I am not sure

Hello again

Tonight mom barely ate again. I was able to bring her prawns, which she really likes and she only ate 4 of them. And I brought a dozen of them. She didn't even eat any of the dinner that the hospital supplied.

She only ate one half of a papaya, not normal. But she did eat, two gold kiwi's. And a couple of her lidnt chocolates.

Mom is just tired when I get their and all she wants to do is go to bed. And at 6 pm at that. OK it is usually 7 pm when she is in bed. Well no, when I bring her back to her room, I put her in the bed. It is easier to give her the spa treatment, as I can raise the bed up.

My back is not any better. And now, just taking the bus is hurting me. When I get off the bus I am in extreme pain and all hunched over. It takes a great amount of effort to straighten my back out.

And again today, I wanted to get to see mom early, so I went through Surrey. Well once again, I was forced to get up to allow two strollers on. And the one person, took up two seats. But their I stand, with my cane and the bus driver doing nothing.

Again, a person with a visible disability has priority seating. But in Surrey the bus drivers don't want the hassle.

So this means I have to take the long way around in order for me to be able to sit. And now, no matter what, my back is hurting me. I am injured.

This is something I didn't need at this point in my life. But it will not stop me from going to see mom.

Now back to mom. I am not sure what to do. I don't have the money to keep making her dinners. And the PGT is playing a game, as usual.

I need to get a bunch of ensure. This way she can get nutrition. The drinks are full of vitamins. Now the problem is getting the PGT forking out cash to cover this.

And I have received no response on the photo's that are in storage. There is really nothing in storage, except a few pictures and the trunk with the photo's in it.

Now I want the trunk. And I will restore all the photo's. I have the software and the skill. I need a printer.

Now I have my inside telling me to pack. And pack I will

So tonight, I took mom outside for a few moments after dinner and then for her spa treatment.

By the time I finish her feet, mom is just completely relaxed. The staff change her and then I finish off by putting lotion on her arms and hands. Different lotion for each. Tonight I was trying to finish off her manicure and I put nail polish on her.

I should of did this when I arrived, as I think I have allot of work  to do tomorrow, so I can fix what I messed up. It was getting dark when I started tonight. , and I should of just waited. But I started to do this a few days ago and wanted to finish her nails off.

I need to move to White Rock and that is all that is to it. I have to be closer to mom, she really needs me now more than ever. Yes I have said this over and over again. But I have too.

Mom has Dementia and lung cancer. She is showing sign's of forgetting who I am. Not good. This is the time I really need to be with her the most.

I am wondering if anyone actually understands what this is like. Or even cares. This is a very hard thing to deal with. I leave my pain and most of my emotions at the door. So mom doesn't see that I am in pain, both physically and emotionally.

How much worse off is it for my mother. Her life is slipping away from her. And she is being treated with no dignity. And this will make mom go down hill faster.

This is a problem and I will have to file a complaint with the human rights tribunal. And/or go to court.

All I can do is hug her and hold her tight and cry.

I don't get it. I need to be their for mom, no one else is. I have nothing and I really need to move to White Rock. I have to spend as much time with her as I can.

I don't have the time to do anything else. Frankly, mom needs me so I should be available for her. Again no mater what. I can do everything afterwards

This is something that I need everyone to understand. I only have mom left for family. No one else. And I have to be their for her. Yes I have sister's but let's face it, we don't speak now, we won't speak afterwards. Oh no, my number is available for them and time.

And the bitch is trying to make the decisions for mom. And bad mouthing me to the management. She is not there enough or even care enough to make any decisions for mom. Only I am.

Please understand this y'all. We only have one mother and she is very important to each of us. And mine is important to me.

Living in Coquitlam is to far away, in case anything should happen.

I have nothing and need everything. As long as get a place in White Rock, I don't care if I sleep on the floor or eat off of paper plates. Or even eat. I just need a place by myself. So I can have mom over.

As long as I get out their. And I do need help with this.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Mom wants to just give up

Hello again

So tonight mom barely ate again. This is five days now, that she is not eating. All mom wants to do when I get their is go to bed.

I try to feed her, but she just doesn't like what is being served to her.

I write the PGT and tell them that mom needs some home cooked meals. But what does he say to me. "The home provides meals for her, so I won't help you with this" I write back that mom isn't eating and doesn't' like what she is being served. He writes back to me with the same response.

Now I make her meals whenever I can. Again I will spend whatever money I have on mom before myself. And that is exactly what I do. I try and try.

Now mom new me today and had no episodes of not remembering. I washed her hair and styled it. Then it was time for the spa treatment.

When I was going to put her to bed. I thought, let's get her up and try to walk. Get some exercise. I asked her if she wanted to get up and walk. And in a clear voice she said to me " WHY" I asked her again and "WHY" is what she told me. Clearly spoken.

Now this is mom saying that what is the point in doing this. The staff is not going to get my up walking, anytime soon. I have no dignity, they are forcing me to go to the bathroom in my pants. Even though, at Oceanside they took me to the bathroom and I didn't have to go in my pants. How disgusting.

They don't even let me push myself around, they have my legs up all the time.

I just hugged her and told her, I am moving to White Rock so I can be here more often and do for you whatever it is that I need to do, To help you with everything. To get you up walking. To make sure they take you to the bathroom. To make sure they let you move around on your own. To see to it that they don't keep you tilted back all day. So your eyes are being abused by the lights.

When mom first moved in I told them that the lights bother mom and not to let her directly face them. But do you think they listen. NOT A CHANCE IN HELL!

This is the abuse that the organization I am starting is trying to stop. To allow each person dignity in their lives. Which is lacking.

I have seen many violations at the Al Hogg pavilion. The clients have rights and they just ignore them.

That is OK I am writing a letter of complaint to give to the human rights tribunal.

I WILL NOT TOLERATE MY MOTHER BEING ABUSED BY ANYBODY.

I WILL FIGHT AND FIGHT FOR HER, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.

This is not just for the management of the Al Hogg pavilion, it is also for the PGT.

Mom is not wanting to be alive, she is wanting to just give up. Not going to happen.

What I see happening is the management thinks they know everything and they don't listen to the children.

Now I am wanting all of mom's and dad's photo's, and the PGT tells me to go to welfare. I just wrote them, demanding the photo's.

Mom area is sparse and needs to be familar. She needs a look back and to remember her life. Her wedding photo's, dad's army pics. All the family photo's.

I am getting very sick and tired of this nonsense with the PGT and the homes that abuse it clients.

It is not my problem if they don't have the staff to toilet mom. This is what she needs and that is all that it is to it.

Remember we all have rights, even one who has Dementia. She deserves to be treated with respect. As we all do.

It is time the PGT keeps it's word and help me get to White Rock. Once I am their, I will take care of the rest. I need to stop all of this traveling, so I can concentrate on developing my organization. And to start a business writing Representation Agreements and other interests that is associated with seniors and  their abuse issue's.

Again if their is anyone out their who is interested in giving a helping hand. Whatever that may be. I would be very grateful.

I am a Christian and I believe in GOD and I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe in love. To love one another. This is the greatest of commandments that GOD gave us.

And I hope that who ever reads this believes in the same values that I believe in. That if your neighbour is in need, to help them out. This is the true work of GOD.

I need to go now, bed time.

GOD bless and good night\

Kris Schmuland

I do this, not out of selfish needs, but for the love I have for my mother. I will gladly give up my life for my mother's.

again

Hello again

Tonight it happened again. Mom did not recognize me twice. Once when I was feeding her. She looked at me like who are you that is feeding me dinner. And pushed me away. And then when I was giving her the nightly spa treatment. Both times all I could do was to hold her and tell her that I loved her. And I am having to keep telling her. I love you mom, Mom is the key word here.

This is very upsetting. I started to cry the second time. And just hugged mom.

For what ever I am feeling, I could not imagine what mom is feeling and thinking. It is horrible for her. I have seen this, now, three times.

With my grandfather then my father and now mom. I have said and I will say it again, I am a Mommy's boy. And have been.

I cannot accept anything less than doing what it takes to get to White Rock. And this means holding all to their words and promises. Including the PGT, especially the PGT

And I look to all for help. I cannot wait any longer to get out their. Mom needs me more than ever now.

I need to be spending as much time with her as possible. No matter what it takes.

This means fighting for everything and anything to get me out their. Whatever it takes I require to be their.

I will be praying without ceasing. I will call out to GOD for help. I will believe GOD will help me.

None of this is for me, but only for my mother. I am nothing without her. I am here to serve her. To make sure she is treated properly. To give her the best of everything.

No longer will I accept maybes. It is time for action.

This is a very serious situation and it seems that no one even gives a ####

If this were your mother. Wouldn't you do everything that it would take to do what is necessary to get yourself closer to your mother. Challenging every one's morals, values and what they actually stand for.

To try to get the real person out of everyone.

My mother is my rock. And I will do everything for her. She always has been.

GOD bless and good night

I need to get some sleep.

I am very stressed out right now. But imagine what mom feels.

I saw a change tonight

Hello again

Tonight I saw for the first time with mom, a change. For a moment, mom did not know who I was. And was pushing me away and getting angry. The look in her eyes told it all. Like who are you, get away from me. Yes this happens, even though I am their everyday and spend 3 hours with her each day.

This is the progression of the disease. I saw it when my father entered the latter stages of this disease. With my grandfather it was the same.

They both did not live long in the latter stages of this disease.

I now need to get to White Rock to live and be at the home as much as possible. I need to be living as close to her as possible. The 6 or more hours of traveling I do, can be spent with her. Or a great part of it. If I am in White Rock, I will be their all the time. Taking mom out and doing things with her and for her.

Now is the most important time for me to be doing this. I knew one day it would happen. But you never expect it, or I never wanted it to happen.

I live in my own little world of mom is going to be all right. I hope she lives a very long time. I just know what happens with Dementia patients. I am very well experienced with this. And knowledgeable.

I am very upset right now. On top of the fact I am in serious pain and it is not going away. I am already grieving my mother.

I have, for the last three days, stayed until mom falls asleep. Just sitting there holding her hand. I need to do this for her. I need for her to know, that I am right there for her. It is the way she taught me to be.

Writing this about what happened tonight, is causing  a flux of tears to come streaming down my face. I am blinded by this as I write this blog. It is extremely painful for me.

I don't even have a single person I could call to talk to. Not a one.

No mater how much education I have, It is not helping me out right now. Mom forgot who I was. Only for a moment. But that moment gets increasingly longer.

I have not really stopped crying since then. I have hidden it well tonight. Thank GOD I really didn't run into anyone that questioned me. Yes isn't it funny, I am shedding tears on the skytrain and know one bothered to ask if I was OK or what was wrong.

Funny isn't it.

I have nothing to move with, but I will have to trust GOD and the other Christians out their to help me out. Or maybe not. The other Christians I mean. GOD will be their to help me. I believe.

I need a place so I can bring mom over too. Furniture that is comfortable for her. I won't let her sit in the wheel chair while over. I want mom to be able to spend the night.

I need the place to be nice, comfortable and spacious. A place with a view, would be nice.

I just need to be in White Rock now. Not latter, but now.

I can no longer let mom spend most of her days by herself. She needs family with her, from now on. As much as possible. No questions asked. This is what mom needs and deserves to have. And since the rest of the family doesn't care. I will continue to be their. I will step up even more.

And if this means an all out fight for everything to help mom, than so be it. If it means continuous picketing the PGT, than so be it. To file a complaint with the human rights commission, than so be it. All of this might be what I need to do to make mom's life happier.

I have always thought that if I did the right thing, everything else would be OK. I know this is just wishful thinking.

I don't do any of this for my mother out of guilt. I do this because I love my mother very much and will be their for her, to the very end. GOD bless that she lives a very long time.

My back is not getting any better, by the time I get to White Rock and get off the bus, I am walking hunched over and in extreme pain. But I leave this at the door of the Al Hogg pavilion. And I do not let my mother know how bad it is. She knows I am in pain, that my back hurts. It is not because of her, by any means. Again it is from the bus drivers out in Surrey.



GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

If anyone needs to help out, You know how to get a hold of me.

The pain continues

Hello again

So this is why I am in pain. It is due to transit. Let me be delicate here. For the last two weeks I have been forced to get up and stand on the bus. As the drivers are telling me that a stroller is coming on and I have to move

People with disabilities have priority seating. Meaning, I get to sit and stay seated over a individual with a stroller. But it is Surrey and the drivers don't want to cause problems, as they might get attacked. It is
Surrey after all.


But, it is the drivers responsibility to make sure that individuals with disabilities have a seat. It is just not one bus driver. It has been multiple drivers on three different bus's. The 345, 394 and the 321. All have made me get up to make room for a stroller.

I will be seeking legal advice on this. I can't even sit for any length of time, now. And when I do get off the bus, now. I can barely walk.

Now some of the staff have been praising me for the way I take care of my mother.

I say do not praise me. Praise my mother.

Praise my mother for teaching me morals

Praise my mother for teaching me values

Praise my mother for teaching me to help other's

Praise my mother for raising me to give of myself

Praise my mother for showing me that their is more to life than one's self.

Praise my mother for pushing me to get an education.

Praise my mother for raising me to take care of other's.

Praise my mother for teaching me to serve.

So I guess you get the idea

If it were not for my mother I would not be doing what I am doing. I would not have it in me to continuing to be their for her.

As you can see if it were not for my mother's influence I would be nothing. I am nothing without my mother.

So mom is constipated again. And this is due to the nurses giving my mother Tylenol. Which constipates one. And then they give her a laxative/suppository.

Isn't this a little redundant  This misuse of Tylenol also causes liver damage. On top of having Dementia and lung cancer. Mom is going to have liver damage.

And this is causing mom not to be able to eat properly. She is constipated and is in pain, so she is not actually very hungry. This is going to be a major problem. And I will be addressing this issue early this week. With a few other unresolved issues.

Mom is very tired of late. As well as very hungry. But being constipated, she is not eating and this is a problem.

Now they are going to start taking mom to the bathroom. And they are going to have to stop lying to me.

One lie, I sent an email to the manager and the first one came back undelivered. Then I sent it through a different email account and it went through. I spoke to the manager and she tells me that she didn't receiver it. But some of the problems I wrote about were resolved. They know I write a blog and will write about everything that happens. And exactly how mom and I feel and think about what is going on.

I know exactly when someone is lying to me.

People are fooling themselves if they think they will get anything over on me. Not going to happen.

I noticed something tonight. That if you leave the fold, the members stop speaking with you. It happened with the church I was attending and with another group I was involved with. As I walked by people I knew in this one group, and they just ignored me. As they never knew me.  This is OK. It seems this is the way of the world.

Tonight I have written early, so I can get off my feet and just meditate.

GOD bless and good night.