It is an angry day.

Hello again

I am completely and absolutely pissed off at everyone out there.

Why,. Let me tell you why. 95% of you out their could not do what I do, or won't do it. You don't have the necessary balls to do it. You are so into self that you can not spare a few hours a day.

Look I do understand. My mother is your mother, father, grandparents, uncles and yourselves.

Seeing your loved one is to hard for you to take. I see it, I hear people leaving saying I was just called this or I was told this. Remember, how many times did you say negative things about your parents to friends or even to their face, when you were younger. It is the disease speaking. This hurtfulness is completely self involved on your part.

Maybe I am just used to it, considering this is number 3 in my family and I have been involved in all of  my family members who have or had this disease.

Being a caregiver is not an easy task. I feed my mother, who once feed me. I wash my mother, who once washed me, I put my mother to bed, tucked her in and give her hugs and kisses, who once did this for me. I do this and many other things which my mother once did for me and my sisters.

I see many people leaving crying and blaming their parent. You know, I cry, and I cry when it is the time to cry. I laugh, I sing. I do all these things and more. I hear people speak to their loved one's as if they were stupid. I speak to my mother as I always did. With respect, dignity, caring and love. As it should be. My mother answer me when I ask her a question. I still talk to her about issue and she loves being involved. I speak to her as I speak to other's. No difference. This is the way we, and I mean you all should be speaking to your parents who have this disease.

It is hard to do what I do, but no where near as hard as my mother has it. Can't feed herself, can't go to the bathroom by herself, need someone to bath her, to change her, to put her to bed and get her up. To even give her a drink. And to move her about. Mom is locked in a ward, can't go out, except when I take her out. But I can't take her anywhere, no car. I just take her around their. But with this weather I can't take her outside, it is too cold for her.

I would love to take mom out and let her pick out her own clothing, and shoes and etc....But, wait a  minute, my sister's have vehicles. Oh yea, they are to busy with their not so busy lives to do this.

And mom is going to be dis charged soon. And the social worker is kissing my sister's ass' Saying it is closer for them to come and see your mother. Yet I travel 110 km's a day, just to get their, then the same back. Without saying a word to anyone. This is my choice to be their for my mother. I hear everything, from get a job, I wouldn't do that, isn't a couple of times a week enough. Mom is alone everyday, all day.

I know Christian ex friends who have said this to me. And they tell me, that they aren't going to help me, because I should be working. I support myself without any one's help. No one helps me.

And it is the Christians out there who should be helping me. It is GODs law that we do this for our parents. It is a commandment. Actually two commandments. And it goes on to say that the other Christians should be helping me out and doing for me out of total kindness. Because no one else in my family is doing this and will do this.  For someone who totally gives of themselves in to be closer to GOD himself. Trust me I do not do this for the praises of GOD or anyone. I do this for my mother.

I complain about being lonely, mom is lonelier. I complain about doing nothing. Well mom cant even leave where she is. We all complain about our lives and how we don't have this or that. Mom cant even pick out her own clothing, and when I do buy her cloths,my sisters steal what mom has. It is not like they didn't already take my parents house and most of their money. Oh yea I wasn't going to say anything about them anymore. Oh  yea I have copies of everything that mom and dad had all papers locked in a safety deposit box.

Now I am freezing my ass off. My hip is in so much pain, my knee, my left thumb, and my shoulder are all in so much pain, because of the cold. I guess I have arthritis in these places and I am not warm enough to keep the pain away. I don't recall ever being  this cold before, or in this much pain.

I have to through out the pair of jeans I found in my closet. The pockets are shot.

I am just upset that mom is not eating her dinner. It is starting to worry me. Mom needs to eat and eat well. This is why I need to bring her some home cooked meals.



I am just pissed off that mom has to eat that hospital food when I know how to cook and cook well. I don't have the funds to do this. I have no funds. Do you think I enjoy seeing mom not eating her dinner. Well I don't blame her. Dinner tonight was just plain bad. No one would want to eat it. Actually not many of the patients did eat their dinner.

I just need help to get groceries to cook her meals at night. So at least mom has something good in her life. I have called everyone I know to see about getting some help and nothing.

Anyways I will go to bed hungry again. Not a problem.

GOD Bless and good night

Kris

I became cold out

Hello again


First I want to say this.

IN MY OPINION

THE PUBLIC GUARDIAN AND TRUSTEE

OF BRITISH COLUMBIA IS;

Corrupt

Abuses my mother and myself.

Never keeps any of their promises

Abuses their power.

Legally embezzles funds

This is written to the individual who reads my blog from their.

This will also be written on flyer's and put on all the poles around the office. Remember this is a long weekend and they will be up all weekend. As well these words will be on the picket sign..

Thank you

I said I would continue to put this up.

So today I am depressed and happy at the same time. I am depressed and cold, well because it is cold out and I do not have the clothing for winter.

Now I am sad because mom is still not eating her dinner. She eats a little bit of it and that is it. Mom refuses to even open her mouth. I am very upset that I cannot even bring mom a home cooked meal. This is what mom wants. And I should be making sure she gets it. And I do put it out there, that not to punish my mother, because of dislike for me, or my writing.

Now mom is going to be discharged, and the social worker, tells me he is glad I decided to have mom stay in White Rock. This is kissing my sisters butt. To make it easier for them. Excuse me. I am the one who has now visited mom everyday for three years straight. Not missing any days. And doing everything I can for her. And looking after her. I don't have a car, my sisters do. Before these three years, I visited mom 5 to 6 days a week and that was by hitch hiking, walking, bus, greyhound, taxi, renting cars etc... etc... And mom was along way away. Very close to my sisters and they barely went to see mom. And the days I was not their I spoke with mom on the phone. I would haul decorations out to mom's by bus. Christmas and all the other's as well. Yes even a 5 foot Christmas tree. Fake and in it's box. But none the less, I did it. As it is coming up to Christmas again and well the tree is on it's way. And again by bus. The 2 1/2 hours I don't care. Mom needs to feel like it is Christmas and that is to decorate her room.

So it is bothering me that this man, the social worker, would even have the nerve to say this to me.

Now on to the walking of mom. I spoke to a lawyer and according to him. I can walk my mother any time I wish and if they ban me or ban me from the ward. I have a good law suit on my hands. And it is up to the hospital to write the wavier not me. They are the one's who are worried about liability, not me. So if I wish to walk my mother, I will. And this is good for mom and it is too bad if they can not see this. They don't do it, as they have stated they would, not once since the gave me this letter. Which I showed to the lawyer and he told me it is meaningless.

Now I want to move to White Rock. As I could you a change of pace. Something different. And this is a problem as the PGT is not keeping their word. And living up to what they say. I try everyday to do something about this. Remember, I have to leave Coquitlam by 1: 30 at the latest to get their in time for dinner. And I do not get home until 11:00 at night. I willing do this everyday and this is the only place I make mention of doing this. Otherwise I will not complain and I will continue no matter what.

If I freeze, so be it. If I starve, so be it. If I get wet, so be it. If I fall or slip or walk into a pole, so be it. I will not miss a day visiting mom. And now, there is no way, mom will let anyone else put her to bed, but me. When I get their. Again the only thing the staff have to do,is take her to the washroom and get her into her night clothing.  I wash her face, her feet, her arms. I brush her hair. I do her nails. I put moisturiser on her every night. And I do this without hesitation.

I love the smile on her face. When I do this for her. It is amazing when you do for other's the feeling you get. I do this because it makes my mother happy and feel good. Nothing else can compare to this feeling. I am not going to stop this either. If I have to move to White Rock, so be it. And yes I will move so it is easier for my sister's to visit mom. You know, that is not true. They have cars. I do this because I feel it will be a better environment for mom. We will see.

Mom is first and what is the best for mom is what I will do, Not for my sister's or anyone else. I know where the chain went, it went to my sister's. Of course. I said this. As all of mom's clothing. Which mom will never see again. I purchased mom some beautiful clothing. And the items she has now, are mostly clothing that use to belong to me. I have said in the past that if mom wants it, it is hers.

I really do have to go and go to bed. I am getting hungry and well you know that is not going to happen anytime soon. Four days now. It is Ok. I have gone 16 days without eating, not to long ago. Actually about 2 months ago. It is only at day 4, well 5 tomorrow. I have a long way to go to break my record.

So GOD Bless and good night

Kris

Proactive

Hello again


First I want to say this.

IN MY OPINION

THE PUBLIC GUARDIAN AND TRUSTEE

OF BRITISH COLUMBIA IS;

Corrupt

Abuses my mother and myself.

Never keeps any of their promises

Abuses their power.

Legally embezzles funds

This is written to the individual who reads my blog from their.

This will also be written on flyer's and put on all the poles around the office. Remember this is a long weekend and they will be up all weekend.  As well these words will be on the picket sign..

Thank you

So today was not as bad as yesterday. I did not spill anything on myself. And I made a kiwi and banana smoothie from fruit that was in the freezer. It turned out great. Mom loved it. When I first made it I was foolish and tried it. Frozen, at that. And Brain Freeze. But when I got to White Rock 3 hours latter it was perfect.

I was not able to make anything for mom for dinner, and mom did not like her dinner. All I had was the smoothie, some of her chocolates and a fruit bar. That is what mom ate. She did not want her dinner. Just said no. Period. Would not even open her mouth for it. Mom expects me to bring her dinner. And I should say so. Her dinner looked horrible.

I need to do this for mom and I get no help from anyone. Not even what family I have left. And the PGT tells me that the hospital supplies food for her. Excuse me. You eat it and tell me if you want to eat it everyday all the time. My mother has the money and so why should she not eat well. Come on now. Get it together PGT. They tell her what she can and can not eat.

Sad isn't it. you earn money and then you have someone like this person. Who can't keep a single promise. Yet dictates what one can do with their own money. And what my mother can eat. So basically mom has to eat garbage and this ya-hoo takes great holiday's and eats well. Dresses nice and my mother can't and I, who travels their and back everyday. Has to freeze and get wet feet. All the time. I will starve to make sure mom gets good food. And I don't have a problem with it. I would like to eat once in a while. And I would like to be warm.

So I will write the above statement every night until the PGT keeps its promises.  Oh yea if the PGT does not spend it all first. Which they have done, leaving the client without anything. And on their own. Sorry you don't have any money left, so we can't help you anymore. Good Bye. It was nice spending all your money, and thanks for all the interest on your funds.  Your on your own now.

That is exactly how they operate. They say to me what about all the others we have help. And I say helped yourself to their money.

So I am stuck not being able to get mom what she wants, a good home cooked meal. I can't even feed myself. But mom is first and I will spend any money I get on mom first. And now, especially now, she needs to eat and if she is not going to eat the hospital food, I don't know what I am going to do. I have no problem making dinner for mom and bringing it to her. This is great and makes me feel great that mom likes my cooking. She always has enjoyed my cooking. When we were younger, when dad went away, mom would want me to cook. I cook with taste in mind. It has to have taste.

I am pissed off at this. If mom is not eating, she is going to get weaker and weaker. The problem I have is that all through my life mom has done everything for other's. Mom would host all the special event parties. Christmas etc... And if mom needed something sewn or fix. Mom was right their doing it for all the members of the family. Someone needed to talk, they would phone mom. If they had problems, guess who they would phone. If they needed a ride somewhere, mom would drop everything and go. Mom did everything for everyone and did not question it.

THAT IS MY MOTHER. And my mother was their for every illness I went through, And I have been in and out of the hospitals all my life. For all sorts of things. I have no spleen, and lost it when I was 5 years old. I got staff infection and they had to operate again and at which point I died on the table and was brought back to life. And the doctor did not re connect my muscles again. I found this out when I was in my twenties, when I had re construction surgery. The doctor told me afterwards. So for along time the only thing separating the outside from the inside was my skin.

And that is just on of the many times mom was their for me. Through all kinds of illnesses and even Cancer, several years ago. But the cancer is gone. Just went away. I say my second miracle in my life. Mom was there the entire time for me. No one else new. I told mom not to say anything to anyone. Because, as it is now, I had no one close enough to me, for me to want to let them know. I sat many day's in the hospital by myself. Except when mom would visit.

And that is just to name two of the more serious events in my life. And my mother was there all the time for me and everyone else.

completly diffetrent to write tonight and this is what came out. Cool

I now say good night and GOD Bless.

Kris

It is cold

Hello again

Well today has been both good and bad. First everything that could go wrong did. Well when I left my jeans where clean and then half way to Vancouver I noticed that their was a huge stain on my right leg of my jeans. I have no clue where it came from.  Then I get off the bus and I had left a full package of smokes on the bus. It is Ok they were rolled smokes. And disgusting one's at that. Get it. Think about it.

So my visit with mom was very good. Mom was happy to see me and I her. I do realize I am truly lonely now. Mom is getting use to the time change and she ate most of her dinner tonight. That is great. So I was cleaning up and going through things and I found almost 10. dollars in change. Yes dimes, nickles, quarters. And I brought mom dinner. This is why she ate all of her dinner. The dinner they served her was a cabbage roll, very bad and rice. Mom would not of eaten this. Then I had enough change left to buy mom a drink.

Well I am in the store and at the cashier, I lost the change. It turned out that I have a whole in the pocket where I put the change. Not the other pocket. Where the change was to begin with. No I had to change the pocket. Thank GOD I had my keys in my bag. While feeding mom, I got sauce all over me. Of course I did. Just as the day went.

Well after dinner I did the usual beauty treatment. Which mom just loved. the staff got her ready for bed. Wow. mom wanted to get to bed, like now. So I put her to bed and cleaned up and left.

Now it was extremely cold out, and all I have is summer clothing. I was wearing a tee shirt, a cotton sweater and a soft shell jacket, and I through on a pull over wind breaker. I was freezing cold. My hands froze. And with this cold. All my injuries were hurting me. Before I was carrying an extra 30 lbs. Not anymore. So I am feeling extremely cold and was all the way home. My knee was, which I had operated on years ago. Was killing me. And my thumb on my left hand, which I almost took off with a band saw. It has been hurting me for days now and I have been barely able to use it.

I just can't get warm and stay their. mom's place is hot, according to them, but I could not get warm. I guess I am going to have to go on a shop lifting trip to get some warm clothing and a jacket and gloves and a scarf and toque.

Of course I won't go and steal the clothing. I feel like it though. I need all of the above and more. Yet I have no way of getting them.

I need to continue to bring mom some good dinners.As tonight mom ate all of her dinner I brought. And mom barely eats anything of what they serve. This is a problem and I pray that I can keep bringing mom dinner. So she gets something good before she goes to bed. It is a long time before breakfast and it is imperative that mom eats dinner. This has been going on for weeks now. Mom not wanting her meal at night. I don't blame her. I see what they serve her. I try to make it taste better. I bring sauce, butter whatever I can bring for her. But I have nothing left to bring her.

So I have a huge problem. I need to keep warm to travel their and back. And most importantly,  bring mom dinner at night. I don't know what I should do. I need advice and help.

It is a wonderful thing that I get to spend this time with my mother and for me to help her as I am doing.

But the worst part of this all now, is I need to move to White Rock, and I am now feeling very alone. Tonight I wish I had someone to come home too,. To be able to speak with and just being with. I never felt this way before.

Darn it, mom brought this all up and I was OK with being alone, but not anymore. I think I am going to check out the Mormon church. They seem to believe in family and being their for each other.

Man I am screwed up, this cold must be really getting to me.

GOD  Bless and good night.

Kris

The time difference

Hello again

The time change is really getting to mom. Mom is not eating. Now 5 is 6 and dinner is at 5pm. Now that it is dark at 4:30 ish. Mom is use to eating at 5 the old time and then at 6 pm it is time for mom to get her beauty treatment The way the time is mom internal clock is screwed up and when I get their mom is ready for bed. And she barely eats anything. I try, and try to get her to eat something, but she only eats a very little bit.  I have to get her to eat. The only way I can get her use to eating, is to have her eat a little earlier. Like at 4:30, but the problem I have is how to get the food for this time. They serve dinner at 5, so I will have to get some funds to get her to eat. Mom can not go on like this. Really, mom is only eating very little of her dinner. And it is not enough.

I don't know what to do about this matter. I always say, don't punish my mother because of me. Mom needs to eat and get nourishment. I know it will only take a few weeks, but mom can not do this for this amount of time. She needs to eat a complete meal.  And at this point in time I have no way of doing this Some times, it is bothering me for doing the right thing and caring so much. But the saying is CARE more than others think is wise.

And this is what I do and I can not do anything differently. It is my mother and I have seen to much loneliness with other patients to not be their for mom. Mom won't let anyone else put her to bed. I need help with this. This is something I don't know if I can do alone

I am out of it, as you can tell by my writing. Time for bed.

GOD Bless and good night

Kris

Another very cold day

Hello again

I was wearing all I have today and I was extremely cold their and back. Could not get warm. I guess one day I will or must get a warm jacket. And I really must move to White Rock. I pray again to my GOD that I can get the funds to move to White Rock and furnish my place. And a car to take mom to appointments to get a second opinion on her disease. Which must be done soon, before they take mom to a new level.

I also need to speak to a lawyer to get a waiver written and to contact the hospital to get this on its way. Mom needs to get walking, and the less drugs she takes the better she can speak.

I want to take a moment to discuss people who lie to me. I can tell whether in person or on the phone when someone is lying to me. I am an expert at it.

Now, yesterday I phone my aunt to see if she wants to visit mom, she tells me her daughter has her van to move some things. Well, her daughter has a truck. Go figure. And today I call her and ask if she went to the flea market, as she does every Sunday. And she tells me yes. Then a few seconds latter she makes a back track and tells me oh no I have no car.

It is funny that I was told that my aunt and her daughter were at the hospital yesterday and mom told me to. This is what I mean by no one wants to be around me. She is famous for telling me to get a job. And I tell her I am in school and I can't right now. As well as I look after mom. And then what good is your schooling going to for you. Her words.

I just can't even bother even finishing that conversation every time. I just phoned today to see what she tells me. Which I new in advance. Why did I do it, I should not of done this it only got me upset and I have been thinking of it all day. My aunt has not been thinking about it. Or maybe she has, knowing I caught her in the lie.

Oh well.

Now this time change has really messed mom up. I arrived at Ocean Side at 4:50 and mom was very tired. It would be 1 hour latter. And at dinner mom barely ate anything. She did not like it. Now mom cannot continue like this. She has to eat. Mom wants me to bring her some home cooking. At least for one meal. And I am feeling very down and very much a looser, that I can not even bring my mother a home cooked meal once a day. This is pathetic. I am pathetic. I am even more depressed because of this.

Now with this time difference, mom wanted for me to give her, her nightly beauty treatment and put her to bed. I really tried to get mom to eat, no luck. She just does not like the hospital food. Who does. Yes for a few days it is Ok. But not after that. Mom expects me to do this. And I can not disappoint her. And I have not a clue how I am going to do this. I will give up everything to make sure mom eats everyday.

So mom wanted to go to bed and told me she wanted her treatment done. Mom will rub my face with her hand and I know it is time. So I brought her to her room. Washed her face and put the mostisor on her and then did her feet. At this time the staff took her to the washroom and got her ready for bed. When they brought her back I just needed to wash her hands and arms and put the lotion on them. Well this was not good enough. Mom wanted to go to bed right then and there. Mom was getting mad at me. So I put her to bed and tucked her in, Brushed her hair. And gave her the usual hugs and kisses and left.

I needed hot water so I went on a hunt throughout the hospital for hot water. I finally found the cafeteria and there was a microwave and found water and at least I got that for the ride home. Tea, my favorite.

So off I went to the bus stop and on my way home I went. That was the extent of my day. collected my smokes for the day. Now I am tired. As I was up really late writing my blog last night and with the time change I was up longer than usual.

I don't even know what to do now. I need to move, I need to bring mom dinner, so she can eat properly. and I really need some warm clothing.

I am going to go now. I need to sleep. I can't eat so sleep it is. I will just watch some TV and fall asleep.

So GOD and good night.

Please pray for me or please offer some help, not for me, but my mother.

Kris

Today is a

Hello again

Good day, I guess. I managed to find an extra bit of money and I was able to get mom her fuze drink and a little bit of fruit and some discounted Halloween candy.

When I got to visit mom, mom was extremely happy to see me. And she wanted a big hug and kisses, which of course I gave her. I arrived in time for dinner. And of course mom wanted to drink and did she drink. Allot, and after we both went Wow! at the same time. Yes mom said it very clearly. Then I told her about my trip home last night. It was nice and some what warm in White Rock when I left and continued that way to Richmond and into Vancouver. And when I got on the bus to come to Coquitlam, it was fine. I was reading and not paying attention, and then looked up when I got to Port Moody and the ground was wet. And it was raining out. This is the difference between the different areas in the lower Mainland.

Someone was at the hospital visiting mom today and she was happy about it. Mom ate some of her dinner, but not much. This is a problem for me, as mom is not eating properly. It is hospital food. And with no taste. As usual. tried to get mom to eat more, but that was it.

Mom can not continue like this. She needs some good tasting food. As I have brought her. Yes if I did not bring her anything good to eat. Mom would be eating the food. But come on now. It is my mother and someone of the two of us, have to eat well. Something tasty. And that is what I try to bring her, as I can afford. which is nothing at the moment. I barely was able to get mom her drink.

I don't eat, and when I say this I tell the truth. Tonight I am eating french fries. I was able to buy two potatoes. This will work. As this is all I have had in about a week now. I live on tea. And that is not a lie.

The hunger pains go away after two or three days and as long as I have my tea, it is Ok. Which, lately I have not had.  I would just like my Earl Grey tea. Enough to get me by for the rest of the month. But no. This does not even happen. It sickens me, that I can't even have this. And it is so little I ask. Well maybe allot, since I ask for enough to get dinner for mom.

I really only want mom to have a healthy diet. and me, well what ever. Eventually I will eat, I guess, but in the mean time. I need to live on my tea.

So I ask again. That is it.

Now after dinner, mom was not ready to have her nightly treatment, so we walked around the place, listened to music and I sang and we danced a bit. Funny as it is, mom in the wheel chair, and me with my cane.

Then mom needed to use the washroom. and I had to explain to the staff that they have to get mom ready for bed, as I am the only one she wants to put her to bed. Yes I just lift her up and place her in her bed, brush her hair, for a while and give mom plenty of hugs and kisses, and then more hugs and kisses after I clean up the room before I leave for the night. I love this with all of my heart and being. It gives great joy to be able to do this for my mother and that mom trusts me enough to just lift her from her wheel chair and place her in her bed. The look of calmness on her face. The relaxation mom feels when I was her feet and put the lotion on it. I give her a foot massage, hand massage every night.

I leave with the feeling that GOD has been their in the room with us. The absolute joy and peace that radiates from the both of us. I do not know how to describe it. This is why I do it. Everyone tells me to get a job, your a looser, how pathetic you are. People won't talk to me anymore. I get not help from anyone and yet I don't care. As long as I have mom in my life, life is good. I am doing the right thing by my mother.

Is not want we are her to do. The right thing for each other. To love one another. And no matter what, be their for them. No matter what. And whatever it takes, I will be their for mom. If mom wants my last article of clothing, so be it, she will get it. If I go naked, that is fine. As long as mom is happy and kept clothed, and warm.

If I have to go without food, for an extended period of time, so mom can have home cooked meals. Then that is what GOD wants, HE will make sure I am OK!.  If I have to travel two and a half hours to get their to see her, and the same back, then this is what I am going to do, without hesitation. And I will enjoy each and every minute of the travel time and absolutely love every hour I get to spend with mom. This is my time, and nothing is going to stop me from this time. No one! I will not except anything less of myself. My mother deserves this and allot more. So I will do whatever mom needs and wants. Period!

MOM IS FIRST  I AM LAST.



Yet in everyone else's eye's I am doing wrong.

Still no answer on the wavier to walk mom and the social worker. Larry, blocked my email's. That is funny. I laughed very loudly when I found this out. He does not know, I can open new email accounts in seconds. But why waste my time. I am a professional now, and will act like one. And will be expecting others to treat me as such. Especially the doctors at Ocean Side. We are equal now. I will not stand for abuse from them. Nor to speak down to me. As they do with all other children of patients their. I will no longer tolerate this.

I did not spend years going to school to be insulted with their indecency.

I am going to go now and eat my fries. They are really good and only a tablespoon of oil, and oven baked.

GOD and good night y'all

Kris Schmuland.

Let us hope today/tomorrow brings about some luck. As in the ability to bring mom a fresh hot meal, so she can eat properly.