Hello again
I guess you can tell by the title of this post that mom was extremely tired this evening. And when she is this tired, she leans. Now it is next to impossible to give her something to drink, without spilling it all over her. As she is leaning and it just comes out the side of her mouth.
So I have to try and straighten her up. And mom is just not happy about this. I really hate doing it, as I have to shift mom in her chair. And I can never tell if I am doing it to hard. I try to be as gentle as possible. But I have to lift her up and move her over. Then I have to put some towels beside her in her chair. On the right side. You see mom always leans to the right.
This also makes it very hard to feed her when she leans so far over. I have tried one foam piece, that I made. But this has vanished. They threw it out. I have and idea of what I need. I just have to figure out how to cut the foam. Scissors just are not working.
Now it could be that mom's diapers were full and she is leaning not to sit in it. I will have to watch this. But I think it is when she is really tired.
But mom ate and finished what I brought plus dessert.
I brought home the Duvet cover last night and washed it. So this needed to be put back on the comforter. Which took time. Since I could only use one arm to do this.
And once done, mom didn't even want her spa treatment done. But I did it anyways and mom was happy I did it, as well.
We finished early, so I had plenty of time to stand and hold her hand. She was not quite asleep, but I needed to leave so I could get her the Cornish hen I am making her for her Birthday and Thanks giving dinner.
I make her something special every Birthday and Holiday.
This year it will be a little harder, with the injuries from this accident. The lump on my right elbow is getting larger.
I am done and am very tired. I am waking up several times through out the night in pain and having an extremely difficult time moving my right arm.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Still have not found a place to live. I need to be out of here. Don't have a clue what I am going to do. Everything is out of what I can pay per month.
$650- $700 to rent a room in a shared accommodation If I could find someone to share with. We could do it for 5 bills each. But nothing so far.
.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
It may be fall
Hello again
It could be turning into fall after all. To bad. I like wearing my shorts. But I am so pissed off lately, that I think I will burn up if I start wearing pants again.
I am hot all the time and the temperature it not that hot. 20 c 19 c in that area. I see all of these individuals with there jackets, boots etc.. on. And here I am in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. And I think that my anger is keeping me warm.
Anyways, last night I woke up again and couldn't use my right arm. I tried to move it and it took great effort to even do that. And great pain.
So that is where I am at with this accident nonsense. The insurance company is doing nothing for me. I am slowly loosing the use of my arm. Well it just hurts to much. And yes not being able to move my arm without a great effort only happens at night. I can't even lift the sheets up with it.
OK it is Wednesday and hair washing day for mom. It was a good thing. They put allot of gel in her hair and don't brush it out. And this makes mom feel so good. The smile on her face when it is done.
Mom ate everything and then some tonight. Which is good.
And you know the rest. Spa treatment, holding her hand while she falls asleep. Except tonight I took her Duvet cover home and am washing it as I write this. Almost done.
Mom's Birthday this Sunday. I thought I might get some Birthday wishes from some of you who read this. But that is OK. I asked which mean't I tried. Maybe Christmas cards. I think I may start a web page for that.
So I sang to her and had to leave.
Midnight and just finishing this. I am getting better at writing with one hand. Typing I should say. I can still type if the keyboard is right up against me. Though this does still cause pain.
Nothing else is happening in my life.
I don't have the time to do anything else. The traveling is getting to me. But I will continue to do this. As mom needs me and I her.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W.A..Schmuland
It could be turning into fall after all. To bad. I like wearing my shorts. But I am so pissed off lately, that I think I will burn up if I start wearing pants again.
I am hot all the time and the temperature it not that hot. 20 c 19 c in that area. I see all of these individuals with there jackets, boots etc.. on. And here I am in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. And I think that my anger is keeping me warm.
Anyways, last night I woke up again and couldn't use my right arm. I tried to move it and it took great effort to even do that. And great pain.
So that is where I am at with this accident nonsense. The insurance company is doing nothing for me. I am slowly loosing the use of my arm. Well it just hurts to much. And yes not being able to move my arm without a great effort only happens at night. I can't even lift the sheets up with it.
OK it is Wednesday and hair washing day for mom. It was a good thing. They put allot of gel in her hair and don't brush it out. And this makes mom feel so good. The smile on her face when it is done.
Mom ate everything and then some tonight. Which is good.
And you know the rest. Spa treatment, holding her hand while she falls asleep. Except tonight I took her Duvet cover home and am washing it as I write this. Almost done.
Mom's Birthday this Sunday. I thought I might get some Birthday wishes from some of you who read this. But that is OK. I asked which mean't I tried. Maybe Christmas cards. I think I may start a web page for that.
So I sang to her and had to leave.
Midnight and just finishing this. I am getting better at writing with one hand. Typing I should say. I can still type if the keyboard is right up against me. Though this does still cause pain.
Nothing else is happening in my life.
I don't have the time to do anything else. The traveling is getting to me. But I will continue to do this. As mom needs me and I her.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W.A..Schmuland
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Sometimes it is................
Hello again
Sometimes it is very lonely being a caregiver,as I am. And to all of who do this without hesitation, for their loved one's. Who need them.
It is hard to make and to keep friends When one's life is dedicated to looking after their loved one. As it is with me and taking care of my mother.
Again, I do this willingly. Taking care of and doing what I can for my mother is the best part of my day. It keeps me sane and grounded. Otherwise I would of lost it by now.
The biggest stressor in my life is not being able to find a place to live, in White Rock, for what I can actually afford. Especially when one is very poor and marginalized And sometimes the PGT really gets on my last nerves.
Let us not forget the accident and all the pain and frustration it has been causing me.Everyone expects me to do this and do that. Without realizing I take transit, I am in pain. And I get home late at night, so therefore I do not even get to bed until late. I wake up all night long, because of the pain. I am not getting the proper rest that I need and the doctor tells me to get.
Again I need to be living in White Rock to do any of the above and below mentioned things. Including get to physiotherapy on a regular basis'
I have been thinking about this. It has been several years since I was able to sit down, have a tea and speak with someone about anything other than, how is your mom, what is happening with her. Or about my mom.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I am proud to be able to take care of her. I just want to have a conversation with someone.
It is hard, especially with all the traveling I do. It is not conducive to making or keeping friends.
I know lots of people think that I am weak and a complainer. But there is no resources for caregivers out there. There is no place where I can call and get any kind of help. Unless I go and see someone. A psychologist for example.
I really do not care, anymore, what people say or think about me.
I do this for mom. There not allot of people who would do what I do. I am very proud to be able to look after and take care of my mother.
I will not feel guilty about doing it either. In the end, it is I who won't be saying I should of done this or I should of done that. I will most likely be saying, I could of done more if I wasn't so much of a looser. That is what I will be saying, come to think about it.
Trust me, no one has to tell me or write me telling me what I am. I already know it. I may of been this or done that. But I am nothing. Yes that is what I wrote. I am nothing and I am a nobody. I am just a man who is taking care of his mother, who enjoys writing this blog. That is it. The extent of my being.
So tonight mom was in a very good mood, hungry, and ate most of her dinner. It seems though, as soon as the music goes on and mom grabs hold of my hand. She becomes very relaxed and tired.
Well I was able to read to her tonight for a change. We are almost finished the book. I put a blanket on her, I hold her hand and I read to her. Mom closes her eye's and just listens. I see her get excited while reading a dramatic part of the book. I get into reading it to her. I put passion into the words. I don't just don't want mom to just her the words, I want her to feel them as well.
Then the care aid came in to put her to bed.
Mom looks forward to her nightly spa treatment. She is so relaxed by the time I finish. You can see the relaxation spreading over her as I complete the spa treatment.
Mom is dong very well in bending her legs. We are getting there. Another few months and mom will be able to bend her legs completely. Not pull them to her chest or anything like that. That is not my goal. The goal is to get mom to bend her legs enough that it is not necessary to have the legs of her chair, extended completely horizontal.
OK I am done for the night. I really didn't even think I had anything to say. I thought I would just write a few sentences and that would be that.
GOD bless an good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Sometimes it is very lonely being a caregiver,as I am. And to all of who do this without hesitation, for their loved one's. Who need them.
It is hard to make and to keep friends When one's life is dedicated to looking after their loved one. As it is with me and taking care of my mother.
Again, I do this willingly. Taking care of and doing what I can for my mother is the best part of my day. It keeps me sane and grounded. Otherwise I would of lost it by now.
The biggest stressor in my life is not being able to find a place to live, in White Rock, for what I can actually afford. Especially when one is very poor and marginalized And sometimes the PGT really gets on my last nerves.
Let us not forget the accident and all the pain and frustration it has been causing me.Everyone expects me to do this and do that. Without realizing I take transit, I am in pain. And I get home late at night, so therefore I do not even get to bed until late. I wake up all night long, because of the pain. I am not getting the proper rest that I need and the doctor tells me to get.
Again I need to be living in White Rock to do any of the above and below mentioned things. Including get to physiotherapy on a regular basis'
I have been thinking about this. It has been several years since I was able to sit down, have a tea and speak with someone about anything other than, how is your mom, what is happening with her. Or about my mom.
Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I am proud to be able to take care of her. I just want to have a conversation with someone.
It is hard, especially with all the traveling I do. It is not conducive to making or keeping friends.
I know lots of people think that I am weak and a complainer. But there is no resources for caregivers out there. There is no place where I can call and get any kind of help. Unless I go and see someone. A psychologist for example.
I really do not care, anymore, what people say or think about me.
I do this for mom. There not allot of people who would do what I do. I am very proud to be able to look after and take care of my mother.
I will not feel guilty about doing it either. In the end, it is I who won't be saying I should of done this or I should of done that. I will most likely be saying, I could of done more if I wasn't so much of a looser. That is what I will be saying, come to think about it.
Trust me, no one has to tell me or write me telling me what I am. I already know it. I may of been this or done that. But I am nothing. Yes that is what I wrote. I am nothing and I am a nobody. I am just a man who is taking care of his mother, who enjoys writing this blog. That is it. The extent of my being.
So tonight mom was in a very good mood, hungry, and ate most of her dinner. It seems though, as soon as the music goes on and mom grabs hold of my hand. She becomes very relaxed and tired.
Well I was able to read to her tonight for a change. We are almost finished the book. I put a blanket on her, I hold her hand and I read to her. Mom closes her eye's and just listens. I see her get excited while reading a dramatic part of the book. I get into reading it to her. I put passion into the words. I don't just don't want mom to just her the words, I want her to feel them as well.
Then the care aid came in to put her to bed.
Mom looks forward to her nightly spa treatment. She is so relaxed by the time I finish. You can see the relaxation spreading over her as I complete the spa treatment.
Mom is dong very well in bending her legs. We are getting there. Another few months and mom will be able to bend her legs completely. Not pull them to her chest or anything like that. That is not my goal. The goal is to get mom to bend her legs enough that it is not necessary to have the legs of her chair, extended completely horizontal.
OK I am done for the night. I really didn't even think I had anything to say. I thought I would just write a few sentences and that would be that.
GOD bless an good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Monday, October 6, 2014
We are here together
Hello again
So I am asked all the time if I have any family. My new response is this. I share the same DNA sequences with several people here in the lower mainland, but I only have one family member. And that is my mother.
I arrived early this evening and mom was looking very good. This nice navy top and pants I bought her. All she needed was the boat shoes and she would look like she just stepped off of a sailboat. I took some pictures of her. Will share them with you, but not tonight.
She was wide awake and talkative, I did our usual, drinks, dinner and the dishes. By the time mom had finished eating, she was falling asleep. But she really enjoyed the dinner I made for her. And was very full. So when I was doing the dishes,she was falling asleep.
I changed her into her nightgown, she did wake up for this. Just as I finished the care aid came in and put her to bed.
Oh by the way. The bin to put the laundry in, was used today. Let us see how this goes.
And after she was put into bed. I did a quick spa treatment, but a full one. Mom was snoring away. Sound asleep. But holding tightly onto my hand. It is a beautiful thing, when mom squeezes my hand like this. She knows she is secure and loved. It always brings me to tears when I look at her and she is sound asleep but holding on tightly to me.
It is the only warm feeling I ever get.
When I feed her she just stares at me. I can see her doing this through her glasses. It is OK. I do wonder sometimes what she is thinking. It is OK though.
I never rush mom, We could be there all night, if that is what it took to make sure mom eats all that she wants and is not rushed.
Yes it is painful feeding her with my right arm. As it barely works anymore. OK it works, but with great pain. I can't lift it up to high. Today I couldn't hold onto anything. Everything just dropped out of my hand. It shakes.
I can't feed mom with my left hand, as she has a blind spot on her left and it startles her when my hand comes up to feed her. So it is right handed, that I feed her with.
But I will do whatever it takes. Even if that means I am in pain.
I always have the music playing. First from my phone and then when we get into her room I change it over to the stereo. Sometimes I have the bluetooth connected, and I play the music from my phone on her stereo.
I cannot wait until I find a place and move out their. I am done living here. I hate it. But I have no funds to rent my own place and am limited to what I can spend on rent. so it is living with a total stranger, is all I can afford. and not trusting anyone will make and is making it hard for me.
The problem is I don't trust anyone. At all. It is very difficult when one is able to read people right away.
Enough of me. Again.
Now when I left, mom was fast asleep. She didn't even respond while I sang our good night song to her.
It was all OK though.
Need to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
So I am asked all the time if I have any family. My new response is this. I share the same DNA sequences with several people here in the lower mainland, but I only have one family member. And that is my mother.
I arrived early this evening and mom was looking very good. This nice navy top and pants I bought her. All she needed was the boat shoes and she would look like she just stepped off of a sailboat. I took some pictures of her. Will share them with you, but not tonight.
She was wide awake and talkative, I did our usual, drinks, dinner and the dishes. By the time mom had finished eating, she was falling asleep. But she really enjoyed the dinner I made for her. And was very full. So when I was doing the dishes,she was falling asleep.
I changed her into her nightgown, she did wake up for this. Just as I finished the care aid came in and put her to bed.
Oh by the way. The bin to put the laundry in, was used today. Let us see how this goes.
And after she was put into bed. I did a quick spa treatment, but a full one. Mom was snoring away. Sound asleep. But holding tightly onto my hand. It is a beautiful thing, when mom squeezes my hand like this. She knows she is secure and loved. It always brings me to tears when I look at her and she is sound asleep but holding on tightly to me.
It is the only warm feeling I ever get.
When I feed her she just stares at me. I can see her doing this through her glasses. It is OK. I do wonder sometimes what she is thinking. It is OK though.
I never rush mom, We could be there all night, if that is what it took to make sure mom eats all that she wants and is not rushed.
Yes it is painful feeding her with my right arm. As it barely works anymore. OK it works, but with great pain. I can't lift it up to high. Today I couldn't hold onto anything. Everything just dropped out of my hand. It shakes.
I can't feed mom with my left hand, as she has a blind spot on her left and it startles her when my hand comes up to feed her. So it is right handed, that I feed her with.
But I will do whatever it takes. Even if that means I am in pain.
I always have the music playing. First from my phone and then when we get into her room I change it over to the stereo. Sometimes I have the bluetooth connected, and I play the music from my phone on her stereo.
I cannot wait until I find a place and move out their. I am done living here. I hate it. But I have no funds to rent my own place and am limited to what I can spend on rent. so it is living with a total stranger, is all I can afford. and not trusting anyone will make and is making it hard for me.
The problem is I don't trust anyone. At all. It is very difficult when one is able to read people right away.
Enough of me. Again.
Now when I left, mom was fast asleep. She didn't even respond while I sang our good night song to her.
It was all OK though.
Need to go.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Being Sunday
Hello again
It is Sunday and mom was very tired when I arrived. A little grumpy as well as impatient. Wanted her drinks right away and did not want me to take the time to speak with one of the staff members that needed to speak with me.
We finished our conversation and I got right at it, giving mom her drinks. Both mom and I have been very thirsty as of late. Wonder what that is about. The conversation with the staff member was about the other staff members throwing mom's clothing into the homes laundry. I saw her last week,when she was off and she suggested this certain type of bin. She bought it for mom.
I was asking her how much I owe her and she kept telling me nothing. I offered to get her different tea's but this was getting her upset.
That was a very nice thing this women did for mom.
Need to get my flu shot. It is free for me as I am around mom everyday and her being in a home, I don't have to pay. Don't want to get anyone sick.
I don't get sick, but I can be a carrier.
So after we got the drinks behind us. Mom was now ready for her dinner. Impatiently motioning for me to feed her. I hurried as fast as I could, getting everything together so we could get out to the table and for me to feed her.
Though she was hungry, she did not eat to fast. Which I thought she would do. Then mom was done and wanted her dessert. OK
We got this done, the dishes done and off to get her changed and ready for the care aid to come and put her to bed.
Then the full on spa treatment for mom. Including excersing her legs. Mom is able to bend her legs more now. It took time for them to go stiff and it will take time for her to bend them again. A little bit more each week.
I finished and then stood there holding her hand. She was so tired before dinner, but not then. Eye's wide open. I just spoke to her.
Now I know why she wasn't going to sleep. I promised her I would read to her. Since we were just about to read when the care aid came in. It just dawned on me now. I will apologize to mom tomorrow and read extra pages to her.
I sang to her. I stayed latter, because she wasn't falling asleep. When I left mom's eyes's were still wide open. I feel so guilty when mom is still awake and I have to leave. It hurts me inside greatly.
Have to go now and finished making mom's dinner for tomorrow night
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
It is Sunday and mom was very tired when I arrived. A little grumpy as well as impatient. Wanted her drinks right away and did not want me to take the time to speak with one of the staff members that needed to speak with me.
We finished our conversation and I got right at it, giving mom her drinks. Both mom and I have been very thirsty as of late. Wonder what that is about. The conversation with the staff member was about the other staff members throwing mom's clothing into the homes laundry. I saw her last week,when she was off and she suggested this certain type of bin. She bought it for mom.
I was asking her how much I owe her and she kept telling me nothing. I offered to get her different tea's but this was getting her upset.
That was a very nice thing this women did for mom.
Need to get my flu shot. It is free for me as I am around mom everyday and her being in a home, I don't have to pay. Don't want to get anyone sick.
I don't get sick, but I can be a carrier.
So after we got the drinks behind us. Mom was now ready for her dinner. Impatiently motioning for me to feed her. I hurried as fast as I could, getting everything together so we could get out to the table and for me to feed her.
Though she was hungry, she did not eat to fast. Which I thought she would do. Then mom was done and wanted her dessert. OK
We got this done, the dishes done and off to get her changed and ready for the care aid to come and put her to bed.
Then the full on spa treatment for mom. Including excersing her legs. Mom is able to bend her legs more now. It took time for them to go stiff and it will take time for her to bend them again. A little bit more each week.
I finished and then stood there holding her hand. She was so tired before dinner, but not then. Eye's wide open. I just spoke to her.
Now I know why she wasn't going to sleep. I promised her I would read to her. Since we were just about to read when the care aid came in. It just dawned on me now. I will apologize to mom tomorrow and read extra pages to her.
I sang to her. I stayed latter, because she wasn't falling asleep. When I left mom's eyes's were still wide open. I feel so guilty when mom is still awake and I have to leave. It hurts me inside greatly.
Have to go now and finished making mom's dinner for tomorrow night
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W. A. Schmuland
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