Hello again and again
Today I have sat on the bus and meditated on GOD and the word alone. How is applied to my life. Being lonely stops the moment I step out the door. I can have many conversations with all sorts of people along the way to White Rock.
Now being alone, is a different thing, I am alone, no family, no friends, no girlfriend or wife or children. Nothing and nobody to be their for me when I really need it. And I need some of this now.
Zulfiya, was my girlfriend, for all extensive purposes. That is what we agreed on. And I think I just broke up with her. Well no word from her since I told her not to come over here. But I really did want her to come. I wanted to see her, besides in pictures. I wanted to get to know her more intimately. It is not about sex. An intimant relationship is more than sex. It is about passion, comfort and feelings.
Which I have not had any feelings about anyone in a very long time. A very long time. I have turned the switch off. And the only person I aloud to feel for is my mother. Now I really have feelings for this person. Even though we have never met in person before. This was going to be our first meeting face to face. In person. I was and am afraid.
Not having my own place and furniture and the word money (evil word) I have lost someone who I have been communicating with for some time now.
And when I described the women I want to be with. Well Zulfiya is pretty dead on. I wanted an intelligent women. Blonde hair, blue eyes, attractive, in good shape. 5.6. inches tall. to 5.7 inches. (Sorry about the period. I pressed a key and now some keys are french, I have not figured out how to turn it off.) That is what Zulfiya is. She is as I described above. When I asked GOD about this. I did not specify where she should be from. With GOD you have to ask for things exactly. I am not complaining.
You know I here about he stories about people how have been only communicating on line and then finally meet. The magic, the nervousness, the excitement. And then the eye to eye contact. What do you do. Do you run to her. Do you just stand their and look at each other in a dumbfounded way. Am I to give her a huge hug and big kiss. This is the part that is the most exciting. That airport meeting.
And I blew it. It is because I don't live on my own and I have no furniture of my own. I has been lost, stolen, and burned in a fire.
What is the only thing I want right now is. To move to White Rock, furnish the place, Call Zulfiya and see if it is not too late to get her to come over. When I wrote and told her not to come. She was just about done with everything she needed to do for her visa. And the day I wrote her, she was going to find out if she was to get her visa. I don't even know if she got the visa or not. Zulfiya has not written me back since that letter. I don't know if she would still come to visit me. Even if nothing came out of our visit and we found out we are not compatible. Well I don't really think that is possible. We have written very private thoughts to each other. Again nothing is impossible, we might not like the person we are when we are confronted with the real deal.
But I wanted and want a chance to find out this. My mother really wants her to come. And mom does not want me to be alone. As well mom wants to spend time with her. As in coming to visit her with me every night. I want to see her and want mom to meet her and spend the time with her as well.
My greatest and only wish right now is to move to White Rock, into a two bedroom home. Get nice furnishings for the place. New, I am not talking about, expensive items. I could furnish a two bedroom very nicely for $5000. For the complete two bedroom apartment. Everything you could think of. I have thought about this. I need a bedroom for mom. I want to start having her over. First for visits, then overnight and then weekends etc... etc....
Mom needs a queen size bed, not to fall out of. Certain types of furnishings for her to sit in. Mom is not going to stay in her wheel chair at our home. Yes it is our home. A home for mom and I. Mom loves music, good healthy food. Room for her to get around.
I know what type of place we need. I say mom friendly. Now this is the only thing I think about all day long, And I dream about it at night. And I pray about it all day. To move to White Rock, Furnish the place and have Zulfiya come over. I don't know if it is too late, I do know I need to call her, well write her by Monday. Her holidays start the first or second week of November.
This type of thing has never happened to me before, and I know I am frightened and that is the way I should be. But the main reason is I have nothing and nobody to help. The PGT made promises to me. Which if they kept , Things would be fairly good. It would be possible to pull this off. But of course with the PGT, everything is just BS that comes out of their mouth. They do not know how to keep a promises. This is their way of staling a person. Oh we will help you move to White Rock and we will give you a large lump sum to get a car. Well I told them I want the same funds for a home.
This is why I fight the PGT and is why there should be a major story done on the abuse they have put mom and I through. Which is an extreme amount of abuse. Over 7 years. And at the same time, the PGT is embezzling moms money.
If only people would keep their promises to me. I would of been set up in White Rock already. And I would be having my airport meeting with my long distance girlfriend. Yes that is what we are to each other. I know if I wrote her and told the truth about, me being extremely frightened and that I need her to come. To see her. I am sure she would still come if it could be worked out. Which everything can be worked out if you want it enough and do the work.
I have contacted the Russian embassy in Ottawa and I have asked for the number of the clinic in her village. I have not heard anything back yet. I will do what ever is necessary to do to try to change her mind about coming here. I just need all the rest to come to being this weekend.
Now the number I left 604.552.0557 is me, it is a small organization I am trying to get off the ground. So if anyone does call, The organization is the Alzheimer's Seniors Abuse Action Coalition. Or ADSAAC So please leave me a message and I will return your call, where ever you may be. I have received several calls from the US and I have nothing to do in these states.
Sorry about going on and on. Now about mom.
Tonight I arrived late. And mom had not ate her dinner. And I sat down to feed her and she did not want the dinner from the hospital. Mom wanted the left over dinner I brought for her last night. Four cheese pasta. With extra cheese on top. That is what she ate and nothing of her hospital food. She had mango for dessert.
Tonight was bath night for mom, and mom was already in her clothing for bed. We went to her room and I informed the staff that please take mom to the bathroom, so as after I finish giving her, the beauty treatment I would put her to bed. This is what they did. First I took care of the wounds are her leg, with tea tree oil and then I put her to bed. Mom is happy about this and this is what I am going to do from now on. Of course they are not going to have a problem. with. this. This is when I can just sit with mom until she fall's asleep. This is an added bonus to this journey of mom and me. I love the fact that I am the last person mom see' at night before she fall's asleep. Mom thinks so as well. She could not wait for this to happen. She was not to sure if I could lift her up and put her into bed myself. The hospital needs a few people and a lift and on and on. I just pick her up and put her into bed.
I love my mother. I have feelings for Zulfiya, I want and need to move to White Rock and get a two bedroom place. I need the funds to pull this off and need it by October 31, 2011 so I can arrange for Zulfiya to come here. And the most important part of being in White Rock, it will take me no time to get to the hospital, so I can deal with everything that comes up. And I can make and bring mom home cooked meals every night.
Well I could go on and on, but I think I am done for tonight
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Remember that number is me.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
The feelings I have are different
Hello again
How dare you steal my mother's cross and chain. Stealing from a senior, with dementia. Does it make you feel good inside. I hope it is eating you up and making you completely uncomfortable.
So I have been thinking and feeling something different. I have never really felt lonely. People talk to me all day long. But this time I feel alone. Ever since mom wanted me to have Zulfiya come over. So I am not alone and won't be alone. Then it makes me think about her. I do miss are written words. It was something to look forward to. But more than that. I was getting to know someone and she me. We talked about what is going on with each other. Our likes and dislikes. About how are days are. Getting to know, more about each other than I previously have told anyone for a long time. I just wish I could be talking to her in person. But I have a serious trust issue. I don't trust. And since I have never met her, I don't trust her.
I don't get it. I have nothing so why not have her come. Oh yea, I don't have anything that is the reason. If I had my own place and it furnished. That would be a different thing.I need to move to White Rock and get my own space. I really need this space. I am tired of living with other people.
It is imperative that I live close to mom. It is imperative I have my own place, and furnished nicely. I need to be free from Coquitlam. It has been a curse for me for a long time now. To break free of a comfortable place and start anew. In a place that will serve a few purposes.
Be close to mom, get my business going, have the water right their, peace of mind, my own place, nice furniture, and the ability to bring mom over and then to have her on overnight visits.
Mom has been trying to hook me up for a long time. I know she does not want me to be without anyone after she is gone. Mom wants to dance with me at a wedding. She wants to see grand children from me. I would like, I think to do this. I don't know. I really don't know.
I think I have said I don't like to be touched, well I would like to be really hugged right now. This is to weird for me. It has bothered me when people want to hug me or when someone is to close to me and touching me on the bus. And I have lived with roommates for a while now and I am not lonely or alone.
The last week I have felt very alone. It seems ever since I told Zulfiya not to come. How can I have a beautiful women come over when I have nothing and can't even cook her dinner, or take her anywhere.
Mom wants to see her and meet her. And allot of people meet online and get married. It might have to do with getting to know each other through the written word. Telling each other about our, well everything.
I never want to disappoint mom. And it is really time I leave Coquitlam. I am done with Coquitlam. It has been a beautiful place to grow up in. But I am grown up now;. It is about time. And time for grown up decisions. And to move on to a new beginning and world.
Mom and I both want me in White Rock;. We need this to take place immediately. I still have time to write Zulfyia back and tell her to come. Her vacation is not for another 3 or 4 weeks. Gives me enough time to do all that is needed to have a proper home. And to have mom over for a visit before this.
GOD if you are to help me, this is the time. I have never felt like this before and mom is getting better. And mom wants things for me. This is too cool.
I know mom is not any where near as bad as they think. JUST STOP THE MEDICATION. And mom will get better.
I really am learning allot from mom and this journey.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Oh yea I am only home until 1pm PST if you call please leave a message. From where ever you are calling from. 604.552.0557 2846 Glen Drive Coquitlam BC Canada V3B-0A4 Kris Schmuland
I write this, as I have been getting calls from many different places and no messages. I know I don't know anyone their and no companies that I have contact with.
I really need every one's prayer's right now. I am so confused and I miss the letter's from my friend or even more. I never thought I had feelings for her, I guess I am wrong.
Please GOD help me out here.
AMEN
How dare you steal my mother's cross and chain. Stealing from a senior, with dementia. Does it make you feel good inside. I hope it is eating you up and making you completely uncomfortable.
So I have been thinking and feeling something different. I have never really felt lonely. People talk to me all day long. But this time I feel alone. Ever since mom wanted me to have Zulfiya come over. So I am not alone and won't be alone. Then it makes me think about her. I do miss are written words. It was something to look forward to. But more than that. I was getting to know someone and she me. We talked about what is going on with each other. Our likes and dislikes. About how are days are. Getting to know, more about each other than I previously have told anyone for a long time. I just wish I could be talking to her in person. But I have a serious trust issue. I don't trust. And since I have never met her, I don't trust her.
I don't get it. I have nothing so why not have her come. Oh yea, I don't have anything that is the reason. If I had my own place and it furnished. That would be a different thing.I need to move to White Rock and get my own space. I really need this space. I am tired of living with other people.
It is imperative that I live close to mom. It is imperative I have my own place, and furnished nicely. I need to be free from Coquitlam. It has been a curse for me for a long time now. To break free of a comfortable place and start anew. In a place that will serve a few purposes.
Be close to mom, get my business going, have the water right their, peace of mind, my own place, nice furniture, and the ability to bring mom over and then to have her on overnight visits.
Mom has been trying to hook me up for a long time. I know she does not want me to be without anyone after she is gone. Mom wants to dance with me at a wedding. She wants to see grand children from me. I would like, I think to do this. I don't know. I really don't know.
I think I have said I don't like to be touched, well I would like to be really hugged right now. This is to weird for me. It has bothered me when people want to hug me or when someone is to close to me and touching me on the bus. And I have lived with roommates for a while now and I am not lonely or alone.
The last week I have felt very alone. It seems ever since I told Zulfiya not to come. How can I have a beautiful women come over when I have nothing and can't even cook her dinner, or take her anywhere.
Mom wants to see her and meet her. And allot of people meet online and get married. It might have to do with getting to know each other through the written word. Telling each other about our, well everything.
I never want to disappoint mom. And it is really time I leave Coquitlam. I am done with Coquitlam. It has been a beautiful place to grow up in. But I am grown up now;. It is about time. And time for grown up decisions. And to move on to a new beginning and world.
Mom and I both want me in White Rock;. We need this to take place immediately. I still have time to write Zulfyia back and tell her to come. Her vacation is not for another 3 or 4 weeks. Gives me enough time to do all that is needed to have a proper home. And to have mom over for a visit before this.
GOD if you are to help me, this is the time. I have never felt like this before and mom is getting better. And mom wants things for me. This is too cool.
I know mom is not any where near as bad as they think. JUST STOP THE MEDICATION. And mom will get better.
I really am learning allot from mom and this journey.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Oh yea I am only home until 1pm PST if you call please leave a message. From where ever you are calling from. 604.552.0557 2846 Glen Drive Coquitlam BC Canada V3B-0A4 Kris Schmuland
I write this, as I have been getting calls from many different places and no messages. I know I don't know anyone their and no companies that I have contact with.
I really need every one's prayer's right now. I am so confused and I miss the letter's from my friend or even more. I never thought I had feelings for her, I guess I am wrong.
Please GOD help me out here.
AMEN
Thursday, October 27, 2011
The journey
Hello again
First I am writing about mom's chain and cross. It is disgusting that someone would take this from a senior with dementia. It is sacrilegious. Burn in hell. GOD will get you. I am writing and will write this as to maybe shame them into returning it.
Yesterday mom said to me she wanted me to bring Zulfiya over. Well let her come over for a visit. Mom thinks I am lonely and she does not want me to be alone. Mom is thinking of her own mortality. Knowing that someday she will be gone and that I will be all alone.. Which is so true. No family left than. But mom is not going anywhere for a long time. But I understand what she is saying.
No one wants to be alone and besides visiting with mom. I am alone. Even though I have roommates. I can not stand their disgusting ways. And I need to get out of here.
But being completely broke is not doing it for me. Not getting out. But I have a feeling something is going to happen. Or as I feel, is happening now. In the works. This is what I believe. I need it to happen now. As I have written Zulfiya and told her not to come. I do have a few days left to write her back and say come on over. As mentioned I need a place of my own, in White Rock and furniture and funds for hook ups and the ability to show her around.
GOD let this happen very soon. Please now. I just feel that my life is changing and changing now.
I need to hire a lawyer to take on the hospital so I can get mom the proper treatment she deserves. Instead of the doctor telling me that as long as mom is under our care you do what we say. Come on now. This is the basis's for legal advice.
I believe as a psychologist that treatment is the way to take care of Alzheimer's patients. Not control as psychiatrists believe. Chemical and physical restraints. I want my mother treated. Mom does not walk unless I do it. And I have been banned from walking mom. And getting a waiver is taking the hospitals time. Which is forever.
Mom wants to get up and walk. I walk her in the room, anyways. Mom needs it and that is just that. And mom has an infection on her leg and I have been treating it. With GOD's treatment and they just keep putting on this vial cream and it needs to be open and not covered with this cream. I am using Tea tree oil and leaving the wound open to the air. After the first night, it was almost gone the next day. And then today it was starting to spread back to what it was two days ago. Just let me treat it and it will be healed in a matter of days. As it is, mom has had it for two weeks now. And nothing done.
Remember these nurses are psyciartic nurses, not RN's They are not capable of treating infections. Now if do not stop putting on the ointment, I will just take her to the hospital, across the way.
So I have an ad on Craigslist and I am getting many responses. The latest is a 2 bedroom Rancher. Well this is something I could do. My own home. No one to bother me. No people upstairs.
Now I got to mom's late tonight and was not able to give her the dinner I brought her. So tomorrow I will be doing this. I wish I could bring her dinner every night. When mom told me she wanted me to find someone. I cried. My mother loves me.
Mom had some mago's for desert and then wanted her nightly beauty treatment. And at the same time put the tea tree oil on her wound.
I would like to put this blog into a book. Part 1 and two or three more books to come. I just need someone to help me do this. Such as Oprah. What I have written is the truth and it is about our journey together, and all the ups and downs. And the disgusting treatment my mother has received by the hands of the hospitals and homes. I know exactly when mom started to loose her speech. I was when the doctor put mom on the anti psychotic medication. That is when everything went down hill.
I have at least 1000 pages I have written so far. This needs to be published so all can see exactly what it is really like for your loved one's and what you both go through. The emotions and the devastation of your own life.
Well I need to go to bed I am beat. This bus trip takes its toll on me. Just the sitting for two and a half hours.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
First I am writing about mom's chain and cross. It is disgusting that someone would take this from a senior with dementia. It is sacrilegious. Burn in hell. GOD will get you. I am writing and will write this as to maybe shame them into returning it.
Yesterday mom said to me she wanted me to bring Zulfiya over. Well let her come over for a visit. Mom thinks I am lonely and she does not want me to be alone. Mom is thinking of her own mortality. Knowing that someday she will be gone and that I will be all alone.. Which is so true. No family left than. But mom is not going anywhere for a long time. But I understand what she is saying.
No one wants to be alone and besides visiting with mom. I am alone. Even though I have roommates. I can not stand their disgusting ways. And I need to get out of here.
But being completely broke is not doing it for me. Not getting out. But I have a feeling something is going to happen. Or as I feel, is happening now. In the works. This is what I believe. I need it to happen now. As I have written Zulfiya and told her not to come. I do have a few days left to write her back and say come on over. As mentioned I need a place of my own, in White Rock and furniture and funds for hook ups and the ability to show her around.
GOD let this happen very soon. Please now. I just feel that my life is changing and changing now.
I need to hire a lawyer to take on the hospital so I can get mom the proper treatment she deserves. Instead of the doctor telling me that as long as mom is under our care you do what we say. Come on now. This is the basis's for legal advice.
I believe as a psychologist that treatment is the way to take care of Alzheimer's patients. Not control as psychiatrists believe. Chemical and physical restraints. I want my mother treated. Mom does not walk unless I do it. And I have been banned from walking mom. And getting a waiver is taking the hospitals time. Which is forever.
Mom wants to get up and walk. I walk her in the room, anyways. Mom needs it and that is just that. And mom has an infection on her leg and I have been treating it. With GOD's treatment and they just keep putting on this vial cream and it needs to be open and not covered with this cream. I am using Tea tree oil and leaving the wound open to the air. After the first night, it was almost gone the next day. And then today it was starting to spread back to what it was two days ago. Just let me treat it and it will be healed in a matter of days. As it is, mom has had it for two weeks now. And nothing done.
Remember these nurses are psyciartic nurses, not RN's They are not capable of treating infections. Now if do not stop putting on the ointment, I will just take her to the hospital, across the way.
So I have an ad on Craigslist and I am getting many responses. The latest is a 2 bedroom Rancher. Well this is something I could do. My own home. No one to bother me. No people upstairs.
Now I got to mom's late tonight and was not able to give her the dinner I brought her. So tomorrow I will be doing this. I wish I could bring her dinner every night. When mom told me she wanted me to find someone. I cried. My mother loves me.
Mom had some mago's for desert and then wanted her nightly beauty treatment. And at the same time put the tea tree oil on her wound.
I would like to put this blog into a book. Part 1 and two or three more books to come. I just need someone to help me do this. Such as Oprah. What I have written is the truth and it is about our journey together, and all the ups and downs. And the disgusting treatment my mother has received by the hands of the hospitals and homes. I know exactly when mom started to loose her speech. I was when the doctor put mom on the anti psychotic medication. That is when everything went down hill.
I have at least 1000 pages I have written so far. This needs to be published so all can see exactly what it is really like for your loved one's and what you both go through. The emotions and the devastation of your own life.
Well I need to go to bed I am beat. This bus trip takes its toll on me. Just the sitting for two and a half hours.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
I can't believe what is happening, nothing
Hello again
Well I wrote a letter to my Zulfiya telling her that it is not a good idea to come. It was hard for me to do this. I don't know what would of happened. Whether she just visited or left to stay in Canada. I guess I will never find out now. I am very disappointed in this. Pushing the send button was difficult. Especially since I am very lonely right now. At this time.
Mom is not eating her dinner, as it is just bad hospital food. And I want so much to bring her dinner's every night.
I need to move to White Rock and get furniture. I wanted Zulfiya to come over here.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I AM LOST. I NEED A HUGE MIRACLE.
I am going to bed now. I want to cry. I disappointed my mother and myself enough for today.
GOD Bless and good night
Well I wrote a letter to my Zulfiya telling her that it is not a good idea to come. It was hard for me to do this. I don't know what would of happened. Whether she just visited or left to stay in Canada. I guess I will never find out now. I am very disappointed in this. Pushing the send button was difficult. Especially since I am very lonely right now. At this time.
Mom is not eating her dinner, as it is just bad hospital food. And I want so much to bring her dinner's every night.
I need to move to White Rock and get furniture. I wanted Zulfiya to come over here.
I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I AM LOST. I NEED A HUGE MIRACLE.
I am going to bed now. I want to cry. I disappointed my mother and myself enough for today.
GOD Bless and good night
Monday, October 24, 2011
To start anew
Hello again
So first I want to say I am very upset at people. Today, as I have heard often, Someone asked me if I go to see mom everyday. And then when they walk away, I hear, I would never do that, no matter who it is. I am too busy to do that. He must be crazy or a looser. For doing this everyday. I have to many things to do, to spend that kind of time. This is exact words. As I have a extremely good memory.
This is my only family member left. When mom passes I am completely alone. No family left and then know one else. As I have mentioned before that my ex friends have the same attitude as the people above.
My mother is the world to me and I would do anything for her. Here is another example Today I had five dollars to my name. Taking in the roommates cans and bottles'. So I have a choice. Get something for dinner when I get home or get mom her drink and fruit. Well of course I bought mom her things. I will go without again, and again and again if I have to. Mom, tonight did not like her dinner. So I am glad I had somethings for her. I had some crackers and a little bit of cheese and the fruit and her drink. So mom had a good dinner after all. Now if I were to of bought myself something for dinner, mom would of gone without her dinner.
Mom eating is more important then me eating. And tomorrow, I have nothing for her.She drank the entire bottle of fuzz and eat all the fruit and the rest of the cheese. Yes it would be nice if I could eat, and have a hot meal. But, again, mom is more important. She needs to eat and keep her strength up. Mom needs fruit and cheese and good healthy food. This is what I try to bring her all the time. This is why I will go without. Mom is in a wheelchair and has been crippled by the institution of River View and needs to keep strong. And the only way to do this is to make sure mom gets healthy foods and to exercise. Which is by walking her.But I cannot do this. Because everyone is worried they will be libel if something happens to mom while I am walking her.
And on top of this. How would you like it if you needed to go to the washroom and nobody would take you. After repeatedly asking for someone to take her to the washroom. And of course I am not allowed to do this either. Come on. if my mother is ok with this, then what is the problem.
I need to phone the legal department of Peace Arch Hospital tomorrow to get the waiver done. I did explain this to mom. At first she did not understand what a waiver was, but I explained it to her and she understood.
As I say, mom and I have conversations all the time, everyday. And we communicate extremely well.
I really need help with all of this. At least someone to provide some home cooked meals for mom. So I can take these to her. I can't afford anything. And funds for me to get her drinks and fruit. Mom has had this horrible rice 3 or 4 times a week. And dry this and dry that. I really need to bring her, her dinner from now on. At least I am asking for help with this. Well mom drinks Fuzz Banana Colada. And eats Kiwi gold, or kiwi, Asian pears, the brown ones.Mango and lychee nuts. This is her main likes. Some banana's Dragon Fruit. this is what she likes and who am I to not give mom what she likes.
This is why I need to be close to her. So I can do this. Instead of begging for help, for y;'all. which is making me feel guilty. Well not really. Mom needs me to be their for here. Otherwise she has no one. I see this with every other patient their. Family does not come or has come once or twice. These are your loved one's who raised you. Come on now. Get a grip.
2846 Glen Drive Coquitlam BC V3B-0A4 604.552.0557 Kris Schmuland
I think I will go now. I need to get to bed. I don't want to stay up. If I can't eat.
So
GOD Bless and good night.
I still have to write the Russian girl and tell her not to come. I will be very polite.And who knows maybe we can still write. That would be nice. If I had my own place and money. I would, well maybe invited her. But she invited herself. Well she told me she was coming and then the guilt trip about how nice it would be for that first meeting at the airport. Then the whole Visa came up and giving her my address and phone number thing. A little to suspect for me. I have only written her a dozen times maybe that. And she tells me she loves me. That I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I can't even talk on the phone with her. She tells me the only computer is at her work. It is a very little village she is in. If it is true. I just have a very hard time believing in this. As we Canadians know. There are allot of women who will do or say anything to get to Canada and then good bye they are gone.
Zulfiya found me on Craigslist.
So I have to let her down. Really, If I got my own place right away and was able to furnish it and had money to show her around. Yea I wold probably have her come over. Because you never know if you don't take a chance in life.
Hell my first wife was from the states. I guess my second can be from another country. I can't seem to find the women here in Canada. I have to look outside of this country. LOL :)
Kris
So first I want to say I am very upset at people. Today, as I have heard often, Someone asked me if I go to see mom everyday. And then when they walk away, I hear, I would never do that, no matter who it is. I am too busy to do that. He must be crazy or a looser. For doing this everyday. I have to many things to do, to spend that kind of time. This is exact words. As I have a extremely good memory.
This is my only family member left. When mom passes I am completely alone. No family left and then know one else. As I have mentioned before that my ex friends have the same attitude as the people above.
My mother is the world to me and I would do anything for her. Here is another example Today I had five dollars to my name. Taking in the roommates cans and bottles'. So I have a choice. Get something for dinner when I get home or get mom her drink and fruit. Well of course I bought mom her things. I will go without again, and again and again if I have to. Mom, tonight did not like her dinner. So I am glad I had somethings for her. I had some crackers and a little bit of cheese and the fruit and her drink. So mom had a good dinner after all. Now if I were to of bought myself something for dinner, mom would of gone without her dinner.
Mom eating is more important then me eating. And tomorrow, I have nothing for her.She drank the entire bottle of fuzz and eat all the fruit and the rest of the cheese. Yes it would be nice if I could eat, and have a hot meal. But, again, mom is more important. She needs to eat and keep her strength up. Mom needs fruit and cheese and good healthy food. This is what I try to bring her all the time. This is why I will go without. Mom is in a wheelchair and has been crippled by the institution of River View and needs to keep strong. And the only way to do this is to make sure mom gets healthy foods and to exercise. Which is by walking her.But I cannot do this. Because everyone is worried they will be libel if something happens to mom while I am walking her.
And on top of this. How would you like it if you needed to go to the washroom and nobody would take you. After repeatedly asking for someone to take her to the washroom. And of course I am not allowed to do this either. Come on. if my mother is ok with this, then what is the problem.
I need to phone the legal department of Peace Arch Hospital tomorrow to get the waiver done. I did explain this to mom. At first she did not understand what a waiver was, but I explained it to her and she understood.
As I say, mom and I have conversations all the time, everyday. And we communicate extremely well.
I really need help with all of this. At least someone to provide some home cooked meals for mom. So I can take these to her. I can't afford anything. And funds for me to get her drinks and fruit. Mom has had this horrible rice 3 or 4 times a week. And dry this and dry that. I really need to bring her, her dinner from now on. At least I am asking for help with this. Well mom drinks Fuzz Banana Colada. And eats Kiwi gold, or kiwi, Asian pears, the brown ones.Mango and lychee nuts. This is her main likes. Some banana's Dragon Fruit. this is what she likes and who am I to not give mom what she likes.
This is why I need to be close to her. So I can do this. Instead of begging for help, for y;'all. which is making me feel guilty. Well not really. Mom needs me to be their for here. Otherwise she has no one. I see this with every other patient their. Family does not come or has come once or twice. These are your loved one's who raised you. Come on now. Get a grip.
2846 Glen Drive Coquitlam BC V3B-0A4 604.552.0557 Kris Schmuland
I think I will go now. I need to get to bed. I don't want to stay up. If I can't eat.
So
GOD Bless and good night.
I still have to write the Russian girl and tell her not to come. I will be very polite.And who knows maybe we can still write. That would be nice. If I had my own place and money. I would, well maybe invited her. But she invited herself. Well she told me she was coming and then the guilt trip about how nice it would be for that first meeting at the airport. Then the whole Visa came up and giving her my address and phone number thing. A little to suspect for me. I have only written her a dozen times maybe that. And she tells me she loves me. That I am the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I can't even talk on the phone with her. She tells me the only computer is at her work. It is a very little village she is in. If it is true. I just have a very hard time believing in this. As we Canadians know. There are allot of women who will do or say anything to get to Canada and then good bye they are gone.
Zulfiya found me on Craigslist.
So I have to let her down. Really, If I got my own place right away and was able to furnish it and had money to show her around. Yea I wold probably have her come over. Because you never know if you don't take a chance in life.
Hell my first wife was from the states. I guess my second can be from another country. I can't seem to find the women here in Canada. I have to look outside of this country. LOL :)
Kris
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I am beginning to get lost.
Hello again
Yes this is allot about me, but I am the one who travels the 105 kms there and back. I fight the battles, and I am there for my mother when she is down and when she is pissed off. And when she wonders why she can't get out of this prison that she is in.
I see her reactions to everything that goes on their. I see how she is drugged, I can see it in her eyes. The glazed over effect. I am the one who mom looks at to get her up and walk. And mom is pissed off at the fact she can't and guess what her legs are getting weaker.
This is exactly how it is. They wait and wait to see if I will just give up. The same as in Riverview. Just putting me off. Never let the hospital do things, you will never get an answer or it will take 6 months to a 1 year. How hard is it to talk to the legal department and tell them I am going to sign a waiver. But what gets me the most upset is the fact that the staff are not concerned about the patient, but their liability. That is what I hear. Mom should of been walking everyday for the last month and nothing. They do not want mom walking. That is why Riverview crippled mom and kept her physically and chemically restrained.
The hospital does not treat the patients, or try to help them get better. But they treat them like animals and control them with medication. It has gone on for years and it is going to continue.
I am still upset at the psychiatrist saying to me as long as your mother is under our care you are going to do what we say. A little to aggressive and it will be quelled.
I have not spent the last many years getting my Ph.D in Psychology to be treated like I know nothing. And I have been around this disease for over 12 years I think I know something about it. And even if I did not get my degree, she has no business speaking to me or anyone else like that. This will not be tolerated. No one in my past or present has ever spoken to me in this way Without me putting them in their place. And I will.
People are not animals to be trained and controlled. We have a soul and heart and our mind is still active with Alzheimer's and Dementia. Our minds can be re-trained to become an active part of society again. We should not be drugged into submission. We should be treated with compassion and intelligence. Knowing these individuals are the people who built are society and gave you what you have. They are the one's who worked hard to improve our lives.
Why do we treat them like this. And as a result of treating mom like this I am harmed and treated like a child.
Yes it is time to stop dressing like the poor starving student I have been and start dressing like the professional that I am. But I don't have the funds to even do this. I am in need of many, many thousands of dollars to get myself registered here in BC and to get start to get something together and first and foremost move to White Rock and furnish my place and get new clothing,
And today I went through mom's clothes and guess what their are so many articles of clothing missing it is not funny. I would know as I bought them for her or gave her my clothing.
I feel my mother's pain all the time. I will not stop visiting her, no matter what happens. Even if I have to crawl their. Even if every time I go their I get soaking wet. My feet and everything. And I am going to take down all who get in my way.
Stephen Fylnn, of the PGT expects me to wait and wait for him to make a decision. Basically he lies to me and then when I write the truth he gets made and then ignores me and makes me wait some more and denies that he has made any offers of help.
But this is the pattern of all the case managers of the PGT not just him. This is their job to steal the clients money and then when someone needs help to make sure their loved one get all they deserve. Nothing. Oh this is my opinion.
Mom wants to be able to go out for a day, and she wants to come to my home. And I need to be in White Rock to be as close as possible to her. For this reason and many other reasons. I need a decent place with furniture. I need a two bedroom place so I can have mom over for a night or a weekend. Or just bring mom over for a few hours to get out of Ocean Side.
This nonsense is getting pretty tiring
GOD Bless
Kris
Yes this is allot about me, but I am the one who travels the 105 kms there and back. I fight the battles, and I am there for my mother when she is down and when she is pissed off. And when she wonders why she can't get out of this prison that she is in.
I see her reactions to everything that goes on their. I see how she is drugged, I can see it in her eyes. The glazed over effect. I am the one who mom looks at to get her up and walk. And mom is pissed off at the fact she can't and guess what her legs are getting weaker.
This is exactly how it is. They wait and wait to see if I will just give up. The same as in Riverview. Just putting me off. Never let the hospital do things, you will never get an answer or it will take 6 months to a 1 year. How hard is it to talk to the legal department and tell them I am going to sign a waiver. But what gets me the most upset is the fact that the staff are not concerned about the patient, but their liability. That is what I hear. Mom should of been walking everyday for the last month and nothing. They do not want mom walking. That is why Riverview crippled mom and kept her physically and chemically restrained.
The hospital does not treat the patients, or try to help them get better. But they treat them like animals and control them with medication. It has gone on for years and it is going to continue.
I am still upset at the psychiatrist saying to me as long as your mother is under our care you are going to do what we say. A little to aggressive and it will be quelled.
I have not spent the last many years getting my Ph.D in Psychology to be treated like I know nothing. And I have been around this disease for over 12 years I think I know something about it. And even if I did not get my degree, she has no business speaking to me or anyone else like that. This will not be tolerated. No one in my past or present has ever spoken to me in this way Without me putting them in their place. And I will.
People are not animals to be trained and controlled. We have a soul and heart and our mind is still active with Alzheimer's and Dementia. Our minds can be re-trained to become an active part of society again. We should not be drugged into submission. We should be treated with compassion and intelligence. Knowing these individuals are the people who built are society and gave you what you have. They are the one's who worked hard to improve our lives.
Why do we treat them like this. And as a result of treating mom like this I am harmed and treated like a child.
Yes it is time to stop dressing like the poor starving student I have been and start dressing like the professional that I am. But I don't have the funds to even do this. I am in need of many, many thousands of dollars to get myself registered here in BC and to get start to get something together and first and foremost move to White Rock and furnish my place and get new clothing,
And today I went through mom's clothes and guess what their are so many articles of clothing missing it is not funny. I would know as I bought them for her or gave her my clothing.
I feel my mother's pain all the time. I will not stop visiting her, no matter what happens. Even if I have to crawl their. Even if every time I go their I get soaking wet. My feet and everything. And I am going to take down all who get in my way.
Stephen Fylnn, of the PGT expects me to wait and wait for him to make a decision. Basically he lies to me and then when I write the truth he gets made and then ignores me and makes me wait some more and denies that he has made any offers of help.
But this is the pattern of all the case managers of the PGT not just him. This is their job to steal the clients money and then when someone needs help to make sure their loved one get all they deserve. Nothing. Oh this is my opinion.
Mom wants to be able to go out for a day, and she wants to come to my home. And I need to be in White Rock to be as close as possible to her. For this reason and many other reasons. I need a decent place with furniture. I need a two bedroom place so I can have mom over for a night or a weekend. Or just bring mom over for a few hours to get out of Ocean Side.
This nonsense is getting pretty tiring
GOD Bless
Kris
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