What a day

Hello again

So today people continued to ask me the same questions.

Are you married?

Why aren't you married?

Why do you spend so much time with your mom?

Do you know she is going to pass away

I spend my time with my mother, because I choose to do so. It is mom who needs me their and I need to be their. Mom makes me a better person.

I would not have it any other way. Everything else can come latter on. Yes I am aware that mom is going to pass away. Aren't we all, going to pass away. I am aware of this fact. Do I need to dwell on it. Or can I just live in the moment and enjoy mom's company each and every day.
Mom has no one else to be there for her. Besides me, mom is alone during the day. The look on mom's face each and everyday when I arrive is priceless and makes everything worth while. For her to grab my hand and not want to let go. Is special for me and mom as well.

I am not married because, well, I am busy taking care of mom. I have not met anyone who understands what I am doing. Especially, that I am busy at certain times each and everyday, and this will not change, no matter what. It doesn't matter how good looking one is. it is not going to make a difference in the times I spend with mom.

And besides. I just don't care anymore. I am use to being alone. And this is just fine with me.

There are so many things that I need and I can't afford a girlfriend. Which is the first thing before one gets married.

And the things I need, hearing aids, moving to White Rock. The are the first things I need before getting a girlfriend. And after this, a TV would be nice. A stereo. furniture. But the hearing aids and moving to White Rock.

Mom tonight was disappointed with me. You see last night, Thursday, I brought mom gnocchi and meatballs, with a homemade sauce. Then grated Asiago cheese on top of it. So today, when I didn't bring anything, except fruit and cheese, mom was pointing to the bag, to see if anything was in it. I explained that I didn't bring anything today. That I can't afford to bring her dinner every night. Even though I would love to.

Mom was disappointed in this response. But I am bringing her sweet and sour meatballs and wild and long grain rice tomorrow/today. I hope mom enjoys this. I told her this is what I am bringing.

Mom was agitated when I arrived. She was very thirsty and hungry. Shows how much they pay attention to the needs of the individuals who live their. She couldn't wait until I gave her something to drink and eat. It is a good thing I do have things with me, as the dinner was tiny. Not much on the plate. It was suppose to be sweet and sour chicken. but it was a very small spoon full. Three bits for mom, and overcooked broccoli. And of course the usual mashed potatoes.

I got her into bed, but before doing so, mom and I danced a little bit. I sang to her. She was extremely happy about this.

The one thing I will miss when my hearing does go, is singing to mom.

Anyways. That nurse, is still around. Haven't seen her in a while, and I was glad. But she is back. This is the kind of place it is. A nurse makes physical threats against someone and they do nothing about it.

So I need to go.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

If you can help with my crowdfunding for hearing aids, here is the link again.

http://igg.me/at/helpmehear/x/917224

Life continues

Hello again

It is said that one can only do what one is capable of doing. Whatever that means. I believe one can do almost anything if they set their mind to it and have a positive outlook on it.

Well I believe that one is capable, and am laking the positive outlook on things. At this time anyways. Who am I kidding, it has been a very long time since I have had a positive outlook.

This is the fact of my life. I am loosing my hearing and need hearing aids. I am not covered by anyone. And don't just happen to have $7000.00 pair CDN, $2369.00 each US lying around.

The only thing I have wanted to do is to make sure mom is taken care of. And that is fine with me. I do however, want to live closer to her. And now, get the hearing aids I need.

Here is that link again http://igg.me/at/helpmehear/x/917224

So anyways mom again was tired tonight. I got her to eat as much as possible, and then all she wanted was her nightly spa treatment. It is a good thing she eats allot of fruit and a daily avocado.

While we were waiting for her to get changed, mom was falling asleep, so I gave mom a manicure and polished her nails. Tomorrow I will put on new nail polish. Yes I do this for mom, and I am getting pretty good at it. Lots of years of practice.

So I did not sleep very well last night. I kept waking up. I am very tired tonight. I hope I am able to sleep this night.

I am just stressed out over this issue.

It is a good thing I can read lips. And it doesn't matter. No matter what I will continue to be their for mom. As I have always been

Pray for me. That GOD supplies the needed funds for me to get the hearing aids.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

To live

Hello again

I write again. I speak again. I express myself sincerely, My behavior is consistent and predictable. My words and actions are but the same. I honor all my commitments. And call when I can't make it or am to be late. And I do what I say I am going to do. I am loyal, kind hearted. I live an emotional life. I experience the moment.

Most important I take care of someone who, otherwise, can't take care of themselves.

Tonight mom was very hungry. It is a good thing, considering she has not eaten well in the last little well. Mom ate all of her meal and the fruit.

When she was ready for bed, she let me know. By brushing her hand over my face. When I arrived, mom had a tear in her eye. Glad to see me. Grabbed my hand and held on. This makes everything worth while.

It doesn't matter anyways. Because mom is first and I am last. I will do everything I can before doing anything for myself. I hold her hand until she falls asleep. I sing our good night song. I am there for her. And it is the best thing that I have ever done.

Now my campaign on indiegogo is not going well. Ok, it is not going at all. Zero funds raised. I really don't know why this is the way it seems to be. I have an urgent need for these hearing aids. I can't afford them and no, absolutely no coverage, for them.


As I wrote on my campaign tonight. I can take care of my mother without hearing very well or not at all. Again it is a good thing that I can read lips and micro facial expressions very well. I have been doing it for a long time.

Have to go, need sleep. And I have some downloaded shows to watch.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

A blog of no other

Hello again

I write this blog to tell all what it is like to live with Alzheimer's. What the person thinks and how they live. What they go through. The abuses that they suffer at the hands of the government agencies, the homes etc...

I write this to show what it is like for the caregiver, their feelings and frustrations and their fights that they must endure in order to get the respect their loved one's deserve. To stop the abuse. To be an advocate

I write the truth about all that happens and I feel. I am self effacing. I live with problems, I do everything I can for my mother.

I forgive my mother's daughters, but I will never forget. Or would I choose to hang out with them. I would like if they could at least give permission to release the photo's so I can repair them and copy them. And put them up on her wall.

I am ashamed of myself for not having a van to get mom out and about. I hate it that I live so very far away.

It would be horrible if I received a call in the middle of the night, telling me that something is very seriously wrong with mom. And I can't get there for hours and hours. I probably would never forgive myself. Again needing to live closer

Yes I complain, I write about all the BS that goes on in my life. I also write about all the BS that goes on in mom's life as well.

I ask for help, I need help. I write as I have no one to speak to about all the nonsense that happens. And the abuse my mother suffers at the hands of the PGT, the home and the staff of the homes. The doctors and social workers, that don't listen to anything. It is an outlet for me.

I have been threatened with law suits for writing this blog. I have been looked down upon. I have been told that this blog is to harsh.

It is reality. The truth. It is how I really feel and how mom feels about what she has to go through each and everyday.

The lousy food she gets and how I try to make sure she gets healthy alternatives.

I have written this as today, I told a bus driver friend about the blog and he asked if he could read it. At first I was hesitant, as I did not want his opinion to change about me. I don't even know what that is anyways.

I really never gave it much attention to what other's think about me. I know the truth, I write the truth.

And yes the driver is a nice guy and I hope I don't shock him to much.

So today mom was in bed when I arrived. It was bath day. And they have been, for the last two weeks, putting her to bed afterwards. It was OK the first week. But this makes mom very tired and then she is not that hungry. Which was the case tonight. But she always eats the fruit and cheese. Which is good.

But not in a very good mood, when it came to her nightly spa treatment. She just didn't want to be fussed with. I did as much as I could with out mom getting to upset and punching me. It is all good though.

I really need to be closer. I need to speak with the social worker concerning mom's roommate and her TV being on all night long as well as the light. This is not good for mom's health.

So a staff member asked me tonight if I had a wife and kids. I told her I was divorced with no children. She said that there is someone out their for you.

I just said to her. I can get dates, but it takes money to be able to keep a women. And I have none. They will want to do things and go places. With nothing, there is nothing. I have already been told this by a few women. " You don't have anything, it would not work out." I have also told women that I am busy between certain times everyday and this doesn't change, I look after my mother. Not good enough for them. So I stop calling.

But I won't be able to maintain any kind of relationship without money. Yea, it was fine when I was young. You can build a life together and they understand that you are just starting out. When you get older, women expect their partners to have it together, Have a home, car etc.... And I have none of these.  So I am alone. I am use to it now. And it is OK. Well it is not OK. I do get lonely. I would like to have children, a wife.

But, for now, my life is taking care of my mother. I am completely fine with this. In fact I chose to do this. To make sure mom has someone their for her everyday.  To take care of her. She can't take care of herself, she needs someone to do everything for her. And this someone is me. I will be their for her. No matter what. I don't care if my legs drop off.

OK, I am loosing my hearing, I need hearing aids and I have absolutely no way of paying for them. Absolutely no way. I don't have $7000. kicking around. Otherwise I would of already been living in White Rock. I need $7000. though. So I can continue to hear. So I start a campaign on indiegogo. I put the link up on one of my blogs a few days ago.

Here it is again. http://igg.me/at/helpmehear/x/917224

I still have the vertigo issue that needs to be solved. And many other things as well. I am in pain all the time. I will never show this to mom, or, actually others. I have only told two people about my hearing loss. I guess a few more. Many more. Only those who have read this.

I just ask where is the GOD that I pray to each and every night. To help me with all of these problems and/or situations that come my way all the time. I just need a miracle. For GOD to supply the funds I need to purchase the hearing aids. And it would be nice for some extra funds to move to White Rock. Get what I need and what I need for a few months.

But GOD I pray for health for my mother, healing for her. And, OK, the funds I need to purchase the hearing aids.

But most importantly, health, healing and happiness for mom

GOD bless and good night. I hope this gives all of you a better understanding of what this is all about.

Kris Schmuland

Lonely seniors die sooner. I am making sure this does not happen to my mother.