The weekend Nov 23

Hello again

So I realize that the only good thing I have done and am doing is looking after my mother. Otherwise I am a total waste of skin. Other than looking after mom, I should not of been born. I have done and am doing nothing else worth while in my life.

Looking after mom is the best thing that I have ever done, with my life. Yea I have a good education, been married, no kids, did not really love my ex wife. Fell in love, but lost the girl because of my drinking. Go figure...

Again if it were not for mom!

So mom is having regular movements. But it is due to the suppositories she is getting. I am getting her to drink the tea. It is strong, which she doesn't like. I need to find a different tea with a better taste.

When I arrived mom was a little more awake today. Big smile on her face when she saw me. And ate, well it is the weekend and, as mentioned, she really doesn't eat as she should.

Nothing being done about the roommate issue. The lights etc... and the complaint department has not even bothered to return my calls. Will keep calling. Actually, I think it is time to contact the MLA of White Rock. Or the newspapers.

Got her into bed. OK, not me, but the staff. And gave mom her spa treatment. She loves this so much and looks forward to it each night. This way when I am done, I hold her hand until it is time for me to leave.

I have to say I feel guilty about spending money on myself. My own money I am speaking about. I feel I should be spending it on mom and making sure she eats well and dress's well. To make sure mom gets the proper supplements to keep her healthy.

Like the runners I bought, I needed them, because of all the blood I got on them. But each day I think the money could of been  better spent on mom.

Yet I will say that I'll never wake up believing everything I do for mom is a waste

I do need to raise funds for things for mom, though. I don't want to face it but mom is going to pass away sometime. GOD bless it is not for a long time. But she will. And I need to raise funds for a funeral.

Mom wants to be buried, with her husband, not cremated. As my sisters did with my dad. Even though dad was a vet and would of been buried without cost to us.

I have been in contact with the funeral home/cemetery where mom's mother and father are buried. I know what I need to raise now. Funerals are not cheap. It will be $25,000.00

I will try a fund raising site.

It is very difficult for me to even think of. It is absolutely depressing to me.

You know, I love my mother and am so glad of this opportunity I have been given.

I have to go, and start to write the message for the crowd funding site. And it is after 11 PM and I am hungry. It has been 4 days since I hurt my back and I can stand up straight, but I still hurt. And those days I could barely walk and stand up, I was not even hungry. I barely ate anything.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

I have chosen a life of servitude, looking after mom.

The pain boss

Hello again

Excuse me for not writing last night, at least I don't think I did, but the pain was so great from the day of carrying things out to White Rock and back. I have not been able to stand up straight. I just needed to go to bed. I had to take extra pain killers to be able to survive the day.

But today, I can stand up straight, but I can't bend over. Hurts to much. But getting better. People have told me I should go to the doctor and everything else. Yet no matter if I go to the doctor or not, the pain will still be there and it will go away in a few days or so. Just the way it is.

I do think I need to speak with my doctor about this, as it is twice in the last two months, that I through my back out from the simplest things

When I arrived today, mom was so tired, that when we went to her room to get the shampoo and gel, to wash her hair. And to wipe her mouth and eyes. When they give her medication they don't wipe her mouth. And the bright lights bother her eyes and mom forms sleet in them. This is how they look after the residents. NOT. Mom just pointed to her bed. She wanted to go to bed right then and there. But mom needed to eat.

Anyways, I didn't wash her hair yesterday, as I do, on Wednesdays. So no matter how much I hurt, I needed to get this done for mom. It makes her feel so much better. When I was finished, mom felt so much better.

Well mom was sleep eating again tonight. That tired.

I spoke with the Manager and she told me the same old same old. We can't do anything at the moment. We had a meeting about this. Other's want to move as well. Have to wait until the new year. Yadda, Yadda, Yadda!

I brought mom sushi this evening and she normally loves this and eats it all. When mom is this tired, it is hard for her to chew. OK, it takes her a long time to chew things. What she ate was the meal they served. Easy to swallow. She had a few pieces of the sushi, plus this 7 layer dip I have for her, with cracker chips. And her papaya. So really mom ate a whole lot, tonight.

I got her changed for bed, then the staff came in and put her to bed and changed her diaper. (Pad) as they like to call it. I got her spa treatment done. With great pain, though. And lowered the bed, so I could sit in a chair while I held her hand.

It is funny. When mom grabs my hand, her eyes close and as soon as I let go, her eyes open. Just mentioning this.

It still is a great feeling inside to know mom trusts me this much to let me feed her, with her eyes closed and to want me to just hold her hand while she falls off to sleep. Nothing can compare to this. Nothing at all. I am the luckiest person to be able to care for her like I do.

Anyways it is late again. Time to go. Once again, I am not hungry.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W.A. Schmuland

I have chosen a life of servitude, looking after my mother

What a day. NOT

Hello again

Well this morning while taking a shower, I bent over to rinse my hair and my back went out. Click, that was it.

It was painful to make mom's smoothie. But mom needs this so no amount of pain will stop me from making this or going to see mom.

I am still in great pain, it will probably last 3 or 4 days.I will walk bent over like I am 100. I will continue to take the bus to see mom.

Unfortunately, because of the pain I was not able to make mom a dinner. So I picked up some Chinese food for dinner. She ate the whole 3 item meal. Plus! And I don't see me being able to make her dinner tomorrow. So it will be cheese and crackers, dip and fruit.

The way to White Rock and back was not fun, and looking after mom was difficult. Again, I, no matter how I feel I will continue to go and be with mom.

Lets face it, mom is my life. And I enjoy every minute of it..

I slowly got mom ready for bed, even brushing her teeth was intense. WoW! The care aid got her into bed, I helped and we got her changed. Then the spa treatment. Mom only wanted her face done, but I did the rest as well and she got really upset. Can she ever give me a dirty look when she wants to. All there I say.

But standing there, holding her hand, after the spa treatment was very difficult. So I had to get the chair and do it this way. Mom didn't mind. As long as I was holding her hand, she didn't care. And mom holds on very tightly.

Just typing this, is bothering my back. But I don't care. This needs to be done. Only in my world, though.

I am getting more and more depressed as it is drawing closer to the holiday. I am worried about making mom's Christmas special. Getting her something nice. And having a nice dinner.

The home is having their Christmas dinner on December 10. A little early doesn't one think. So on Christmas day they get the same old turkey they get every week. So I need to make her a real dinner. Have to find a way of doing this.

My dad passed away in December and it gets to me, and I am sure it gets to mom as well. This is why it is so important for me to make this time of the year special for her.

I have been their every holiday for her since dad passed away. I don't have a Christmas. I am with mom and then come home to be alone. I don't know what a turkey dinner tastes like anymore.

Yes I said they are having their dinner on December 10, but I am to busy feeding mom to eat myself. That is the way it is. So I go without. It is more important for mom to enjoy herself, than for me to have a Christmas dinner.

I just would like to have something this holiday.

To just find a place in White Rock would be a great Christmas gift. OK, I would really like a proper TV, that I can use with my laptop. I don't need cable. As long as I have the Internet I am fine.

But these are just wishes!

Well I am in great pain and I am going to bed. I am not even hungry. I guess it is a good thing I have nothing. OK. I am going to eat some crackers. All I want and need tonight.

I took some extra pain killers. Don't worry, it is just Gabapenten. A mild nerve pain killer. Just takes the edge off, nothing else.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

I have chosen a life of servitude, looking after my mother

Well nothing

Hello again

Well the manager seemed to avoid me today, about our conversation of last week. I expected as much. I knew nothing would transpire from that conversation. This is why I have called the complaint department

So I made mom a beautiful dinner tonight. The roommate will take my things and throw them out. But not stuff for mom. So I had some things in the freezer which I use to make mom a pasta dinner. I call it Pasta Rizolli. Mom ate almost the entire plate, which was very large. It is great that she has such a good appetite.

I love that mom has dry wit and is sarcastic, still. You need a mind that is alert to be sarcastic.

I got her ready for bed and the care aid came in. This is one of the one's I like. OK I like most of them.

Mom is doing well,

It is the most depressing time of the year for me and all the shops with the Christmas music and all the decorations, is driving me crazy. It is only November and.......

I am starting to bring Christmas decorations out to mom's. Yes by bus. I have done this for years now. So nothing new for me.

I just wish I can do more for mom. Especially at Christmas time. I all ready know, I won't have anything. I just wish.....................................................

It would be nice if something really wonderful would happen this year for a change.

It is mom whom keeps a smile on my face. Because I don't want to be here. And I don't want to be here on Christmas day, well after I visit mom and come home to be alone again. For another holiday. You know Thanksgiving and the other holidays I don't care if I am alone. But Christmas, it is a different thing.

Anyways. I did moms spa treatment and just sang to her, held her hand and enjoyed the smile she had on her face while she held my hand, while falling asleep. She did, however, have to be woken up to be given her nightly medication, but tried to go back to sleep after wards. I am sure mom fell asleep after I left. Right away.

I finally wrote the newspaper about the story of a guy giving up crack for his dog. And how I gave up my alcohol and pot addiction to take care of mom and dad. Which I never could of if I was still drinking. And I lost the girl of my dreams.

As you can tell, I am not over her yet. I guess I would need to get closure to move on. Hell, as stated, she is probable married with children now. So I should suck it up and move on.

But I have no desire to date anyone, at all. I am just wanting to move closer to mom, so I don't feel so bad that I have to leave so early. Living closer means I can be their more often and stay later.

It is late again and time to go.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

I have chosen a life of servitude, looking after my mother

But would like some help.

A start to another week

Hello again

I want to start by reminding everyone that mom is completely dependent on everyone for everything. And I do everything I can for her. I just will not clean her private areas. But I have changed her a few times.

It was bath day today and mom was in bed when I arrived and was hot as usual. To many blankets on.

I  made mom comfortable and went and warmed up her dinner. It seems that mom is feeling better, stomach wise. I have been giving her the tea, which I drink some of, to let her know that I would not give her anything that I wouldn't drink or eat myself. Of course, there is a few things that I don't eat, that I won't deny mom from eating or having.

After dinner, which mom ate a very lot. More than I eat in a meal. I changed her and it was spa treatment time. She just loves this.

I have noticed that it is time to do her nails again.

I will be speaking with the manager tomorrow/Monday, about the situation with the roommate. I have written a letter recapping our conversation and will be giving it to her.

This week mom's leg rest should be in. Yet I already paid for them, but the points I will be getting won't be made available for another two weeks.

Isn't it when you purchase something, you get the points immediately. So I wrote Shoppers and explained my position. Hopefully this will be solved right away. It is over $100.00 worth points. Which I can get mom allot of things with.

But mom was changed early and I had plenty of time to just hold mom's hand while she fell asleep.

I have allot to do still and need to say good night to y'all

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

I have chosen a life of servitude, looking after my mother