It is just ending.........

Hello again

Excuse me for not writing. But, my right arm and the right side of my neck have been killing me. I can barely use my right arm anymore. My neck tilts to the right. I get a headache from holding my neck straight.

I cannot physically drive a car. I have been having difficulties even walking.

Then on top of this. I am about to loose my home. I am going to be homeless. And there is no  help for me. I have been calling around and calling around.

I applied for a subsidized housing, but that could take a  very long time to get. I have tired to find a room somewhere, but the insane people I am meeting with rooms and the prices are out of this world.

Still waiting for disability to  be approved. This will make my life allot easier. At least that way, once approved, I can pay rent until I find another place.

And yes everything is happening because of the accident. The doctor is sending me to specialists. I am getting an MRI for my neck and a surgeon for my shoulder. My right hip is messed up.

Now here I am, cannot work, about to become homeless, In constant pain. Cannot use my right arm, This is just because of the accident. Then there is the other problems I face. As well as the mental issues that come along with them.

I cannot give my mother a memorial service that she really does deserve. This is not about me or getting money for myself. It is about mom.

But the rest is about me. I am behind in my rent. I only get so much a month and it doesn't cover what I have to pay each month.

The insurance company doesn't seem to want to help out. I need to contact my lawyer and get him to get something from the insurance company. So I do not become homeless.

And the doctor has told me over and over again that I can't work. That we need to know what is wrong with your neck. If you are lifting anything, you could become paralyzed.

This is my biggest fear, my neck and becoming paralyzed. I where the neck brace all the time.

Help me out please. I pray for this.

I no longer have my mailbox, could not afford it anymore. So I rely on the landlord to give me my mail. Which is rarely. I have no mailbox where I live, it all goes to the landlords mailbox. Who live upstairs.

I am avoiding this place. I stay out until after 10 pm each night,so I don't have to see the landlord. I am not making any noise.

I can't even cook or clean for myself. right now, to  painful for me to do this. As well it is hard to cook when one is right handed and one can't use this arm. Very difficult.

If I do become homeless I have no where to put my belongings. It is expensive to put things in storage.

I am just extremely depressed and hurting.

I cannot draw or paint or sculpt anymore. Just writing a paragraph is painful. Typing is one handed now. Lucky I know the keyboard so well.

I really need help from someone.

https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland

https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile.

Please help out

Kristopher Schmuland

2242 152 st Surrey BC,
Canada. V4A 4N9

So here I am. I haven't written because I am afraid. Fear is eating me up. I have no one to talk to about anything I am going through. Not a soul to listen to me.

I am not a bad person. I just have immediate problems that need to be solved.

I wan to go back to school, but can't afford it.

I want to become a seniors advocate, need money to complete a few courses. OK a program at the Justice institute.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland

Even the pastors at my church don't have anything to say or  can do anything about my problems.

One year..............

Hello again

It is one year today that my mother passed away. It has been a very stressful month for me. I have been thinking about mom, how I have not been able to give her a memorial service, which I wanted to give mom, for her year anniversary. But no, I cannot. I am beyond poor..

I have not been able to sleep well at all. Or even sleep period. I have gone days without sleep then I sleep for up to 24 hours. I am not sleeping and I have things to do the next day, so I stay up. Well at 5 am and not being able to sleep, but have to be somewhere at 10 am. I stay up, then try to stay up so I might be able to sleep that night. Without having to take something to help me sleep. If I do that I sleep for hours and hours and hours. I look a mess, huge circles around my eyes. Pale skin. Worn looking. Defeated looking.

This has been going on for the last month  and this last week it has been worse. I have not wanted to write about anything. Sure lots to write about, but I am so very tired, I can't concentrate. Today is no exception. But I needed to write today. Being mom's one year passing.

I feel I have completely disappointed my mother..  No service, no closer, no good bye. I have asked for help with this, yet I have not received any help what so ever. Another disappointment in my eyes's. I thought crowdfunding would help. I thought there were people out there who cared. Was I ever wrong. No one give a crap about me or my problems. Or I am asking for help to give my mother a service. A little help from a few people.

I am about to get an eviction notice and I have no place to  move to. My phone is dying on its last legs. No money for another phone. I have nothing.

I was hoping that my disability would of gone through by now. No luck with that. I asked. I was hoping that I would hear from the housing. But, again, nothing.

I don't know how much more I can take. Things are really bad right now. I don't even come back here until after 10 pm, The landlord is in bed by then. I just can't deal with it. At all. I will freak out. So I walk around, take a bus somewhere or just sit somewhere in the cold. Waiting for 10 pm. I can only walk so far before I have to stop and  sit. I can barely use my right arm now. Typing with both hands is  very painful  Which I am doing now. But painful.

I have been giving everything I have to the landlord and it is still not enough. It was the ex roommate that has caused this for me. I am not able to pay the full rent I wasn't going to anyways. Just half, now stuck with it all.

So I am not sure how much more I can take.

GOD bless and good night


Kristopher Schmuland