I am trying

Hello again

I have not come to terms with the diagnosis of PD, but at least I know what it is that I have. For the last two years I have been trying to figure out these things. The doctor has told me I might have this or I might have that. I am sure you know, I have written about it many times.

So no to everything else, but yes to having Parkinson's disease. Oh well. That is the way it is. But I am pissed off. All the things I have going on in my life and this. I just want to look after my mother. I just want to live close to her so I can look after her more than I am doing now. Is that to much to ask for. A little help to get me out there and get set up, until I can get things going. It is extremely hard to get anything going when one travels 7 or 8 hours in a day. Everyday.

Maybe if I lived out there, I could except this news more easily. You know, it could be a gradual process that this disease takes in my life or it could be a year and I am not doing well. The doctor thinks it will be gradual. I sure hope so, for mom's sake. Forget about what I think. I haven't told mom and I will not tell her. Mary has enough to deal with, with her disabilities. Than to worry about her son. And I am going to keep it this way. I won't be telling her.

And really, what does it matter anyways. Since I was diagnosed, not a single person has asked me how I am doing.  And it is almost a week. Not a single person. I now know, nobody really gives a shit about me. Making me even more alone in this world.

I am okay with that. I am alone now and have been for a very long time. What difference does it make now. I know what loneliness is, true loneliness. The only problem I have is, I don't have anybody to speak with about this. What I am having to deal with.  I am certainly not going to just announce, hey you all I have PD. They don't care so I am making it my point not to care either about anyone where mom lives.

I was mistaken in my view that I actually had people who cared about me and my mother's well being. I guess I was wrong with that thought.

Moving on.

It is Saturday and it is mom's bath day. So I knew she would be in bed when I arrived today. I made her a nice dinner in bed.

I did not care how long it took mom to finish dinner. We took our time. It turned out to be a long time feeding her. I was just folding up the laundry. Dirty sheets and her clothing from yesterday, when the care aid came in. I was looking at her and asked if she was early. It turned out that she was on time.

I still had a couple of things to do before I went and did the dishes and made some hot water. So I quickly did this and off I went to do what was needed to be done before returning to mom's room. The LPN came in as well to give mom her nightly medicine. So everything was done. I didn't even have to change the sheets. The nice care aid from the morning shift did this for me. Two weeks in a row. Thank you. whoever you are. Thank you.'

Since mom was so tired and relaxed she only wanted me to do half the spa treatment. Which is just her face and arms. And of course the daily neck massage. This was done to her satisfaction.

So I stood there, holding her hand while she fell asleep. Completely relaxed.

I am going to leave this blog the way it is tonight.

I thank one and all for reading this.

GOD bless and good night.

Kristopher Schmuland

Having a hard time believing

Hello again

I have the prescription the neurologist gave me for Sinemet, a usual drug to help with the symptoms of Parkinson`s.Haven`t taken it in yet to get filled. Just staring at it.I haven`t told anyone about this yet. Well no one has even asked how I was doing for over a week now. They have just told me how they are doing and what is up with them. I realize that nobody cares. That is okay. I will now keep my conversations with the staff to a bare minimum. Only about mom. I am okay with that. They don`t care anyways.

So when I arrived today, mom had and angry look on her face, but as soon as she saw me, the look changed to a huge smile. But she immediately reached out her hand for my hand. I grabbed it and then gave her a hello kiss and said that I am getting the things out of the fridge and we will go to your room to have dinner and you can watch the news.

This is what we did and I just let mom take her time eating.  Whenever she was done, was fine with me.

And afterwards we just did the usual, cleaned mom, gave her a very relaxing spa treatment tonight. And I had time to just hold her hand for a good half and hour. And while I was holding her hand, mom just had a smile on her face.

I left. On my way out, I asked the nurse LPN about the missing pair of pants of mom`s Brand new, I just showed these pants to the manager a week ago, put them back in the closet and while I was re organizing the closet, yesterday, I noticed them gone.

More to add to my complaint. I was worried about the neurologist appointment, so I didn`t get  much done in the last few weeks.

Time to start getting at it. One of the first things I am going to do is write a letter for crowd funding to get some hearing aids. I really need them. Then it is the complaint letter to the PCQO and to the newly appointed Seniors Advocate for BC, Canada.

I need to go now. This is the first thing I did when my computer finally booted up. I usually do this after several other things. Now  I go to get those things done.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland

An answer

Hello again

So as I mentioned I had an appointment with the neurologist today for a second opinion. Well the answer is in. I do indeed have Parkinson's disease. An incurable debilitating disease. I have the beginning stages of this disease, only to get worse.

So let us round this out. I am loosing my hearing. Can't afford hearing aids and now I find out I have PD Parkinson's disease. PERFECT. NOT!

Anyway, I was out the door before I usually get out of bed. And couldn't fall asleep until after 2 am. Very little sleep and I am very tired. This is going to be a short blog tonight.

Mom was extremely happy to see me tonight. Since I was at the doctor's early and finished everything else. Going to a new seamstress and getting a  quote for mom's clothing. I arrived a little bit early to mom's

Just the usual, gave mom her drinks. And a snack. I brought her Sushi and Tempura. Mom enjoys this from time to time. The only thing is mom was chewing very slowly tonight. It does not normally bother me. But being tired and knowing we had to finish so I could do her hair. It was a little bothersome for me today. Impatient I was. I just wanted to get things done. And on Wednesday and Friday is the day I do her hair. We need to finish by a certain time so I can get everything done. And get out and catch my bus. So I am not getting home really late.

Mom will chew and chew and chew, until it is mush. But won't swallow her food. I have to remind her of this. To swallow. Otherwise she will just continue to chew the same thing over and over again. She will even take a break from chewing. This is where I think she is done, but nope. I try to give her little pieces of food. So it is easier for her to chew an swallow. I give her something to drink. Nothing works. I know it is part of her disease. But today I was just impatient. I just found out the truth about what I have been diagnoses with.

I don't even have anyone to talk this over with. Or just someone to listen to me. Do you think anyone at the home even asked me how I was doing or what was wrong. Nothing. And I get along with the night staff just fine. Except for one LPN who has the loose lips and calls the PGT

Now we finally finished dinner and mom and I went to the tub room to wash and style her hair. It never takes longer than 10 minutes. And that is how long it took tonight. But we were behind.

When I finished washing her hair and started to style it, mom started to fall asleep. I quickly brought her back to her room and changed her for bed. The care aid came in and we changed mom. I help this care aid with the changing of mom's pad. I had to run and put her food stuff into the fridge before giving her the spa treatment. Mary was just asleep when I returned. I didn't want to disturb her, but I need to get her face washed and some lotion on her. I did this as fast as I could. Even that was not fast enough for mom.

Mary just wanted to sleep. I finished and then just held her hand for awhile. Until I knew she was fast asleep. I packed up and left.

Got to go now. I need to sleep. But first I have to finish making mom's dinner for tomorrow night. I am to tired to eat. I am sure, excuse me, I hope I am asleep within the hours.


GOD bless and goodnight

Kristopher Schmuland

Wouldn't it be wonderful

Hello again

It started off sunny today, so I wore a pair of summer canvas shoes. Packed a sweater though. Well the closer I got to white rock, I needed to pull the sweater out. Then when I arrived in White Rock, it started to rain. Thank GOD I had left my jacket in my bag from the sunny and warm day, yesterday. But by the time I arrived home, I was wet, my feet were wet, the bottom of my pants were wet. Needless to say I was wet.

I arrived in White Rock early so I might be able to take mom outside again. Didn't happen. We just went to her room and she had her drinks and a snack. By the time this was done, it was dinner time. So I needed to warm up her dinner. This I did, and mom again ate the whole dinner. And her dessert.

She was getting tired, so I quickly changed her. Then I just did the dishes, in her room. Mom was reaching out for my hand and complaining. I needed to sit with her holding her hand. Put a blanket on her and sat until the care aid came in to put her into bed.

Mary got her usual full on spa treatment. And I needed to leave early tonight. A neurologist appointment tomorrow to get a second opinion on the Parkinson's diagnosis from the first neurologist. I see him at 11 am tomorrow. I need to get to bed at a decent time tonight. I have to leave where I am staying at the time I normally get up. 10 am. I do hope I can fall asleep early tonight.

Now I sang to mom, I sang our good night song to her. While I was standing there holding her hand, her eye's were wide open. Normally they are shut and she is asleep or almost asleep at 7:30 pm It is her time. Asleep by 8 pm. And when I had to leave,, mom's eye's were still open.

I have to apply at this apartment complex. But you need to be 55 or older. It wasn't until recently I realized, I am going to be 54 years old next month.

I am such a looser. I should have a home and children, maybe even grand kids by now. But I am glad I get to take care of my mother. At least I am doing something right.

Time to end this for tonight.

I couldn't write last night, there was not wifi. Fixed today though. I have another idea that I am going to get it hard wired to my laptop. I just need to purchase some Ethernet cables. Was going to do this today, and I don't have time tomorrow. So it will have to be Thursday and hook it up Friday or Saturday. I need to do this, I can't even get updates for my laptop. Windows updates.

I do hope mom got to sleep soon after I left. The new roommates TV is, as I stated before 2 meters from the foot of her bed. And it is a flat screen. So the speakers are in the back and this roommate has it so loud. I keep getting the staff to turn it down. I don't even know if they take the remote away at night. It is disturbing mom. It should of never been put there to begin with.

I will be finding out if this roommate even has cable hooked up or she is hooked up to mom's cable. The outlet that she is connected to is on mom's side of the bed. So I will be calling the cable company tomorrow after my doctors appointment. I don't have time to come back home. I need to do something immediately afterwards. Since I am right besides the place.

Anyway, I have to go now. If anyone even cares.

GOD bless and goodnight

Kristopher Schmuland

A few days

Hello again

Yes it has been a few days I have been extremely tired and depressed. Not wanting to get anything done. Not being able to eat, having nothing again. I just kept getting up and going to take care of mom. That is the only thing keeping me going. //

The PGT and the case manager, lets call her K is just making excuses for having to get anything done. The contact at Al Hogg lies to her and yet K at the PGT still listens to this person.

I have an entire blog for this rant, but not tonight. This is about mom.

It was a beautiful day, I arrived early. So I gave mom as much as she could drink right away. Gave her a bit of a snack and then took her outside for some much needed fresh air. She just loved this. We found a nice spot and sat there for a while. I talked up a storm, since I have no one else to speak with.

When we came back in it was dinner time. All I had for mom was some pasta. And she did not want this. She did eat some of it until the dinner came. Then no more. she had the served dinner and was full after this. I quickly changed her. She just wanted to get out of her cloths and into her nightgown. While we waited for the care aid to come in and put Mary to bed. We both fell asleep. It was only when the care aid came in did we wake up.

It was the usual fare. The spa treatment and then I held her hand while she fell asleep. At one point her hand relaxed, and as soon as I went to take my hand away, mom tightened her grip. She was asleep when she did this. It was funny.

Okay, I have to stop now. I have to write McCain. Last week all I could afford was a frozen pizza. I had some and then the next night I heated it up and when I went to take a bite, I bit into some hair. It was a very long strand of dark hair. And it was underneath the cheese and sauce, so I need to write to them. It was gross. I have no idea if this women has any communicable diseases or how much hair I had already eaten. I tell you this. I will never eat a McCain pizza again. As a matter of fact I don't think I will eat any pizza again.

I need to write to them that is why I am ending this now.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland