Do things really get better

Hello again

I hope so!

When I arrived at mom's this evening, she was extremely tired, could barely keep her eyes open. Her eyes, from being tilted up, are full of sleet. The lights are very troubling to mom, and this is a major part of the excess of sleet.

I had sun glasses made for her, darker at the top and clear at the bottom. This was so when they do tilt her back in her chair, she is protected from the lights and can still see clearly out of the bottom. I immediately put them on her once I arrive.

I have asked them on numerous occasions to put the glasses on mom. Yet they don't do this. So mom is the one suffering. This is another example of the kind of care they give to the residents.

It seemed that mom would not eat, as she was so tired. I did get her to eat, this evening. I had brought some pasta for her and they served roast beef and gravy. She was able to eat most of both of the items. With her eyes closed mostly.

Mom trust me completely. All I have to do is touch her mouth with the fork and she opens up. I have said to her many times that if she wants to keep her eyes closed I will make sure she gets her dinner. And she does just that. Complete trust that I am not going to harm her or shove the food into her mouth. As the staff do, and I have witnessed this myself and told them to stop, that this is how mom looses teeth.

I let her chew her food and give her drinks to wash everything down.

Yes she was very tired and when she is like this, all she wants to do is get to bed and have her nightly spa treatment. She will get upset if this is not done swiftly. She will swing at me and complain. I am very quick, so I see her arm coming. LOL

For me, my legs, meaning my knee's and ankles are OK when I first awake, but after putting pressure on them and walking for a while. My left knee buckles all the time, and I am experiencing shooting pain in both ankles now. By the time I get home, I am spent.

As I am now, being midnight again.

I really can't handle living here anymore. I don't trust the roommates. I am the one who is disabled and I am the one who has to clean. 3 other people here and they can't do anything. So I won't be cleaning anymore. Except what I use. Nothing else. I can't leave anything in the fridge, it will go missing. And I have nothing to start with.

Oh yea, I was reading an article today about this rick lawyer, in Toronto. Who was driving his Ferrari through a tunnel and it was flooded. He knew that this tunnel floods in heavy ran, but did it anyways. The point is there was a write up about it and an insurance carrier decided to replace it A brand new one.

Here we have this rich lawyer, complaining about his car. And I am struggle to make it through each and everyday. Not knowing if and when I will be able to put food on my table or how long it will be before I can do this. I am a full time caregiver for my mother and all I want to do is live closer to mom, so I can be their for her even more.To stay latter, to hold her hand until she completely falls asleep. I don't need a beautiful place, just a decent place,which I can afford.

I have $650.00 a month to spend and do you think I can find a place. I am willing to help out around the home. But nothing. I try an try, again nothing. I don't have some large corporation saying, He has lost so much, or he goes without for the sack of his mother. So we will give him a hand and help him out. I can barely eat anything anymore, as I have ruined my stomach from not eating for days, even weeks at a time.

Yet I don't complain, except on here, to anyone. I continue, and will continue to go to be with mom and do everything I can for her.

I am really tired of people saying you will be blessed for what you do for your mother. I don't want to be blessed after she is gone. I need it now. Not then. I won't even be around then. I want to do more for mom, now that she can understand things and can enjoy getting out and about.

My life is my mother's and I am OK with this. I love what I do and only want to do more. And by living in White Rock I can do this.

When I look at cars, as they drive by, I look at vans and say I could put a wheel chair lift in that.  I have given up on relationships. I have nothing and I could not even afford to take someone out for coffee. Again I am good with this.

I need to go, I am very tired and in a tremendous amount of pain.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

It is another day

Hello again

I finally found one of the witnesses to the bus incident and have emailed the information to ICBC

Today, I am experiencing extreme pain, shooting pain, in my left ankle. Pain in my right ankle. Radiating pain up my right thigh. Keeping my legs bent at a 45 degree angle, causes my knee's to almost lock.

That is it for today. I need to keep track of what is happening to me, so I will be writing it down here. This, is a journal of some sorts. Maybe you all are not interested in this, but I need to write it down and I am not going to do it twice.

Excuse me.

Tonight was one of the days to wash mom's hair. The home loves to put hairspray in her hair and this bothers mom, greatly.

I will be leaving a note for the staff, not to put hair spray on mom's hair. It is to itchy for her. She scratches to much.

I was able to get mom the deserts she loves. And she was served Butter chicken. It is about the only good thing they serve, but mom does not like it. It is a good thing I brought her a nice ancient grain salad and a stuffed chicken breast. She still has salad left. This she ate and enjoyed. And the smile that lite up her face when she ate her dessert was amazing.

I love the look on mom's face when I give her the nightly spa treatment. Especially after I give her the foot massage. It is a beautiful smile. I then hold her hand while we wait for her to be changed. While she smiles the whole time. It is a very warm feeling for me. Just to know she loves me. And to know that mom knows I love her.

I always set all her drinks up so mom can make the choice of what she wants at that moment. She points to which it is she wants. Even though mom doesn't speak she still makes decisions for herself.

Well here we are again. It is 1AM and I am still up. My plan this morning was to come home and go directly to bed.

I didn't even get home until 11:30 PM. Then getting the computer set up in the living room, putting some laundry in. Then to check to see if there is any place in White Rock that I can afford. Nothing again this night.

GOD bless and good night.

Please continue to pray that I find a place, which I can afford in White Rock.

Kris Schmuland

This day of rain

Hello again

Well it finally rained here in Vancouver. We had a great summer. It is called Raincouver. This will last for a little while then we have what we call an Indian summer. Nice until the middle of October.

I still have not run into the two individuals who witnessed the drunk falling on me. And I am taking the same bus daily. I am experiencing shooting pains in my left ankle, my leg is not stable anymore. My hearing seems to be getting worse. In and out on a regular basis'

Now at the home where mom is, one thing after another is falling apart. Now the air conditioning is not working. The elevators work sporadically, one side of the building is covered in plastic. Which the residents are inhaling carcinogens from the plastic. One of the two bathrooms ( where they give the residents their baths) is under construction. OK it is not under construction, it is closed off. And they are not doing anything about this, as they expect the residents families to pay for this.

And yet they continue to serve crappy food. Hmm.

I got a little money and bought mom some Sushi and Tempura tonight. She loved this and ate all of it.

Mom is doing well and is extremely healthy

Look, mom may not communicate verbally very well, but I read and understand mom very well. Others have asked me if mom knows what they are saying. I simply tell them, mom and I speak all the time and she understands everything that is going on. That they mis diagnosed her, it was a stroke that took her voice away, not dementia. And it was the stroke that has robbed mom of her ability to walk, as well as the lack of rehab from the staff.

I have been asked recently how long I have been taking care of mom. And my response was 8 years now, and it has been the best 8 years I have spent. I love looking after my mother and look forward to many more years. Mom has longevity in her family and I am very happy about this.

But it is so very important for me to be living in White Rock. For mom's sake. This way I can free up 7 hours a day of traveling, to do more things for mom and to do things that will improve mom's life.

It is late again. Almost 1 AM and it is time to go to bed.

I have been very tired and in pain allot. All I have wanted to do is go to bed when I get home, instead of 3 am.

So I need to say good night

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

The pain goes on and on

Hello again

Last night on the way home. The dispatch from transit called the bus I normally take. Yes the same bus the man fell on me. And told the driver not to pick this guy up. The driver said OK, Maybe they said not to let  him on the bus. As this makes more sense with what the driver said next. He said OK I will strap him to the roof. There was another driver on board the bus and the two of them were discussing this guy.  So when the stop, the stop that the drunk gets on, came, the driver stopped short, behind other vehicles, and announced to the passengers, that if they want iff at Ridge Drive, this is where they have to get off. And the two drivers continued to discuss this.

So this means transit feels culpable for the actions of this drunk individual. Now they have to make mention this to ICBC. the insurance provider.  This way I don't need to hire a lawyer.

The doctor wrote a prescription for a knee brace. I had x-ray's on both my knee's and ankles. My left is giving out on me and I am having shotting pain through my right thigh.  I have been given pain killers and anti inflammatory medication.

I had to write this down first thing, so I wouldn't forget what my train of thought was.

Excuse me for that.

I served mom spaghetti and a meat sauce tonight. Of course I made the sauce from scratch.  And the home served fish cakes and cauliflower. Plus of course the usual mashed potatoes. Mom ate over half the spaghetti, it was a large plate full. Plus the fish cake and the cauliflower. As well as her usual papaya, avocado and her chocolates. She was very full. Stuffed I would say. Oh yea, I made a new smoothie this morning, before I left. Banana, Mango and strawberry, mixed with a yogurt. This is something mom, no mater how full she is, will drink. OK, I feed this to her by the spoon. Mom goes through, I would say, 36 oz's a week. As the container is 16 oz's. It has the Vega One supplement mixed with it, as well. As mom does not get enough nutrition in the meal the home provides. And the supplement has everything one would need of, fiver, essential oils, vitamins, minerals and greens, for the day.

Mom, as I said, was full and very tired from her meal. And wanted to get to bed. Or out of her day clothing, and out of her chair. I changed mom, put her to bed, brushed her teeth, washed her face, hands and legs. Plus then I apply the different lotions. Then we wait for one of the staff to come in and change her. The spa treatment takes about an hour. So from 4:30 to 6 I feed mom, 6 to 7 is mom's spa treatment. They change her, this takes 10 minutes. Then I am their sitting, or standing with her until 8 pm. Of course a few minutes are taken up by me getting ready to leave.  Other than that, I am holding her hand, while she, almost falls asleep.

We speak, laugh, sing. Yes I see mom singing the songs. I may not be able to understand her, but I know she is singing to the song. She knows these songs. She hears them all the time. She loves jazz.

By the time I needed to leave, it seems mom developed a second wind. And was wide awake when I had to leave. I feel so bad that I can't stay any longer.

I am trying to find a place out their. I can't live here anymore. It is to much for me. I don't feel safe, I am uncomfortable being here. I mostly stay in my room. It is offensive to me, having to deal with the stench and the fact nobody cleans but the disabled me. I have stopped cleaning and I don't give a crap anymore. I clean my room.

But with my OCD, it is hard on me. I require a clean place.

Back to mom

So when it comes time to leave, I put on the final lotions. A massaging night cream, plus more lip balm. Let me not forget. Mom drinks allot, so she is not dehydrated, while I am there, anyways.  But when I arrive, she motions for me to give her a drink, right away.

So now it is midnight again, and I am eating the rest of the spaghetti tonight. This I had last night as well. I have some left over spinach, which I will pour dressing over.

I feel so bad that I had to leave this evening. I truly only want to take better care of mom. She needs me and I need her. This is my life and it is the best part of it. Taking care of my ailing mother.

I really do need to go now, warm up the dinner and get to bed. I am not sleeping well at all.

So GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland