Hello again
I didn't want to write anything this evening. Just stressed and cold. But it is this Blog that keeps me going. To be able to write what I feel and to be able to write what my mother is going through each day. And to actually have someone read this. From all over the world. Makes each day a little better.
It helps me focus on what it is I am suppose to do. That is to take the best care of my mother as I possible can. To make each of her days a little brighter. To help her realize that someone does care enough for her, to be their every single day for her. This brings tears to my eye's each day as I see the smile on her face, when I give her the daily spa treatment, when I tuck her in at night and when I simply just hold her hand and watch the relaxation come upon her. Complete and almost perfect relaxation.
I do know and realize what mom is going through. But I cannot let that get in the way of making her day special. I know she is going down hill, slowly. I have been there through it all. Watching her not be able to do certain things anymore. To not be able to feed herself, give herself something to drink. Change herself. This is why I am there. To do all these things for her.
I consider myself to be a piece of shit, a looser. Haven't accomplished anything. Not married, no kids. Hell I don't even like to be touched. But I make an exception when it comes to my mother. Otherwise, I have serious anxiety over being touched.
But no matter what, I am a good person. I am doing the right thing by looking after my mother. No one can take this away from me. And it does not bother me, in the least, what other's think of me, that I should be doing something else with my time. Making money, buying this and buying that. There is time for all of that.
The most important thing in my life, is what I am doing. I have made the right decision, to take care of my ailing mother. Yes I go without sometimes. Okay allot of times. But they are all wants. Most of my needs are met.
I travel many hours and many Kilometers each day. All of it worth it. You just don't know, what seeing that smile on my mother's face, feels like, each day when I arrive. It fills me up with emotion. I feel glad that I chose to do this.
Again I thank you for letting me express my thoughts to you and for all of you to read this. I would still write this even if no one read it. Yet you do. I do wish more would read this.
I do like it when I see someone from a new country reading this.
I do hope that you know that I am not the only one going through this. There are many families who are going through the same. Okay, maybe not the exact same thing as I am going through. But I must state that there s abuse in all homes etc... and it is going on each and everyday. Thousands of our loved one's are victims of abuse, daily. And not much is done about it.
It is a dirty little secret, not just in Canada, but all over the world. Except here we just warehouse our loved one;s and turn a blind eye to what is happening.
With what I do, I am trying to do something about it.
Well one again I am tired and need to get some rest. It is not as cold out tonight, but still cold enough in here to.................
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schumuland
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Day 1
Hello again
Day 1 and I barely slept last night, kept waking up every two hours. And I was completely bagged today. I had no desire to even speak with anyone. All I wanted to do was go and take care of mom and speak to her, and her only. It never fails, on the bus this women whom I have spoken with in the past, sat down besides me and asked if I was going to see mom. And then she spoke and I listened all the way into Vancouver. I almost missed my stop. Though I had no desire to speak with anyone, the conversation was nice..
Today mom was also extremely tired. It is like she didn't get any sleep at all last night. I found out tonight the roommate talks in her sleep. Not good for mom.
She barely was able to eat she was so tired. We were able to get a good bit of dinner down and the fruit and dessert. Before mom was just out of it. I knew she was tired, when I arrived, as she was leaning.
So I just put her to bed, gave mom the spa treatment and stayed and held her hand.
For me, besides being there for mom, it was a bad beginning of a new year. I don't want to be living here anymore. Just tired of it. Tired of the bullshit. Tired of constantly asking the landlord for heat.
Yes I have no heat and it is freezing out and inside here. I have layers of sweaters on. And all of my blankets and sheets. It is minus something outside and getting close to that in here. My only option is to contact the residential tenancy branch and the complaint process takes months.
I have to go.
The year has started out to be a shitty one and I am freezing. Need to sleep.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Day 1 and I barely slept last night, kept waking up every two hours. And I was completely bagged today. I had no desire to even speak with anyone. All I wanted to do was go and take care of mom and speak to her, and her only. It never fails, on the bus this women whom I have spoken with in the past, sat down besides me and asked if I was going to see mom. And then she spoke and I listened all the way into Vancouver. I almost missed my stop. Though I had no desire to speak with anyone, the conversation was nice..
Today mom was also extremely tired. It is like she didn't get any sleep at all last night. I found out tonight the roommate talks in her sleep. Not good for mom.
She barely was able to eat she was so tired. We were able to get a good bit of dinner down and the fruit and dessert. Before mom was just out of it. I knew she was tired, when I arrived, as she was leaning.
So I just put her to bed, gave mom the spa treatment and stayed and held her hand.
For me, besides being there for mom, it was a bad beginning of a new year. I don't want to be living here anymore. Just tired of it. Tired of the bullshit. Tired of constantly asking the landlord for heat.
Yes I have no heat and it is freezing out and inside here. I have layers of sweaters on. And all of my blankets and sheets. It is minus something outside and getting close to that in here. My only option is to contact the residential tenancy branch and the complaint process takes months.
I have to go.
The year has started out to be a shitty one and I am freezing. Need to sleep.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
A beginning of another year
Hello again
Happy New Year everyone in Schmuland Land. Or to those who read this blog. Thank you again every single one of you who has taken the time out of there lives to read what I have to say. I hope you have found the reading interesting. I have been fortunate enough to be read by people all over the world. Places that I would not of even thought about. Small countries. Large countries. Influential countries and communist countries. I want to say I look forward to checking to see if I have been read by any new countries.
Tonight I tired to be at mom's early. So I arrive at 4:00 pm Good thing, as mom was tired. But very happy to see me. I know she expects me and looks for me. I know there is an internal clock that says to her, your son is going to be here any minute.
They had a New Years Eve concert of some sorts this after noon. And apparently mom was tapping her hand and singing along.
Well this almost sounds like she was upset. she tends to smack her hand on her arm rest and chatter loudly. In an aggressive manner I will ask the individual who brought this up, today. a
Mom and I got to her dinner early, but we were finished at the same time. Mom was not that hungry, well at least for real food, but for chocolate, she could not get enough of it. I can't feed her to much chocolate. I don't want her to have a stroke. This really worries me. To much sugar. Anyways, she was not that hungry as she was constipated. The care aid solved this problem. And mom felt great afterwards. A big sigh of relief came out of her mouth. And a extremely large smile.
It was Wednesday, hair day. I washed and styled her hair. This made her even more tired. By the time, her hair was washed and she was cleaned out and her nightly spa treatment, it was time to sleep. And all of this was done before 7:15. I stayed a little bit, but I was offered a ride from one of the family members I know. Mom was almost asleep, so I sang to her, tucked her in and gave her the good night kisses. And off I went.
On my way home, I stopped and had coffee with someone who has the same trustee as my mother, who needed advice and someone to speak with on this issue.
I have something in the works, but I need to be living in White Rock. Freeing up the necessary time for me to work on this.
Really, it takes me up to four hours to travel their during the day, and up to three hours at night to get home. No joke about this. With the waiting for the buses and trains and the time it takes with the buses, it can and has mostly taken four hours to get their during the day time. It is rush hour by the time I get over the bridge.
My biggest problem is carrying what I carry. Some days it is very heavy and hard to carry. Thank GOD I am strong and have a very strong back. Or I would just collapse from all the weight of he two bags. If I could have a fridge in moms room, this would take away a large percentage of the weight.
Okay, I am done. I am very tired, still have to eat something. I don't have any idea what that will be. My tooth is still bothering me a bit. So I can't eat what I want. Don't have it and can't afford to eat what I want. I guess that is that.
One thing. I don't eat the same things I make for mom. I can't eat allot of things. Every since I stopped eating anything from a can. Yes I don't eat anything from a can. And it has been at least 8 years now since I have. I can't eat allot of things. My body just doesn't want it.
Time to say good night I hope everyone had a very good New years eve.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Happy New Year everyone in Schmuland Land. Or to those who read this blog. Thank you again every single one of you who has taken the time out of there lives to read what I have to say. I hope you have found the reading interesting. I have been fortunate enough to be read by people all over the world. Places that I would not of even thought about. Small countries. Large countries. Influential countries and communist countries. I want to say I look forward to checking to see if I have been read by any new countries.
Tonight I tired to be at mom's early. So I arrive at 4:00 pm Good thing, as mom was tired. But very happy to see me. I know she expects me and looks for me. I know there is an internal clock that says to her, your son is going to be here any minute.
They had a New Years Eve concert of some sorts this after noon. And apparently mom was tapping her hand and singing along.
Well this almost sounds like she was upset. she tends to smack her hand on her arm rest and chatter loudly. In an aggressive manner I will ask the individual who brought this up, today. a
Mom and I got to her dinner early, but we were finished at the same time. Mom was not that hungry, well at least for real food, but for chocolate, she could not get enough of it. I can't feed her to much chocolate. I don't want her to have a stroke. This really worries me. To much sugar. Anyways, she was not that hungry as she was constipated. The care aid solved this problem. And mom felt great afterwards. A big sigh of relief came out of her mouth. And a extremely large smile.
It was Wednesday, hair day. I washed and styled her hair. This made her even more tired. By the time, her hair was washed and she was cleaned out and her nightly spa treatment, it was time to sleep. And all of this was done before 7:15. I stayed a little bit, but I was offered a ride from one of the family members I know. Mom was almost asleep, so I sang to her, tucked her in and gave her the good night kisses. And off I went.
On my way home, I stopped and had coffee with someone who has the same trustee as my mother, who needed advice and someone to speak with on this issue.
I have something in the works, but I need to be living in White Rock. Freeing up the necessary time for me to work on this.
Really, it takes me up to four hours to travel their during the day, and up to three hours at night to get home. No joke about this. With the waiting for the buses and trains and the time it takes with the buses, it can and has mostly taken four hours to get their during the day time. It is rush hour by the time I get over the bridge.
My biggest problem is carrying what I carry. Some days it is very heavy and hard to carry. Thank GOD I am strong and have a very strong back. Or I would just collapse from all the weight of he two bags. If I could have a fridge in moms room, this would take away a large percentage of the weight.
Okay, I am done. I am very tired, still have to eat something. I don't have any idea what that will be. My tooth is still bothering me a bit. So I can't eat what I want. Don't have it and can't afford to eat what I want. I guess that is that.
One thing. I don't eat the same things I make for mom. I can't eat allot of things. Every since I stopped eating anything from a can. Yes I don't eat anything from a can. And it has been at least 8 years now since I have. I can't eat allot of things. My body just doesn't want it.
Time to say good night I hope everyone had a very good New years eve.
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Another year is almost over
Hello again
Today and yesterday, were good days. Okay, it is very hard carrying everything. Can't wait for the season to be over, so I can bring everything back and get back to just carrying the normal things. Allot lighter.
I have been making mom some very good meals the last few days and she has enjoyed them greatly. I continue to arrive early to be able to spend more time with her. I get the drinks out of the way and we have time to get the dinner ready. And we finish the dinner early.
It never fails, that as soon as mom grabs my hand, her eye's close.Especially after dinner. I have been putting her into bed. This she got us to. I did it for so very long. I think in the new year I will contact one of these schools and ask if they can certify me for lifts. That way there won't be any problems.
Just being able to spend this extra time with mom has been great. I leave a little latter as well. After the spa treatment and I give her something else to drink before she falls asleep. I just turn the TV on. Put it on mute and stand there holding her hand. Perfect. She has a smile on her face as she falls asleep.
Then I leave.
I finally received the receipts back, for mom's nightgowns. I took two months. when the manager told me she will copy them and have them back to me in a few days. Right
Now to get at it and do something, since they refuse to do anything about it. The staff are continuing to rip the nightgowns. They are almost completely ripped up the back. Maybe steel on your side might be able to get some action.
Since they are not dong what they said they were going to do. As in have them fixed.
Okay, time to go. Make something to eat
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Today and yesterday, were good days. Okay, it is very hard carrying everything. Can't wait for the season to be over, so I can bring everything back and get back to just carrying the normal things. Allot lighter.
I have been making mom some very good meals the last few days and she has enjoyed them greatly. I continue to arrive early to be able to spend more time with her. I get the drinks out of the way and we have time to get the dinner ready. And we finish the dinner early.
It never fails, that as soon as mom grabs my hand, her eye's close.Especially after dinner. I have been putting her into bed. This she got us to. I did it for so very long. I think in the new year I will contact one of these schools and ask if they can certify me for lifts. That way there won't be any problems.
Just being able to spend this extra time with mom has been great. I leave a little latter as well. After the spa treatment and I give her something else to drink before she falls asleep. I just turn the TV on. Put it on mute and stand there holding her hand. Perfect. She has a smile on her face as she falls asleep.
Then I leave.
I finally received the receipts back, for mom's nightgowns. I took two months. when the manager told me she will copy them and have them back to me in a few days. Right
Now to get at it and do something, since they refuse to do anything about it. The staff are continuing to rip the nightgowns. They are almost completely ripped up the back. Maybe steel on your side might be able to get some action.
Since they are not dong what they said they were going to do. As in have them fixed.
Okay, time to go. Make something to eat
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Two weeks of cold, at least it's cold for us
Hello again
I have been arriving an extra hour early. This way mom and I are not rushed to get her drinks and prepared for dinner. Time to relax. Well, not rushed for me.
Getting their at 10 to 5 is to rushed and we don't even start dinner until well after 5 pm. This gives us more time after dinner to get things done at a slower pace. I don't do well being rushed. I tend to become a turtle. Slow right down. To solve this is to get their earlier. It is working out rather well.
Mom was wide awake, when I arrived and, as usual, As soon as she grabbed my hand, her eye's started to close. I really don't know what it is. Okay, security. Knowing that I am their and she is not alone. That I will hold her hand through-out the night, until I leave.
Mom ate all of her dinner, plus allot of fruit. I made a new smoothie, today. This mom really likes. When I finish the smoothie I put it in the freezer. It starts out with everything partly frozen still. So it is nice and cold and thick when I give it to her.
And tonight, when we were finished dinner, it was lights out for mom. I mean, no sooner did we finish and I did the dishes. Mom was falling asleep. And when I changed her, she was just about asleep. So I didn't give her a full spa treatment again. I will make it up tomorrow. Mom was full and to tired for this tonight. She would of just fussed about it.
Tonight was an uneventful night. Mom and I enjoyed each other's company and I sang to her, held her hand and otherwise I was just there for her.
That is all that really matters, after all. Just being there for her. Holding her hand, making her feel safe and loved. Nothing more. And I love every minute of it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. No amount of money can compare to what is given and received from taking care of mom. I learn from her and she gets my attention. And it is well deserved.
My mother did everything for us and I will do the same for her. I don't care what people think or say about me.
Please pray for us. It is to mom's benefit that I find a place close to her. I can do more for her and get her out of their for short trips.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
I have been arriving an extra hour early. This way mom and I are not rushed to get her drinks and prepared for dinner. Time to relax. Well, not rushed for me.
Getting their at 10 to 5 is to rushed and we don't even start dinner until well after 5 pm. This gives us more time after dinner to get things done at a slower pace. I don't do well being rushed. I tend to become a turtle. Slow right down. To solve this is to get their earlier. It is working out rather well.
Mom was wide awake, when I arrived and, as usual, As soon as she grabbed my hand, her eye's started to close. I really don't know what it is. Okay, security. Knowing that I am their and she is not alone. That I will hold her hand through-out the night, until I leave.
Mom ate all of her dinner, plus allot of fruit. I made a new smoothie, today. This mom really likes. When I finish the smoothie I put it in the freezer. It starts out with everything partly frozen still. So it is nice and cold and thick when I give it to her.
And tonight, when we were finished dinner, it was lights out for mom. I mean, no sooner did we finish and I did the dishes. Mom was falling asleep. And when I changed her, she was just about asleep. So I didn't give her a full spa treatment again. I will make it up tomorrow. Mom was full and to tired for this tonight. She would of just fussed about it.
Tonight was an uneventful night. Mom and I enjoyed each other's company and I sang to her, held her hand and otherwise I was just there for her.
That is all that really matters, after all. Just being there for her. Holding her hand, making her feel safe and loved. Nothing more. And I love every minute of it. I wouldn't trade it for anything. No amount of money can compare to what is given and received from taking care of mom. I learn from her and she gets my attention. And it is well deserved.
My mother did everything for us and I will do the same for her. I don't care what people think or say about me.
Please pray for us. It is to mom's benefit that I find a place close to her. I can do more for her and get her out of their for short trips.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
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