It's a day of static

Hello again

Bath day for mom, meaning she is then put to bed. At least today they had the TV on. Oh wait a minute, it didn't matter as her line of sight was blocked by the railing padding. So mom could only hear the TV, Really, what is the point in that.

Of course they put to many covers on her and when I arrive mom is extremely hot. Trying to get the covers off of her. Remember, she only has use of one arm. So this is very difficult for her. Doesn't work well. The covers always end up being bunched together. And she is still hot and has had a work out trying to get the covers off of her.

So I unpack as quick as possible to get her drinks out, to give her the needed hydration. And can she drink allot. I don't even think they give her something to drink all day long. They ignore her, I am sure of that.

I warmed up mom's dinner and she really enjoyed it tonight. Ate all of it, then the served dinner came. Just as mom was finishing up her dinner. She had a little bit of it. I really am trying to get her to loose some weight. Mom will eat, she has a great appetite, I have to watch.

Now after dinner I got her teeth brushed and the changed her nightgown, put on an undershirt first. Then I changed her sheets. So when I was finished mom had a new undershirt on, clean nightgown and clean sheets. All while mom was in bed. I have become an expert at changing mom's sheets, while she is in bed. Without having to disturb her in anyway.

This is when the care aid came in, actually she came in right when I was about to give mom her spa treatment. I knew this would happen. I was just about to start, so no big deal.

The only thing the care aid had to do was to change mom's pad and wash her. This I could of done as well. I have to leave something for them to do, as I do everything else. They don't have to do anything for mom, the moment I walk in the door. Nothing at all. I do and can do everything. And have done everything on many occasions.

They have all this extra free time, and they still complain.

I finished or should I say, I started the spa treatment as soon as the care aid was done. Mom just loves this so much. I started to massage her neck as well and mom looks forward to this. She moves her head up so I can get at her neck. Then she is ready to sleep. Yet I haven't even done her arms and legs. By the time I am done, it is lights out for mom. She just reaches for my hand and as soon as she gets a hold of my hand, her eye's close and she just smiles.

It is so wonderful to see mom smile as she falls asleep. Her hand loosens, it is time to go.

There was allot of static electricity in the air today. I could feel it. I was shocking mom and myself. All the hairs on my arm were and actually still are standing up. I can feel it through out my body.

It is very uncomfortable. This is why I can;t wear watches. I drain the battery, very quickly. Especially on days like today. I will even drain the battery on my phone if it is right up against my body. I am not the only one who can't wear watches. Battery powered watches. I can wear kinetic watches.They just whined as I move.

Need to go. I am still not sleeping well. Okay, I haven't slept well in many years and getting tired of it. I wish I could have just 3 hours straight sleep. Not likely.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

A long day

Hello again

I first want to reiterate that I do not blame anyone for anything that is my life. Past or present. Except for the car accident(s) that took allot of my life away.

It is of my doing. My mistakes, no one else's. I have made the decision to take care of my mother. And with comes, well things. It is okay though. If I want things I guess I find a way to get myself together and work full time. And then I don't have the time to spend looking after mom.

That I cannot do. Looking mom is the most important person and thing I am and have done. So not having all the things I want is fine with me. I really don't want much. Just to live close to her and to be able to take care of her better than I am now. Just a simple wish

Now mom is fine today. Big smile on her face when I arrived. A very good dinner for her this evening. Which she really enjoyed. And her dessert of course.

It was a simple day for us both. I was up very early to make an appointment this morning. It took awhile to get their and then allot of paper work. Signing my name over and over again and initialing all sorts of thing cause my right hand to shake and to shake uncontrollably. It hurt and still does.

Now when mom and I finished dinner. She was tired as well. I just got her changed as quick as possible  and got her into bed. The care aid came in and changed her. After this was the nightly spa treatment.  Mom was just smiles all the way through this tonight. I had to go and wash the dishes, but it took a while for mom to let go of my hand. She was sleepy and just wanted to continue to hold my hand.

I was as quick as possible getting the dishes done and returned to find mom waiting for me. Eye's open, looking at the door.

I put the dishes away and grabbed mom's hand. All smiles and now relaxed. It was not long before she fell asleep. I sang to her, gave her a good night kiss and tucked her in.

Off I went. I needed to get a few things for mom, for dinners.

I am cranky and very exhausted. My hand hurts. I am hungry, but not. I have allot to watch, but I don't want to watch anything. But I do.

I am out of here.

GOD bless and good night. I am doubting this.

Kris Schmuland

It still is winter, cold.

Hello again

OK, cold for us. Not the rest of the world. 2 c. We are spoiled here in Vancouver. I am truly sorry that the rest of Canada is snowed in.... And the storms are still coming.

When I arrived today I made mention to the manager about mom' back of her shirt and sweater being soaking wet on Monday and her only wearing a short sleeve shirt on Tuesday. Let's hope something is done about this. I am still going to bring it up in my complaint to the PCQO

I would like to take a moment away from the above. The only thing I have of my parents, as the sisters took everything when they conned my parents into selling their home in Coquitlam, is a winged back chair. An expensive wing back chair. Now it was at my younger sisters place and she put it in a corner and just let her cats have at it. It is a beautiful chair. The cats used it as a scratching post and the sister did nothing about it. And the took my art easel. None of them have any artistic talent what so ever. My expensive easel.

Back to today. After I spoke with the manager I went and took mom to her room. On my way their I picked up a few things. Some potted flowers and two garden gnomes. Perfect for her window sill. The flowers were $1.00 each in a 4" pot. Cheap, and beautiful colours. They really brightened up her room. Maybe I will get a few more to put around her room.

After this, I gave mom her drinks. She is always very thirsty when I arrive. Why is that, I may ask. It was time for dinner. I got her something nice for dinner this evening. I Warmed it up came back and mom ate all of it and was full.

Being Wednesday, it was the day for me to wash mom's hair. This I did as soon as dinner was done. I waited to do the dishes until after her spa treatment and mom was relaxed. But today mom was very agitated. Holding her left arm. She was in pain today. Her left arm was really bothering her. It seemed like she just wanted to pull it off. And get rid of the problem. I see wear she is coming from. Her arm is in pain, she can't use it as she wishes. Can't open her fist.. Left arm. I need to speak with her doctor and she if we can have something done.

I do wish for an x-ray of her shoulder. I have a feeling it is dislocated. If so, something can be done about it. I also want mom to be taking something else for the pain besides Tylenol. It is just to bad on her liver. I won't take it and believe no one should. To many side effects from it. And, really, it doesn't work.

I ended up finishing early and I packed up, so I can spend more quality time with mom before I had to leave. Which I did. It is funny, I am holding mom's hand and her eye's are closed, but she keeps opening them up, just a little, to see if I am still there. It is sweat.

So I saw the neurologist again today, but I am waiting to see another one, for a second opinion. He prescribe to me,  some medicine for Parkinson's. I won't be taking anything until I get a second opinion. I even mentioned this to him. Sorry Doc.

So my mood has been crappy, but I am excellent at hiding this. And I do not show it in front of mom or anyone else. What good would it do. No one gives a crap, rats ass. etc...... That has been shown to me over the last many years I have been taking care of mom.

Still can't find a place to live. I just hate being here. That is evident from my constant complaining. I don't feel safe. I don't have much, but what I do have I would like to keep. And if I do have Parkinson's. I need to be closer, as I am not going to be able to continue with the traveling.

Stop, I will wait until I have a second opinion before  I write about this anymore. That is it.

DONE

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

It is a very tired day for both of us

Hello again

I cannot stop saying that, taking care of my mother is the best things I have done in my life. When does someone get this opportunity. Except when one has a child. Unfortunately I don't think I will ever have that opportunity to do so.

But if it were not for someone raising me with values and understanding, I would not be capable of doing this. And the award goes to my mother Mary Schmuland, who took the time to instill these virtues in her children. Okay at least one of them.

I arrived today and mom only had a short sleeve tee shirt on. What the....................... I told the nurse that I don't want my mother dressed like this anymore and it is still winter. This is your job, if you see someone who is under dressed, do something about it. All she did was give me a blank stare. I will now add this to my growing list of complaints I will be sending off this week.

I got mom down to her room, For the first time since mom has been out their I was not able to bring mom a dinner. I never forgot my promises, why did her forget his. I have always only asked that my mother be taken care of each day. Nothing. I am very disappointed. I can not longer say that he will help you.

It is one thing to screw with me, I can handle it. But another to mess with my mom. This is something I just won't put up with. Sorry.

Now we finally got her dinner, and while feeding mom, I put the fork into the carrots and what did I pull out, but a long blond hair. This happened as the care aid came in. Really gross. Dinner was changed, but he same thing. The same dinner in mean. The care aid was nice enough to get a different type of dinner. Which mom ate most of it. I filled her up on home made peanut butter cookies. It was all I had in the house. Peanut butter, sugar and an egg.

Mom ate her dessert and was ready for bed.

By the way, as soon as saw mom I pulled out a sweater out of my bag and put it across her chest.

Just as I was about to sit down and hold mom's hand and wait for the care aid, in she walked. This was done, and mom received her spa treatment. She was a little grumpy as she was very tired. So I did most of it. As quick as possible. It was early when finished so I just stood there until it was time to leave. I just held her hand and got lost in my own little world. Just lost.

GOD bless and good night ( i don't think I will be writing this anymore) Lost allot of my faith today. I am not sure what is going to happen over he next month. But I am sure it won't be to good. I am not speaking about my mother. Just this piece of crap person I call myself.

Kris Schmuland

I am just chill, not really

Hello again

I would like to continue from last night, briefly.

Now alcoholism is not a disease, in my opinion. No one forced me to drink or smoke pot. No one forced me to ruin my life. No, it was just me who did this. I was the one who couldn't put down the beer or stop smoking excessive amounts of pot. And yes pot is bad for you. Take it from me. I had allot going for me, then I decided to start drinking again. I new when I was a teenager that I was one of those individuals who had an obsessive personality. But I didn't listen to myself. Instead I went about systematically destroying my life.

So who is to blame for this. First I blame no one for destroying my life and ending up a complete looser, as I am. It was just me. Of my own making. I don't blame the girl for leaving me and moving back east to be with her sister. And when I wrote what women would want to be with me. On the surface they would think. he is attractive, but once they found out I am a nobody and don't have anything. They would go screaming and running away in the opposite direction from where ever it is I am. Trust me on this one. I have experienced it first hand. And every woman my age wants nothing to do with me, besides saying hello or give me a smile.

So no one is to blame for my mess but myself!

Mom was looking very good today. Big smile for all and just happy to see me. It seems mom likes to eat in her room, As she is out with the rest of the residents and it is noisy. She just wants to eat with peace and quite. I understand. That is the way we always ate are meals. At the table with no TV, maybe some music. Who am I kidding. No music. Dad didn't like music, for some strange reason. Mom did and so did I. Not even my mother's daughters.

This we did and have been doing. After I got her ready for bed, the care aid came in and put her into bed and changed her. Then it was the spa treatment for mom. The full deal. With a smile on her face.

Mom is doing fine. Look I am not in denial about mom and her condition. I have been there through it all. Everything. From not being able to use the phone to her in the wheelchair. I have been there for her through both hip operations.

I know what is happening, but I choose not to let it get to me. Mom needs someone strong, to be their for her. To put all of what is happening aside and just concentrate on making sure that life is enjoyable for her. That she gets nutritious meals. That she is treated well and there is someone out there who is going to advocate for her. Who am I kidding, fight for her rights.

All said and done. I may think of myself as a looser. But I am there for my mother. No one else is. No one else even visits her. I am not a visitor. I am part of her daily routine.

I AM THERE FOR HER

I am out

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland