlam.
Okay I speak with people, but it is actually them telling me their life story and all of their problems. They do ask how I am doing. But as soon as I answer, it doesn't matter what I say. They are right into telling me their problems. I do listen and try to assist them. If they ask. But it is just for them to be able to tell someone. Get it off of their chest. This happens all the time. I know so much about so many people. Their secrets. They trust me enough to tell me what is going on with them and their families. I never say anything to anyone about what is said. It is between myself and the individual who is telling me their problems. Or just telling me about their lives.
I never say anything to anyone about what is told to me. Trust. They trust me enough to tell me, I keep it to myself. And no that is not a conversation.
Over the last several days mom has been very tired. Today was the first day that mom was more awake than she has been since her dental appointment. A very good thing. Except I had to leave a little early to get to the pharmacy to pick up my medications. And mom did n't ant me to go, she wasn't ready for me to leave just yet. As I was getting ready to go, she kept reaching out her hand for me to hold. I mentioned to her the why of me having leave early. But it didn't matter. She just wanted me to stay. Mom wasn't ready to go to sleep just yet. This is when I mentioned that this is why I need to be living out here. Why I wanted so badly to find a place that I can afford. So I can stay as long as she likes. Instead of having to leave early, because I have 3 hours of transit before I get back to where I stay.
It really pisses me off. I am so tired of people saying to me, GOD will bless you, GOD will find you a place. WHERE IS IT, WHEN. I HAVE ONLY BEEN LOOKING, PLACING ADDS FOR OVER 3 YEARS NOW. AND NOTHING.
So mom just pulled her hand in and closed her eye's. She still tried to get me to stay. I really wanted too. I didn't want to leave. I don't like to go until mom is asleep.
You know I have nothing, I pray all the time for mom's health and other's health. I read the Bible daily. I only ask for a simple thing. A place close to mom that I can afford. Nothing else. I need all sorts of things for a household. I can get that over time and from someone. There is always furniture that one can find. I don't need anything,Well I do need household items. But I am saying I don't need anything major. I don't need a car, I don't need brand new furniture. I do have a few wants, but who doesn't. I just would like an affordable place close by to mom. Really is that to much to ask for. There are those of you who thinks that I don't deserve anything. That I am taking advantage of my mother. That I am a complete loser. A shouldn't get any help from anyone. Well let me tell you this. I don't get help from anyone and I have never received help from anyone, The entire time I have looked after dad and mom and now mom. I do what is necessary to get by. I do what is necessary to get mom all that she deserves.
Now I fed mom in her room tonight. She doesn't like all the noise. And being alone. Since she doesn't vocalize her speech as we do, no one bother's with her. I talk to her almost nonstop. I ask her questions, I get answers. She speaks to me, I try to understand her. I get most of it. I read her. Her eye's, read her lips, Her body language.
Mom ate very well tonight. Until it started coming out of her. When mom is getting full, her chewing slows down.
And because it is a certain care aid on this evening, I can't put her to bed myself. Or she will tell the nurse. Other's don't have a problem with this. It saves them time, because all they have to do is change her diapers and clean her. I do the rest.
So I just held her hand, while we waited for the care aid to come in. She was on time. And we got the full spa treatment done early. Again, when we were done, I packed up as quick as I could, so I could spend more time just being there with mom, holding her hand before I left.
While feeding her dinner, I had turned the TV on and mom was watching this show, we like, called Mantracker. She was really into it. It is great that she enjoys some TV shows.
Well I need to finish. I am really tired myself and very stressed out.
I will continue to thank GOD for mom's health. Just in case. And continue to bless all of you at the end of each Blog. As I have always done.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
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