Hello again
As it states I really am done. I have had enough. I have always thought of myself as a Christian with a belief in GOD But it is hard to do this now. I just lost another job, before I even started. They wanted me to start a certain day, as in Friday,, So I receive an email Thursday that read, We have decided to go another way, not to hire an additional driver.
Now that is three 3 jobs I had and lost. 1 I was working and they decided to go a different way, The other 2 I was given the job and lost it before I even started the job. Really!
Once again, I am not applying for jobs that are way out of my reach and saying, I am not getting a job. I am applying for a job. So I can just work and pay my bills. That is it. Nothing more. At the grocery store, drivers, gas stations, warehouses. Just a job to pay the bills. Is that really to much to ask of GOD..... And Jesus.
I came into this place, that I am living in, with a job. Then it was gone. I have bills, life everyone else. What will happen if I don't secure a job right away, is I will have to move. Basically I will be kicked out of here. I know I am not the only one with problems, But it seems mine are mounting greatly and quickly.
Then a very serious thing just happened to me last night. I have no money to fix it, nor do I have anyone to call or even ask for help. My fault I suppose. I mean nobody. Not single person to even speak with. I don't go to church, so no pastor to speak with. I have no friends, very lonely.
I have sat alone in this place for a week now, by myself. Besides looking for work. The phone doesn't ring. My emails are just junk emails. I can only take the bus so many places before I get bored of going. I read, still doesn't help.
I have barely slept because of this tooth ache, abscess. Yes I am now on anti biotics for it and mild pain killers. These pain killers help but they also keep me awake at night. So this week,I have barely slept. Last night 4 hours, the night before, nothing, the night before that 4 hours. Then for two day no sleep at all. OK the pain is also keeping me awake at night.
Yes I have medication to help me sleep, but I have things to do the next day and need to be up. Like look for work. So I don't want to take anything to help me sleep. So I don't sleep.
I need dental work, but don't have the funds to get the dentures I need.
It is now coming up upon Christmas and this is going to be a bad year. First year without mom, my only family. Besides everything else that is going on, this is going to make it worse.
So I can't do this anymore. I am done with everything.
I need a miracle from GOD Some divine intervention. Right away. I mean now.
I can't but keep asking for help. I really want to give mom her service this coming January. but I need to pay my rent, get and keep a job. Mainly dentures,as this seems to stop me from getting anything.
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
If anyone can help please, please do
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Thursday, November 17, 2016
I am so very tired, thirsty and hungry, but.........
Hello again
As the title states I am those things, Very tired, hungry and thirsty. OK I can drink room temperature beverages. Not pleasant Can barely eat anything, Crackers and that is difficult. And because of the pain I can't even sleep at night.
So I go on.
I am awaiting a call from this one job, I was to go and give it a try. No call so far. I will call her tomorrow.
I went to see a counselor today. This was not a very good appointment. Not really a counselor. A social worker. We spoke for a hour and didn't discuss much at all. I will see him again, maybe next time it will be better. I hope so...
Now I am just getting more and more depressed as the days count down to December 24, 25. Yes Christmas.
The only time I would celebrate Christmas was with mom. And now,you know. I am watching Christmas movie after Christmas movie and nothing is even coming close to getting me in any kind of Christmas mood. Nothing. I am recording the movies and since I can't sleep I am watching them at night. Even though I am not even with it. Nothing! No spirit at all. Just going through the motion.
I will continue to record and watch the Christmas movies. Maybe, eventually I might get in the mood, the spirit might come upon me.
I went to the doctors as well this afternoon and this was a good appointment. We discussed something to help me with quiting smoking, but we got side tracked and forgot to get prescription for Chantix. I also got a shot for pneumonia. The nurse asked me how old I was and thought I was to young to get this shot, but I explained to her what my conditions were and she went OH.,. The arm hurts from the shot.
Oh well
So I will leave you now.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
https;//www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https;//www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
As the title states I am those things, Very tired, hungry and thirsty. OK I can drink room temperature beverages. Not pleasant Can barely eat anything, Crackers and that is difficult. And because of the pain I can't even sleep at night.
So I go on.
I am awaiting a call from this one job, I was to go and give it a try. No call so far. I will call her tomorrow.
I went to see a counselor today. This was not a very good appointment. Not really a counselor. A social worker. We spoke for a hour and didn't discuss much at all. I will see him again, maybe next time it will be better. I hope so...
Now I am just getting more and more depressed as the days count down to December 24, 25. Yes Christmas.
The only time I would celebrate Christmas was with mom. And now,you know. I am watching Christmas movie after Christmas movie and nothing is even coming close to getting me in any kind of Christmas mood. Nothing. I am recording the movies and since I can't sleep I am watching them at night. Even though I am not even with it. Nothing! No spirit at all. Just going through the motion.
I will continue to record and watch the Christmas movies. Maybe, eventually I might get in the mood, the spirit might come upon me.
I went to the doctors as well this afternoon and this was a good appointment. We discussed something to help me with quiting smoking, but we got side tracked and forgot to get prescription for Chantix. I also got a shot for pneumonia. The nurse asked me how old I was and thought I was to young to get this shot, but I explained to her what my conditions were and she went OH.,. The arm hurts from the shot.
Oh well
So I will leave you now.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
https;//www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https;//www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Pain oh the pain
Hello again
I can deal with pain, allot of pain. I have had to deal with pain for a very long time. But this abscess is something completely different. I still can't eat or even drink anything besides something room temperature. I have not been able to sleep in 4 days now. Not even a hour of sleep. Not doing well. A little bit delirious. It is just to painful to sleep. And I have to do things the next day, so no point going to or trying to sleep when it is 5 in the morning.
I had another job interview today. This morning. Another reason I didn't sleep. It went well. Even though I was a very calm person. Very calm person. No sleep in days will make one very calm. So the interview went very well. She tells me that I seem like a solid person and would like to give me a try this week, Friday, or Monday. Great I say. It is good. But part time. 3 or 4 days a week. Here in lies another problem. They require me to wear black pants, black shirt and black shoes. OK they will supply the shirt and jacket I supply the pants and shoes. I have the black pants, but not the shoes. So now I need to come up with funds for black shoes. Shoes that are light and comfortable. By Friday or Monday. This takes funds,which I lack. At least I have a bus pass.
Now I am so very hungry, tired and thirsty. And it seems that none of these will be met. I now have to find money for black shoes tomorrow. I have two doctors appointments on Thursday.
I am not doing very well. Christmas is just blasting me in the face. Everywhere I turn more and more decorations are going up. And not having a family anymore, It is making me even more depressed. I don't know if I can get through this by myself or at all.
I have spent so many years having Christmas with my mother, I don't know what I am going to do. It is already affecting me. And it is only half way through the month of November.
I never knew it was going to be this difficult
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/ anewmesmile
Please pray for my salvation and assistance
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
I can deal with pain, allot of pain. I have had to deal with pain for a very long time. But this abscess is something completely different. I still can't eat or even drink anything besides something room temperature. I have not been able to sleep in 4 days now. Not even a hour of sleep. Not doing well. A little bit delirious. It is just to painful to sleep. And I have to do things the next day, so no point going to or trying to sleep when it is 5 in the morning.
I had another job interview today. This morning. Another reason I didn't sleep. It went well. Even though I was a very calm person. Very calm person. No sleep in days will make one very calm. So the interview went very well. She tells me that I seem like a solid person and would like to give me a try this week, Friday, or Monday. Great I say. It is good. But part time. 3 or 4 days a week. Here in lies another problem. They require me to wear black pants, black shirt and black shoes. OK they will supply the shirt and jacket I supply the pants and shoes. I have the black pants, but not the shoes. So now I need to come up with funds for black shoes. Shoes that are light and comfortable. By Friday or Monday. This takes funds,which I lack. At least I have a bus pass.
Now I am so very hungry, tired and thirsty. And it seems that none of these will be met. I now have to find money for black shoes tomorrow. I have two doctors appointments on Thursday.
I am not doing very well. Christmas is just blasting me in the face. Everywhere I turn more and more decorations are going up. And not having a family anymore, It is making me even more depressed. I don't know if I can get through this by myself or at all.
I have spent so many years having Christmas with my mother, I don't know what I am going to do. It is already affecting me. And it is only half way through the month of November.
I never knew it was going to be this difficult
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/ anewmesmile
Please pray for my salvation and assistance
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Monday, November 14, 2016
And if it is not one thing, another surfaces
Hello again
I was telling y'all about a job I was going to this morning. I didn't sleep last night, in anticipation of starting this job. So I get up at 7 and get ready. I put on some good clothing, Tried to eat something ( more on this after) Off I went. I had no idea how long it would take me by bus to get there. So I leave at 8:15 I got to Langley by 9 am. An hour early. So I walk around. They didn't open until 10 am. I get there at 9:45 and wait.
The manager pulls up, gets out of her car and comes right over to me and tells me she is surprised to see me. She tells me that I didn't respond to the email telling me when to come in. That she hired someone else because I didn't respond to her email. She tells me that if I did respond there were things we needed to go over before I started. I pulled out my phone and went to the email mail. Because I did respond with Sounds good. She then proceeded to lecture me on not responding to her email for 5 minutes. Meanwhile I am holding my phone with the email open and my response to her. I didn't even get a chance to show her the email before she tells me that it is a kid she hired, that she needed to hire someone then and there. Again I am holding the phone with the email open. She then told me that I wasn't even dressed right. No cotton pants. Even though they were very nice pants and a nice dress shirt, good shoes. She then tells me she might have something else for me.
Well I don't have the clothing she wants me to wear. No dress pants. OK I have some dress pants, but they are not heamed. I don't have the $50 to even get this done. Remember $1.10 to my name. Another job gone. I didn't even have it before I even arrived.
Now this is just the start of my day. I haven't been able to eat because of the pain from the abscess of my tooth. I can deal with allot of pain, allot! But this is so painful, even when I breathe in cool air it hurts wildly. When I try to chew something it is so very painful. I can't even deal with it. I gave up a doctors appointment today,because I originally thought this job was to start tomorrow, So this morning, while waiting, called the doctors office to cancel the appointment. Right after I left the place I was on the phone seeing if I could get the appointment back, they just gave it away. They could of got me in at 11;30 am but I was in Langley and had to take the bus back to White Rock and wouldn't be able to get there in time. I need some antibiotics to clean this up before I can even see a dentist to remove the rest of the teeth on the bottom of my mouth. The one tooth and the two that are impacted. This is before I can even get dentures for my bottom. Well that can't happen anytime soon, as the dentist is covered, but not the dentures. Hence I have a campaign to raise money for new teeth. Both top and bottom .https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Now I also have an ear ache. This is a new one for me. Never before. I think it is related to the abscess, same side.
I am so very tired. After I got back to White Rock, I went to the job club and applied for some more jobs.
Look I started this job search months before I new I was moving.Move, need a job. I have applied for over 50 jobs now. And nothing. I am not just sitting around doing nothing. I am applying for more jobs each day. OK I am doing nothing and riding the bus at night, when I just don't want to sit around. I have no cable, just internet. So I can only watch so much on my computer and only write so much,before my arms start hurting Parkinson's and fybromialgia. I can get 15 minutes before I need to stop for awhile.
I need a job now or at the end of the month I will be homeless. I don't have the money to pay the full rent.Only half. But I also need a bus pass as well.
I sit alone, very alone. No one has even called me today. What do I expect, I don't know anyone. So who would call me.
I sit allot. That is why I just get on the bus and go for a ride. This is now becoming depressing unto it's self. Christmas decorations are going up all over the place. I went for a ride this evening and walked through the mall and Christmas music was just blasting.
I have no Christmas or anyone to have Christmas with. Alone and very depressed.
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
https:/www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
I was telling y'all about a job I was going to this morning. I didn't sleep last night, in anticipation of starting this job. So I get up at 7 and get ready. I put on some good clothing, Tried to eat something ( more on this after) Off I went. I had no idea how long it would take me by bus to get there. So I leave at 8:15 I got to Langley by 9 am. An hour early. So I walk around. They didn't open until 10 am. I get there at 9:45 and wait.
The manager pulls up, gets out of her car and comes right over to me and tells me she is surprised to see me. She tells me that I didn't respond to the email telling me when to come in. That she hired someone else because I didn't respond to her email. She tells me that if I did respond there were things we needed to go over before I started. I pulled out my phone and went to the email mail. Because I did respond with Sounds good. She then proceeded to lecture me on not responding to her email for 5 minutes. Meanwhile I am holding my phone with the email open and my response to her. I didn't even get a chance to show her the email before she tells me that it is a kid she hired, that she needed to hire someone then and there. Again I am holding the phone with the email open. She then told me that I wasn't even dressed right. No cotton pants. Even though they were very nice pants and a nice dress shirt, good shoes. She then tells me she might have something else for me.
Well I don't have the clothing she wants me to wear. No dress pants. OK I have some dress pants, but they are not heamed. I don't have the $50 to even get this done. Remember $1.10 to my name. Another job gone. I didn't even have it before I even arrived.
Now this is just the start of my day. I haven't been able to eat because of the pain from the abscess of my tooth. I can deal with allot of pain, allot! But this is so painful, even when I breathe in cool air it hurts wildly. When I try to chew something it is so very painful. I can't even deal with it. I gave up a doctors appointment today,because I originally thought this job was to start tomorrow, So this morning, while waiting, called the doctors office to cancel the appointment. Right after I left the place I was on the phone seeing if I could get the appointment back, they just gave it away. They could of got me in at 11;30 am but I was in Langley and had to take the bus back to White Rock and wouldn't be able to get there in time. I need some antibiotics to clean this up before I can even see a dentist to remove the rest of the teeth on the bottom of my mouth. The one tooth and the two that are impacted. This is before I can even get dentures for my bottom. Well that can't happen anytime soon, as the dentist is covered, but not the dentures. Hence I have a campaign to raise money for new teeth. Both top and bottom .https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Now I also have an ear ache. This is a new one for me. Never before. I think it is related to the abscess, same side.
I am so very tired. After I got back to White Rock, I went to the job club and applied for some more jobs.
Look I started this job search months before I new I was moving.Move, need a job. I have applied for over 50 jobs now. And nothing. I am not just sitting around doing nothing. I am applying for more jobs each day. OK I am doing nothing and riding the bus at night, when I just don't want to sit around. I have no cable, just internet. So I can only watch so much on my computer and only write so much,before my arms start hurting Parkinson's and fybromialgia. I can get 15 minutes before I need to stop for awhile.
I need a job now or at the end of the month I will be homeless. I don't have the money to pay the full rent.Only half. But I also need a bus pass as well.
I sit alone, very alone. No one has even called me today. What do I expect, I don't know anyone. So who would call me.
I sit allot. That is why I just get on the bus and go for a ride. This is now becoming depressing unto it's self. Christmas decorations are going up all over the place. I went for a ride this evening and walked through the mall and Christmas music was just blasting.
I have no Christmas or anyone to have Christmas with. Alone and very depressed.
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
https:/www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Being lonely is very difficult
Hello again
Today is Sunday and I have not seen nor spoke to anyone all day. My phone did not even ring. Lets face it I have one set of friends. A couple and being a couple, they do couple things with other couples. I see them once a week. The other person I know, well,if I want to go down to the beach and eat at the only restaurant he goes too, Then I can hang out with him. I am so broke, a little over a buck to my name.
So I spent another day alone. My depression is really bad now. I have slept allot. I don't want to sleep, I am sleeping through 3 alarms. 3. Wasting my days. This is how depression works. You don't want to do anything. But I do want to do allot. Just can't. No way of doing anything. I just have a bus pass. You can only ride the bus so much and then you have covered allot territory.
Now I don't know where to go anymore. It is always the same. I have been there and walked around there.
I have a Pt job that I start tomorrow. I don't think I will get much sleep. Yes it is a job, but only 10 hours a week. Not enough to cover my expenses. I have an interview tomorrow as well. But I can't go to it, I will try to re arrange it for another day. I thought it was Tuesday that I started this part time job. So I arrange an interview for tomorrow plus a doctors appointment. Which I will have to schedule for another day as well.
I need another job or one full time job. I go on interviews, but it seems my teeth, or lack of teeth and the disgusting mess that they are, are stopping me from getting any worthwhile job.
I am not looking for a high paying position. I just want to work. And the one thing that is stopping me is what I need the most. A clear mouth to speak with. To present well to others.
I have been trying to figure out why I am not getting these jobs I go on interviews for. Now I know.
So depression is getting worse.
I just would like to get back into society again. I have nothing.
And now I have an abscess and it is extremely painful to eat, so I am just not eating. Hurts to much.. This is something that has just came about last week.
I just don't get it. Why!
What am I doing wrong. I am nice to all, I don't do anything bad. I am clean and sober, for many, many years. I am a Christian. I will do for others as much as I can
What I don't get is what is needed to get back into society.
Actually I need new teeth
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
That is a campaign sit to help me get dentures
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmulnad
To help mom have a memorial service
But I need help and have no one to speak with or get help.
What family I have still thinks I am a drunk and drug addict, It seems no matter how long one is sober, everyone still thinks your a drunk. So no family is what I say. Because they are not there at all. Yes I have said that it is OK. And I do mean that. I am OK with none of them contacting me.
So if you find it in your heart to assist, please do.
Other than that, I am just not doing well at all. I am alone, and this holiday season is going to be difficult for me. If I don't find other work right away, I am going to be homeless at the end of the month.
Yes homeless. Then I won't even be able to keep the part time job I have. Can 't keep clean or rest or eat, or have clean clothing to wear.
I don't want to be homeless. I have not even unpacked some things.But I don't have it in me to pack everything up again. No place to move too.
I am trying. I start a job tomorrow. But not enough hours.
Please pray to GOD for help
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
Today is Sunday and I have not seen nor spoke to anyone all day. My phone did not even ring. Lets face it I have one set of friends. A couple and being a couple, they do couple things with other couples. I see them once a week. The other person I know, well,if I want to go down to the beach and eat at the only restaurant he goes too, Then I can hang out with him. I am so broke, a little over a buck to my name.
So I spent another day alone. My depression is really bad now. I have slept allot. I don't want to sleep, I am sleeping through 3 alarms. 3. Wasting my days. This is how depression works. You don't want to do anything. But I do want to do allot. Just can't. No way of doing anything. I just have a bus pass. You can only ride the bus so much and then you have covered allot territory.
Now I don't know where to go anymore. It is always the same. I have been there and walked around there.
I have a Pt job that I start tomorrow. I don't think I will get much sleep. Yes it is a job, but only 10 hours a week. Not enough to cover my expenses. I have an interview tomorrow as well. But I can't go to it, I will try to re arrange it for another day. I thought it was Tuesday that I started this part time job. So I arrange an interview for tomorrow plus a doctors appointment. Which I will have to schedule for another day as well.
I need another job or one full time job. I go on interviews, but it seems my teeth, or lack of teeth and the disgusting mess that they are, are stopping me from getting any worthwhile job.
I am not looking for a high paying position. I just want to work. And the one thing that is stopping me is what I need the most. A clear mouth to speak with. To present well to others.
I have been trying to figure out why I am not getting these jobs I go on interviews for. Now I know.
So depression is getting worse.
I just would like to get back into society again. I have nothing.
And now I have an abscess and it is extremely painful to eat, so I am just not eating. Hurts to much.. This is something that has just came about last week.
I just don't get it. Why!
What am I doing wrong. I am nice to all, I don't do anything bad. I am clean and sober, for many, many years. I am a Christian. I will do for others as much as I can
What I don't get is what is needed to get back into society.
Actually I need new teeth
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
That is a campaign sit to help me get dentures
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmulnad
To help mom have a memorial service
But I need help and have no one to speak with or get help.
What family I have still thinks I am a drunk and drug addict, It seems no matter how long one is sober, everyone still thinks your a drunk. So no family is what I say. Because they are not there at all. Yes I have said that it is OK. And I do mean that. I am OK with none of them contacting me.
So if you find it in your heart to assist, please do.
Other than that, I am just not doing well at all. I am alone, and this holiday season is going to be difficult for me. If I don't find other work right away, I am going to be homeless at the end of the month.
Yes homeless. Then I won't even be able to keep the part time job I have. Can 't keep clean or rest or eat, or have clean clothing to wear.
I don't want to be homeless. I have not even unpacked some things.But I don't have it in me to pack everything up again. No place to move too.
I am trying. I start a job tomorrow. But not enough hours.
Please pray to GOD for help
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
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