Tired so very tired

Hello again

I am so very tired. I woke up at 4 am and could not sleep much past that. I was up until after 1 texting someone. Then that was it. I walked through my day like  a zombie.

Even at the doctors office, I was out of it. I could barely speak. I have allot on my mind.

Even my mother this evening was tried, more tired than usual. I was not even able to wash her hair. She just wanted to go to bed. But she still wanted the full spa treatment.

I went early to speak with the manager, and still the same. Nothing being done about the TV situation.

I am very tired, as well, about this.

I called the PCQO again. The ;case manager was able to get back to me, but I had my phone turned down so low I didn't even hear it.

Monday I will be in touch with her.

This is going to be short and to the point. Wait a minute. It was short and to the point.

I stayed and just held mom's hand until she was completely asleep.

Then I left. Thats it.

I am home, fell asleep for 40 minutes before writing this tonight. I probable will not be able to sleep now.

Still have some things on my mind.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland

ignorance is really starting to piss me off

Hello agian

I sent in the complaint package and I get an email back telling me they need proof of me being a substitute decision maker. We have had this discussion before. I am going by what the law states.

I don't have any proof that I am deemed the substitute decision maker. How it works is I am a temporary substitute decision maker. In other words.

It works like this. Whom ever is there the most and takes care of  the person the most is the decision maker, Period.

That is me. I am there and I am the one who cares for my mother. Now I have to explain this all over again to this individual. Piss me off. Ignorance at its best.

Mom was tired again tonight. But happy. She ate well, but took along time to eat her dinner. She does not like this roommate. And wants to move to a place where she can have her own room.

I will look into this. Mom needs her own space. And we need privacy when mom and I are together. Mom needs peace. And to not have a TV blaring in her ears. Night or day.

It all went well with her.Spa treatment. And then she just wanted to go to sleep. Didn't even want the whole treatment. Just her face and arms tonight. Then she held my hand, wanted me to sing and leave. She was relaxed and just pushed my hand away. But drew it back. This is mom telling me she wants to sleep. So I packed my bags and kissed her good night and left. I left early, but got home later than normal.

Which by the way, pissed me off as well.

As you can read I am not in the greatest of moods.

I had a doctors appointment today. It was scheduled for fir a certain time. I arrived early and fell asleep while waiting. Then they called my name, to move to the other waiting room. I waited, and waited. Then I realized I had to leave. Which did. Of course I rescheduled for Friday now. So I go and wait again.

Not impressed.

A few other things have happened in the last 24 hours that have also pissed me off. I will not go into it just yet.

But I am done writing for tonight. I have to chill out. I am to upset. OK I am pissed.

Got to go now.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland

No rain in sight

Hello again

So I am sure some might of thought I would stop this and delete all of my posts. I don't think so.

I arrived to find mom extremely tired today. She was outside, but the staff said she was tired all day long. Really. I wonder why.

I just have to scan the completed consent form to the email. Then press send. She will have it first thing in the morning.

I tried to do everything I could for mom. She barely ate, to tired and chewed and chewed her food. Had a hard time swallowing.

And after I completed her nightly spa treatment, Off mom went. Fast asleep. But tonight she didn't want to let go of my hand. It took effort for me to get my hand loose.

I sang to her and gave her our good night kisses.

At least taking her outside gave her the much needed fresh air all of us need, everyday. I will have to start doing this everyday. No matter what. Get there earlier to do this.

It is a shame that I have to resort to this to help my mother. A real shame.

I just wish they would do the right thing, but that will never happen. So I will continue to fight for my mother. And if along the way I help others. So be it.

I have to write an email. I have to cut it short.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher Schmuland

I need rain

Hello again

Thank you all very much I have now made 30,000. Now do you want me to stop writing.

I feel good about this.

So mom was a little tired today, It is not getting any better. The roommate keeps turning the volume up. And I keep asking the staff to turn it down.


I have the complaint form printed, now I just have to fill it out and scan it back into my computer, write a letter to accompany it. Then email it to the case manager. Sounds simple.

Mom ate well today, not to much problem with her chewing and swallowing. She was hungry today. Couldn't wait for dinner.

Mom likes and gets a certain chocolate for dessert. Lindt Truffles. I always have a supply at home, and I take several to mom's, to keep in the drawer. I used the last one, yesterday and I forgot them today. I didn't even realize it until it was time for dessert.

Oh my, mom was so disappointed in me.The look on her face when I told her I forgot her chocolates, was so hard to believe. I am still feeling it. The huge disappointment she felt. Broke my heart. I have never, not had them there for her.

The first thing I did when I got back was to put the rest of the box in my bag.

After that it was getting her ready for bed.

Oh yeah, I went out into the main dinning room and asked the staff if there was any kind of chocolate around. Nothing.

I need to get her some tea tree oil for her toe nails. The fungus has returned. I did not use it enough the last time. It has to be used well beyond when the toes are cleared up.

Got her ready for bed and waited, for not to long, for the staff member to come and put her into bed.

Then her favorite part of the day. The spa treatment. So relaxing for her. To bad she can't just go to sleep in peace. She tries though.

I had time, it was really early when we finished the spa treatment. So mom was sleepy and wanted to hold my hand. Which, of course, I did for her. She pulls my hand close to her and closes her eye's. Prompt me to sing our good night song to her.

Which I did, so she could get some rest. I stayed holding her hand for a while, until she was asleep.

I gently removed my hand from hers and packed up and left.

I really need to be there. In White Rock. So much time will be saved.

I decided I am going to write a book of poems. I have been able to write again. I found a muse. And she has helped me with my writers block.

I have always written poetry. I lost or they were never given back to me, Over two hundred poems.

I am starting over. I have written more about a dozen in the last two weeks.

And again, thank you all for reading this blog.

It keeps me connected to reality. It is real, uncensored  and raw

Keep reading

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland