We are all the same

Hello again

Well today they did not even serve mom her dinner. I am not talking about serving it late, but not at all. Over the last week, they have served mom's dinner late, as in we are finished and they bring her tray. Or 15 minutes latter. And now, not at all and they gave me some excuse that it is a new person, who by the way has seen me everyday this week. And for me to go up and get the meal myself. I said to the women who told me this. That is an excuse for today, what about the rest of the last 7 days.

That is what they are there for. I do there job as it is. And I do not want them to put mom to bed. I am OK with this. But for me to do all of it.

It was a very good thing that I had something for mom to eat. I don't think mom was full, but she was also tired. I washed and styled her hair before dinner. She was happy with this.

I need people to understand that it is important to keep an eye on the medication your loved one is on, plus whatever else is going on with them. You have to be on the staff, ask to see the records or they will never tell you, and even lie to you.

People with Alzheimer's/ Dementia should not be on certain medication. As it will harm them. Go to the FDA's website and you will find the medications that they warn you about.  Any and all anti psychotic drugs should not be given to individuals with this disease. As it can kill.

Tylenol causes liver damage and the care homes and hospitals love to hand out Tylenol like it is candy.

Be on top of everything. Even if they think you are a pain in the ass. If that doesn't work, complain to the top of the food chain. This works the best.

I have always found that it is a waste of time complaining to the staff at these places. Go above their heads and let the trickle down theory take effect. Works the best. And if that doesn't work go higher up. As high as it takes to get your point across.

People keep saying GOD will bless me for what I am doing.

Why would he. I am just a recovering alcoholic who quit drinking and smoking pot because he lost someone important to him plus he has ailing parents who need help. And now just one parent who needs help. And I am doing everything I can for her.

I am nobody, I mean absolutely nobody. I have nothing and no one who gives a crap about me. Except for my mother. But no one else. I am alone and lonely. I am depressed to no ends. Yet I will not give up as my mother needs me. She has no one as well.

I can't even afford to find a place close to my mother and this is pissing me off. I hate where I live. I don't want to come here at night. But I have no choice.

I have no money to just go and find a place. I have no money for groceries. I am stuck in this crap. So why would GOD care about a looser like me..

I am in pain all the time and by the time I get back here I can barely walk. And, again, I will not stop going to take care of my mother

I am going now. I have to go and stick my head in a hole.

I NEED A FREAKING MIRACLE RIGHT NOW!

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

There is more

Hello again

I want to bring up the girl again. I did ask her to marry me, over the phone, and she did say yes. But again my alcoholism stopped me from going to get her.

It's been 10 years now since I last spoke to her. So she is probably married by now with children. My mistake. My addiction

The other side of this coin is, If I was married would I able to take care of my father first and now my mother. Probably not.

I know as an alcoholic I owe many people apologies  but the biggest apology I owe anyone is this women. I hope one day to be able to do this. I just want her to know.

I quite drinking because of loosing her and the fact that I had two parents who needed someone to be their for them. First and foremost are my parents. Well mom now.

Looking after mom and loosing Tara is what keeps me sober and clean.

Not only did I loose the girl but I lost the first few years of  helping to take care of my dad with his Alzheimer's. The way I should of and did after quitting.

I was still their visiting with my dad and mom during my last days of drinking. But not the way I am now.

It was not long after she left and my parents became ill, that I was on my way to becoming a sober individual.

I have to keep sight of these two things to make sure I stay sober. To remind me of what one can loose.

Now on to this evening

I arrived and mom was in bed. I asked if mom was sick, and no one knew. They checked the log and still no one could tell me why she was in bed.  It turns out that they were just to lazy to get her up for the day.

I feed her dinner, mom ate a fare amount this evening. But what she really loves is the smoothie. I don't have anymore supplement to put into the smoothies. I need to get some. As it is fall and mom needs all the nutrients she can get. That mean the Vega One supplement in the morning as well as in her smoothies.

I turned her stereo up and we listened to good music. Her roommate was up, so we had the room to our selves for a change. All mom wanted to do was hold my hand. I know when this happens she just falls asleep. I needed her to eat.

We finished dinner and I gave mom her nightly spa treatment. She could not wait for me to finish her spa treatment. I did and then held her hand. Mom closed her eyes and relaxed.

It wasn't long before they came into change her and then it was back to holding her hand, while she fell off to sleep.

It is a long road back to Coquitlam, especially in the rain and wind. But, again, I will continue to do this. Mom needs me.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I read an article

Hello again

I am going to touch on a singular issue this evening. My reason for quiting drinking and smoking pot.

Last week, I mean last Wednesday September 25. I read an article in the Vancouver Metro daily concerning a older gentlemen who gave up crack for the love of his dog. As he could not take care of the dog while drugged out of it.

I give him props for doing this. 

But what about the people who give up additions for actual people. 

I am or was an alcoholic and pot head. I mean I use to drink 25 + strong beer each and everyday. I smoked no less than a quarter oz of pot per day. I am telling you that this was every single day of my life. 

I know I have always had a problem with addiction. This is the second time that I have quite both addictions. The first time I was 20 and it lasted for 10 years. And I accomplished allot during that time. 

Then when I was in my early 30's I  was in a serious car accident. The doctor thought I broke my lower back and had to wear this back brace. I was given heavy pain killers and that just was not good. So I went to my doctor and gave him the pills back. Told him that I can't take these, that I will just drink and smoke pot to kill the pain. I started to drink and smoke pot again. I somewhat controlled it for many years. But that is always a load of crap. Saying I controlled it. And it just got worse. A six pack turned into 12 and 12 turned into 24 and so on. And the same with pot.... A few joints turned into an eighth  and then a quarter than more. 

I dated but I was to busy using to have anything last. I did not pay much attention to my parents or family. But I was not rude to my parents. Just the rest of the family. As I never liked any of them. Especially my sisters. I only like one member of mom's family. My great aunt and OK her daughter. No one else. I tolerated everyone else. 

Then in my later 30's 37 to be exact, I met this women. We were just friends. We hung out, partied and did all sorts of things together. BBQ's all over the place. 

My father was starting to develop Alzheimer's at this point. Just mild Alzheimer's. Would forget things and how to do things. 

The girl and I became very close. I actually fell in love for the first time in my life. We hung out all the time. We only saw our other's once a week after a couple of years knowing each other. And I didn't mind spending time with her at all. But she would ask if we didn't drink all the time. I tired, but not very well. She had a twin, and she became pregnant. So the twin and her boy friend moved back east to be closer to his family. Tara and I became closer. We could not be apart from one another. We sort of started to date. But the twin was about to have her baby and Tara went back east to be with her.... 

This was extremely hard on me. I never felt love like that before. I missed her completely. We spoke by phone and she told me she would move back if someone would come and get her. 

I was in the last stages of my drinking and could not do this. OK I wanted to drink and smoke pot. 

But my sisters talked my parents into selling their home. OK coned them into this. They moved to a farm. Which my parents never every wanted to do. It was my older sister and her husband who wanted a farm with the promise of looking after them. And this was pure Bull Shit. They were stuck in the middle of no where. With no where to to. I am going to stop with that now. As it holds some deep resentment towards them. 

Now dad had a major stroke and needed more help than my sister was or even could give to him. I talked them into selling the farm. Thank GOD. 

Well they moved in with the other sister and that was even worse. They were stuck in the middle of no where as well, but without anything. And in a small place. My dad got worse and, of course the other sister, like the older one, could not look after him. So dad was placed in a home. 

Now I live in coquitlam and did at the time. I wanted both mom and dad out here. But the sisters out voted me and had him place out their. 60 km's away. On the promise they would take care of him and visit him all the time. 

I was still drinking but I went out their 4 to 5 times a week. I just made sure I had what I needed for the night when I got home. Mom was with the sister and I would go see dad and then on my way back I would stop and see mom. 

Oh by the way, I did not have a car at the time. And would hitch hike or take what ever bus to get out to see them . I could get to see dad by train, than I would have to hitch hike back to see mom. I would bring groceries out to her. As there was never enough. 

When mom was moved into the same home as dad. I had a major decision to make. To continue to drink and smoke or to quite and take care of my parents the way the took care of me when I was young. 

I couldn't do this anymore to them. I had to stand up and be a man. To honor my mother and father, the way it is was instilled in me growing up as a Christian. So this is what I did. I went to AA and meeting all the time. And still went to visit mom and dad all the time. When dad passed away, I realized I did not spend as much time with him as I could. 

After this, a few months after dad passed away I was in two more accidents and was injured again. At this point it is when I decided that I would devote my time looking after mom. And this is what I have been doing for over 6 years now. And the both of them for 4 or five years prior to this. 

I regret nothing. I live very poorly. I don't have much at all. I go without all the time. Yes I am loosing my hearing. My knee's are wrecked because of this bus thing. I am in pain all the time. But none of this will stop me from taking care of mom. I have seen her everyday for 5 years or more now. I don't miss days. 

I fight for her rights. And I go and go and go. I won't stop taking care of mom. 

Now this is a very good reason to quite drinking and smoking pot. To give up my life for another human being. 

It is nice this guy quite crack for his dog. But I am a human being and so is my mother. 

Why don't they write about this. A person giving up his addictions, instantly, for the love of a real human being. My mother and father. 

This is the story that should of been written. Not about another drug addict quitting. As this paper and others seem to like to write about. And these individuals doing nothing after this. They just quite and were written about.

I have written them in the past, when another paper did a similar story.

This is a true story, a story of a son giving up everything to make sure his loved ones are well taken care of. And being their for them all the time, and will continue to do so.

And every September since Tara left I wish her a happy birthday in absence and miss her allot. I try to get over her and do until September rolls around again.

I have never felt love like that again.

Don't get me wrong I love my mother greatly. I really thought that I could marry that girl. And alcohol and drugs took that away, and  more time I could of spent with my father.  

I will be sending this post off to the paper that wrote that story. just not tonight. 

It is after midnight again.

I hope this explains a few things to everyone.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland.

Another day in ....

Hello again

It is bath day for mom and she was very hot when I arrived, she had her comforter pulled up and off of her legs. And sleepy.

I just made her comfortable. Well they put her back to bed after they give her a bath. But she was extremely thirsty tonight. I gave mom as much as she wanted to drink. Which was a allot.

I just warmed up her dinner. A cheese omelet with mushrooms and green onions. I know she likes this. I can't eat eggs so I will be baking something for her with the rest of the eggs.

Mom ate all of her dinner plus her fruit. Then she almost fell asleep immediately afterwards. I just gave mom a quick spa treatment this evening. And then she reached for my hand and fell asleep for awhile. It worked out that mom woke up so I could give her more to drink and the care aid came in to change her.

When this was done, she grabbed my hand again and fell back to sleep. I stayed with her for about an hour until she was fast asleep. I still sang to her and gave her a good night kiss.

I could say allot of things but I won't. I just am going to leave it the way it is.

I just want to eat and watch some of the shows I downloaded and a movie if I can

GOD bless and good night

Please continue to pray that I get a place in White Rock ASAP

Kris Schmuland

Where is the humanity

Hello again

So today it is a typical fall day in Vancouver, I mean Raincouver. Blowing like crazy and pouring rain. They say that this is the first real fall storm of the season.

I got wet, dried off, got wet, dried off etc....... you know what I am getting at. I am lucky I had extra clothing with me. Getting wet, is to get cold.

As I walked in the door at mom's, she knew I was there. She held her hand out for me to grab it. And the smile. I mean a smile that warms one to the soul. And she said hi to me. Clearly.

We did the typical thing. I wiped her mouth and eyes. OK, the bitch nurse, does not wipe mom's mouth after giving her the medication, it is all over the place. And because the lights bother mom's eyes, she gets goop at the corner of her eyes and I have to constantly wipe them. The staff just don't give a crap. Even though I ask them to put mom's glasses on her.

This is the respect they give to the children and loved one's of the residents. NONE!

I am tired of  having to tip toe around because of the threats they give to the children and loved one's of the residents.

Things like, " If you don't like the way we do things, then move your mother, husband, wife etc....." or  " If you want to continue to be an active part of your......" These are just two of many threats they like to give out. And I am tired of it and will be doing something about it. People say don't do that or don't do this. But if someone does not do something, they will continue to get away with abuse.

IT HAS TO STOP AND STOP NOW! And the only way this Sherri and Joane will learn a lesson is for someone to make some serious complaints against them.

This Sherri undermines my authority at every turn. If she does not like what I am saying, she goes behind my back and calls my sisters and asks them. They have nothing to do with mom's care and could care less about how mom is doing. They are not an active part of my mothers life.

Who is I ask, Well it is no one other than myself. And according to the law it is the person who is actively involved in the residents life. Who is their the most and is the one who actually looks after the resident. That is the law when it comes to health care decision makers.

Anyways I put mom into bed and completed her nightly spa treatment. And then just held her hand, while we waited for mom to get her pad changed. And then I hold her hand until it is time for me to leave.

I pray that I find a place in White Rock so I don't have to rush to leave. I enjoy holding her hand until she actually falls asleep. And I can just walk home in a few minutes. Not get home 3 hours latter, that is if I don't have to stop and get anything. Which turns out to be over 3 1/2 hours.

I tuck mom in, sing to her and give her a kiss good night. And think about everything I can do to get me out to White Rock as soon as possible.

Anyways after midnight again.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland