It is what it is

Hello again

Everyday I carry a backpack and a sports bag to see mom. They are both full and heavy. And this doesn't bother me. I lift mom and move her around. I carry and lift all day. But the other day, while making mom her smoothie,( I forgot to cover the smoothie) I got it all over the back splash. While cleaning it, I don't know what I did. I tweaked my back and I felt it immediately. It was and is extremely painful.

One good thing about it, I don't feel the pain in my knee's or my hip. I woke up this morning, not being able to move. I was in so much pain. I got up, I was doubled over in pain. Just standing was not fun.

No matter what I felt or feel, I was not going to stay home. Mom needs me to be there for her. So I showered and got ready. Loaded the backpack and sports bag, and off I went. I was walking slower, but walking none the less. The bus trip was hell. It is as if the driver only knew how to step on the brakes really hard.

After I arrived in White Rock, I really wanted to just lay down on the ground for awhile.

I do say one thing. If I did not have the cane, I wouldn't be walking today. Not at all. I didn't walk down to the hospital as usual, I waited for the bus. A mistake, again.

But as soon as I got to mom's I tried to put the pain behind me. I didn't work. So I just took another pain medication. It was OK.

Mom was very glad to see me today. We went and got all of her things for dinner, set up the table. The first thing I do is give mom something to drink. Some coke, water and her juice.  I feed her, she ate well today, considering it is the weekend. And mom does not usually eat that much on the weekend.

Half way through dinner, mom was motioning for me to give her the nightly spa treatment. It seems when she grabs my hand it gives her the feeling of security and relaxes her. To the point that all she wants to do is go to sleep. Which she tries to do while I am feeding her. I have to keep asking her to eat a little bit more and we will get to the spa treatment. That I need her to eat to stay healthy and strong. We have the fruit to eat and more of the smoothie. So please eat a little bit more.

Which she does.

Today it was hard for me to do anything. Even attach the straps onto the lift. Or even bend over to pick up her clothing, after I changed her, to put into the laundry hamper.

I did it and I felt the pain from it. I still can't believe that I hurt my back cleaning the back splash. And I carry all sorts of things to and from White Rock daily.

It was a quit day, I didn't speak much. Yet mom understood and it was OK. I just held her hand, after I washed her, gave her the daily foot massage and applied the lotion to her. I stood their and mom just closed her eyes, smiled and relaxed. I just love this part of the day. The trust, the love. Just the simple act of holding mom's hand, makes her feel comfortable and secure. And puts her to sleep.

The bus trip on the way home was not much better. OK a little better, since I had taken the extra pain medication, but not much. I am in extreme pain just sitting here writing this. But I needed to do this, so nothing will stop me.

I hope my back is better tomorrow. People suggest I go see a physiotherapist, can't afford the small fee that is needed to see them.

OK it is midnight again and time to go. Till I write again.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

It was

Hello again

Since I forgot to wash mom's hair yesterday, I made sure I arrived early to do this for mom. I know she feels so much better when I do this for her. Considering she only gets a bath once a week. Not good.

This is why I wash her hair every other day, and wash her daily. Arms, back and legs. Oh yea I always wash her face.

More people are telling me that I am going to be blessed for what I am doing for my mother. And I have the same response. I would like to be blessed now, not later, so I can use this blessing to help mom and other's now.

I have been feeling somewhat misplaced lately. Very tired, not getting enough sleep. Feeling depressed.

I really am done with living in Coquitlam. I need to be in White Rock. I really need the quite of the area. And the extra time to pursue the things that are necessary for mom and myself.

There are things I want to do, but need the time for it. I feel guilty just writing that I need to do things for myself.

So I may not be making much sense right now. But I am tired and just want to sleep. Yet I want to watch some TV. OK a movie. One of the many movies that I have downloaded. So hours until I get to sleep. I need the time to relax.

Midnight again. I have only been home since 10:30 pm and it took me a while to get things together to be able to write tonight.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I wish

Hello again

I have been having a little bit of depressive issues of late. I feel lonely. It is a hard role being a caregiver. I love every bit of it. I love taking care of my mother. But I do feel lonely at times. Over the years the friends I had slowly diminished to none existent friends. They either don't know how to deal with what I do, or the disease it's self.

It is a hard road to travel by one's self, without help. I will never give up doing what I am doing for my mother. It is the right thing to do.

I do, at times, just feel like staying in bed. But I won't do that my mother. Whatever I am feeling, I have to remember that mom is their by herself.. All day long, each and everyday. She doesn't get to go outside, unless I take her out. And living so far away, that is even difficult. And I feel very guilty about not being able to get mom out and about.

This is why I wish I lived closer, in White Rock. So I can do these things with mom.  It is all that I want now. To be living in White Rock in a place of my own. To be able to have mom over for lunch or dinners. Or just to come over and watch a movie together.

Wouldn't that be nice and a good time for my mother. I do think it would be. I do try and try to find a place. The money I make it not enough and I do express this in the ad I have on line for a place. But nothing so far. OK so far, has been well over a year and a half now. And this in it's self is very depressing to me. I know mom wants me to be living in White Rock. Mom would like it if I could stay later and hold her hand until she falls asleep. I try, but I have to get on a bus to get home before midnight. It makes for a very long day. I have no time to do other things. I just have time to write this blog, have a little to eat and relax for an hour.

But, again, it is now midnight and I need to just relax and sleep.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I do welcome all to my blog. All of the different individuals of the many countries that read this little blog. Thank you

I need, as always

Hello again

I would like to start out by saying that I don't dislike mom's roommate. She is a nice lady, but, there always is a but. But she has psychological issues that needed to be addressed before she was placed in this home.

It is not her fault that she has these problems. Again, but, it was a mistake matching her up with mom. They are two different types of people. Mom is reserved and likes to listen to music at night. It is calming to her. I am not sure if she likes allot of TV. It doesn't seem this way. I don't turn the TV on that much. I do bring movies to watch. And she is OK with this.

Mom did watch TV with dad, but she always liked it when I would play music, and when dad was not home. We would put on the radio, play vinyl etc.......

Well then it would seem that mom prefers music over the TV

Mom likes it dark and quit when she sleeps, with the window open a bit.

And the roommate likes the light on all night long, has the TV on all the time, and, well, the psychological issues that have not and are not being addressed.

A mistake to put them together

Tonight mom was extremely hungry. I brought her some Sushi and Tempura. Mom ate the 8 pieces of Sushi and the 6 pieces of Tempura. Plus an avocado and a papaya. Oh yea, her smoothie of course.

Mom was tired, but ate anyways. Almost sleep eating. This mom has done before. Being so tired, her eyes closed and eating. Mom knows I will be gentle.

So now the other issue. When it comes to mom's safety, I can be an asshole. OK I guess I can be an asshole allot of the time. Maybe this is why I have no friends. Or I don't have the time to make friends or keep them. Remember I travel 7 hours a day. And don't get home until at least 11 pm daily.

But when it comes to mom's safety, I can be an asshole, aggressive and will not stop until I gt

Besides everything, mom was extremely happy to see me today and general happy today. Then it is as usual, I get her ready for bed, wash her face, arms and legs. Apply lotion and hold her hand while she falls asleep. At which point I sing our good night song to her. She sings along with me.

I put on the stereo and play Diana Krall. This is mom's go to night music. No other. She knows more of the songs than I do. I catch her singing along with Diana Krall and I encourage her to continue and sing along with her.

Anyways it is now midnight and I have to eat and go to bed.

But first I do need to change my negative way of thinking and start to visualize what it is I want to happen. What I want. Example a place in White Rock. The money I need to get there.

I thought of writing the king of Saudi Arabia and seeing if he would help me out. And yes I have no problem doing this.

I have downloaded a list of all the world leaders, along with their contact information. And I have wrote a few of them before. The Queen of England, the old Pope. are just a few of leaders I have written.

I am not afraid of doing this and I feel it is time I dig this list out and write as many as I can. You never know, I might find someone who is sympathetic to my cause.

I have also written most of the newspapers in Canada. OK from a certain company.

So GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

I am done with the.......

Hello again

I am so angry at everyone who is taking advantage of mom. Just because she cannot speak clearly, doesn't mean she does not understand everything that is going on. Or if things are not right.

Or the fact that mom's health is being affected by this roommate, and she doesn't want to be their anymore. She doesn't like the roommate. She has not had a decent night's sleep since the person moved into the room with her. I have been watching and complaining.

Mom can't use her left hand because of a stroke, caused by the use of anti psychotic medication she was given. But before this person moved into mom's room. Mom's left hand use to be open and relaxed. But after mom's hand has become closed off and hard to even open it up. I use to be able to put nail polish on her hands, but it is to sore for me to do this now. It hurts mom, for me to open her hand to put on nail polish.

I am sure that if mom gets the sleep she needs, her hand will relax again.

Tonight mom was so tired, she barely ate anything. I mean barely. I was only able to get mom to take no more than ten bites of her dinner. She only ate half of a papaya, which she usually eats a whole one. And if anything, I can get mom to consume allot of the smoothie. But not today. All she wanted to do was go to bed. And she was angry that I was taking her to the same room.

You see, I spoke with her about the issue today. I asked her if she wanted to be moved, so maybe she could finally get a good night sleep. And the answer was a definitive yes. So she was pissed off that we still had to go to that room. She was tired, very tired. And all she wants is to have a good night sleep. A sleep that is all night long. Without any interruptions. Is that to much to ask for. I think not.

This is what all of us want. I do, I am an insomniac, and sleep for about two to three hours at a time, then I wake up, and try again..

I really don't get mad that often, but when it comes to my mother's health and happiness, If she is being abused or things of her are stolen. I get mad and if something is not done about the roommate situation right away. I will take matter into my own hands.

Mom is to important to let any crap take place. Or for her to be unhappy or continue to be this tired all the time. It has been two weeks now, With this latest delusional episode for the roommate. And mom not getting the sleep she needs.

And it is obvious that my sister's don't give a crap about mom's health, otherwise they would of complained as well. One of their, whatever, reads this blog.

I need to go, I barely slept last night.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I am not sure

Hello again

Tonight my mother made it clear that she no longer what to be in the room with this roommate. And I don't blame her. I complained three weeks after she moved in with mom. I knew what she was going to be like.

Mom likes to sleep in the dark. Mom likes to sleep with the TV off. The staff took the string off the light on the wall, and her daughters put another cord onto the light switch. Like mother like daughters. They don't seem to get it that the light bothers mom. And they are only their two days a week for a limited time. I, on the other hand, am their everyday of the week.

It is not just this. The women has delusional episodes and  hallucinations. When one mentions that there is no one there or there is nothing there, she gets aggressive and agitated.  When this happens, which is allot of the time, this women keeps waking up mom.

Mom is tired allot lately, And this I can tie directly to her delusional episodes. What this means is the women is slowly killing mom. This is the truth. If mom is not getting the proper sleep, means she is not that hungry during the day, and she does not eat. This is turn is making her weaker and weaker. Thus leading to an early death.

But I complained and complained and nothing was done about it. This is how they treat people at this home. And this is straight up, abuse. They are depriving mom of needed sleep. taking anything away from someone that causes health issues and loss of enjoyment of life is ABUSE. PERIOD!

Most of the children of residents are to afraid of the staff at Al Hogg, as they make threats against them. They tell them if you don't like the way we do things, you can move your parent. I have heard this over and over again.

I am not afraid of anyone. Especially the staff of these homes. I am not afraid to file a complaint with the top of the food chain. This is the only way something is going to be done.

My sisters don't seem to even care that their mother sits in her own filth for hours and hours at a time. And she gets rashes and now has a open sore on her bottom. This is the direct result of my mother having to sit in her own soiled diapers.

Again, would you or anyone let a baby sit in their soiled diapers for any length of time. I think not. They why do our loved one's have to be subjected to this kind of abuse. And nobody does anything about it.

I wish I had money to live. So I could concentrate my efforts to looking after mom more, as well as pursue action against this kind of abuse. It is not just the home where mom is, no, it is most of these homes. They say there is not enough staff. I beg to differ. I see what the staff do, or what they don't do. You get what I mean.

I have started the Alzheimer's Dementia Seniors Abuse Action Coalition in the past. Only to have to stop pursuing it, as I could not afford to even keep the web site up and running, pay for the hosting. Or even pay for the domain name, for a few years. The name is still up on Google. And the traveling that I do, leaves me no time to do anything about it.

Another reason why I need to be living in White Rock. Plus the fact I can't stay here anymore.

I have other issues I wanted to discuss but it is late again.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland