Hello again. Day whatever again
I will start by saying this. I read the bible daily, the NIV at home and the KJV on my phone while I travel to see mom. And back I was especially interested in Matthew 25 34-46. It is what I believe
I read the different versions as I really do like the KJV. The old English
Now I should be in White Rock now. As it is June 15, and I took possession today. But I can't, because I have nothing. No bed, no dresser, night stand. Nor do I even have a lamp. No living room furniture.
I have been on the phone for days now. Yellow pages open and calling everyone and anyone who might be able to help me with this move and the things I need. No luck so far.
I would also like to state that I have no spleen, which makes my bones brittle, and thus the use of a cane I also have Osteopinia, the first stage of Osteoporosis. And a slew of other problems related to not having a spleen. I was the youngest, by 30 years in the specialists office, when I went to see him.
So it is the weekend, and I forgot that mom is not that hungry when the weekend comes. She is very tired. I don't know why this is. I will be speaking with the doctors about this. When I get out their.
She has been going to the dentist and they still have not fixed the one tooth that needed to be fixed. The left bottom molar. They need me to be their with her. As mom moves around a bit. So they need be their to help keep her calm. They need to take an ex ray before they can remove the tooth. And mom is not going to be eating for a few days after this. I told them I live in coquitlam and take transit to get out their. And I don't even get home until 11:00 pm at night. And then I have things to do. so getting their early is a very hard thing. But I am going to be moving out their soon.
But I need everything. And I have nothing.
So tonight, mom barely ate anything, and just wanted to go to bed and have her spa treatment done. Listen to music and relax. I do understand, as nothing happens where mom is. Nothing at all.
So by the end of the week, boredom has set in and she is just tired. I did say to her, just eat what you can, mom and don't rush. She didn't even eat any fruit.
This is a real concern for me. I did bring her dinner, and she ate allot of it. She did go to sleep very early, as I got home, tonight, very early. Well, early compared to the 11:00 pm. 10:00 pm is when I got back to Coquitlam. And 10:30 is the time I walked through door.
I have to figure out what to do. I need to be close to mom. I need to be doing more for her, spend more time with her, take her outside. Now that summer is here. Well it is now know as Junuary. It is horrible weather out. Not as it should be. But nothing will stop me from doing whatever. Not the rain, it has never done this.
But still, it is time that I do more for mom and be their for her more often
I need to go now.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Friday, June 15, 2012
A deep dark depression
Hello again Day whatever
It is not a good day. I was fine while going to see mom and great while their and then this horrible depression started to set in on my way home. I feel like crap. I am tired and lithe less. I don't feel like even writing this. But I need to.
I have a new place, but nothing to put into it. An empty shell, cold and sterile. Without life. That is the way to describe my new home. I have paid rent for this month, here, and one half of the month their. And I have a bed here, but don't want to be here anymore. Yet I don't even have the energy to continue to finish packing.
I am almost their. But so what. I love the fact that I will be very close to mom, and I will be able to spend more time with her. I was joking about this tonight with her. Saying that she will see me so much that she will tell me to go away.
I was on the phone today calling everywhere trying to find free things or get help with bedroom furniture. And maybe living room furniture. Otherwise I will have to live in my bedroom, oh yea, no bedroom furniture. Living on the floor.
I forgive the women who stole my belongings, but, even though she is dead, I am still mad at the fact that this is what has happened to me.
So blah blah blah, right. I thought so.
Today I was able to bring mom a spinach and feta pie, and the fruit she likes. This is good, considering her dinner was the cabbage roll. Mom wanted to know what was for dinner that the hospital supplied. She leaned forward and when I opened the lid, and you should of seen the look. She just went OH! and then leaned back into her chair.
I didn't have enough for her tonight, Even with the boost, I knew she was still hungry, Even with the fruit. I felt just low, low, low. I don't like it when mom doesn't eat. She needs to eat to keep healthy.
Then off we went for her nightly spa treatment. But before this mom wanted to go outside, wash her hair. But I know mom and there was not enough time to do everything. I need to wash her hair. I have not been doing this as of late. I usually wash her hair every other day. But not of late.
This is the main reason I need to be in White Rock. And have a healthy place to live. For mom to come over. This is why I chose this place, it is accessible for mom and close by. But I can't have mom over if my living room is bare. Nothing, blank. That is the best way to describe it. Blank!
Now I finished her face and washed her feet and then the staff member came in. I was not about to let mom wait, so I gave her a kiss, and told her I would be outside waiting and I would finish her feet afterwards. I came back in and asked if mom still wanted me to pour the water on her feet, Of course she did. It is not just the pouring of water on her feet. It is the speed in which I do it. Slowly, over her feet, toes, lower legs, while rubbing the feet and lower legs to get the soap off. I pour three bottles of hot water over her feet. It is a process. She loves this.
Then the lotion and the spray. When done I wash her arms and hands and apply different lotions to her arms and hands. And I finish with another application of different moisturiser on her face. Three separated creams.
I then sang mom our good night song and hugged her and gave her a kiss good night.
Well, my depression continues. I need to go to bed and watch something.
Then tomorrow I try again to get something going.
GOD bless and good night.
I am trying to keep up my faith. I believe I believe I believe.
Kris Schmuland
It is not a good day. I was fine while going to see mom and great while their and then this horrible depression started to set in on my way home. I feel like crap. I am tired and lithe less. I don't feel like even writing this. But I need to.
I have a new place, but nothing to put into it. An empty shell, cold and sterile. Without life. That is the way to describe my new home. I have paid rent for this month, here, and one half of the month their. And I have a bed here, but don't want to be here anymore. Yet I don't even have the energy to continue to finish packing.
I am almost their. But so what. I love the fact that I will be very close to mom, and I will be able to spend more time with her. I was joking about this tonight with her. Saying that she will see me so much that she will tell me to go away.
I was on the phone today calling everywhere trying to find free things or get help with bedroom furniture. And maybe living room furniture. Otherwise I will have to live in my bedroom, oh yea, no bedroom furniture. Living on the floor.
I forgive the women who stole my belongings, but, even though she is dead, I am still mad at the fact that this is what has happened to me.
So blah blah blah, right. I thought so.
Today I was able to bring mom a spinach and feta pie, and the fruit she likes. This is good, considering her dinner was the cabbage roll. Mom wanted to know what was for dinner that the hospital supplied. She leaned forward and when I opened the lid, and you should of seen the look. She just went OH! and then leaned back into her chair.
I didn't have enough for her tonight, Even with the boost, I knew she was still hungry, Even with the fruit. I felt just low, low, low. I don't like it when mom doesn't eat. She needs to eat to keep healthy.
Then off we went for her nightly spa treatment. But before this mom wanted to go outside, wash her hair. But I know mom and there was not enough time to do everything. I need to wash her hair. I have not been doing this as of late. I usually wash her hair every other day. But not of late.
This is the main reason I need to be in White Rock. And have a healthy place to live. For mom to come over. This is why I chose this place, it is accessible for mom and close by. But I can't have mom over if my living room is bare. Nothing, blank. That is the best way to describe it. Blank!
Now I finished her face and washed her feet and then the staff member came in. I was not about to let mom wait, so I gave her a kiss, and told her I would be outside waiting and I would finish her feet afterwards. I came back in and asked if mom still wanted me to pour the water on her feet, Of course she did. It is not just the pouring of water on her feet. It is the speed in which I do it. Slowly, over her feet, toes, lower legs, while rubbing the feet and lower legs to get the soap off. I pour three bottles of hot water over her feet. It is a process. She loves this.
Then the lotion and the spray. When done I wash her arms and hands and apply different lotions to her arms and hands. And I finish with another application of different moisturiser on her face. Three separated creams.
I then sang mom our good night song and hugged her and gave her a kiss good night.
Well, my depression continues. I need to go to bed and watch something.
Then tomorrow I try again to get something going.
GOD bless and good night.
I am trying to keep up my faith. I believe I believe I believe.
Kris Schmuland
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Really not well
Hello again Day 12 or 13
Well not doing well. I am stressed out and feeling depressed.
I am trying to do what I can and I am just banging my head against the wall. Every time I ask for help I get shut down.
I am trying to move, I found a place. As I have said, maybe not. I have a place and it has a separate living room and bedroom. But I am again sharing. I just have to share the kitchen and bathroom and laundry.
But I have nothing, I mean nothing. The PGT has mentioned all the help they were willing to give me, the key word here is "were" not anymore.
I am doing this so I can have mom over, not without furniture. An empty bedroom is what I will be moving into. Yes I have no furniture. Nothing where I am is mine.
I lost everything several years ago, when it was all stolen from me. I went to stay with mom, while my sister was away and when I returned home. To a previously furnished 2 bedroom apartment. Yes everything in it was mine. And I rented out the other room to this women. And she took everything. Broke into my room, cleaned everything out. clothing, computer and the entire apartment.
The police couldn't do anything, I found her, filled a small claims action against her. When it came to court, I was told she died of a heroin overdose. Go figure.
Since that time I have had to find places the were furnished and shared accommodations.
Now it is a shared accommodation, but my own living room, that mom can just come into and a bedroom, without the added cost of my own place.
But I have no bedroom furniture or living room furniture.
I have written Ellen to her can I change your life section. But never a response. I told her how and what I do for my mother and how mom is the most important person in my life and would do anything for her.
I have written the papers, Oprah, and who ever else might listen. But nothing.
I have this place as of the 15 of this month. But nothing to move into it. Where I am now I have a bed, and living room furniture I can use. But it is 3 hours one way, away from mom. And the other place is very close to mom's.
I mean very close. 10 minutes away. It is an opportunity for a fresh start. I have spent the last three days so far this week trying to get some furniture, as well as a way of moving myself. I do have somethings to move.
Allot of mom's things. Boxes of, well, boxes. And some clothing of mine.
I have a set of knives, a pasta maker, some kitchen utensils and that is about it.
And yesterday, I was almost run over by a truck in Vancouver. If it was not for a voice in my head saying take a few steps back or you will get run over. No sooner did I take the few steps back. A truck came by, turning the corner and running over the curb, exactly where I was previously standing. I mean exactly.
This was not the first time that the little voice save my life. I wish this little voice would say, you have all the furniture you need.
But I do keep hearing Trust the Lord your GOD with all your heart and soul.
But I am hungry and stressed out. I am very, very tired and still have a ton of things to do. I need to go to my doctors.
I really am not doing very well. But mom will never know this. I leave this at the door of her home.
I will never bother her with any of this.
But I did say that the case manager of the PGT was not so bad. Well I change my mind.
Again, if he kept his word I would already be in White Rock. And doing better. Having 6 or more hours in the day, to do things for mom and to get it together. Well I don't know about the last part.
I am going now, I am extremely tired. And after several days, the hunger pains seem to go away.
I wish I had more faith. So I could just do what I hear my little voice tells me. To trust. I have not had any reason to do this so far.
Everyone seems to let me down. No one really understands what I am trying to do and why.
Oh yea I did not write as I, one left my glasses somewhere and 2, been extremely depressed and stressed out. And did not want to even open my computer.
I am going now and will write soon.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
HELP! me please someone.
Well not doing well. I am stressed out and feeling depressed.
I am trying to do what I can and I am just banging my head against the wall. Every time I ask for help I get shut down.
I am trying to move, I found a place. As I have said, maybe not. I have a place and it has a separate living room and bedroom. But I am again sharing. I just have to share the kitchen and bathroom and laundry.
But I have nothing, I mean nothing. The PGT has mentioned all the help they were willing to give me, the key word here is "were" not anymore.
I am doing this so I can have mom over, not without furniture. An empty bedroom is what I will be moving into. Yes I have no furniture. Nothing where I am is mine.
I lost everything several years ago, when it was all stolen from me. I went to stay with mom, while my sister was away and when I returned home. To a previously furnished 2 bedroom apartment. Yes everything in it was mine. And I rented out the other room to this women. And she took everything. Broke into my room, cleaned everything out. clothing, computer and the entire apartment.
The police couldn't do anything, I found her, filled a small claims action against her. When it came to court, I was told she died of a heroin overdose. Go figure.
Since that time I have had to find places the were furnished and shared accommodations.
Now it is a shared accommodation, but my own living room, that mom can just come into and a bedroom, without the added cost of my own place.
But I have no bedroom furniture or living room furniture.
I have written Ellen to her can I change your life section. But never a response. I told her how and what I do for my mother and how mom is the most important person in my life and would do anything for her.
I have written the papers, Oprah, and who ever else might listen. But nothing.
I have this place as of the 15 of this month. But nothing to move into it. Where I am now I have a bed, and living room furniture I can use. But it is 3 hours one way, away from mom. And the other place is very close to mom's.
I mean very close. 10 minutes away. It is an opportunity for a fresh start. I have spent the last three days so far this week trying to get some furniture, as well as a way of moving myself. I do have somethings to move.
Allot of mom's things. Boxes of, well, boxes. And some clothing of mine.
I have a set of knives, a pasta maker, some kitchen utensils and that is about it.
And yesterday, I was almost run over by a truck in Vancouver. If it was not for a voice in my head saying take a few steps back or you will get run over. No sooner did I take the few steps back. A truck came by, turning the corner and running over the curb, exactly where I was previously standing. I mean exactly.
This was not the first time that the little voice save my life. I wish this little voice would say, you have all the furniture you need.
But I do keep hearing Trust the Lord your GOD with all your heart and soul.
But I am hungry and stressed out. I am very, very tired and still have a ton of things to do. I need to go to my doctors.
I really am not doing very well. But mom will never know this. I leave this at the door of her home.
I will never bother her with any of this.
But I did say that the case manager of the PGT was not so bad. Well I change my mind.
Again, if he kept his word I would already be in White Rock. And doing better. Having 6 or more hours in the day, to do things for mom and to get it together. Well I don't know about the last part.
I am going now, I am extremely tired. And after several days, the hunger pains seem to go away.
I wish I had more faith. So I could just do what I hear my little voice tells me. To trust. I have not had any reason to do this so far.
Everyone seems to let me down. No one really understands what I am trying to do and why.
Oh yea I did not write as I, one left my glasses somewhere and 2, been extremely depressed and stressed out. And did not want to even open my computer.
I am going now and will write soon.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
HELP! me please someone.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Not doing well
Hello again Day 9 or 10
I am sorry I didn't write yesterday, as on the way home, I passed out on the sky train. And ended up in St. Pauls Hospital. They wanted to do allot of tests, but I explained that it was just from not eating. They told me that I need to eat. I replied, well then get me groceries.
We can't do that. Then I am leaving now, and got up, got dressed and left. I was able to catch the last bus home.
Don't worry I never mentioned this to mom. This is the second time in a year that I ended up in the hospital. I did, however have to promise them I would go see my doctor. Which I need to do anyways. I am not feeling well. I am loosing to much weight lately. And not eating. I have the type 1 diabetes or type 2 I am never sure. The one which is controlled by diet. And because of the way I am living, I need to have a full blood workup.
So I do have to say that the case manager of the PGT is not all bad. We do have our disagreements. As one would expect when I am only concerned about mom and nothing else.
Mom is not hungry that much on the weekend. This has been a usual situation with her. Tonight, she was so tired and barely ate anything. She just wanted to go to bed. This is 6 pm when I put her in her bed. I am getting her ready now. So the only thing the staff has to do is change her. I put her nightly on and put her in bed. Mom wants it this way and has no problem with me doing this. I would never change this for anything. That my mom trusts me enough to put her into her night gown. The staff asked me if I could put her night gown on her, It is hard for them when mom is in bed. She fidgets.
She trusts me, The only person in the world who actually cares. And I am so glad of our relationship. Mom needs me and I need her. I put the phone on her chest, so she can, not only listen to the music, but feel it as well.
She holds my hand the entire time I am with her. I am crying just thinking about it. I have never felt love like this before. I guess I have been a very cold person. And mom has made me see things allot different.
She is all smiles once I get their.
And today, her aunt, my great aunt and her daugther were their today. It has been a long time since mom has seen her aunt. They were more like sisters. They are only 5 years a part in age. My mothers sister.
She only lives 5 blocks away now. And now that the weather is getting nicer, I can take mom down the street to see her. Just push her down the street.
So I am extremely tired and need to go to bed. I have to get up early.
I really need to get to White Rock. But I need everything. I don't even have my own bed, dresser or anything else that one needs for a place. Even if I were to find a shared accommodation I still need everything.
I have found a place, which has a separate living room for me to use. So a bedroom and a living room as well. The owner, has the main living room. But I have nothing to put into it. I really have absolutely nothing. I mean nothing.
I digress, I need to go now.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
I am sorry I didn't write yesterday, as on the way home, I passed out on the sky train. And ended up in St. Pauls Hospital. They wanted to do allot of tests, but I explained that it was just from not eating. They told me that I need to eat. I replied, well then get me groceries.
We can't do that. Then I am leaving now, and got up, got dressed and left. I was able to catch the last bus home.
Don't worry I never mentioned this to mom. This is the second time in a year that I ended up in the hospital. I did, however have to promise them I would go see my doctor. Which I need to do anyways. I am not feeling well. I am loosing to much weight lately. And not eating. I have the type 1 diabetes or type 2 I am never sure. The one which is controlled by diet. And because of the way I am living, I need to have a full blood workup.
So I do have to say that the case manager of the PGT is not all bad. We do have our disagreements. As one would expect when I am only concerned about mom and nothing else.
Mom is not hungry that much on the weekend. This has been a usual situation with her. Tonight, she was so tired and barely ate anything. She just wanted to go to bed. This is 6 pm when I put her in her bed. I am getting her ready now. So the only thing the staff has to do is change her. I put her nightly on and put her in bed. Mom wants it this way and has no problem with me doing this. I would never change this for anything. That my mom trusts me enough to put her into her night gown. The staff asked me if I could put her night gown on her, It is hard for them when mom is in bed. She fidgets.
She trusts me, The only person in the world who actually cares. And I am so glad of our relationship. Mom needs me and I need her. I put the phone on her chest, so she can, not only listen to the music, but feel it as well.
She holds my hand the entire time I am with her. I am crying just thinking about it. I have never felt love like this before. I guess I have been a very cold person. And mom has made me see things allot different.
She is all smiles once I get their.
And today, her aunt, my great aunt and her daugther were their today. It has been a long time since mom has seen her aunt. They were more like sisters. They are only 5 years a part in age. My mothers sister.
She only lives 5 blocks away now. And now that the weather is getting nicer, I can take mom down the street to see her. Just push her down the street.
So I am extremely tired and need to go to bed. I have to get up early.
I really need to get to White Rock. But I need everything. I don't even have my own bed, dresser or anything else that one needs for a place. Even if I were to find a shared accommodation I still need everything.
I have found a place, which has a separate living room for me to use. So a bedroom and a living room as well. The owner, has the main living room. But I have nothing to put into it. I really have absolutely nothing. I mean nothing.
I digress, I need to go now.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
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