So it is

Hello again

Please take what I say as truth. When dealing with assisted living homes. You, not they, are in charge of your loved one's health care. Not the LPN's the care aids, the social workers, the occupational therapist, or the doctor's. You make the decision on what your loved one gets for medication, for dinner's, how they are treated etc....... etc.......

Research all medication they are given. Search the FDA data base for the side effects for individuals with Alzheimer's/Dementia. And for any warnings that the FDA has issued for the medications that your loved one's are given.

Don't be intimidated by the home, go above their heads to the organization its self. Or the governing body. If you have any issues. Don't take things lightly.

THIS IS WHAT THEY EXPECT US TO DO.  FOR US NOT TO DO ANYTHING.

PROVE THEM WRONG BY TAKING MATTERS IN YOUR HANDS.

IT IS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF OUR LOVED ONE'S THAT WE BE PROACTIVE.

Yet you have to be their, go their and be an active part of your loved one's life in order for this to be affective. If you go once a week, they will not take you seriously. I  believe one should spend as much time as possible with their loved one's. I am the exception, there are not to many people who do what I do. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that the time you spend with your loved one is not enough.

I just believe, that our loved one's were there for us all the time, so it is our turn to do the same.

Tonight I was not able to bring mom any dinner. The mother Hubbard syndrome. Broke and nothing at home to make for her. Or even myself. Please understand, I would and have gone without so mom can have a nutritious meal.  But this time I have nothing. I am feeling extremely guilty about this now and will be feeling this way tomorrow, as I won't be able to bring her anything.

One thing I have noticed over the years is that I have developed Social Dysfunctional disorder. Meaning I have a hard time making and keeping friends. Being isolated and lonely has caused this disorder to flourish.

If I had one wish this wish would be to win the lottery and then buy a home to move mom in with me and take care of her full time.

This is just a wish. A wish that I would love to come true. I already know how to look after her.

Well it is late again, I had allot more to say, but I need to go to bed. I am very tired tonight.

Please, I ask again, that all of you who believe, pray that I find a place in White Rock that I can afford, by the end of August.

Thank You

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

More of me

Hello again

I will start by saying this today. If you are about to place you loved one in a home. Please DON'T TRUST ANYTHING THEY SAY. ONLY TRUST YOUR SELF.

I have been dealing with and have researched and read as much as I could get my hands on about Alzheimer's and Dementia. Elder Abuse and treatment for this disease, over the last 10 or so years.

I have been around many homes and institutions and have been witnessed to many things, many deaths. That I feel could of been prevented if attention was given to the individual.

I ask if you can watch Frontline PBS Life and death in assisted living. I am working on downloading it and when I finish watching it I will comment on it. Or comment while I am watching it. It is an old episode, but worth the watch.

I ran into an old pastor from the church I use to attend. He told me that I am still a part of that family. I stated that since I left the church I don't feel part of that family or any family. I feel isolated and alone. In fact the only connection I have to anyone on this planet. Is with my mother. There is not a single individual out their, and I am serious, whom I have any kind of connection with. I am truly alone on this planet.

Yes it a pity me time tonight. That is OK, I can write this anyway I wish. I am sure that their are a few of you that read all of what I write and I do thank you. And maybe wait to see what I write next. I just imagine that this could be so.  And if so, I write what I am feeling and/or am thinking this very moment. Sometimes I write the blog through out the day. Well I do mostly write this during the day. I do this in my head and remember mostly what I want to write

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Mom tonight was very tired and it is unusual for a Thursday. My depression is stopping me from calling the home and getting mom moved. I go to bed late and get up and have to get ready to leave right away. I am up and out of the house within 1 1/2 hours of getting up. And I have limited time on my phone. Excuses, excuses.

I am upset that I can't make mom meals that are nutritious for her. I do what I can and I do try. I picked her up and double cheeseburger today for dinner. She ate all of this plus some of the dinner the home served to her.  I wish I could do more.

I would love to make her home made chili or pasta sauce. I just can't afford it. And the PGT tells me that they won't help, as the home feeds her. Really, this guy has never seen the stuff they serve to the residents. Or even where the food comes from.

I will say that mom knows exactly what she wants. She lets me know, when she is done and it is time for her nightly spa treatment. She places her hand on my face and rubs it. This is her sign that she wants me to give her the spa treatment.

I have no idea what I am going to give mom for dinner tomorrow/today. Maybe an omelet again. I have nothing else.

I know it is not what I bring her, it is the fact that I am their with her that matter's. But to me, making her something nice for dinner each night, is very important to me. I feel guilty if I don't do this for her. She eats enough of the crap their, as it is.

What I need is to move to White Rock, this is my wish.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

I shall continue

Hello again

Thanks Sandy for your comment

Let me touch base on the lonely issue again. I know what lonely is and I just can't have my mother feeling this way. Yes I get lonely and I don't have to many conversations with other through out my weeks. But at least I can go out and get around. Mom cannot.

So no matter how lonely I am feeling or get. And it gets bad at times. I know mom is stuck where she is. And it is my job as her son to keep her company, and look after her, so she doesn't feel so lonely. OK, mom requires my full attention while I am their at her home. And it is OK as well.  She only gets this kind of attention for a few hours each day. 3 or 4 and only from me.

She has other family members, but they are not their or even give a crap. But will write negative things about me.

Again it is none of my business what others think about me. Maybe this contributes to my loneliness, maybe not. I have to live this way.

Now about what I was saying about myself in the last blog. I don't have a relationship with anyone.

I can say this. I am attractive to many, I am in decent shape, yes I have my physical disabilities. Emotionally I am OK, though I have depression issues. Psychologically, again depression. I have a good education.

What stops me from pursuing relationships, is I am broke, and this stops me from having a girlfriend. Lets face it, no one my age is going to want anything to do with me. I cannot do anything for them. Can't take someone out for dinner or even a movie. I can barely afford coffee.

Most people, including my family, would say that I am a looser. That is OK. I consider myself poor, but I am doing the right thing, by taking care of mom. I go without all the time. But so did my parents, raising me and their daughters. I am glad I have this time with mom and the time I had with my dad, before he passed away.

At this point I only have the one wish, to find a place in White Rock I can afford. I would like to drive again. Only a pipe dream at this point. And maybe a flat screen TV and a decent stereo. But I would take the place in White Rock.


I have absolutely nothing, I don't live on my own. Though I am trying to find a place in White Rock on my own. I just have to find a place I can afford. Right now, I don't even have time for anything. I travel 7  hours a day. I spend 3 or 4 hours a day with my mother. OK I have a few hours in the morning to make some calls to deal with issues concerning mom. And in my travels I stop and get mom's daily items. Fresh fruit and drinks, snacks etc.... etc.....

Mom, today, was very tired, but she ate allot. This is a very good thing. But mom was also clear that she doesn't want to have the other women as a roommate anymore.

I am done with mom's sleep being disturbed like it is every night.  Time to file a formal complaint. Can't do anything with the PGT as they don't care.

Now on the Frontline episode tonight it was titled Life and death in assisted living. About how most people put their trust in the homes their loved one's are in.

Now I can say for a fact that they all lie to the children, they lie about what medications their loved one's are on. The care is modest at best.

I have seen to much and I don't trust any of them. You have to go into any of these homes with open eyes and not trust what any of them say or do. And you have to be extremely proactive about everything to do with your loved one's. You have to be on these staff members all the time.

I have stood with picket signs, I have handed out flyer's. I have been very vocal about everything. I don't get mad I just tell them the way it is . This you have to do, and do it all the time.

My  mother is worth any inconvenience I may go through.

Well again it is now 12:20 and time to go to bed.

GOD bless and good night.

Pray that I find a place in White Rock I can afford and/or the funds to help me out.


Kris Schmuland

Brass tax

Hello again

Let us get down to brass tax.

It has been almost two decades since I had a girl friend. Yes almost 20 years and that includes everything that comes with having a girl friend. And maybe marriage and kids.

The first ten years, my 30's.  I was a alcoholic and graduated to full  blown alcoholic by the time I was in my late 30's. And the last 10 years or so I was recovering and taking care of my parents and now my mother.

There was a girl, excuse me women, in my life. We were friends and were developing feeling for each other. Due to the fact I was a drunk. Anyways, she moved back east to be with her sister, who moved their 6 or 8 months earlier. It was after this I quite drinking and smoking pot.

Yes I was a pot head as well. But nothing in a very long time now. There was something between myself and my friend. And it was not until after she left that I found out she loved me as well. It is OK, I have not spoken to her in over 5 years now. So that is that.  I think about her all the time. Wondering if she is married, with kids. How she is doing.

This happens when one is lonely and hasn't been with anyone in a very long time. Reliving a lost love.  Yes it is embarrassing, but that is what this is about. To speak the truth, whatever that may be. I could make all sorts of excuses, but the truth is I have not been well. Emotionally and physically. Excuses, excuses once again.

I am an unattractive person. I am in OK shape, getting better. But as I said in my last blog. I gained allot of weight while depressed and on anti depression medication. I have lost over 70 in the last few years. I did well with the ladies. I am extremely  intelligent. A very nice person and I have a kind heart.

I have no idea how it ended up this way. It just is and it is a lonely place to be. It is not often I have conversations through out my days. I only seem to speak with mom and once in a while someone will talk to me in my travels. But we are not sitting down and having a real conversation. Which is what I do miss. Sitting down over coffee and just letting our conversations go where they may.

Mom doesn't speak, but we do communicate very well. I do understand 80 % of what she is trying to communicate. And it is also difficult as mom wants my complete attention while I am their visiting her. She will get angry when I speak with anyone.

I don't blame her. No one speaks to her through out the day. I am OK with this. I made the decision to look after my parents and it is the right decision. I serve GOD by serving my mother.

I use to have friends, but not anymore. Mom, it seems, is my only friend. I speak with her and she does understand me. I know, mom knows I am lonely. But I will never show her that. When I am visiting mom and helping her out, my full attention is focused on mom. Again I leave all the nonsense at the door. In my imaginary bucket.

Mom today was very hungry, but also a little upset. She was in a hurry to eat so she could get to bed. Hungry and tired. And needing to be changed. Maybe it was because I didn't bring anything home cooked today. Or maybe not. She has her 7 layer dip left and needs to be eaten. But mom ate a papaya and a half tonight, plus cherries, a avocado and some cheese. She did eat well. Oh yea the fish that was served with her dinner from the home, its self.

It is so nice, though, that when mom grabs my hand and holds it, she can fall asleep right away, with ease. Mom trusts me that much.

I got her into bed, brushed her teeth and washed her up. Then they came to change her. Afterwards I held her hand while she fell asleep. It is a beautiful thing. Of course I always sing her the good night song. She sings along with me.

I will put this out there. When I need something. Shampoo, tooth paste etc.. I will purchase it and then bring the new one to mom's and then take the old one for me. We use the same shampoo, gel and tooth paste. So this is the way it is and has been. Mom gets the new one and I take the older one's to use.

OK it is now 1 am and time to go and watch a bit of what I have downloaded and eat a bit.

It will be 3 am when I get to sleep.

I hope this gives you a little better understanding of me and my life.

I love it, but I am depressed.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland