Hello again
Today was just another Friday. But a not bad one at that. Mom was in good spirits, though a little tired. Her eye's were sore, so I put a cold compress on them for her. This made her eye's feel allot better.
Being Friday, it was a day to wash and style her hair. Which I did after a nice dinner. Fish! which is what good Catholics eat on Fridays.
Mom had plenty to drink and eat. An okay dessert for her. Need to get more papaya tomorrow. Plus her daily chocolate. Still on sale, a good thing.
The roommate TV situation is just that. It is turning into a situation I spoke with the manager about this and she tells me she forgot. So what I see is mom's happiness and health are secondary to the manager.
The roommate is turning it up louder as the days go on. Early this week the volume was in the 40's than the 50's, than the 60's. And tonight, when I went to turn it down, it was at 75. I will give it until mid week and then I will file a complaint with the PCQO It is not the roommates fault. They put it in the wrong spot. When they move it to the other side of the room, the speakers won't be blaring at mom. Wrong place to begin with. They don't think or haven't a clue.
Well after dinner and mom getting her hair washed and styled, she was really tired. So tired that she only wanted her face and arms done for the spa treatment. And off to sleep she went. Okay not so quick. We talked for a bit, we laughed. I love it when mom laughs. I am goofy, tell bad jokes. Not very good at telling jokes. Dry wit and sarcasm is my strong suit. I sang a whole bunch of songs to her. My voice was very good tonight.
I also had a chance to just hold her hand after I packed up.
A good Friday.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Friday, May 15, 2015
A little frustrating
Hello again
As with anyone with Dementia, they go through different stages on a daily basis' Sundowner is one of them. Their personality changes, they become a little bit more difficult to deal with. So it is with my mother. Mary. Some days, at night, she is fine. And other days, when she is a little bit tired, mom is more difficult to deal with. She is stiffens up when trying to change her, it is harder to feed her.
Tonight was a perfect example of sundowner. I was trying to feed mom. She would only open her mouth a little bit and I try to put the food in, then she would close her mouth before I even finished giving her some food. Thus the food would go all over the place. Even giving her something to drink was difficult tonight. When trying her mom would only open her mouth a little bit, the drinks would run down her chin. And she would put her head as far back as she could. This only causes her to choke. And then she coughs.
Even if I give her something to drink, slowly, mom would still do the same thing. And being this way, she just would chew and chew her food, put it to the one side of her mouth. And wanting more. Of course I am wise to this and would have to say to her, repeatedly, You have to finish chewing and swallowing first before I give you something else. I have to keep asking her to swallow her food. When mom is tired or experiencing sundowner symptoms, she will just chew and chew a mouthful for a long time. Even though the food is soft and doesn't require mom to chew in excess. She still does.
It is not mom's fault. This is just part of the disease. It is frustrating at times. Especially when I am trying to get dinner done and onto dessert, so we can get changed and spend time just sitting and talking.
I only have so much time to spend with her. As we all know, I have to leave at a certain time to get back before it is to late. And I truly do want to spend as much time with mom as possible.
Another thing with this, is that I get frustrated and on top of mom chewing in excess, she just wants to hold my hand,. Even though I am trying to do something that requires the use of both of my hands. Or I am trying to get things tidied up. And when I am frustrated like this, the last thing I want to do is hold someone's hand.
I have mentioned in the past, even at the best of times, I don't like to be touched. And I try and put this anxiety aside when I am with mom. I will hold her hand and just deal with my own stuff. It is not mom's fault I don't like to be touched. It is my own problem. And tonight I noticed I just hand to let go and sit back, and not hold her hand for a minute.
Most would say it is not a big deal that I have to do this. But it is for me. I feel guilty for not holding her hand. Mary is alone with no one to speak with during the day. GOD knows if one of the staff would take the time and sit down with her and just talk to her. Knowing Mary isn't going to say anything back. Verbally. Mom speaks volumes without saying a word.
Now when I am feeling anxiety as I did this evening, I am not able to catch all that mom is saying. It is a shame that this happens. I feel guilty about this as well. I just want to be there for mom.
And when mom is like this it takes a long time to get dinner done, thus taking away the time I like to have with her, after the spa treatment is done and I just hold her hand, speak with her, sing to her, before I have to leave. By the time it is all done, I have to pack up and go.
As it was this evening.
It is just part of her disease. I deal with it, but sometimes, when I am late getting there. I want to just get dinner over with so I can spend some quality time with her.
It is hard sometimes and very emotional. As it was this evening. I left and had to sit for a bit. I was emotional and needed a good cry.
I have not told mom about my disease and that is the way it is going to stay. I just hope it does not interfere with taking care of her. It is the beginning and might not have any major impact on my life for many years. Let us hope it is that way.
I just want to take care of my mother and do the best job I can. Yet with this news, comes more depression over not being able to afford a place in White Rock or being able to get the help I need.
We all need help. That is the way it works. I am no exception. And it is very stressful not getting any help, at all, form anyone or any organization.
So I will continue to do all I can for my mother. With all of my heart and soul. Without anyone's help. So be it.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
What!
Hello again
The staff were constantly complaining about dressing mom And since I have brought some of the clothing back from the seamstress, they have not use them.
Not my problem. They are hanging in the closet, separated from everything else.
Mom was very happy to see me today. The smile on her face, just makes me want to cry. Really. She hears my voice and her hand goes out. Even if she is facing the opposite direction
I am not getting it. I am leaving early and am not getting there until later. I am not stopping to get much. I didn't arrive until almost 5 pm today.
And being Wednesday, it is the day to wash and style mom's hair. I made her a very delicious dinner. And mom enjoyed it greatly. We finished and we went and did her hair. Got back and changed her for bed. Needed to take a photo of the clothing I had adapted, to send to the PGT as proof. Put her clothing away, Change her and then the women came in and put her to bed.
Even after mom was put to bed, I was time crunched. I still don't know why. Okay though. It was almost 7:30 when I finished the spa treatment and it was time to pack up and get ready to go. Good thing mom was tried and almost asleep.
I sang to her, kissed her good night and off I went. Didn't get home until 10:30 pm. Don't know where the time went. Time crunched.
Now. I do accept the fact I have this disease. After all what am I going to do. Can't change the fact I have it.
I need to go.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
The staff were constantly complaining about dressing mom And since I have brought some of the clothing back from the seamstress, they have not use them.
Not my problem. They are hanging in the closet, separated from everything else.
Mom was very happy to see me today. The smile on her face, just makes me want to cry. Really. She hears my voice and her hand goes out. Even if she is facing the opposite direction
I am not getting it. I am leaving early and am not getting there until later. I am not stopping to get much. I didn't arrive until almost 5 pm today.
And being Wednesday, it is the day to wash and style mom's hair. I made her a very delicious dinner. And mom enjoyed it greatly. We finished and we went and did her hair. Got back and changed her for bed. Needed to take a photo of the clothing I had adapted, to send to the PGT as proof. Put her clothing away, Change her and then the women came in and put her to bed.
Even after mom was put to bed, I was time crunched. I still don't know why. Okay though. It was almost 7:30 when I finished the spa treatment and it was time to pack up and get ready to go. Good thing mom was tried and almost asleep.
I sang to her, kissed her good night and off I went. Didn't get home until 10:30 pm. Don't know where the time went. Time crunched.
Now. I do accept the fact I have this disease. After all what am I going to do. Can't change the fact I have it.
I need to go.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Monday, May 11, 2015
Terms
Hello again
I am going to start with mom. Mom was fine today. The one odd thing is she didn't go down to get her hair done. Strange I say. Strange.
Mom's left eye was a mess, full of sleet. It was pointed out to me. I cleaned her eye right away.
Mother's day. I brought her a bunch of nice flowers, a card and I made mom a nice dinner. Mom loved the flowers, I put them on her lap and she grabbed hold of them. When I went to move them for dinner, she complained. So I left them right there on her lap.
Today, I just picked her up a burger and onion rings. From the place she really enjoys. She didn't even want the served dinner.
I need a new mouse. It is pissing me off.
We got dinner done slowly tonight. Mom took her time, and that is okay with me. Then I changed her for bed. I picked up the adapted clothing today. And everything was the way I wanted it to be. So now I will go through the rest of mom's clothing to see what I will bring. Some of her pants are to old to adapt, Might as well just by her new pants. But mom has allot of shirts that can be adapted now.
The care aid came in very late. Didn't even have a reason for it. And she is not even speaking with me anymore. Must be that nurse who reported to the PGT that I feed her to much. And if you are reading this. Your life is boring and you have nothing better to do. LOOSER! That is exactly what I think of her. I knew what she was like the moment I met her. Or better yet. She has a big mouth.
Now the care aid. This women has a problem with me being in the room while she puts mom to bed. So tomorrow night I am going to stay in the room. And if she has a problem with this. I will just ask her what is she trying to hide. That she doesn`t want me in the room.
One other problem I am seriously having is mom is sitting in her dirty diapers for to long and this is going to change.
After I gave mom her nightly spa treatment. She was ready for sleep. So I stood there beside her and held her hand, sang our good night song and let her fall asleep,with that beautiful smile on her face.
Now I am not ready to have Parkinson`t disease, but since I do I am going to start to live my life differently again. I change because of helping and watching my father die and now my mother with her strokes. There is a frailty to life. I have lived it for over a decade now. It makes one see the world in a different light. To stop and smell the roses if I may use this trite cliché.
Doing things that one was afraid of doing before. I am not talking about jumping out of an airplane or tying rubber bands on my legs and jumping off a cliff. I am talking about doing the things that one puts off. Writing that letter. Just because, or just to see. Taking a stand. Even more than I do now.
I use to just do. But that person has been buried deep down for a very long time. I wanted something I went for it. I am going to bring this person back. Or try anyways.
It is about living each day, enjoying the moments that most neglect. Seeing the real world, not the one we fabricate to satisfy our disturbed perception of the world. But the reality of what is actually happening in our world, our little universe. Or I guess my little universe. To listen to the world and what it is telling us. As we take the bus or the train or drive. Each moment there is allot that we miss. I know about this. After dad got sick and then mom. I started to see everything differently, It is amazing what we miss.
I am done for today.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
I am going to start with mom. Mom was fine today. The one odd thing is she didn't go down to get her hair done. Strange I say. Strange.
Mom's left eye was a mess, full of sleet. It was pointed out to me. I cleaned her eye right away.
Mother's day. I brought her a bunch of nice flowers, a card and I made mom a nice dinner. Mom loved the flowers, I put them on her lap and she grabbed hold of them. When I went to move them for dinner, she complained. So I left them right there on her lap.
Today, I just picked her up a burger and onion rings. From the place she really enjoys. She didn't even want the served dinner.
I need a new mouse. It is pissing me off.
We got dinner done slowly tonight. Mom took her time, and that is okay with me. Then I changed her for bed. I picked up the adapted clothing today. And everything was the way I wanted it to be. So now I will go through the rest of mom's clothing to see what I will bring. Some of her pants are to old to adapt, Might as well just by her new pants. But mom has allot of shirts that can be adapted now.
The care aid came in very late. Didn't even have a reason for it. And she is not even speaking with me anymore. Must be that nurse who reported to the PGT that I feed her to much. And if you are reading this. Your life is boring and you have nothing better to do. LOOSER! That is exactly what I think of her. I knew what she was like the moment I met her. Or better yet. She has a big mouth.
Now the care aid. This women has a problem with me being in the room while she puts mom to bed. So tomorrow night I am going to stay in the room. And if she has a problem with this. I will just ask her what is she trying to hide. That she doesn`t want me in the room.
One other problem I am seriously having is mom is sitting in her dirty diapers for to long and this is going to change.
After I gave mom her nightly spa treatment. She was ready for sleep. So I stood there beside her and held her hand, sang our good night song and let her fall asleep,with that beautiful smile on her face.
Now I am not ready to have Parkinson`t disease, but since I do I am going to start to live my life differently again. I change because of helping and watching my father die and now my mother with her strokes. There is a frailty to life. I have lived it for over a decade now. It makes one see the world in a different light. To stop and smell the roses if I may use this trite cliché.
Doing things that one was afraid of doing before. I am not talking about jumping out of an airplane or tying rubber bands on my legs and jumping off a cliff. I am talking about doing the things that one puts off. Writing that letter. Just because, or just to see. Taking a stand. Even more than I do now.
I use to just do. But that person has been buried deep down for a very long time. I wanted something I went for it. I am going to bring this person back. Or try anyways.
It is about living each day, enjoying the moments that most neglect. Seeing the real world, not the one we fabricate to satisfy our disturbed perception of the world. But the reality of what is actually happening in our world, our little universe. Or I guess my little universe. To listen to the world and what it is telling us. As we take the bus or the train or drive. Each moment there is allot that we miss. I know about this. After dad got sick and then mom. I started to see everything differently, It is amazing what we miss.
I am done for today.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Sunday, May 10, 2015
I think I can, I think I can accept this.
Hello again
I am coming to acceptance, but not really. How long does it take one to accept the fact that they have an incurable disease. A week, a month, 6 months, never. There are the stages that one must go through. I am getting there. Still hurts. And the fact I have no one to discus this with is even more bothersome. Again, I guess it is my doing. Not having people around. I am so busy. I travel 7 hours a day by bus to go and take care of my ailing mother. And I know this is what I am to be doing with my life at this moment in time. Take care of my parent. Honor your mother and father. Honor the widow. This is what I am doing and I am doing a great job of it.
No one else can even compare to what I am doing. No one else, at mom's home, spends as much time as I do or has spent the days in a row I have spent. Over 3 1/2 years, without missing one single day. I don't say any of this to brag. It is what it is.
So if I have no one to speak with. I don't have time. I need to be in White Rock and this will give me 7 hours everyday to spend trying to get things happening. I mean to talk to the proper people who can help me with this disease and everything else I am going through.
MOM
Bath day, so mom is always in bed when I arrive. And she is always hot. Today I found her in the corner of her bed. With her head against the rail. Very uncomfortable. And it looked like she was in some pain. I quickly remedied that situation. Straightened her out. Took some of the blankets off her. The staff could not even change the sheets. Mom is clean and they put her into a dirty bed. REALLY!
Anyways. I gave mom as much to drink as she wanted. Which was allot. And then a snack followed by tomatoes. I went and warmed up dinner. Mom ate everything, and by the time her served dinner came, mom was done. And by the way, it took this care aid almost an hour to serve the dinner. We should know, Man Tracker was almost done. An hour show, starting at 5 ending at 6. We watch this every Saturday.
After I changed mom's sheets, changed her into the proper night gown. Then I was able to completely give mom her nightly spa treatment before this casual staff came into change mom.
Oh yea, this women didn't come in anywhere near the time she should of been there. I pressed the buzzer and not a soul came around. No one. For half and hour. That is when I turned it off myself. This is how good they are. If it was an emergency, the person would of been dead, by the time. Right they never came.
Anyways, I was by mom's side until 8 pm tonight. I sang our good night song to her early, then I just held her hand. Before I realized it, it was 8. Didn't matter anyways. If I lived in White Rock. I would be there later than that.
Well it is very late time for me to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
I am coming to acceptance, but not really. How long does it take one to accept the fact that they have an incurable disease. A week, a month, 6 months, never. There are the stages that one must go through. I am getting there. Still hurts. And the fact I have no one to discus this with is even more bothersome. Again, I guess it is my doing. Not having people around. I am so busy. I travel 7 hours a day by bus to go and take care of my ailing mother. And I know this is what I am to be doing with my life at this moment in time. Take care of my parent. Honor your mother and father. Honor the widow. This is what I am doing and I am doing a great job of it.
No one else can even compare to what I am doing. No one else, at mom's home, spends as much time as I do or has spent the days in a row I have spent. Over 3 1/2 years, without missing one single day. I don't say any of this to brag. It is what it is.
So if I have no one to speak with. I don't have time. I need to be in White Rock and this will give me 7 hours everyday to spend trying to get things happening. I mean to talk to the proper people who can help me with this disease and everything else I am going through.
MOM
Bath day, so mom is always in bed when I arrive. And she is always hot. Today I found her in the corner of her bed. With her head against the rail. Very uncomfortable. And it looked like she was in some pain. I quickly remedied that situation. Straightened her out. Took some of the blankets off her. The staff could not even change the sheets. Mom is clean and they put her into a dirty bed. REALLY!
Anyways. I gave mom as much to drink as she wanted. Which was allot. And then a snack followed by tomatoes. I went and warmed up dinner. Mom ate everything, and by the time her served dinner came, mom was done. And by the way, it took this care aid almost an hour to serve the dinner. We should know, Man Tracker was almost done. An hour show, starting at 5 ending at 6. We watch this every Saturday.
After I changed mom's sheets, changed her into the proper night gown. Then I was able to completely give mom her nightly spa treatment before this casual staff came into change mom.
Oh yea, this women didn't come in anywhere near the time she should of been there. I pressed the buzzer and not a soul came around. No one. For half and hour. That is when I turned it off myself. This is how good they are. If it was an emergency, the person would of been dead, by the time. Right they never came.
Anyways, I was by mom's side until 8 pm tonight. I sang our good night song to her early, then I just held her hand. Before I realized it, it was 8. Didn't matter anyways. If I lived in White Rock. I would be there later than that.
Well it is very late time for me to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
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