It is nonsense

Hello again

So I am just completely removed from faith now. I just am not believing. As it stands I don't think I will set foot in another church.

All these Christians tell me how much they help other's, Well I say this is not true. I am without and have been for a week now. I have never asked anyone to pay my rent. I just ask for some help. So I don't starve. I work hard to take care of my mother. More so than anyone else that I have seen or heard of.

I can't afford to move, without help. I try to find a place and every time I find a place I can afford, I loose out.

I am very tired by the time I get home at night. Yet I would do nothing else. This is the most important job I have had in my life. The looser life I have had. I have an education, but have done nothing with it for many years. To me it is useless now. But I want to go back to school and study Traditional Chinese Medicine. I believe in this completely. But I can't get a student loan and I don't have the funds to do this. If I did I would of started, well, 5 years ago, when I thought of it. And I would be already finished.

Let me get back to the fact that I these Christians have been preaching to me for a while on the values of their churches. Yet they all know what I am going through and they want to talk to me about fasting and tithing. Yet I say to each and everyone of them that I have been fasting for a week now, not by choice. As for tithing, I have nothing.

Then I say if you help people, I need help. Nothing, absolutely nothing is done about it. Then this person comes over the other day and knows what is happening and then proceeds to brag about how much meat he just bought and that both of his freezers are full. Knowing, I have nothing.

I am just tired of all these so called Christians. It seems they are Christians on Sunday.

If I am wrong, forgive me. But prove me wrong. I dare you.

Other wise what I believe stands.

Have to go, starting to get hungry, so the best remedy is to go to sleep.

I will recap the week tomorrow. But for now, this is it..

Good night

Kris Schmuland

I have allot to say about the abusive behavior of the PGT. Tomorrow as well.

Abuse seems to be........

Hello again

First the PGT. They seem to think,well the case manager anyways, that it is his money. OK there job is to look after Mary's funds, to make sure they are not misused. But in order to get anything for mom, is impossible.

Mom's food at Al Hogg is just horrible. They boil her vegetables to death. And I have always said that if you boil vegetables, you might as well just drink the liquid you boiled it in. As all the nutrients are lost in the water.

So I ask that I get a juicer for mom, to make sure she gets the proper nutrients. The PGT tells me OK and then two days later change there mind. It is for mom, not me. So they don't give a crap that mom is not getting feed well.

And they did nothing about my sister's stealing mom's summer clothing.

I am sorry if I am not making any sense. This has not been a good week. I am broke, nothing unusually about this, and have nothing and been on a, not intended fast. Not feeling well.

I have lost my faith, as I don't believe GOD is doing anything for me. I ask for help and nothing happens. I hate coming to where I live, I have to put up with drug addicts and alcoholics. I don't feel safe at this place. But I can't afford to even eat, let alone move.

So it was my birthday this week and what a crappy birthday it was. My birthday dinner was tea. Which I have been living on for the last week. Yes living on. Nothing else.

I wasn't even able to bring a cake to celebrate with mom. Mother's day was OK, Couldn't afford flowers for mom. Made her dinner though. Which was good.

It is a rough week, I won't even be able to keep mom in fruit, or her favorite chocolate. I will go without to make sure mom has the fruit she needs and likes as well as her Lindt chocolate.

What mom was served tonight was disgusting. And I had nothing to give her. I feel so bad about this. Mom ate what they served her, but was very upset.

I found out afterward. Mom's pad was full and this is how they look after their residents. They let them sit in their own filth. They don't care. They serve them garbage. They have abusive nurses. Joanne! And the management doesn't care what one thinks and if you complain, they make threats against you. Telling them that if you don't do as they say, they will stop you from seeing your mother.

I don't take threats well and will not except them either.

Need to go. Not feeling this love of GOD anymore.

Kris Schmuland

Today I was freaked out

Hello again

I have mentioned that I have this disease known as Meneires disease. With it I have vertigo, dizziness and hearing loss. Well today, I could not hear hardly anything for a few hours this afternoon. It started to come back when I was on my way to see mom. It freaked me out greatly. OK it totally freaked me out. It was then I realized I need hearing aids.

Mom was hungry today. She ate most of her dinner and what I brought for her. It is a very good thing. I am able to hold her hand, which is what she wants, while I feed her dinner.

Now there is this nurse Joanne, the one who threatened me, and the patients coordinator Sherry. I tell Sherry that I don't want this LPN to touch mom. Sherry tells me that Joanne is one her best nurses and she will not do this.

So how it works at Al Hogg is you ask them something and they ignore you and if you continue, they threaten you that you won't be able to continue to see your mother.

What their words are. If you want to continue to be part of your mother's care, you do what we say.

ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They don't give a crap about anything anyone says. This LPN is abusive and many people have complained about her and nothing is every done;.

So time to take it to the next step.

I really need to go to bed. The drunk chick, woke me up at 5:00 am. I am very tired.

GOD Bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Mother's Day

Hello again

So it was not a very good mother's day today.  Except for the fact that mom and I got to spend time together. It is always a great thing. Mom, Mary was extremely tired this day, and what I made her, she barely ate. But I was able to get her to eat a fair bit of the smoothie and half of her dinner. She was tired and when this happens, mom does not want to eat.

I simply say we have to eat. I need you to be healthy. She just motioned for me to give her the nightly spa treatment. All that was left to do was to try to get her to eat the papaya and then off we went. I do the dishes and then get her ready for bed.

I love this part of the day. Mom is so relaxed, I sit with her while she falls asleep. She loves to hold my hand.

I was not able to get her flowers, as I am always just broke. But my two sisters did not get her any flowers either. They can afford it, I can't. I get her flowers at ever chance I can, I do what I can for mom and more. But to me it is not enough. I need to do more.

Yes this may seem ridiculous to most, but not to me. Seeing her everyday and traveling to and from White Rock everyday, is ridiculous to most. But they don't understand what I  believe in. To honor your mother and father, honor the widow. It is the way I was raised. I don't understand why the girls don't believe in this. We were raised by the same parents. Go figure.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

It is just Saturday

Hello again

As it has been in the past, Mary is very tired on the weekends. Like today. I got their and was feeding her dinner, but she was eating with her eye's closed. Her eye's where extremely red. And she was rubbing them.

Mom just wanted to hold my hand. This is what she does when she is tired and just wants to sleep. I did get her to eat/drink the smoothie I made her and brought her today.

Mary just didn't want to eat. I talked her into eating something. A little at least. OK half of what was given to her and what I put on a plate.

Got her into bed and washed her face and arms. Waited until Mary was changed, before I washed her legs and feet and applied lotion.

So today/tomorrow is Mother's Day and all I can do for her is make dinner for her. I have no way of getting her flowers. Unless of course I go around and pick them from people's yards. I might just have to do this. I have a card for her, but no flowers.

This really bother's me, all I want to do is make this day extremely special for mom. I do what I can.

I will pray tonight that GOD intercedes and supplies a miracle for me. Well actually for mom.

I have been experiencing a lack of faith.Unbelief that things will change.

I hope they do for mom's sake, It is time to move to White Rock.

I think I will just pack everything and see what happens

I am looking and looking.

Nothing so far concerning the not being able to take mom off the ward. Well it doesn't help that I don't have a phone and the charger is broken.

I can't even play music for mom or play the movies I put on my phone, for mom to watch today, on Mother's Day.

You need to understand I will do whatever it takes to make mom happy and keep her healthy.

Anyways time to go again.

Feeling very tired. Just stressed out.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland