It is all me....

Hello again

I will say this straight up. Taking care of my mother was the best thing I have ever done in my life. Nothing else comes close. I took care of her for over a decade. And I haven't even been in the work force for at least 15 years, maybe a little longer. Car accidents, yes multiple car accidents. Most people don't even get in a single accident in their life. I have been in 8 accidents. Not a single one was my fault, but I was injured in 5 of them. Seriously injured in one of them  Wrecked my back, a fracture of the L1, L2. I think that is what it is . The lower back. I had to wear this back brace, that was hard plastic on the back and like a girdle in the front. Which I needed to keep it tight. I had to wear that for a year and a half. Then the accidents just kept happening.

I was injured, so I couldn't do anything. GOD gave me this opportunity. HE put this in front of me. OK I was injured, but it was perfect timing on GOD'S part. Mom and Dad became ill and I was available to take care of them. Thank you GOD. See perfect timing. Even if I wasn't injured, I would of quit whatever it was I would of been doing and devoted myself to taking care of Mom and Dad. That is what I was put on this planet to do. When the time was right, I would do what it was I was suppose to do. GOD'S plan. I believe it 100%.

So you see this was the best thing I have ever done,in my life,  was to serve my Mother and Father.

I am not a stupid person. In fact I am very intelligent. A very high IQ. But I ruined my life the moment I took that first toke of pot. I had a beautiful mind before that first toke. I would build all sorts of things, Imagine and sketch designs of things, far past of what someone my age would do. I understood science, math, Art and design.

I built a small grand piano. One of my sisters still has it. I have seen it and could not figure out how I did it. And I did it at 8 years old. I understood many things. Engineering, Space...... But I decided on taking that first toke and that was it.

Some people, OK many people, think I blame others for my failings. Not so. It was all me. I wrecked my life.  I am a recovered alcoholic and pot head. It has taken may years for me to be able to get my memory back, my ability to remember conversions and numbers. My mind. But my mind is not even close to what it was when I was young. When I was young I got bored easily... Nothing was a challenge to me.  Things are starting,well they have been getting better over the last many years.

It has been a very long time since I have drank anything or smoked anything. The worst thing I ever did.

Now I have nothing. I am nobody now. Just a useless individual. My job is over and I don't know of anything that will bring me the same satisfaction that taking care of my mother and father, brought me.

I have only one thing left to do. And that is to give my mother a grand send off, a beautiful goodbye. To give my mother and memorial service that is fitting for her. And bring those whose lives mom touched together to celebrate my mother.

BUT. Here in lies the problem. I have no funds to do this. I have no idea how I am going to do this for mom. I am trying and trying. I pray and pray for the funds to come to me. As I have said, IT IS NOT ABOUT ME, IT IS ABOUT BRINGING CLOSURE FOR MY MOTHER.

I am trying this fundraising campaign. But people just don't care. Everything raised is going to the service for mom. IF THERE IS ANYTHING LEFT OVER IT IS GOING TO THE STROKE FOUNDATION.

You see, all the doctors kept telling me mom has dementia. They were wrong. Mom was there, but it was STROKES, that caused her to be completely dependent on everyone for everything.

MOM FROM THE START WAS MISDIAGNOSED. And by being misdiagnosed, the doctors treated her incorrectly.

If you can and want to give. I would appreciate it. And so would my mother. And again, if there is anything left over. The Heart and Stroke Foundation would appreciate it.

https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W.A. Schmuland



 . , .

A very hot day. ............

Hello again

so today was a hot day for this time of the year. 29 c in some places. Close to where I live. Went to the beach to just sit tonight. Needed to be by myself.

I ran into someone I knew where mom was. Her mother passed away not long ago. I am sad for her. She is a very nice lady. And my mothers roommate, her daughter moved her into a better place, not far. The staff at Al Hogg drugged her up so often, the women couldn't keep her head up. I saw what they did and I have said that the care of people at Al Hogg is lacking. It borders on abuse. OK that is abuse, drugging someone up so much, they don't know what they are doing. Especially someone who is 92 years old. That is a crime. And should be punished for this.

Yet nothing is ever done about it. This is why, I am sure, I am not allowed in the Al Hogg building. I will cause problems. I don't yell or scream. I go above the managements head and do things right, get things done. I will never wait for management to get there act together. And I never did. They are afraid of me, and what I might do.

I said from the beginning I am easy to get along with, but I would do whatever it takes to make sure my mother;s rights were respected. That she was treated well.

I feel guilty that I didn't move mom out of there. She would still be alive today.

So I walk alone now. And I am not dealing with it well. I have nothing left anymore. Nothing. I don't want to be around anymore. I really have nothing left for me. I just want to give mom and memorial service. I really want to bury mom and dad, right above my mother's grandparents. Where the service was going to be held. That is all I want.

And when that is done. I am done. I thought about going to another Provence. But no. I don't have money to live. I have to live in another place that is just no good for me. The one lady, who is elderly, can't pay the bills. She spends the money and we are behind on rent. A month behind. And I am paying for a service that I don't get, cable. I don't have a cable box in my room and who knows when that will happen. Then there is the crack addict and the other one, who lies and cheats and steals. Well they both do. I was told before I even moved in that there is no problems. No one does drugs and everything is OK. See what kind of BS I am in. And I have no money to move. So back to staying in my bedroom. I just can't go through with any of this anymore.

I have to deal with the BS of my sisters. Yes I can have the ashes, but try to get  a hold of them to meet up to get some of dad's ashes and give them some of mom's ashes.

I have left two messages already. I have to spend an entire day to get there and back, by bus. The entire day. From early morning until late evening. Yes that is how long it is going to take me to get there and back.

No rides, I don't have a car, So it is the bus.

I am trying to raise money to give mom and service. But do you think people will part with what it costs them for a cup of coffee. Someone, a cop said to me, that you have so many followers on twitter and so many friends on FaceBook, you have plenty of support, It will happen. He was full of shit.  People just don't give a crap about anybody but themselves.

It is not about me, it is not for me. None of the funds raised is going into my pocket. It is going straight to the funeral home for a service for mom. To my bank and then transfered to the account of the funeral home.

I am thankful for the two people who have donated to me. Very thankful. I can't thank them enough.

But here I am still not being able to grieve. I should file a wrongful death suit against Fraser Health, for how they did not listen to me when I said not to give mom morphine.


Anyways I just don't want to be around anymore. I have nothing left. I am done. I need to give mom the service she deserves and then. Who knows.

I keep asking for help and I can't get it from anyone. Even my own doctor. These other places I keep getting referred to, aren't doing anything for me. I need help and I am not getting it.

Yes that includes help to give mom a beautiful memorial service. Something she would love. Nothing, from no body.

I need a new place a place that is safe for me to be at. Not having to worry about my things being stolen. A place I feel comfortable in. Not having to deal with lies and BS all the time. Or having to deal with drug addicts. I don't do anything. I smoke and I don't even smoke much anymore.

Look I need your help to give mom this service. Then I am out of your hair.

https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland