Well being

Hello again

I am happy to report that mom is well. She is not presenting signs of any diminishing capacity. Her Dementia is staying it's course. Not moving forward. And mom has been steady for quite some time now. This is not to say that things can't change in a instant. They can, of course. I have not noticed anything different in her behavior, mood, no changes in her body. In fact, mom is bending her legs more and more each month, as long as I keep exercising her legs. Her stiffness is getting better in her legs and left arm. om is moving her left arm more and more. I now need to work on her left hand as well. This does hurt her when I open her left hand and straighten it out. I have to do this several times a week to clean it and put lotion on her palm.

I will have to open her left palm this weekend, as I need to do her nails. Cut them and file them. They get to long and her nails are very strong, so they cut her and she can cut the staff or myself. Both mom and I have hard nails. When my nails are long and have not been cut in a few weeks, I will wake up in the morning and find small cuts on my face and arms. But I will have to get some help with cutting her nails. Mom tends to move around allot and I don't want to cut her fingers.

Lets see now, mom was a bit tired today. She usually is on Fridays. She ate very well. I nice meal and plenty of fruit. Then after dinner, being Friday, I washed and styled her hair. I put a warm blanket on her when I do this. In  the tub room there is a warmer, with towels and blankets in it. I help myself. This relaxes mom and it is easier to wash her hair. Okay, it is never a problem washing her hair. Mom enjoys it to much. Especially since they only give mom a bath once a week and don't do anything else for her in between. Except they wash her when they change her. I do the rest everyday. I keep her clean and put lotion on her.

The care aid got her into bed, I did my usual spa treatment. But I have added a neck massage to the routine This mom can't wait for each night. I see it in her face. And when done, a very big smile comes upon her face and a sigh of relaxation. By the time I am done, now, mom is ready to go to sleep. She grabs my hand, pulls it close to her and that is it. Except the nurse comes in and wakes her to give her the nightly medicine and is tastes horrible. I immediately have to clean her mouth and teeth, then give her something to drink. Followed by a lotion touch up.

It is only when I sing our goodnight song to her, will she truly fall asleep. She waits for this each night. Our nightly ritual. Then she yawns and is now ready for sleep.

So I stand there, hold her hand. I watch some TV, on mute. They stereo is on. In fact mom like to watch the news while I feed her and as soon as dinner is done, it is time to turn the music on. That is the way mom likes it, so that is the way it is. And the music plays all night for her. At a decent volume, so not to disturb her roommate.

I stand holding her hand for as long as I can before I have to leave. Until about 7:50 pm. 10 minute walk to the bus stop. Then my 3 hour ride back to this place where I am staying. I really do hate living her. And I don't hate much. I dislike allot of things and people, but not hate. It is such a very strong word. With such a deep meaning.

Well I am done for tonight. Not sure if I will write tomorrow, but we will see.


Nothing to write about myself. The same old. Needing to move, broke and very poor. Need hearing aids and can't afford them. I am not enjoying not being able to hear as well as I am use to. As mentioned can't hear behind me now. Also very depressed.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland

It is a very long trip

Hello again

Yes it is a very long trip each day there and back by bus. I don't have any other choice. I can't find a place with which I can afford or anyone to help me out. It has been over two years since I started looking. Maybe three. I know for the first while I didn't want to move. But now, I don't want to be here anymore. It is toxic to my well being.

How would you like to live in a room. It is my dinning room, my entertainment room. My living room. I eat, sleep and watch in this room. As the other person who live her is in bed when I get home and up at 6 in the morning. Her room is off the living room. So when I am in the kitchen I have to be extra quit.

It is so much more than that. I feel trapped like I have never felt before.

I am really done. And I have believed that GOD would help me out. Since every one keeps telling me I will be blessed for what I am doing for my mother. Bring this blessing on. I need it now. I am slowly loosing it. My room is packed up the walls with boxes and everything else I have. There is only two drawers that need to be packed yet, plus the clothing in my closet. Other than that I am packed. I don't have anymore containers to pack anything else up in.

Enough or I will loose it now.

I arrived today to find mom was in bed. Apparently mom got sick this morning so they put her back into bed. Okay, she did. Her bottom sheet, shirt and two pillow cases had a mess on them. I just rinsed them off, wish they would do that, and put them in a bag. They are already washed and cleaned. I will dry them in the morning.

So being in bed, mom was very hot. And wanting something to drink the moment I walked into her room. I am not that fast. Not as fast as mom wants me to be, to get her something to drink. She may not speak, but I know exactly what she is saying. And it was I need something to drink right now. I do understand but I try to let her know I just walked in and I need to unpack everything. Some of the drinks are in the bottom of my backpack.

Finally I was able to get her the drinks. Which she drank allot of each of them. Very thirsty. Afterwards I went and warmed up her dinner and feed it to mom. I could tell mom was tired, she was chewing very slowly. It took a long time to feed her tonight. It does get a little frustrating, when mom keeps chewing something that is soft and is easily swallowed. I can't get upset about this, it is just the way she is. Part of her disease. Just deal with it and be patient.

A new care aid until the end of the month and she doesn't get the fact I live a long way away and take the bus. I have to get things done in a certain time frame. To be able to make it back here at a decent time. We have things to do, and I want to be able to just relax with mom while she falls asleep. To just stand there and hold her hand. Mom needs this and doesn't like it when I have to rush. Neither do I.

I think I will have to speak with her. I keep asking her to not lift mom's legs up. But she does it anyways. What gets me upset is that she thinks she knows everything. NOT. Been doing this for a very long time myself. And very intelligent.

So mom got part of her spa treatment done, while waiting for the care aid. It was possible because mom was in bed. This I am okay with, it is when mom is in her chair and we have to waste so much time waiting for the care aid to come in.

I don't ask anything of them except to put mom to bed at 6:30 pm. That is it. I do everything else. I would even change mom. But they don't want me to put mom into bed.

Well I need to go again. Will write more tomorrow.'

GOD bless and good night.

Kristopher Schmuland

More like it...... and then the same

Hello again

Nothing is different. My hand shakes all the time. I don't hear very well behind me, making it difficult to be able to communicate with someone.

My right leg is very painful. Okay, I am in pain all the time.

Now mom was extremely happy to see me today. But she was a little tired. We ended up starting and finishing dinner early and I started her spa treatment while we waited for the care aid to come in. Ended up being able to do her face and neck. I still prefer to do the spa treatment while she is in bed. Makes her relax more. This way she doesn't have to be disturbed after her face is done and then onto he arms.

Mom ate well. But a very healthy meal. Finished her smoothie, so I will bring her a new one tomorrow. And pick her up a few other things as well.

Since we finished the spa treatment early, I was able to sing to her for a while and hold her hand while we waited for the nurse to come in and give mom her nightly medicine. I tried to keep her awake, again to not disturb her from falling asleep and then being woken up. Which is usually what happens. Afterwards I just stayed until my normal time to leave and made sure mom was comfortable, tucked her in, gave her a kiss goodnight and off I went and here I am.

Nothing is happening with the clothing.. So I guess the OT gets it. Time will tell. I am still going ahead with a formal complaint. Then I will send it off to the newly appointed Seniors Advocate for the Liberal Government in office right now.

I still haven't been able to find a place I can afford. Sure if I had money. But alas, I don't. Everything is just out of my reach. I also need hearing aids and those alone are $6000. for the pair. Maybe I will try to use crowdfunding. I would like to hear properly.

Need to go now. Still having some problems with the case worker. Mom needs somethings and I, at this time, can't afford to purchase the items or the alterations they require.

GOD bless and good night

I ask again to keep praying for mom and I. The closer I am to her, the more I can do for her. And summer is coming up, this would be great to be able to take her out allot of the time. Instead of me having to spend my day traveling.

Kristopher Schmuland

Vancouver weather

Hello again

Now we are getting our typical Vancouver weather. Rain and more rain. We need it though, otherwise no camp fires this summer.

So when I arrived at mom's I was very wet. I didn't put the hood up on my jacket. Which is  waterproof. My bad.

Now mom looked and was very tired today. The weather affects everyone. Gray skies, dark, cloudy. Who wouldn't affect

I just quickly got her to her room and gave her something to drink. Then a snack, while I went and warmed up dinner. Been turning down the served dinners, I have been bringing healthier alternatives. Always do and always will.

This she ate all of it. Plus dessert and her Lindt chocolates.

We watched a movie during dinner and then afterwards it is always music time. After dinner and after I change mom. It is time to turn the volume off on the TV and turn the volume up on the stereo. I grab her hand and her eye's start to close. I was going to start her spa treatment while she was in the chair but she did not want this, she wanted to wait until she was in bed and relaxed, out of the chair.

This I did gladly, but being so tired, all she wanted was her face and arms done. Not her legs and feet. Okay with me. Gave me more time to just be with her, holding her hand while she fell off to sleep. Sing her good night song to her and hold her hand for a while.

A beautiful smile was on her face, I could her that mom was in a deep sleep. Her hand relaxed. Time for me to go then.

And once again here I am.

Thats it.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland