Doing the right

Hello again

Doing the right thing is extremely difficult. I try everyday to do what is right in life. And it is hard. I run into road blocks all the time.

First with the PGT, they have costs me, now two business's. Settling early with a insurance claim for the car accidents I have been in. And now, I am paying for it.

I went to a specialist today and it is not my hip. It is my knee. It is shot. From the last car accident I was in. A few years ago. This is the accident that I settled early. Mom needed things and the PGT refused to release funds for what mom needed. So I settled my claim early and bought what mom needed.

Now when I drank, many years ago now, I also smoked pot. Well I had to sell pot to keep me in my habit. Of drinking beer and smoking pot. I always had money, I always ate well. I had new clothing. I bought what I wanted and when I wanted too.

But since then. Well the last few years have been tough. I will always give to mom first. I will always make sure mom gets the best. And eats well. Not the bland food she eats now.

As in tonight. It looked good, but the dinner was horrible. Turkey, and potatoes, and cream corn. When mom was well, she didn't like cream corn. And no flavor.

And I believe that for me to look after my mother is the right thing to do. No matter what anyone says to me. Being their for someone is a fantastic feeling. Not like when I drank and smoked pot. That was all about me. And looking back, it was not a good feeling. Doing what I am doing provides me with the greatest feeling one could hope for.

Internal fulfillment and joy. Knowing my mother knows that I am going to be their everyday at a certain time. And stay until she goes to bed. The look on her face when I arrive.

Her getting mad at me, and mom telling me, through touch, what she wants. None verbal communication is about her eye's, her touch, the way her face moves when she needs something.

On top of the fact that I know about facial tells, but I have learned so much more being around mom. Yes we speak all the time.

Communication is not all about speaking.

And I do everything I can for mom. And what I get in return is tantamount to a slap in the face. People just aren't interested in my story and what actually happens in these homes and institutions.

I love my mother, and without her. My life would be over. I can't imagine not going to see her.

I know one day, that she will succumb to her affliction. And I am not looking forward to this. I will have nothing left in this place we like to call our world.

Some say, I shouldn't put all of me into looking after my mother. Well my answer is, she put all of herself into raising me and my sister's. This is the least I can do.

And me, moving to White Rock is the next step in the evolution of where I should be in this life. Being as close to her as possible. And doing even more for her.

People say I should take a break. Well mom can't take a break from her life. Being stuck in a wheelchair, Not getting the proper treatment. And on top of this, having a son who can't do the things he should be doing for his mother. As in taking her out and about.

Making her and bringing her dinners. So she has something different. Keeping her safe, and everything she has safe as well.

I have to deal with a staff that could care less about me and what I do. But care about my sister's and their needs. Giving them or allowing them to take things that are not theirs to be taken.

Now doing the right thing is a difficult thing. There is pain associated with it daily. Having to see mom like the way she is. And knowing about treatments that can help her. Nothing being done about it. Or should I say. My words and advice and professional opinion are just dismissed.

I have an education and am qualified to give advice on what treatments will work and won't. And on top of this I plan on getting more education on alternative treatments.

But I digress, it is 2:33 am and it is time for bed.

GOD bless and good night

Kris

Choices

Hello again

So tonight I had a choice tonight. Either let them take mom to the washroom right after dinner and then put her to bed. Which means I won't be able to give mom the complete spa treatment. Or wait and give mom the spa treatment and then. Well I made the wrong choice.

Mom waited 1 1/2 hours after the staff asked if she was ready. So then mom really had to go to the washroom when the staff asked if she was ready. Instead I said, I have not even given her the spa treatment yet. After. Wrong decision. Mom got extremely upset at me, for not letting her go to the washroom right then and there.

I should know that take it while it is offered, especially with this staff. As seen by the example of tonight. This is not the first time mom has waited this long. Many times.

I really did not get to finish her spa treatment. And I arrived home an hour latter than usual.

While on the way home I was reading this article and it tells of how I believe life should be like.

Posted by Felicia Weiss, Ph.D. on Friday, March 16, 2012

You can really know about a person by how they treat others in their time of need. Do they push and shove? Are they absent and unavailable? Or do they hold out a helping hand and offer support until that person is able to stand on their own again?

I hope you will also be the kind of person, who is there for your loved ones and those in need. There is no greater gift that one can give than to be someone who can be counted upon.


Love & Light,
Felicia Weiss

I am just sharing an interesting article with you all.

I thank y'all for reading me. I do wish that this blog would go viral. So maybe I could get some help.

What I need is dinners for mom. That would be great if people I use to know, would help out with dinners that I could divide up and freeze for future use. This would be a great help.

For me, my stomach is so ruined that I can't eat anything anymore. And I just don't have an appetite.

I ran into someone I have not seen in awhile. He asked me how I lost the weight. I asked him if he wanted the truth or a lie. Well, the truth is what he wanted.

I told him it was because of a starvation diet. I would rather mom get good meals and proper nutrition. Fruit and enjoyable meals.That have taste. Not so bland as the hospital food is. This is why I am the way I am, now. Mom is first and I am last. Literally. I will starve before I let mom go without a good meal. Or fresh fruit and the things she likes.

After all I have sisters who keep taking mom's belongings. I don't know if it is the staff telling her to take them, or it is just her. I do, however, think it is the staff telling her to take them.

Now I took a pause in this writing tonight, so I could have my dinner. Popcorn. This has been my dinner for the last week.

What really bothers me the most. Is I cannot provide mom with anymore decent meals. Tonight, I kept apologizing to her for not being able to give her a good meal tonight. And the one night I can't give her a good meal. Well a few nights now. She gets a cabbage roll. Which she doesn't like, at all. As she has had this many times and refuses to eat it. It looks horrible as well. Nothing on it at all. Plain, plain and plain.

It is now 1:55 am and it is time to go.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris

I really wish things would work out. I can't have mom end up like dad. With no one around her.

Oh yea the staff made it obvious today that they don't like me and are doing everything for my sister. As in giving her mom's belongings.

Let us see what the police have to say about this.

They just don't get it.

Hello again

So Price Mart has not called me back. So I obviously don't owe them any money. But they still owe me. $5.00. Do you think they will call me. I don't

So the girl I told you about, or the scam, well they wrote me and told me that they are on their way back to Canada, but they can't cash their paycheck. So they gave me the airline confirmation and a copy of their cheque. And then sent another email asking me for $1450.00 to pay for the plane far back and they will go with me to a bank and pay me back. Right.

I don't get the fact that I outed them and they are still writing me. Oh right, it is a mass email and it is intended for all the other victims out their. That did not catch on.

My thing is I don't care if I am in a relationship or not. Mom is # 1 in my life and I have chosen to be their for her.

Now the PGT doesn't get it. I obtained an application form. Or I filled out an application form for SFU. For the summer semester and I need  to pay for the admission fee. I explained to them. This way I get  student loan. And can move to White Rock from their.

I wrote the Premier today. And logged a complaint against the PGT  and the Justice minister is going to get back to me. I am not only logging the complaint against the PGT, but possibly against Oceanside and the staff.

Mom tonight had to go to the washroom, very badly and had to wait and wait. She was tired as well and just wanted to go to bed. Again, this is the garbage we have to put up with.  She needs to go and has to wait. I saw no one to assist her. It was the 6:30 syndrome. Everyone disappears at 6:30.

And when she has to go, mom gets mad at me, for not taking her to the washroom. I take care of her nails and they are sharp. Mom tries to get me with her nails when she is pissed off,.

I would rather her get upset at me than the staff. This way they don't use it against her.

I need to be in White Rock. NOW

But nobody seems to get this. I am banging my head against the wall. It seems. I can't even afford to buy groceries to make mom some dinners. I don't eat anyways. Much anymore. I have no taste. And I can only eat certain things now. Since I lost all this weight, due to the starvation diet I was on. It ruined my stomach. And for some reason, ruined my taste buds as well.

Out of everything. This stresses me out the most. Not being able to get groceries to make mom dinners. Mom ate almost the whole, huge bowl of salad over 5 days. I just had her left overs. Which she never finished some days. Other than that, mom ate the rest of it. Which is a good thing. The salad had everything healthy in it.

But this stress is causing me to develop a facial tick. One that I have had before. And it is not fun. I love making mom dinners. She can eat everything, and it is cool. I can make things which I use to be able to eat. But mom can enjoy it. I love this.

But I have nothing. And it is getting to me. I am apologizing to mom everyday for the last few days. She ate the last of the salad today. Not all of it. And now. no more for awhile.

It is really bothering me. I don't know what to do about it. Any answers.

I am running on no answers, lately.

Anyways,

GOD bless and good night

Kris

Well the last 24 hrs

Hello again

Let me start off by telling you about my evening tonight, after leaving mom`s. Well I had $16.45 dollars in my pocket. So I decided to go and get groceries. I went to the Price Mart in the Semeamoo Mall in south Surrey..

When I went into the Price Mart I had $16.45 in my pocket. I checked

I go in, and their were a few sales. I picked up not to much. I go to the self check out area. And proceed to scan everything in. I finish and it is time to pay.

$10.11 is the total. I put into the machine 2 five dollar bills and .11 cents. Then the machine tells me that I owe $5.00. I just paid and now. I called the attendant over and told her what happened and she cancelled the purchase. $5.11 was refunded. I told her the machine owe`s me another $5.00. She tells me that is all I put in. Because the machine will only refund what you put in.

No, no. I put in $10.11 and I only got back $5.11 and the machine owes me $5.00 She called the manager over and I told her what happened and that I want my money. She checked the machine out and it was screwing up and she had to open it and try to fix it.

She tells me they have to audit it and that can`t happen until the morning. So while the manager was standing besides me I put in the $5.00 and then I put in two twoonies and a looney. The machine now tells me I still owe $5.00 I tell the manager, who was standing besides me. I just put in another $5.00 in change. She tells me she only saw me put in the bill. I said you were standing next to me, when I put the change in. I only saw you put in the bill.

At this point I had put in all the money I had on me. Well $15.11 as I only had $1.45 left in my pocket. I told her I cashed a cheque for $45.00 and I had all the receipts for everything I bought. And that I just came back from visiting my mother.

I said now, what, I just put in all of my money for a $10.11 grocery bill and I have nothing left and I need to get more things. Now your telling me I can`t take my groceries that I just paid $5.00 more for. The manager tells me their is nothing she can do until the morning. I told her I paid and I want my groceries. I need to eat tonight. She took another $5.00 from the till and after $25.11 the machine finally said it was paid.

But in the mean time, the manager was standing their accusing me of stealing. Ok she lied to me and told me that she didn`t think I was lieing. She was lying to me and kept believing that I stole the groceries.

We will see in the morning. When they can view the camera. I am going to call the newspapers or steel on your side. They kept tying to accuse me of stealing or trying to steal the groceries.. Which I am not and paid for everything and paid $5.00 more for my groceries.

Now next. I mentioned a few weeks ago or last week about writing to this women in Cambodia. And how I was mentioning that is this the way one`s writes on the Internet. Or she is not telling the truth. Writing in broken English.

So last night I receive and email from her. And it is fairly well written, so completely different from the way she writes.

So being the non trusting person I am, I decided to take a few sentences of the verses and Google it.

And I did and what it took me to was a list of sites that are on dating scammers. And bang, there was the exact paragraphs that was written to me. Word for word. Scammer.

Who ever it was asked for money, I said no,. It was very suspicious from the start. Claiming to be from the UK and not being able to write a coherent sentence. To many questions and questions that I answered were asked again.

Nothing since. Except I wrote a warning on Craigslist about this scam. I need to call the police about this as well.

OK, mom was in a good mood after I got their..  I love it when mom smiles and I love it that mom wants to hold my hand the entire time I am their.

I have been bringing the salad and mom eats all of it. And is still eating it. One more day left for the salad. I have had a bowl of it. But mom has been eating it. This is very good. The salad is full of everything healthy. No salt, sugar or any preservatives. Fresh, fresh, fresh. A nice dressing on it. And mom loves it. She will also eat the meat portion of the meal the hospital supply`s. Which is also great.

I still am freaked out about the fact, that if something happens to mom and I can`t get their. It bothers me greatly that I am this far away from her. When it is the hospital and doctors fault. The one`s from Riverview. Mom was to be placed in a home, 10 minutes away from me. Instead 2-3 and half hours away.

But none of them, the doctors, social workers etc... and the PGT doesnCoquitlam. After all I am the one who see`s her everyday.

And the social worker tells me it is easier for my sister`s to get their. Instead of having to cross the bridge. Give me a break, they drive and don`t go very often and while they are their they just help themselves to mom`s belonging`s. Which I buy.

I say and will continue to say, that for the last several years I have clothed my sister`s.

But something has to change. And it needs to change now.

So I must say good night now.

GOD bless

Kris

The days are long

Hello again

Saturday, mom had to wait 1 1/2 hours for someone to get her ready for bed and put her into bed.

Now, it was the two nurses I have problems with and they had time, but ignored mom and went to the other side and looked after someone else.

You see, when the door opens on mom's room, this means I am done with mom's spa treatment and it is time for her to go to bed.

They all know this.


So I am not afraid of much. But the biggest thing in my life I am afraid of is,  if something happens to mom, I am 60 km's away. And that means 45 minutes by driving and I take the bus. And it does not run that late.

So if something happens in the middle of the night, I can't be their for her, to hold her hand, to make sure she gets to the hospital. As they are not nurse and I can't and won't trust them. To much experience with them over the years.

This would kill me faster than a bullet. I just need to be near her in case something does happen.

Now the best part of my day is when I get their. Mom hears my voice and reaches her hand out for me. I have learned to do things with one hand as mom wants to hold my hand the whole time I am their. And this is no problem for me.

But the best part of the spa treatment for mom is. When I was her feet and lower legs. First I use a cloth and get her feet and lower legs wet. Then  I use a very nice cleanser and wash and massage her feet and lower legs. Then I take the cloth again and wipe some of the soap off of her. Well this is the part that makes mom's face light up. I take a water bottle and fill it full of warm water and pour this over her lower legs and feet. Then I repeat it with hot water and then one more time with hotter water. Well mom loves this. As the next step is cream/lotion for her feet and lower legs. The products from Bio therm, comes out cold, so the hot is followed by massaging her feet with the lotion which is cold to apply. This hot and hotter than cold treatment for her lower legs and feet, put mom to sleep.The last step is to spray her feet with a Bio therm refreshing spray. This is also cold and mom just loves this.


Tonight I washed her hair as well. As mom only gets a bath on Friday's, so I try to keep her hair clean. And mom likes how soft my hair is and now, thanks to using Dove on her hair. Mom's is just as soft now. And loving it.  I treat her with the daily spa treatment to help her feel great and to help her keep clean. I wash her lower legs, feet, arms and hands.

I am so afraid of something happening to mom that it freaks me out. That I am not their.

As well as the fact I can't take her out and do things for her. Take her to visit her best friend, who is still alive. Mom has been friend with this lady for over 40 years. Best friends. And Mrs Elliott is not doing well either.

Tonight I brought mom a great meal. She really likes it. I brought her a grilled chicken breast over a salad. The salad, has red peppers, red onions, white onions, mushrooms, cucumbers, bean sports and spinach. With some extra old white cheder  on top. I bring this salad for her often and mom loves it. It has everything one needs. Extremely healthy. As well as a nice creamy dressing. After dinner, mom finished the lemon pie I made the other night for her. Half yesterday and the rest tonight. And my meal tonight is hamberger helper. Yes you read right. Only the best for mom. I am happy with this arrangement.

So GOD bless and good night

Kris