Hello again
It is no lie that I receive assistance. So today I had to go into New Westminster, to get the cheque. Now I arrived, filled out a form and was handed my cheque. Now, after my rent and bills are paid. I was getting a cheque for $45.00. Yes that is what I got to live on for the month. I am not lying about this. Anyway, I was handed the cheque and looked at it and it was for $5.00. Yes, $5.00 is what it was for. I was told that I was getting something that was for $40.00 and I no longer receive this. They are trying to find out for me. But I now get $5.00 and that is it. Since I don't use my bank that much. I have to pay services charges for cashing this. Which is $1.50 Yes that leaves me with a whole $3.50. Well it is in my drawer and that is where it is going to stay.
I told you all that Christmas is the worst time of the year for me. And it is starting out just great. NOT! I am going to be completely broke for the holidays. Which really does wanders for my depression and buying mom some gifts for Christmas. Or even bring her dinners. I used these funds to purchase fruit and snacks. for a few weeks. Then I would do whatever to get the fruits and snacks for the rest of the month.
I now cannot even bring mom dinner at all anymore. I have been able to do this for a few days now. But not anymore. And tonight, mom did not hardly eat anything. Not even her dessert.
I really am very upset and depressed now. And on top of this. My headaches are back and back in a huge way. Then we have the extreme pain I have been in for the last few days. My right leg is killing me. To the point where I want to get off the bus, or stand up. But this is not possible. As the bus is packed and no room for me to do this. So I start getting agitated. My leg starts to shake.
I need mom to eat. And I was hoping the money would be their today so I can feed mom dinner for the weekend, until next week to see if I can come up with something.
I usually make a nice Christmas for mom. I bring her treats before the day. I am there at and on Christmas day. And everyday before and after. I pour love and affection on her. I shower her with gifts. And none of this will happen this Christmas. I was expecting over $500 today. But take the zero's out and you get $5.00
That is the start of crappy times to come. And it is not even the end of November. I don't even have clothing to keep me warm or dry. My feet get soaking wet and they are actually getting painful. No dry jacket. And no sweaters, shirts, and my socks are full of holes.
And the bags I carry are garbage and are very heavy hurting my shoulders. I need new bags. And I have to find something that will keep the food warm for 3 hours while I get their. When I can bring mom food again. You see the dinner's are cold when I get their and have to be warmed up in the microwave, which just ruins food. So all the work I put into making mom a fantastic meal, are gone to ruin. There has to be something out there that will help me out here. Mom loves what I cook. and it is important that mom gets the original food. Hot and delicious. Not ruined by a microwave.
This is why it is important for mom and I to have a place, so I can take food out of the oven and right to the table. Or a car so I can load it up and get it their hot. I know of things that will do this. Caterer's use them and the food stays hot for a long time. Maintaining it's taste.
This is why I hate myself and my life and again, if it was not for mom I would of taken my own life along time ago. I have nothing to live for. And no one would miss me anyways. I am alone and with absolutely no one who gives a crap about me. This is apparent with the many phone calls and dinner invitation I get. Oh right I don't get these things happening to me. No phone calls, no invitations, no nothing. I get calls from, Oh yea no one. As I don't have a phone and I really need one.
I cannot go any longer without a phone. I can't even get anything done for mom without a phone. I am in extreme pain, and I am so very depressed. Mom needs to eat and I don't know what to do.
I am going now. I need to sleep. Again no appetite for food. It has been days now, that I have not had a desire to eat. I just want my tea. And to bring dinner for mom.
GOD Bless and good night.
Kris
"When a man is willing and eager,
the gods join in."
- Aeschylus
