Hello again
I am not a perfect person, though some people seem to think I come across this way. Not so.
On top of my physical ailments. I have psychological issues. I have been depressed lately. The last time I felt this way, was 6 years ago and it lasted for 4 long and painful years. I finally felt better and the last two years were good.
During those years, of depression, I was on extremely strong anti depression medication. I gained 80 lbs and was very unhealthy. And I feel it is coming back. Not good.
In the last several days I have ran into 3 people I have not seen in at least 5 years. And the first thing they do, is ask how am I doing. Emphasizing how are you doing.
So I ask them if they want the truth or a lie. You see most people do not want to hear the truth. Just the lie. That we are all doing well. When I am feeling depressed I am one not to hold back. I will just say it the way it is. I don't have time to waste. After all I am depressed and I need to get back to my depression. And I am also an angry person right now. Not happy.
Let me explain. I am a recovering alcoholic. And I went to AA at first. These people were from AA and have no idea why they were so interested in my health. They did not care when I was in AA. So why now. I didn't even get a chance to tell them the truth. I just told them the lie. That I am doing great.
Anyways, you can tell that I am not doing well, just by the way I am writing this blog tonight.
Even though I am depressed, I will not stop going to see mom. I didn't last time. I am not sleeping, not hungry, so I am not eating. Oh yea, except for crap. And that is not doing it for me.
On to mom now. Mom is feeling much better. They tell me that they gave the residents some raspberries after breakfast and immediately residents were getting sick. That is what they say. Who knows what the truth is.
She has been hungry and eating allot. I bought her cherries and she loves them. I made her an omelette and hash browns today. Mom ate it all, plus. Oh yea I arrived early so I could wash mom's hair. It makes her feel so good.. And, of course, mom motioned for me to give her the nightly spa treatment.
I do this and I hold her hand while she falls asleep. With a smile on her face. I sing to her our good night song. Oh yea we danced a bit tonight.
Midnight again. I think tomorrow I might feel better and be able to write a little better.
I really do have to go now. I am going to go to bed now. Just tired. Not sleeping.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
It is nice to hear
Hello again
So as I stated it is nice to hear. Before I found out I needed hearing aids, I knew I had a problem with my hearing. Missing conversations, not hearing people behind me. Not hearing. Now I need hearing aids and can't afford them.
It would be nice to hear all the time. Not some of the time. Or most of the time. But all of the time. Even if I had to use hearing aids. Then if I choose to, I can turn them off. By choice. I also need medication for my vertigo, it would be nice not to be dizzy all the time and fall over, but, again I can't even afford my part of the medication. Which is only $15.00. But $15.00 is allot of money when you have none. So I continue to be dizzy and fall over.
The part that really annoys me is the medication was completely covered and then only 80% of it is now covered
It just really pisses me off that I need something that is important for my life, but can't afford it. And no coverage what so ever. Yes if I was on disability, it is covered now. But I am not and it is not.
And traveling is getting old yet I will never stop going to see mom. No matter how much traveling I have to do. As mom is stuck where she is and not able to go anywhere unless someone takes her out. So it is my duty as her son to make sure I am their for her all the time. So, NO, I will not stop traveling to and from White Rock each and everyday. 3 hours their and 3 hours back. To see and help and visit with my beautiful and caring mother.
Someone has to and I always new it would be me. I am just that way. And I am very happy that I have this blessed opportunity to take care of my ailing mother.
Mom is still sick. And this is when I get worried. It is not that I don't trust the health care at Al Hogg. OK I don't trust the health care at this place. They have no idea what is wrong with mom as well as the others who have caught this bug. She was in bed again. So I made sure it was noted that I want mom up and about tomorrow. Not in bed. OK the first day I do understand, but mom ate well last night and tonight.
I am done with the roommate situation. Mom is sick just wants peace and quite. Which is not possible with her current roommate. Mom would just like to listen to music and relax. Instead of having to listen to a TV all the time. They just don't get it. Or have the lights on, all night long.
It is as I stated when this person first moved in. I am always right when it comes to reading people. It is a gift or a curse. Some times both at the same time. Just like the ability to tell if someone is lying to me. I can see it immediately
The only way mom is going to stay healthy, if they move her. Actually, it was mom who was there first and it should be the roommate that moves. This is the kind of care they give to the residents. They don't.
They don't treat the people. They just maintain people. And this is why I am so worried and always worry about mom when she gets sick.
I don't trust these people where mom is. They tend to lie to cover there tracks. As in all of the homes.
Our loved one's are treated with contempt and dis respect. They are ignored and allowed to just sit in their own filth.
This is why I tried to start ADSAAC. And If I had the money I would be pursuing this now. With great fervor.
Since she was in bed when I arrived, It was less time to feed her and get her ready. The spa treatment I am speaking of.
Yet I ended up leaving latter than normal. It is all good, though. I made mom happy and stayed with her until she fell asleep.
It is late again and I do need to try to get some rest.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
So as I stated it is nice to hear. Before I found out I needed hearing aids, I knew I had a problem with my hearing. Missing conversations, not hearing people behind me. Not hearing. Now I need hearing aids and can't afford them.
It would be nice to hear all the time. Not some of the time. Or most of the time. But all of the time. Even if I had to use hearing aids. Then if I choose to, I can turn them off. By choice. I also need medication for my vertigo, it would be nice not to be dizzy all the time and fall over, but, again I can't even afford my part of the medication. Which is only $15.00. But $15.00 is allot of money when you have none. So I continue to be dizzy and fall over.
The part that really annoys me is the medication was completely covered and then only 80% of it is now covered
It just really pisses me off that I need something that is important for my life, but can't afford it. And no coverage what so ever. Yes if I was on disability, it is covered now. But I am not and it is not.
And traveling is getting old yet I will never stop going to see mom. No matter how much traveling I have to do. As mom is stuck where she is and not able to go anywhere unless someone takes her out. So it is my duty as her son to make sure I am their for her all the time. So, NO, I will not stop traveling to and from White Rock each and everyday. 3 hours their and 3 hours back. To see and help and visit with my beautiful and caring mother.
Someone has to and I always new it would be me. I am just that way. And I am very happy that I have this blessed opportunity to take care of my ailing mother.
Mom is still sick. And this is when I get worried. It is not that I don't trust the health care at Al Hogg. OK I don't trust the health care at this place. They have no idea what is wrong with mom as well as the others who have caught this bug. She was in bed again. So I made sure it was noted that I want mom up and about tomorrow. Not in bed. OK the first day I do understand, but mom ate well last night and tonight.
I am done with the roommate situation. Mom is sick just wants peace and quite. Which is not possible with her current roommate. Mom would just like to listen to music and relax. Instead of having to listen to a TV all the time. They just don't get it. Or have the lights on, all night long.
It is as I stated when this person first moved in. I am always right when it comes to reading people. It is a gift or a curse. Some times both at the same time. Just like the ability to tell if someone is lying to me. I can see it immediately
The only way mom is going to stay healthy, if they move her. Actually, it was mom who was there first and it should be the roommate that moves. This is the kind of care they give to the residents. They don't.
They don't treat the people. They just maintain people. And this is why I am so worried and always worry about mom when she gets sick.
I don't trust these people where mom is. They tend to lie to cover there tracks. As in all of the homes.
Our loved one's are treated with contempt and dis respect. They are ignored and allowed to just sit in their own filth.
This is why I tried to start ADSAAC. And If I had the money I would be pursuing this now. With great fervor.
Since she was in bed when I arrived, It was less time to feed her and get her ready. The spa treatment I am speaking of.
Yet I ended up leaving latter than normal. It is all good, though. I made mom happy and stayed with her until she fell asleep.
It is late again and I do need to try to get some rest.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Monday, Monday
Hello again
I arrived today to find mom in bed again. So I find a nurse and ask why. It seems mom threw up this morning. And so they put her to bed Well, after carefully looking around, it seems that this is a virus that is going around the floor of the home.
A flu. They mentioned that I should watch what she eats for dinner. I explained that I am well aware of how mom is and if she is hungry or not. If she does not want to eat anymore. Or if she is sick.
Yesterday, mom ate well and was feeling alright. She ate a large salad and most of her meal. On top of the fruit she ate.
Today mom ate well. Not as she usually does when I bring her dinner. But enough. Only half of her papaya and one of her 3 pack of Lindt chocolates. Feeling a little under the weather. And she held it all down.
All of the staff tonight were casuals, and had no idea who I was or what I do for mom each and everyday. As well as the time mom is to be changed. Not a single person I knew. Wow a first. What do you expect, it is summer and all are taking their vacations.
Me, Friday and Saturday, I could barely hear anything. Yesterday and today was OK. I still have 8 months to go before I see the specialist.
Short blog tonight, Feeling really depressed and going to bed now.
I will be calling the home first thing in the morning to see how mom is.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
I arrived today to find mom in bed again. So I find a nurse and ask why. It seems mom threw up this morning. And so they put her to bed Well, after carefully looking around, it seems that this is a virus that is going around the floor of the home.
A flu. They mentioned that I should watch what she eats for dinner. I explained that I am well aware of how mom is and if she is hungry or not. If she does not want to eat anymore. Or if she is sick.
Yesterday, mom ate well and was feeling alright. She ate a large salad and most of her meal. On top of the fruit she ate.
Today mom ate well. Not as she usually does when I bring her dinner. But enough. Only half of her papaya and one of her 3 pack of Lindt chocolates. Feeling a little under the weather. And she held it all down.
All of the staff tonight were casuals, and had no idea who I was or what I do for mom each and everyday. As well as the time mom is to be changed. Not a single person I knew. Wow a first. What do you expect, it is summer and all are taking their vacations.
Me, Friday and Saturday, I could barely hear anything. Yesterday and today was OK. I still have 8 months to go before I see the specialist.
Short blog tonight, Feeling really depressed and going to bed now.
I will be calling the home first thing in the morning to see how mom is.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Really
Hello again
So I realized that I have not purchased any new clothing for myself in at least two years now. I have not even bought a pair of runners in two years. The one's I have now, I found on the way to the bus stop to see mom. The clothing I have are all two or three sizes to big for me. The pants are size 38/40 and the shirts are XL or 17 1/2 and I am a M or L and a 15 1/2 shirt.
In other words all my clothing is way to big on me. I have only been buying mom clothing. For some strange reason she seems to go through them very quickly, or they disappear.
It would be nice to have a new pair of runners, but I can't afford to eat, let alone buy new runners.
I have lost weight as I don't eat, ( can't afford it) or I just don't want to eat.
Today I am really tired, I am experiencing depression again. I was on heavy anti depression medication a few years ago. I thought I felt better and was doing well for the last few years. But since I can't seem to find a place in White Rock that I can afford, it has come back. All I want to do is move to white Rock and be closer to mom and eliminate the 7 hours a day I travel. And do more for mom. I have been trying to find an affordable place for well over a year now. And nothing. It really gets to me.
It was bath day for mom today, and as soon as I got their I had to put a wet towel on mom's for head and feet. They had her covered in a blanket and sheet. It is summer and hot. I fixed this right away.
I made a salad for mom, she loves this salad. Everything is in it. The last two days this is what she has had, along with her dinner. After tomorrow that will be it for the salad. We both would have eaten it for three days. It is good but enough is enough.
Have no idea what to make her tomorrow. No cash, no groceries. I will figure something out. I hope.
Mom is already in bed, so it is just the matter of her spa treatment, after I do the dishes. You see mom has her own dishes she uses everyday, and her own cutlery. I want mom to feel that her dinner matters.
I really wish I could find a place and get some clothing. The runners are about to go soon. And I need some clothing that actually fits me properly. Not bagging on me.
Anyways I was able to finish mom's spa treatment early. So I just stood with her holding her hand, And singing softly to her, while she listened to some Diana Krall. I know all the songs.
OK I am beat, I have no idea why. I did sleep last night. I think so anyways.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
So I realized that I have not purchased any new clothing for myself in at least two years now. I have not even bought a pair of runners in two years. The one's I have now, I found on the way to the bus stop to see mom. The clothing I have are all two or three sizes to big for me. The pants are size 38/40 and the shirts are XL or 17 1/2 and I am a M or L and a 15 1/2 shirt.
In other words all my clothing is way to big on me. I have only been buying mom clothing. For some strange reason she seems to go through them very quickly, or they disappear.
It would be nice to have a new pair of runners, but I can't afford to eat, let alone buy new runners.
I have lost weight as I don't eat, ( can't afford it) or I just don't want to eat.
Today I am really tired, I am experiencing depression again. I was on heavy anti depression medication a few years ago. I thought I felt better and was doing well for the last few years. But since I can't seem to find a place in White Rock that I can afford, it has come back. All I want to do is move to white Rock and be closer to mom and eliminate the 7 hours a day I travel. And do more for mom. I have been trying to find an affordable place for well over a year now. And nothing. It really gets to me.
It was bath day for mom today, and as soon as I got their I had to put a wet towel on mom's for head and feet. They had her covered in a blanket and sheet. It is summer and hot. I fixed this right away.
I made a salad for mom, she loves this salad. Everything is in it. The last two days this is what she has had, along with her dinner. After tomorrow that will be it for the salad. We both would have eaten it for three days. It is good but enough is enough.
Have no idea what to make her tomorrow. No cash, no groceries. I will figure something out. I hope.
Mom is already in bed, so it is just the matter of her spa treatment, after I do the dishes. You see mom has her own dishes she uses everyday, and her own cutlery. I want mom to feel that her dinner matters.
I really wish I could find a place and get some clothing. The runners are about to go soon. And I need some clothing that actually fits me properly. Not bagging on me.
Anyways I was able to finish mom's spa treatment early. So I just stood with her holding her hand, And singing softly to her, while she listened to some Diana Krall. I know all the songs.
OK I am beat, I have no idea why. I did sleep last night. I think so anyways.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
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