Hello again
Well I have had this major headache for three days now. I am not sleeping. I tried again last night. I took extra sleep aids and all I did was just lie in bed, my mind racing, thinking of a service for my mother, my bills and everything else. I don't even want to finish unpacking, as I am afraid that when I do, I will not have a place to live. I am very worried about this. Especially now that Christmas is coming upon us. Everyone is busy. Resources are lousy and almost none existent.
I am not sure why this is happening and I feel that I am being punished by GOD. For, well, I just don't know. I did the right thing for years. I had to get over my mother's passing. And that is not happening. But I am better than before. Yet it still hurts allot.
I wasn't ready to be in the work force. I would of just fell apart on the job. Now I can deal with it,better.
I am not just applying for certain jobs. I am applying to as many jobs as I can. I just need to work and than I can look for something that can use my skills. But a job is all I need right now. I mean right now. I have to pay the rest of my rent and bills, plus next month.
Sleep is also what I need. I am feeling out of it now. Three days and maybe 6 hours of sleep, together. I am becoming delirious. A little bit anyways.
This headache is most likely part of it.
I ask to pray, maybe your prayers will help. Mine don't seem to be working. And I pray every night, I read the bible everyday. I talk to GOD all the time. And I talk to mom as much as I can. I believe she can hear me. After all she awaits a memorial service. But she is with Dad and her parents.
Starting to not think about much. I have major brain fog.
So please pray and if you can help with mom's memorial service, the address is below. It will be listed on the blog until I reach my goal. $2000. is what it will take. I checked it out at the funeral home where I would have it, so the others don't have an excuse not to come. Close to them. Along way from my home. But this is OK.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Does anything matter, really
Hello again
I first want to say this. The only member of my family I got along with was my cousin. I got made at her because she, the day after mom passed, was telling me to get a job. I couldn`t even deal with life at that moment in time, Let alone a job. Everything was just to hard for me. I just lost the most important person in my life and everything changed. I didn`t even grasp that yet. I could do anything. Yes I did get made and still do get made. But she was the only one whom I did get along with in the entire family. I could actually talk to her.
So I have no one left in my life. I am OK with that, but I am not. I am use to being alone. But being lonely, that is another thing. This is very difficult to deal with. I don`t have someone to speak with about anything. The few friends I have, I mean 3 friends, I can`t have any kind of deep conversation with them. One just doesn`t understand. The other two are a couple. And they have their own things to deal with.
Now, I heard from the one job, that I was to start this week. She tells me she can`t give me the hours she promised me.Instead of 24 hours a week. A good start but I would need another job. She has said that she can only give me 10 hours a week and it won`t even start until the 14 th of this month. I need to work now.
It is not as if I am not trying. I am at this daily. Sending off resumes. The only way I can do this. I can`t afford to go around and drop off resumes.
So stuck is what I am. But I will keep trying to find a job. I need one as soon as possible. Again. I have been applying for jobs for months now.
I am not doing well. I just can`t sleep. I am getting 2 hours a night. I am burning out.... I have massive headaches. I even take something to help sleep and it is not working. It use to work. Even taking extra is not doing it. I am up and out the door, walk into town, to the job source company. The more tired I become the more I dwell on my mother`s passing. Yes I should be still thinking about her. And I do. And will never stop thinking about her. And talking to her. Which I do everyday. Yes I may be crazy. Oh well. then I am.
I need to get a job. I am behind in rent. I can say it is somewhat my fault, for trusting someone.
Mom`s service is constantly on my mind. It is coming up to a year in a few months. The fact that the hospital stole mom`s chair and lied to the police about it. This gets me very upset...
I still can`t believe people would do these things to someone who just passed away. My sisters canceling the service. Mom didn`t get one. I am trying to get this together. And I am told that crowd funding is just me begging for money. Not so. This is a viable way to raise funds to all sorts of different things.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
I am not begging. I am trying to raise funds for a cause. A great cause.
I need to go and try and get some sleep. I am hungry, but I need to sleep. And will try.
But I have so much on my mind I don`t know if I will get any sleep.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
I first want to say this. The only member of my family I got along with was my cousin. I got made at her because she, the day after mom passed, was telling me to get a job. I couldn`t even deal with life at that moment in time, Let alone a job. Everything was just to hard for me. I just lost the most important person in my life and everything changed. I didn`t even grasp that yet. I could do anything. Yes I did get made and still do get made. But she was the only one whom I did get along with in the entire family. I could actually talk to her.
So I have no one left in my life. I am OK with that, but I am not. I am use to being alone. But being lonely, that is another thing. This is very difficult to deal with. I don`t have someone to speak with about anything. The few friends I have, I mean 3 friends, I can`t have any kind of deep conversation with them. One just doesn`t understand. The other two are a couple. And they have their own things to deal with.
Now, I heard from the one job, that I was to start this week. She tells me she can`t give me the hours she promised me.Instead of 24 hours a week. A good start but I would need another job. She has said that she can only give me 10 hours a week and it won`t even start until the 14 th of this month. I need to work now.
It is not as if I am not trying. I am at this daily. Sending off resumes. The only way I can do this. I can`t afford to go around and drop off resumes.
So stuck is what I am. But I will keep trying to find a job. I need one as soon as possible. Again. I have been applying for jobs for months now.
I am not doing well. I just can`t sleep. I am getting 2 hours a night. I am burning out.... I have massive headaches. I even take something to help sleep and it is not working. It use to work. Even taking extra is not doing it. I am up and out the door, walk into town, to the job source company. The more tired I become the more I dwell on my mother`s passing. Yes I should be still thinking about her. And I do. And will never stop thinking about her. And talking to her. Which I do everyday. Yes I may be crazy. Oh well. then I am.
I need to get a job. I am behind in rent. I can say it is somewhat my fault, for trusting someone.
Mom`s service is constantly on my mind. It is coming up to a year in a few months. The fact that the hospital stole mom`s chair and lied to the police about it. This gets me very upset...
I still can`t believe people would do these things to someone who just passed away. My sisters canceling the service. Mom didn`t get one. I am trying to get this together. And I am told that crowd funding is just me begging for money. Not so. This is a viable way to raise funds to all sorts of different things.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
I am not begging. I am trying to raise funds for a cause. A great cause.
I need to go and try and get some sleep. I am hungry, but I need to sleep. And will try.
But I have so much on my mind I don`t know if I will get any sleep.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Monday, October 31, 2016
The month ends and the same old, same old
Hello again
It is the end of the month and I am short on my rent . I hope the landlord accepts most of it and the rest in a few weeks, when I get paid from the new job I start next week. I still have to find another part time job..
But that is not it. I am and have been thinking about that last day, when mom passed away. Holding her hand, telling her it was OK if she had to go, that it was selfish of me to want her to stay. If it is time, mom, then please go on to GOD. This is so hard to even write this down without breaking down in tears, I am not over the loss of my mother. Not even close. It hurts so much still.
And the fact that my sister's did what they did. So mom does not even get a service. Cancel the, already arranged, service. And change it to somewhere else without even telling me. This hurts as well. I am suffering because of this. Mom's spirit has suffered even more. Mom has not had closure. Whether you believe in this or not. Our spirit needs this closure, the people that new my mother, need closure, to say what she meant to them. How she affected their lives. This is the most important part of a memorial service is to be there and speak. This mother needs and I need as well. I am sure that the others, who knew mom, need to be where we can gather and spread the love, that my mother is.
Please help out and give to this cause. I would like to be able to give mom this service on the anniversary of her passing January 31, 2017.
Please note I have not given an update in sometime. As I have been in no place in my life, to do so. But it is coming up to that 1 year anniversary.
I will try to give an update as soon as possible
It has been hard enough to just keep this blog going. But I keep tying, and will keep writing.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
May GOD bless you
Goodnight
Kris Schmuland
It is the end of the month and I am short on my rent . I hope the landlord accepts most of it and the rest in a few weeks, when I get paid from the new job I start next week. I still have to find another part time job..
But that is not it. I am and have been thinking about that last day, when mom passed away. Holding her hand, telling her it was OK if she had to go, that it was selfish of me to want her to stay. If it is time, mom, then please go on to GOD. This is so hard to even write this down without breaking down in tears, I am not over the loss of my mother. Not even close. It hurts so much still.
And the fact that my sister's did what they did. So mom does not even get a service. Cancel the, already arranged, service. And change it to somewhere else without even telling me. This hurts as well. I am suffering because of this. Mom's spirit has suffered even more. Mom has not had closure. Whether you believe in this or not. Our spirit needs this closure, the people that new my mother, need closure, to say what she meant to them. How she affected their lives. This is the most important part of a memorial service is to be there and speak. This mother needs and I need as well. I am sure that the others, who knew mom, need to be where we can gather and spread the love, that my mother is.
Please help out and give to this cause. I would like to be able to give mom this service on the anniversary of her passing January 31, 2017.
Please note I have not given an update in sometime. As I have been in no place in my life, to do so. But it is coming up to that 1 year anniversary.
I will try to give an update as soon as possible
It has been hard enough to just keep this blog going. But I keep tying, and will keep writing.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
May GOD bless you
Goodnight
Kris Schmuland
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