It is the weekend

Hello again

It is the weekend and this is the time when mom does not eat that much, I have tried to figure this out for the longest time now, but to no avail. So I am not going to try, and will let it be. Maybe one day. I will just keep trying to get her to eat more. That's all.

I was speaking with a few of the staff and they were asking me questions about how long I have been doing this and have I been there for all of mom's changes. 

The answer is many years and I have been there for every single change mom has gone through. I have been at her side, in the hospital, for both of her broke hips. From early afternoon to late evening. I did not want her to be alone. 

I have seen mom being able to use utensils  knife, fork, spoon etc... To not being able to cut her food up. The look on her face as she sat there trying to understand why she can't do this. I just cut it up for her. To just not being able to even use the cutlery. So I started to feed her. 

Before it was the phone. Mom used the phone well and called me all the time. Then she forgot how to dial my number. So I bought a phone with large speed dial buttons, and programmed in my number. Mom was able to do this for a long time. Just push the button with my picture on it. 

After a while, mom would pick up the receiver and put it down on the table, push the button and forget to pick the receiver up and put it against her ear. I could hear her saying hello and getting mad that she can't hear me or not understand why I am not speaking back to her. 

Isn't it funny, how we take for granted the easy it is to phone someone. But if one little part of the process gets blocked, it becomes extremely complicated. As in the case of mom not being able to use the phone anymore. It took some time to get to this point. But it did. This is part the disease of Alzheimer's/Dementia. It is a gradual process of decline. 

I have seen every little change in mom's abilities and her behaviors. I have seen her go from being able to walk on her own to having to use a walker and then finally wheelchair bound. 

I saw mom, Mary's speech change, when she had the stroke that robbed her of her speech and how long it took for mom not to be able to communicate as we do. I read mom, and I am very good at it. I am grateful that I am extremely experienced at being able to read people. 

But remember this, it took only 5 years to get to this point. Yet Mary is extremely healthy and I keep her that way. Mom is doing well, considering what is happening to her. 

This is why I am their all the time. To one, make sure mom is not lonely, and two to make sure mom is eating very healthy. Raw as much as possible and fresh. 

I do what I do in a deliberate manner. To hold her hand, to sing to her, to dance with her. Playing music for her. 

( Oh yea, I took the wire apart on the charger cable and found out where it was broken, stripped the wire and tapped it back together. It works, but who knows for how long. It is anyone's guess)

To say I don't know my mother would be to say that one does not know how to take a breath. 

Yet it is getting late, I have been getting home after 11:00 pm and very tired. So I have just been watching a few things and going to sleep. But I needed to write tonight. 

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

It's a funny thing agg..................

Hello again

It is a funny thing, aggression. Mom has been good for a while. And you never know when things will change. It is the nature of the disease. Unpredictable in it's progression.

Tonight, when I arrived mom was extremely happy to see me, as she is always. But during dinner, while feeding her. Out of no where I got a right hook, in the face. OK the nose. I ended up with a bloody nose. I don't get mad or even react. I know it is part of the progression of the disease and things are unexpected.  I simply say to mom, in a calm voice that she should  not be hitting me in the face. I told her that if she is going to hit me, please just hit me in the arm. I can deal with this. OK it is not good to hit anyone at all. But if she gets upset and wants something, I would prefer she hits me than one of the staff members. I am OK with this.

Otherwise I was able to get her a papaya today. This really big papaya. It was good, but she couldn't eat all of it. One half is larger than a whole of the normal papaya's I get for her. But it was a great price. I was also able to get her some KFC Tuesday chicken meal deal. Even though mom wanted to go to bed almost as soon as I got their. Mary did eat just about all of her dinner.

I have always meant to mention that Mary, mom, does not like it when I wear my glasses. I need them  to read and have since I was in my early 20's. She just does not like them. OK, it is I look totally different in my glasses.

I noticed this a few years ago. The cable man came over to install a new internet connection. I was sitting doing something, he had to step out to get something from his truck, when he came back, he asked me where the guy that was just in here went. I took my glasses off and said, do you mean me. He looked startled.

Mom also messes up my hair all the time. She says it is to perfect.

One thing that has always happened is that as soon as I get their, my attention has to be completely focused on her. She does not like it when other's come over and talk to me, or even her. Mom will give, whom ever it is, a very dirty look. She will grab my hand and squeeze it hard. Letting me know to stop talking to this person and to concentrate my attention on her.

I completely agree with her and understand. Mom is alone all day long. I am her constant. It is perfectly acceptable to me.  Mary needs attention, love and caring. This is what I do and will continue to do so. She deserves this. The only other family members that come to see her, is her daughters, and they only come once a week. I am their everyday. And I do not kid when I say this. Her own brother has only come once in the last year and a half. I far as I know this is it. Just about all the staff think I am the only child.  They keep asking me this question. I tell them the truth. Just the fact that mom has two daughters. That is all I say to each and every person who asked me this. I only tell them that, nothing else.

Oh yea the nose bleed only lasted 10 minutes or so. It was nothing. I am getting better at spotting her hand coming at me, and the tricks she uses. It is actually funny the faces she makes when she gets made. Mary will  actually growl at me. OK it just looks like it. I laugh and mom  laughs. It is so sweet.

The one thing that mom is really getting upset with is the fact I am not playing music for her, before, during and afterwards. The charger is broken and the PGT just does not seem to understand that this is part of mom's healing. Part of her therapy The PGT does not seem to get that chargers don't last and that it travels 210 km's a day with me. They don't think it is important to mom. I say this is abuse.

I don't listen to music on it. As I don't like things in my ears. I guess it will be difficult for me, if I ever get hearing aids. I like to be aware of my surroundings. The music on the phone is for mom, and the movies on the phone are for mom. I purchased an Mirco USB to HDMI adapter for the phone and it is or now is a waste of money. THE PHONE DOES NOT WORK. I can't afford to eat, let alone purchase this charger, at $45.95 for the OEM version. Or even an after market one.

So in the mean time, Mary is suffering, going without. Not being able to have what she is use to having every single day for many, many years.

Enough already, I am sure you are all saying. So I go now. I am very tired and need to be up early to do a few things for mom.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I am still questioning my faith. As nothing is happening.

.

Mary or mom as I like to call her

Hello again

So this past week has been busy. I washed mom's hair every other day. And every other week I do her nails. Buff and polish her hands and feet. I am the only one who takes care of this and have been. Well, as long as I can remember.  This time I only put on clear nail polish. Yes I do this, I even have a 4 sided buffing pad, plus the nail files a variety of nail polishes etc......


Mom still has her sense of humour. She is very sarcastic. I get it, as I have a sarcastic sense of humour as well. Mary has been eating most of her dinner, and what I was able to bring as well. I am now out of everything. Only, hopefully for a few days.

Mom, Mary has been talking up a storm over the last week. We have had many great conversations. OK mom does not speak clearly, but I understand mostly. We have laughed and cried. When it warranted it.

I do not leave mom's side the entire time I am their. Mary is completely dependent on everyone for everything. So I am there for everything. Even helping out while she gets her pad changed. Mom wants me to stay and hold her hand.  I am OK with this as well.

Mom needs me to be there for her and I am.

Mary has not had many moments of aggression this past week. A few, only when she does not want to eat anymore and I try to get her too. Or when she is very tired and just wants to go to bed and have her nightly spa treatment.

The problem is that I have not been able to play music for her. The charger on the phone is broken. And I get worried when my phone is not working. I worry that something will happen to her and I won't be able to find out until I get their in the afternoon.  Not good.

Now I try to get mom to eat as fresh as possible. I only feed her exotic fruits. The reason is, the colour, taste and texture of them. This is why I place the phone on her chest. She not only hears it, but feels it as well.

All I do is to make her life better. Hence wanting to move to White Rock.

Anyways another day, I hope I can make it a few more days.

Other news but will wait.

GOD Bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

The week

Hello again

So my last posts where angry. Well damn right. It is me who is loosing my hearing. And it is freaking me out. I don't know sign language, but can read lips OK. On top of every other crap that I am going through, it is not fun for me.

Can't afford the hearing aids I need. I can't even afford the medication that I need to stop the Vertigo and to help me from falling. Very dangerous. I have no spleen, so I easily break bones.

So yes I am pissed off.

But I will state this. I do not bring any of my anger into the home where mom lives. I check it at the door. I put a smile on my face and I don't bring any of this up with anyone their. No matter what I think or how I feel. I deal with it, before or after or just ignore it. Hard to do when YOU CAN'T HEAR. This is a first for me. Well I guess so. How many times in one's life does one loose their hearing. But there are many firsts for me.

Looking after mom is a first. And there are many firsts each and everyday of the week. A good thing and a bad thing. I guess. After all each day brings about interesting things.

I watch my mother change. I watch her not being able to do things. That not so long ago she had no problem doing. I hold her hand and let her know it is OK and that I will be there for her, no matter what happens. That she can count on me. This is the only thing I am interested in doing, is to help you mom.

I sit beside her and hold her hand nightly, until she falls asleep. No matter what time I end up getting home. 3 hours journey, each way. 210 km's daily. 7 days a week. Without fail. And will never change.

People find it hard to believe that I do this. I just say, follow me for a day, and you will see. I dare people to tag a long with me for even a week. See what it is like.

I am not the perfect son. I am not anything. I am just a person who cares enough about his mother to give up everything, willingly, to make sure my mother is healthy and happy. Even if it means to picket the PGT or fight for everything for mom. No problem. I am willing to do what it takes. And have done this over and over again. Happy to do it....

Someone needs to do this. Lonely seniors die sooner and I will not let my mother sit alone all the time. If I had the money I would have her live with me and take care of her, myself. But I don't and I do feel really guilty about this.

I feel really guilty that I can't offer her more. I will go without so mom can have. It is the way. I am sure mom and dad sacrificed allot while I grew up. So my turn

Anyways the week. Mom has been eating most of her dinners. But they are not very good. I have not been able to make her any. Mary has now been getting a supplement with her daily medication. Vega One. This is good. I had to talk the doctor into giving it to her. I do see that mom is a little better, health wise, by taking it.  This way she is getting the vitamins and minerals she is lacking in the meals she gets at the home. Boiled vegetables. I have explained my thought on boiling foods. But I will repeat it.

One might as well drink the water that the foods were boiled in. Because that is where all the nutrients are. They were boiled away. Fresh is always better, raw is even better.

I am not a vegetarian or vegan. But I do believe in the giving mom foods that are as fresh as possible and raw vegetables.

Today, Sunday, is bath day. So they put mom Mary in bed afterwards. So I feed her in bed. I wash her hair two to three times a week. As they do it once a week.

I have been massaging her left arm and hand, to loosen it up. It is working. Her left hand is not so clinched up as it had been. And she is able to move her left arm more. I excersise her arm as much as possible. Sometimes mom just does not want to be fused with. She just wants her nightly spa treatment and for me to hold her hand while she falls asleep.

Music  makes her happy. I turn the music player on and put it on speaker from the moment I get their and it is on for three to four hours each day. So having a charger is important. And mom has not been happy this past week and a half without the music playing. I place it on her chest, the phone that is, so she can not only hear it but feel the music as well. It is completely calming to her and for her.

Not good this last little while. She does have a nice stereo. It is not the same as having the music right below her ears and on her chest to feel it.

Mom has been wanting me to change her pad this last little while. I am not leaving her side, even when the staff come in to change her pad. Mary does not let go of my hand and does not want me to leave while the staff are in the room. So I stay. I have no problem with it. If mom doesn't, I don't.

Mom has been in good health lately. Tonight I had to leave a little early, so I could come home to do some laundry. Some of hers as well. yes I drag it with me, on the bus, back to Coquitlam. Some of her clothing, I don't want them to get ruined, as it does at the home she is in. So I do it. Once again no problem.

The weather has not been the greatest. To cold to take mom out. I hope it gets better soon. Mary needs fresh air. And I don't care what my sisters think. They have no legal right to say anything. And if they do have a document stating they are in charge of my mothers health. They are in serious trouble. Because it is completely illegal.

I research the law and have spoken to many lawyers about this.

But I digress. It is time for me to go to bed. Nothing in my cupboards, so hunger is setting in. Don't worry, hunger pains go away after 2 or three days. I only have to make it until Wednesday or Thursday. I think I can do it. Have do this many times before. So I guess it is OK. It will have to be. No other choice in this matter.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Pity me pity me not

Hello again

I started by saying Pity me, pity me not. FN right pity me. I deserve it. Is it you who is loosing your hearing, or becoming dizzy and falling over. Who has a hard time holding onto things with their right hand.

I think not.

What my doctor believes is that I have Meneires disease (please look it up). There is no cure for this disease. You loose your hearing, you are dizzy, you fall down. It is debilitating to those who have it. And I have to wait until March of 2014 to see the specialist. What do I do in the mean time. I have a hard time even hearing he chirping of the crosswalks. And then there is the falling over and the most important part is, I AM LOOSING MY HEARING AND HAVE LOST IT ALREADY. Again this sporadic hearing loss is part of the disease.

I take Teva Betahistine for it. Excuse me, I use to take it, a month ago. But not now. As it is not fully covered anymore. Again, it use to be covered a month ago. This medication helps me with the Vertigo that comes with Mereires disease. Which helps with the falling.

Example: In the last 3 weeks I have lost my hearing 4 times. Twice completely  The first time was for almost 3 hours, in the morning, than lasting until I was on my way to see mom. The second time, well it was not as long, but none the less, I lost my hearing completely again. Only for 1/2 this time. The other two times I did not loose my hearing completely. I just could barely hear anyone or anything. These to episodes lasted for a while.

Then there is the falling. I have fallen several times. Most of the time I catch myself. But on two occasions I injured my left knee and left thumb and on the other occasion I injured my right wrist. My doctor is away right now, and I won't be seeing him until next Thursday...

Then there is the fact I have no spleen and haven't had it since I was 5 years old. Due to a bike accident. I fell on my handle bars and ruptured my spleen and had to have it removed. I have two huge scars on my stomach because of it. I had to have reconstructive surgery on one of them, as it was two inches wide. The doctors made it a nice small line. But I have two lines across my stomach. The scars look like a football or a shark bit.

I am to take supplements all the time, calcium, vitamins etc.... and I am to have these shots every four years. I can't afford the supplements and have not had the shots in many years. Not covered. They are not cheap, nor the supplements.

I was in 3 car accidents within a year, leaving me walking with a cane and having both my knees injured, plus my right hip. Long thorasic nerve damage on my right shoulder. Lower back damage L3, L5.

And I did mention that I was awaiting a CT scan to see if I had a stroke. Because of not being able to use my right hand correctly. I went the other day. Waiting for the results now.

I live with two alcoholics and pot heads and a prescription drug user. I don't do anything. I only smoke cigarettes. Not many. I am broke.

I need to move closer to mom, to do more for her.

Now for the phone. It was just recently I was able to get my phone working again. And now the charger is broken. So I cannot use the phone. But that is not the most important part of the phone. Even if I could not use it to make calls. It is a vital part of Mary's everyday life. And has been for many, many years. All the music on the phone is mom's. Except 6 songs by the stray cats. Otherwise they are all mom's music. The movies on the phone are for mom. 4 Bob Hop Road to movies. I bought an adapter to be able to play the movies on her TV, The charger is broken. This is the second time it has broken. I just can't afford to by the charger. I have mentioned this to the PGT, but they don't seem to give a crap that it is abusing mother. I arrive and the first thing I would do is turn the music player on, on the phone, I place it beside her in her wheel chair. When I put her to bed, I would plug the phone in and place it on her chest so it is close to her ears and she can listen in stereo, The speaker uses allot of juice and it needs to be plugged in all the time I am their.


It is a vital part of mom's Mary's life. And has been for many years. The PGT does not get it. She needs this for her health. Music therapy.

And then there is the matter of the juicer. We need this. Mary needs fresh vegetables  Since she is not getting this where she lives. It is imperative she gets this as a supplement. Meaning fresh vegetable juice..

These two items alone constitute abuse of Mary.

Mom is getting upset that I can't play the music for her. She motions for me to play it. And has said several times. MUSIC and pointed to her ear. It is not the PGT who has to deal with the aggression that comes with mom being upset. It is not the PGT or my sisters who have to put up with being hit, because mom is mad.

Now one of mom's daugters family has written to me again, I just deleted it before even reading it. What they have to say is of no importance to me. They never go and see Mary or do anything for her.

In fact her own brother has only seen her once in the last year and a half. It is only the girls that come once a week. NONE OF THE OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THERE GRAND MOTHER. So whatever they have to say is worthless information. I don't rent space in my head for haters. Or any member of that family of my mother's two daughters. Useless and worthless.

It might be different if they actually did something. But until that happens. They can just go to hell and back.

Even being a Christian I don't have to like them or even care about them. GOD states that one is not to waste their parables on the swine. Which this is exactly what they are.

I may not be anything to brag about, but I am the one who is their for Mary, daily. Everyday. And will continue to be there for her.

My biggest problem is not being in White Rock and not having a working phone. In case something happens to mom. I need to know right away. Not have to travel out there and find out something happened. Not cool. And I would absolutely loose it on all who have not done anything about this.

I am not to be taken lightly. I will picket, protest etc.... I have and will do it again.

I report things to the police when necessary. As the missing clothing, and the bullshit of my sisters trying to take control of Mary's health care without legal authority from the Supreme Court of British Columbia.

The charger is needed and I will be on it. I need to contact this lawyer I was referred to, Pro Bono. I need to contact an advocate.

Well I guess I wasn't able to recap the week. Tomorrow.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland