Hello Again
Well tonight I was in the store and I was .28 cents short for mom's drink. And no one in the line would help me out. Even after telling them who it was for and I had to scrounge the money to even get this much. Still no one helped. Come on I have tossed in the extra when someone needed it.
I am disappointed in all of them. I still am that much short for a drink, her favorite drink, to purchase tomorrow. And I have noting else for mom to eat or snack on.
Myself. well I have nothing in the house. That is Ok. The worse part of it is;. I can go without food. But, when I do go without, I live on tea. Earl Grey tea. And I am completely out of that and every other type of tea I had. Ok I only had Earl Grey and Red Rose. Now nothing and this is bad. When I have no groceries I have tea at least and that keeps my stomach calm.
The best things in the last 7 years of my life is my mother and my education. Other wise it has been a crap storm. Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. Accidents after accidents, illness's. Sleeping difficulty's, Lot's of day's and weeks of not eating. Fighting with the PGT and Riverview and the doctor's. etc.... etc....
So tonight mom was in a good mood. And this is how the evening goes. I arrive at 4:30 and mom and I hang out. I usually give her some little thing to eat. Or she just gets it out of my bag. We sing and dance and then dinner. I feed her and sometimes she does it. Then after dinner mom goes to the washroom and then her nightly beauty treatment. After which I am now putting her to bed. Then I walk up to the bus stop or may be walk around a bit and then the 2 1/2 hour bus ride. At this point I just pray for help. To get mom what she needs and to get her even more. As in dinner for the next day.
And then when I get back to Coquitlam I search for whatever. Then come home and write this and check me emails and watch a bit of TV.
I pray that something good happens in my life and my mothers. And for it not to be the same thing.
Right now I am just making hot water to add to the old tea bags that are a day old. It is at least something. Then I am going to watch TV and dream about food.
I am leaving now.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
It is a very sad day And I am
Hello again
Today is not a good day. I arrived to visit mom and she started to cry and cried the whole time I was their and this makes me think she was crying most of the day. Mom is very upset and I don't blame her. To be abused, to be refused the ability to walk, to be stuck in the chair. No entertainment what so ever. Except to be stuck in front of the TV.
And this is not why she is crying. Mom is crying because she See's me getting thinner and thinner. She can tell from my not so much of a double chin anymore and the fact my clothing is falling off of me. And she pointed out that I have be wearing the same thing day after day. Mom was pointing this out to me today and was asking if I have been eating. And I cannot even lie to her. She can tell if I am lying and then gets made at me, until I tell her.
I do not like to tell mom anything that is bothering me, but mom can tell and gets it out of me. Mom know I am not eating, but I kept telling her tonight I will be ok. Which, well I guess I will be. I told her over and over again tonight, but mom did not believe me. But even if I don't eat for awhile I will be OK. I just need mom to eat. And mom wants me to bring her good food, food with taste. And I want to . Like tonight, a cabbage roll, white plain, minute rice and plain carrots. Come on now. Mom is use to eating well. I have cooked for her for a long time and all food with taste of goodness.
I want to continue to do this. And today I asked the PGT STEPHEN FLYNN for $100.00 for groceries to make her dinner, until I speak with the dietitian. And mr. Fylnn just said no. He is an abuser of his clients and as with the other case managers that I got rid off. It is Stephens turn to go. And I am tired of him and his abuse and corruption. And that money would include her drinks and fruit and dessert.
So I have nothing to give mom tomorrow. And tonight I had nothing either. And mom only ate the cabbage roll. And nothing else. This is not good and mom is going to get sick. I told these people and well nothing they can do about it.
Myself I have two dollars and thirty cents in my pocket. So on my way home tonight, while freezing, I thought of what I can get myself to eat. And that I needed to get mom a drink. So I decided to instead of buying a few potatoes for dinner, I will take the money and try to get another fifty cents and get mom her favorite drink.
It is Ok I will be fine. Not the first time I have gone days without eating. I just wish I had enough money to get mom some fruit and cheese as well as a nice dinner. Instead of that crap they serve.
This is my wish for tomorrow.
You know what actual really pisses me off, my family calls me all sorts of names, but all they do is take and take. Barely seeing mom. I will never stop seeing her. I will always be their for her.
Oh yea my left arm has been giving me problems today. Well it is hurting me. I did nothing to eat. Well it could be one of the small heart attacks I have had in the past. But it is really bothering me. And has been for a few days now.
Tomorrow I wish upon a star, that I can find mom the money needed for a dinner for her and the fifty cents I need to get her drink. I don't care about what happens to me, I am just concerned about mom eating and staying healthy. And making sure mom gets enough for dinner that she actually likes and wants to eat.
This is what I need and I have to leave tomorrow morning by 11:30 so I can get to this extremely important meeting. I have to be their. This can allow me to eat or not eat every month. But I don't know what will happen. I just know I have to get this done before I go to this meeting. I don't know how I am going to come up with even the fifty cents, let alone money for dinner.
So I must go now, I need to go to bed now.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
I need some warm clothing I am getting very cold coming home at night.
Today is not a good day. I arrived to visit mom and she started to cry and cried the whole time I was their and this makes me think she was crying most of the day. Mom is very upset and I don't blame her. To be abused, to be refused the ability to walk, to be stuck in the chair. No entertainment what so ever. Except to be stuck in front of the TV.
And this is not why she is crying. Mom is crying because she See's me getting thinner and thinner. She can tell from my not so much of a double chin anymore and the fact my clothing is falling off of me. And she pointed out that I have be wearing the same thing day after day. Mom was pointing this out to me today and was asking if I have been eating. And I cannot even lie to her. She can tell if I am lying and then gets made at me, until I tell her.
I do not like to tell mom anything that is bothering me, but mom can tell and gets it out of me. Mom know I am not eating, but I kept telling her tonight I will be ok. Which, well I guess I will be. I told her over and over again tonight, but mom did not believe me. But even if I don't eat for awhile I will be OK. I just need mom to eat. And mom wants me to bring her good food, food with taste. And I want to . Like tonight, a cabbage roll, white plain, minute rice and plain carrots. Come on now. Mom is use to eating well. I have cooked for her for a long time and all food with taste of goodness.
I want to continue to do this. And today I asked the PGT STEPHEN FLYNN for $100.00 for groceries to make her dinner, until I speak with the dietitian. And mr. Fylnn just said no. He is an abuser of his clients and as with the other case managers that I got rid off. It is Stephens turn to go. And I am tired of him and his abuse and corruption. And that money would include her drinks and fruit and dessert.
So I have nothing to give mom tomorrow. And tonight I had nothing either. And mom only ate the cabbage roll. And nothing else. This is not good and mom is going to get sick. I told these people and well nothing they can do about it.
Myself I have two dollars and thirty cents in my pocket. So on my way home tonight, while freezing, I thought of what I can get myself to eat. And that I needed to get mom a drink. So I decided to instead of buying a few potatoes for dinner, I will take the money and try to get another fifty cents and get mom her favorite drink.
It is Ok I will be fine. Not the first time I have gone days without eating. I just wish I had enough money to get mom some fruit and cheese as well as a nice dinner. Instead of that crap they serve.
This is my wish for tomorrow.
You know what actual really pisses me off, my family calls me all sorts of names, but all they do is take and take. Barely seeing mom. I will never stop seeing her. I will always be their for her.
Oh yea my left arm has been giving me problems today. Well it is hurting me. I did nothing to eat. Well it could be one of the small heart attacks I have had in the past. But it is really bothering me. And has been for a few days now.
Tomorrow I wish upon a star, that I can find mom the money needed for a dinner for her and the fifty cents I need to get her drink. I don't care about what happens to me, I am just concerned about mom eating and staying healthy. And making sure mom gets enough for dinner that she actually likes and wants to eat.
This is what I need and I have to leave tomorrow morning by 11:30 so I can get to this extremely important meeting. I have to be their. This can allow me to eat or not eat every month. But I don't know what will happen. I just know I have to get this done before I go to this meeting. I don't know how I am going to come up with even the fifty cents, let alone money for dinner.
So I must go now, I need to go to bed now.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
I need some warm clothing I am getting very cold coming home at night.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
It is cold out there
Hello again
It is extremely cold out their and I have to say that I was close to freezing. No winter clothing, jacket, long sleeve shirts, sweaters. As I have been giving my clothing to my mother. But the clothing I give to her seems to keep disappearing.
Mom went into Ocean Side with an abundance of clothing, and now, what she has left, is mostly clothing from my closet, or items that I have recently bought for her. This is what I spend my money on. Taking care of mom. As her belongings keep going by by. And who is taking them, I have my idea, but can not prove it.
I just want to know where they went, and who gave permission for them to go that way. As my mother's white gold chain and cross. It is sacrilegious to steal a cross from someone and especially a senior with Dementia. GOD know who you are and will remember you.
I am getting colder and colder traveling back and forth. Without the proper clothing to protect me from the cold weather. It is allot of money to buy a good warm coat or other articles of clothing to keep me warm while I am traveling. I have to wait allot of time outside for the buses on my way home at night. It is rare that I catch all the connections and then I am waiting a half hour or more.
Then there is the bus ride back to Coquitlam where the bus is so cold. Well no one else seems to have this problem as they are wrapped in ten or more layers of everything. I normally don't get cold, but I am loosing weight like crazy. Even after putting two knew holes in my belt, My pants are always falling off. It is a little funny.
Tonight mom did not want to eat much of her dinner, she is waiting for me to move to White Rock and bring dinners to her. This is would love to do. And when I do get out their I do plan on doing this. the food is just horrible. Hospital food. It is just the most horrible food around
I really do need to move out to White Rock. And as soon as possible as mom is starting to loose weight and she does not eat all her dinner. I bring her as much as I can, but I am limited to the lack of funds that I have. I did bring some dinners a few weeks ago. And mom ate all of each of the dinners I brought. And some dessert. This is what I need to do. And this is the reason I need to be in White Rock.
Mom needs some nutritious meals and good tasting meals. Taste I the key word here.
Now I did her nightly beauty treatment. Put Tea Tree Oil on her sores on her legs, and they are finally healing. As long as they stop putting that cream on it. They would of healed along time ago.
And after they took mom to the bathroom, they put her in her night clothes and I put her to bed. Once I get their the only thing they have to do is take her to the washroom and change her. I do the rest. And mom likes it this way. I do too.
It now has been almost three weeks since I walked mom and the hospital was to get back to me on the wavier I want so I can walk her. Of course they have not done this. As they said they would.
Just let me take care of it as I do nightly for her and I will heal her the way I do. I am no longer going to wait. They either get this together or I will just walk her myself. Time to get it together I am not going to wait for ever.
I need to go I am so bagged I need sleep.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
.,
It is extremely cold out their and I have to say that I was close to freezing. No winter clothing, jacket, long sleeve shirts, sweaters. As I have been giving my clothing to my mother. But the clothing I give to her seems to keep disappearing.
Mom went into Ocean Side with an abundance of clothing, and now, what she has left, is mostly clothing from my closet, or items that I have recently bought for her. This is what I spend my money on. Taking care of mom. As her belongings keep going by by. And who is taking them, I have my idea, but can not prove it.
I just want to know where they went, and who gave permission for them to go that way. As my mother's white gold chain and cross. It is sacrilegious to steal a cross from someone and especially a senior with Dementia. GOD know who you are and will remember you.
I am getting colder and colder traveling back and forth. Without the proper clothing to protect me from the cold weather. It is allot of money to buy a good warm coat or other articles of clothing to keep me warm while I am traveling. I have to wait allot of time outside for the buses on my way home at night. It is rare that I catch all the connections and then I am waiting a half hour or more.
Then there is the bus ride back to Coquitlam where the bus is so cold. Well no one else seems to have this problem as they are wrapped in ten or more layers of everything. I normally don't get cold, but I am loosing weight like crazy. Even after putting two knew holes in my belt, My pants are always falling off. It is a little funny.
Tonight mom did not want to eat much of her dinner, she is waiting for me to move to White Rock and bring dinners to her. This is would love to do. And when I do get out their I do plan on doing this. the food is just horrible. Hospital food. It is just the most horrible food around
I really do need to move out to White Rock. And as soon as possible as mom is starting to loose weight and she does not eat all her dinner. I bring her as much as I can, but I am limited to the lack of funds that I have. I did bring some dinners a few weeks ago. And mom ate all of each of the dinners I brought. And some dessert. This is what I need to do. And this is the reason I need to be in White Rock.
Mom needs some nutritious meals and good tasting meals. Taste I the key word here.
Now I did her nightly beauty treatment. Put Tea Tree Oil on her sores on her legs, and they are finally healing. As long as they stop putting that cream on it. They would of healed along time ago.
And after they took mom to the bathroom, they put her in her night clothes and I put her to bed. Once I get their the only thing they have to do is take her to the washroom and change her. I do the rest. And mom likes it this way. I do too.
It now has been almost three weeks since I walked mom and the hospital was to get back to me on the wavier I want so I can walk her. Of course they have not done this. As they said they would.
Just let me take care of it as I do nightly for her and I will heal her the way I do. I am no longer going to wait. They either get this together or I will just walk her myself. Time to get it together I am not going to wait for ever.
I need to go I am so bagged I need sleep.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
.,
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
An answer
Hello again
Well today I awoke with an answer to part of my problem. That is the women, Zulfiya. Now I am glad I told her not to come. Sometimes I don't know what is best for me. And I do rely on my GOD for answer's and to not let me make stupid mistakes. And I think this was one of those times when I would of made a huge mistake. How can one fall in love with someone, when you have never spent any time with them.
And I already have one women in my life. And I don't know if I could deal with someone coming over and spending 2 weeks with them 24/7 for these two weeks. Ok not a chance. I would of freaked out. I am not able to spend that much time with anyone. The last serious relationship I had was over ten years ago and yes we spent every night together. I mean we were together everyday and just in the evening. I could barely take that. And since then I have gone on only sporadic dates. And that was only for a few hours in the evening.
As I state I have one women in my life and that women is my mother, and I cannot deal with a serious relationship at this time. Or I don't know when. If it is to be. It will not be forced. As Zulfiya just told me she wanted to come. I am glad, again, I said no.
The only thing I want to do is move to White Rock and get set up their. I have to wait for my degree to come in the mail and then I can get registered. I need to get busy with ADSAAC and I am awaiting answers on grant applications and I have many more to fill out and send off. I am wanting to put what I have on this blog into a book. What I am saying is needed to be told to more people than what are reading my blog.
Don't get me wrong, I love all of you who read my blog and please continue to read my blog. I am looking into this process and seeing if it is even possible or needed.
I mean what was I thinking about having this women over from Europe. I just about made the biggest mistake of my life. I probably would not of been able to get rid of her, and the next the I know is I am getting married. I don't know how to write the word or even if it is a word. You know when it is like a chilling effect. I am sitting here do this and I cant come up with the word.
So I am now just waiting for the move to White Rock, which I am sure and positive is right away. The prays that I seek and have asked for. Now enough about me.
So today I ended getting to moms late, I mean really late. 5:45 and the staff had not even feed her yet. Ok yes I am always their for dinner, but come on if I am not their by 5:30 warm her food up and feed her. She has to eat and eat at a certain time. Not when ever like me. Or not at all. Mom needs her energy and needs her nutrition. Of course I mention this to them and got them to warm the food up. but before they did, They said I will see if I can do that. What!
Anyways mom wanted to go and have her nightly beauty treatment done. And who am I to deny mom what she wants. But she needed to go to the restroom and I got them to get her ready for bed, so when I am finished I would just put her to bed. Which I did. It takes a staff of three to put mom to bed and I just lifted mom up and put her into bed. Hugged her and kissed her good night and that was it. Tonight I only was able to spend 1 hour with her. Yes I traveled two and a half hours their and back for less than 1 hour of visiting mom. Mom goes to bed at 7:pm and that is it.
That is the reason why I need to be in White Rock, so I can be their quickly and it is not far for me to go home after.
Anyways, I need to sleep now. I am extremely tired and hungry. And not getting much of either these days. I have been to worried about wanting to move to White Rock. And getting the place furnished.
GOD Bless and good night.
Kris
Well today I awoke with an answer to part of my problem. That is the women, Zulfiya. Now I am glad I told her not to come. Sometimes I don't know what is best for me. And I do rely on my GOD for answer's and to not let me make stupid mistakes. And I think this was one of those times when I would of made a huge mistake. How can one fall in love with someone, when you have never spent any time with them.
And I already have one women in my life. And I don't know if I could deal with someone coming over and spending 2 weeks with them 24/7 for these two weeks. Ok not a chance. I would of freaked out. I am not able to spend that much time with anyone. The last serious relationship I had was over ten years ago and yes we spent every night together. I mean we were together everyday and just in the evening. I could barely take that. And since then I have gone on only sporadic dates. And that was only for a few hours in the evening.
As I state I have one women in my life and that women is my mother, and I cannot deal with a serious relationship at this time. Or I don't know when. If it is to be. It will not be forced. As Zulfiya just told me she wanted to come. I am glad, again, I said no.
The only thing I want to do is move to White Rock and get set up their. I have to wait for my degree to come in the mail and then I can get registered. I need to get busy with ADSAAC and I am awaiting answers on grant applications and I have many more to fill out and send off. I am wanting to put what I have on this blog into a book. What I am saying is needed to be told to more people than what are reading my blog.
Don't get me wrong, I love all of you who read my blog and please continue to read my blog. I am looking into this process and seeing if it is even possible or needed.
I mean what was I thinking about having this women over from Europe. I just about made the biggest mistake of my life. I probably would not of been able to get rid of her, and the next the I know is I am getting married. I don't know how to write the word or even if it is a word. You know when it is like a chilling effect. I am sitting here do this and I cant come up with the word.
So I am now just waiting for the move to White Rock, which I am sure and positive is right away. The prays that I seek and have asked for. Now enough about me.
So today I ended getting to moms late, I mean really late. 5:45 and the staff had not even feed her yet. Ok yes I am always their for dinner, but come on if I am not their by 5:30 warm her food up and feed her. She has to eat and eat at a certain time. Not when ever like me. Or not at all. Mom needs her energy and needs her nutrition. Of course I mention this to them and got them to warm the food up. but before they did, They said I will see if I can do that. What!
Anyways mom wanted to go and have her nightly beauty treatment done. And who am I to deny mom what she wants. But she needed to go to the restroom and I got them to get her ready for bed, so when I am finished I would just put her to bed. Which I did. It takes a staff of three to put mom to bed and I just lifted mom up and put her into bed. Hugged her and kissed her good night and that was it. Tonight I only was able to spend 1 hour with her. Yes I traveled two and a half hours their and back for less than 1 hour of visiting mom. Mom goes to bed at 7:pm and that is it.
That is the reason why I need to be in White Rock, so I can be their quickly and it is not far for me to go home after.
Anyways, I need to sleep now. I am extremely tired and hungry. And not getting much of either these days. I have been to worried about wanting to move to White Rock. And getting the place furnished.
GOD Bless and good night.
Kris
Monday, October 31, 2011
I wait
Hello again
It is time that I wait on GOD I have asked and asked and now I cannot do anymore except wait.
I have received some comments and they go on to say that I am a very selfish person. Interesting. As I do everything for my mother first. My closet is empty because I say to mom what's mine is yours and I will give it to you. Which I have, and that is why my closet is empty. If I get money it is first spent on mom and if their is anything left over I get myself something.
I want to move to White Rock to be closer to mom. I was happy living in Coquitlam, until I made up my mind to move to White Rock. And now I don't want to live here anymore and want to move to White Rock. Wow. It is to start a new life. Ok a life. Which I have none now. I just need what has been promised to me and a way I go.
To bad it won't include having Zulfiya come over. I can't say that for sure yet. There is still time. She gets 3 weeks of holidays and does not start them until the 9 of November. So again if anyone wants to help out. My phone number and address are on the previous blog.
Now I really really need to move to White Rock and get furniture and well everything that is needed for an apartment.
I really do miss the letters I exchange with Zulfiya.
So when I left he hospital tonight I had a huge smile on my face. It is a great feeling that I can do for my mother and make her happy. Like her nightly beauty treatment. And the fact I am the last person she sees before falling to sleep. And I know I made my mother's life a little better. Being struck in this place is not good. I need to be close by to get her out of their and over for a visit or lunch or dinner. And then over night.
I would just like something good to happen in my life for a change. To use this goodness to help mom and others in her situation. To stop the use of anti psychotic medication being used on my mother and others.
I do deserve it. Not for doing this for mom, but it is my turn to do some good in this world. I try and try, and what happens when I really want something to happen, Is what is happening. I live where I don't what to live. I do this because I have to live like this. To make sure mom has everything she needs and will keep doing this if need be. But I would like help so this does not have to be this way.
To start a new life in White Rock, and maybe with someone else at my side, so both of us can help my mother and I have someone to talk to. Zulfiya I mean.
So if I am selfish, then so be it. If I want the best for my mother and I am willing to do what is necessary, than so be it again. I am selfish than. I just want something different.
And no one out their can understand what I am going through, or they do not even want to. To bad, it is happy, sad and wonderful
I need to go to bed, as I am usually up until 4 am writing and I need sleep.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
It is time that I wait on GOD I have asked and asked and now I cannot do anymore except wait.
I have received some comments and they go on to say that I am a very selfish person. Interesting. As I do everything for my mother first. My closet is empty because I say to mom what's mine is yours and I will give it to you. Which I have, and that is why my closet is empty. If I get money it is first spent on mom and if their is anything left over I get myself something.
I want to move to White Rock to be closer to mom. I was happy living in Coquitlam, until I made up my mind to move to White Rock. And now I don't want to live here anymore and want to move to White Rock. Wow. It is to start a new life. Ok a life. Which I have none now. I just need what has been promised to me and a way I go.
To bad it won't include having Zulfiya come over. I can't say that for sure yet. There is still time. She gets 3 weeks of holidays and does not start them until the 9 of November. So again if anyone wants to help out. My phone number and address are on the previous blog.
Now I really really need to move to White Rock and get furniture and well everything that is needed for an apartment.
I really do miss the letters I exchange with Zulfiya.
So when I left he hospital tonight I had a huge smile on my face. It is a great feeling that I can do for my mother and make her happy. Like her nightly beauty treatment. And the fact I am the last person she sees before falling to sleep. And I know I made my mother's life a little better. Being struck in this place is not good. I need to be close by to get her out of their and over for a visit or lunch or dinner. And then over night.
I would just like something good to happen in my life for a change. To use this goodness to help mom and others in her situation. To stop the use of anti psychotic medication being used on my mother and others.
I do deserve it. Not for doing this for mom, but it is my turn to do some good in this world. I try and try, and what happens when I really want something to happen, Is what is happening. I live where I don't what to live. I do this because I have to live like this. To make sure mom has everything she needs and will keep doing this if need be. But I would like help so this does not have to be this way.
To start a new life in White Rock, and maybe with someone else at my side, so both of us can help my mother and I have someone to talk to. Zulfiya I mean.
So if I am selfish, then so be it. If I want the best for my mother and I am willing to do what is necessary, than so be it again. I am selfish than. I just want something different.
And no one out their can understand what I am going through, or they do not even want to. To bad, it is happy, sad and wonderful
I need to go to bed, as I am usually up until 4 am writing and I need sleep.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Sunday, October 30, 2011
I am really upset at not being able to move.
Hello again.
I am still in the same place as I was yesterday, but I am disappointed today. That nothing, I mean, nothing happened today. I wrote Zulfiya a letter telling her how sorry I am and that I have feelings for her.
Yes feelings, I said. I have not had feelings for anyone in many years, many years. And since I have not received a letter from her since I wrote and told her not to come. I am missing our exchange. I think about her. I talk about her, I told mom about her.
Just to deviate a little bit, This is the worst weekend for TV ever for me. I do not like horror movies. And this is all that is on.
Now I really need and want to move to White Rock, I do not like it in Coquitlam anymore. I like Coquitlam, I just don't want to be here anymore. It is time to move on and to start anew. I really want to meet Zulfiya in person and spend a few weeks together. And then devote my time getting mom's treatment together. And getting ADSAAC together. Finishing the web site. Develop a new logo. Get resources on board with me.
So I don't know what to do. I need to do this and do it right away. And I need advice and help from GOD, or anyone out their.
What I really need is the PGT to keep it's promises and deliver that $10,000.00 I was told I would get. But of course it is all just crap. Again this is how they operate. Make promises, stall you for weeks and then tell you they never said that. You must be mistaken. You could have them on tape and they would say you made that up or that is not me. This is a misuse of power. An abuse of their positions.
It was to be given to me several weeks ago, when I told them I want to move. And them suggesting that is a good idea. That we will help you and then telling me an amount. And that amount is the amount I wrote in the last paragraph.
Mom wants me closer, and wants to meet my lady. This way I can talk to all the doctor's I need to speak with. Mom wants to, as much as I do, want to spend time with Zulfiya.
So what do I do, I am completely stuck here. I just ask, everyday, that something good happen for me that day. And my days are the same as the next, day after day, the same.
Now mom is the only saving grace of my day. I love when I get their and see mom. The smile on her face, makes up for everything else. And all disappears the moment I see her. I help her with dinner, as tonight, I hug her, give her kisses. I wash her face, arms and legs. And then put allot of different products on her. One for her face, lips and under the eyes. Then one for her hands and nails, then another for her arms and legs. Then I finish off with her foot cream. I brush her hair and then mom is ready for bed. I sit with her for awhile and hold her hand,, while she fall's asleep. It is completely amazing and the best feeling one could ever have. I make mom happy and in return I leave singing with a smile on my face.
I really want to be close to mom so I can bring her a hot and delicious dinner at night. Something the hospital simply misses the mark on. It is bland and tasteless. Nothing on the potatoes, or anything else. I bring all sorts of items with me to make her food taste better. Butter, sauce, salt and pepper. and other sundry products.
I do believe I am on the verge of something wonderful. But I want it in my time, which usually doesn't happen. In GODS time.
I need to go and get to bed. It was 4:00 am last night when I got to bed. I spent the time writing this and taking breaks for a little TV watching.
Please Pray for me that I get the needed finances to move. Right away. I only have two days to tell Zulfiya to come.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
I am still in the same place as I was yesterday, but I am disappointed today. That nothing, I mean, nothing happened today. I wrote Zulfiya a letter telling her how sorry I am and that I have feelings for her.
Yes feelings, I said. I have not had feelings for anyone in many years, many years. And since I have not received a letter from her since I wrote and told her not to come. I am missing our exchange. I think about her. I talk about her, I told mom about her.
Just to deviate a little bit, This is the worst weekend for TV ever for me. I do not like horror movies. And this is all that is on.
Now I really need and want to move to White Rock, I do not like it in Coquitlam anymore. I like Coquitlam, I just don't want to be here anymore. It is time to move on and to start anew. I really want to meet Zulfiya in person and spend a few weeks together. And then devote my time getting mom's treatment together. And getting ADSAAC together. Finishing the web site. Develop a new logo. Get resources on board with me.
So I don't know what to do. I need to do this and do it right away. And I need advice and help from GOD, or anyone out their.
What I really need is the PGT to keep it's promises and deliver that $10,000.00 I was told I would get. But of course it is all just crap. Again this is how they operate. Make promises, stall you for weeks and then tell you they never said that. You must be mistaken. You could have them on tape and they would say you made that up or that is not me. This is a misuse of power. An abuse of their positions.
It was to be given to me several weeks ago, when I told them I want to move. And them suggesting that is a good idea. That we will help you and then telling me an amount. And that amount is the amount I wrote in the last paragraph.
Mom wants me closer, and wants to meet my lady. This way I can talk to all the doctor's I need to speak with. Mom wants to, as much as I do, want to spend time with Zulfiya.
So what do I do, I am completely stuck here. I just ask, everyday, that something good happen for me that day. And my days are the same as the next, day after day, the same.
Now mom is the only saving grace of my day. I love when I get their and see mom. The smile on her face, makes up for everything else. And all disappears the moment I see her. I help her with dinner, as tonight, I hug her, give her kisses. I wash her face, arms and legs. And then put allot of different products on her. One for her face, lips and under the eyes. Then one for her hands and nails, then another for her arms and legs. Then I finish off with her foot cream. I brush her hair and then mom is ready for bed. I sit with her for awhile and hold her hand,, while she fall's asleep. It is completely amazing and the best feeling one could ever have. I make mom happy and in return I leave singing with a smile on my face.
I really want to be close to mom so I can bring her a hot and delicious dinner at night. Something the hospital simply misses the mark on. It is bland and tasteless. Nothing on the potatoes, or anything else. I bring all sorts of items with me to make her food taste better. Butter, sauce, salt and pepper. and other sundry products.
I do believe I am on the verge of something wonderful. But I want it in my time, which usually doesn't happen. In GODS time.
I need to go and get to bed. It was 4:00 am last night when I got to bed. I spent the time writing this and taking breaks for a little TV watching.
Please Pray for me that I get the needed finances to move. Right away. I only have two days to tell Zulfiya to come.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
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