Hello again
Just a wasted day. Couldn't go anywhere. Compas card is empty, no funds for the bus. Just to get out and do anything. I needed to go somewhere, I really needed to do this one thing today, but couldn't . So I am completely pissed off. Have to figure a way to get this done Monday, somehow. Someway. It has to be done.
I did walk down to my bank. 15 minute walk, and get the 3 months of my bank statement I need for the application to the subsidized housing I am applying for. Now I just have to wait for the letter from Revenue Canada. 2015 tax assessment. Then walk it down to the apartments. Please GOD let this be the one. It will only be 33 % of my income to a max of, well a very little, I think $400 is the max one would pay at this place.
But I do need to find a place ASAP. I just can't afford this place by myself. I am giving everything to the landlord and it is still not enough. I am going without everything. And so far I have not been able to find a place. I have been looking.
Now I need a job, the doctor tells me that I can't work, that I will injure myself even more if I work, Unless it is a job that there is no physical exertion at all. Which is what I am applying for. Still and as much as I can. I just walk to the office, of sources.
Not sleeping, 0 sleep last night, 3 hours the night before. 2 hours Wednesday night. And so on and so on.......... The pain with all the other stress I am having, I just can't sleep...
Thinking about this, I haven't had a decent conversation at all this past week. OK I did see the counselor and spoke to the pastor. But this was not a conversation. It was me just trying to get some kind of help from someone. They both went well. Today I tried to find someone who I could have a conversation with .. Good luck with that.
OK I have a week left on my mail box, January 13, 2017. Then just the mailbox here where I live and this is a nightmare to get my mail.
As you may be able to tell, I am not making any sense at all.. Or maybe I am to some of you.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Friday, January 6, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
A little better
Hello again
Yes things today are a little bit better, but it is still very painful to type. Yet here I am doing this that is causing me pain. Oh well. I have experienced so much pain in my life, that it is part of me. So I continue.
I was able to pick up an application for subsidized housing today, just down the road from where I am now. The difference being is that the pastor of the church sent me up there and I did mention to the manager that the pastor sent me up here. I have the application and as soon as I got back home I called Revenue Canada, to get a notice of assessment, for the application. I have the application already filled out, now I wait for the notice from the government. And I still have to go and get 3 months of my bank statements. It will be in within two weeks. Then I wait for an opening. But it might be as the old statement goes. It is not what you know it is who you know. Lets hope it is that way.
While speaking with the pastor, he tells me that the director of ??????? use to work in the industry that I need help with. Knows the contacts etc... Helping individuals such as myself, Poor, low income.
After this,some laundry, Didn't have time to dry it, so now it is in the dryer. It will take a very long time to dry. Being an apartment size dryer, 110 volt. Slow.
I did call this other place, but they no longer have subsidized housing, as of three months ago.
Then off to my counselor, It was a good discussion. He mentioned that I should do some volunteer work to get out of myself and help others as I helped my mother. An idea, a good one. I have so much stress and pain right now, I don't think I could be of any good to someone else.. I need to find a cheaper place to live. No thanks to my friend who moved out on me one month after moving in. So now I am just screwed. Excuse me, please. I need to figure out how I am going to pay the rest of this months rent and half of next months rent. I am just hoping that my PWD kicks in this month.
I am still looking for work and I have not even had a call in over a month. Nothing at all... And I sent off a dozen resumes over the holidays. Yes I know the doctor tells me not to work. I have to do something to get some income in right away. I mean right away.
The only reason I was able to get around today, is someone gave me some bus tickets. OK the church and my landlord. I have enough bus tickets to get me to where I need to go tomorrow and back to White Rock again. No where else. Sad, isn't it.
Overall the counseling appointment went well... I thinks. I was and am so very tired right now. No sleep again last night. Hardly any the night before. I don't need to go through this insomnia again.
I need to stop again.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
Whtie Rock BC
V3A0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofindme.com/anewmesmile
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Come on now....... It is just nonsense
Hello again
I really can't deal with all the things that are happening to me at this time. The pain alone from this accident is really bothering me. The best place for me is lying down flat on my back. This produces the less pain. But we all know I just can't lie there all day long and have to get up and move, do things, get places. Oh getting places. I have an appointment this Thursday and I have no way to get there. It is in North Surrey, and I live in South Surrey. A long way to walk if one can't take the bus or drive. And due to this accident, I cannot drive. I just can't hold my arms in the position to drive, Just as it is very difficult to type. Almost the same position, but my arms are not as high. This kills my back and neck. I just realized today that my shoulder needs to be up higher. So I feel that my shoulder was injured in this accident.
I am now having a difficult time using my right arm again. This due to my shoulder being down to far or something wrong with it. I was just trying to do something, put spice on something, with a grinder and my shoulder and arm just failed. My right arm is shaking like crazy, making even difficult to write this post.
Another day, of nothing, Allot of calls and I kept getting I will need to call you back, or leave a message, or they are not in right now,, leave a message and we will get right back to you.
The church that I attend said they would help me out with a few things, but no call back or nothing. The one pastor said he would call me back to discuss things. Even the pastors don't know how to deal with someone who has so many issues at once, or illnesses. Again no one wants to speak to me. I am just garbage, that is the way it seems.
And now again I am really needing some help. I pray for help I call around to get help. I am even still applying for work that I think I could do, without lifting things. I haven't stopped looking for work, even though the doctor again told me not to work. I don't know what I am suppose to do now.
As mentioned, once you get injured, you don't get anything from ICBC, which causes one to have to go on welfare, You can't live on it, so you settle early with your claim and you don't get a quarter of what you should get for your injures.
So here I am again, desperate for help again. But I am no where ready to settle,, I am to injured for that. I need medical help. Right away. Or I am afraid that something serious will happen.
I just can't write anymore tonight
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
I really can't deal with all the things that are happening to me at this time. The pain alone from this accident is really bothering me. The best place for me is lying down flat on my back. This produces the less pain. But we all know I just can't lie there all day long and have to get up and move, do things, get places. Oh getting places. I have an appointment this Thursday and I have no way to get there. It is in North Surrey, and I live in South Surrey. A long way to walk if one can't take the bus or drive. And due to this accident, I cannot drive. I just can't hold my arms in the position to drive, Just as it is very difficult to type. Almost the same position, but my arms are not as high. This kills my back and neck. I just realized today that my shoulder needs to be up higher. So I feel that my shoulder was injured in this accident.
I am now having a difficult time using my right arm again. This due to my shoulder being down to far or something wrong with it. I was just trying to do something, put spice on something, with a grinder and my shoulder and arm just failed. My right arm is shaking like crazy, making even difficult to write this post.
Another day, of nothing, Allot of calls and I kept getting I will need to call you back, or leave a message, or they are not in right now,, leave a message and we will get right back to you.
The church that I attend said they would help me out with a few things, but no call back or nothing. The one pastor said he would call me back to discuss things. Even the pastors don't know how to deal with someone who has so many issues at once, or illnesses. Again no one wants to speak to me. I am just garbage, that is the way it seems.
And now again I am really needing some help. I pray for help I call around to get help. I am even still applying for work that I think I could do, without lifting things. I haven't stopped looking for work, even though the doctor again told me not to work. I don't know what I am suppose to do now.
As mentioned, once you get injured, you don't get anything from ICBC, which causes one to have to go on welfare, You can't live on it, so you settle early with your claim and you don't get a quarter of what you should get for your injures.
So here I am again, desperate for help again. But I am no where ready to settle,, I am to injured for that. I need medical help. Right away. Or I am afraid that something serious will happen.
I just can't write anymore tonight
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Let me continue with What day...;.
Hello again
Today I start with this;
Most people in their lives are only in 1 maybe 2 car accidents. That is in their life. Me, on the other hand, have been in over 10 car accidents. 8, yes 8 of them, I have been injured. People think that I received allot of money from them. Not so. You see once your in an accident, the doctor tells you that you can't work. Now what! One has to live somehow. Yes if you are working at the time of the accident, ICBC, will pay you up to $300 a week. That is if you are working. Now if you are still injured and trying to recover from the previous accidents, you get nothing. Social services here we come. Welfare. And one does not get even close to enough to live on... I go to the food bank, I try to get help where I can. But still I am not making it, at all.
The roommate moves out and I am stuck with the whole rent. And it is difficult to find another place to live, especially at this time of the year and one is on a limited budget. Being poor is what I am saying. Something that is affordable.. That is a laugh a minute. So I have to live with someone. A stranger and your stuff is not secure, protected from the new roommate. A stranger is what you end up living with. So now one needs to put their stuff in storage. There is $!50.00 a month. Minimum. Depending on how much stuff you have...
So I have been injured in all of these accidents. One of them I fractured my L3,L4 and needed wear a back brace for over a year and a half. A brace that consisted of a hard plastic back, that went down to below my butt, and in the front, was what a girdle is like. Tied up and uncomfortable. The only thing I am glad about is that I was not paralyzed because of this injury
Another I lost the use of my right arm for almost a year. because of long thoracic nerve damage. My shoulder blade wings outward. Just swollen and painful. So I had to become left handed. A difficult task if one is right handed. Now everything I do, I automatically reach and do things with my left arm. My right arm does not function like it did.
Still another accident I broke my collar bone, but the doctors told me that nothing was wrong. It wasn't until afterwards, after I settle, that I find out it was broken.
Then another, I separated my shoulder and again, there is nothing wrong. But now I have a huge calcium build up on the top of my right shoulder, stopping me from lifting my right arm up over my head.
And whiplash, back problems from others. Plus, plus plus.......... other injures. I would need pages and pages to describe everything that has happened to me because of car accidents. I will do just that if needed.
Now this car accident. I injured my neck, I can't lift my neck without it going to the one side. I instantly get a headache and the start of pins and needles through out my body. Legs, arms, back and hands. I hurt my back, it is difficult, OK extremely painful to lift anything. Because of this I cannot lift my arms up to the reading position to read a book or use my phone. I can't lift my arms up to the 10 and 3 position to drive a car. This gives me an instant headache and back ache. Just can't do it. I have difficulties sleeping, making food, and even cleaning. bending over to pick things up. I did say I made a full on turkey dinner on Christmas, which I ate myself. What did happen was at the end I had pins and needles through out my entire body. I need to wear this neck brace, but it is not the one I need. I wear it anyways. It does help out. I know what I need.. I just have to find the right doctor. So this time I am not going to just accept the normal.. " Everything is fine,from the doctors" I know better. Having pins and needles through out your body is not fine. Headaches all the time is not fine. Can't lift anything is not fine.
Let us now speak on the other issues, what I have been diagnosed with. Now most people will only be diagnosed with 1 or maybe 2 of these. Mostly 1 of these diseases. Not me, just like the car accidents. Many at a time. Can you understand now, why I say that I don't know how long I have left, that life is trying to kill me. One good thing is I haven't let it do so yet. This GOD gives you only what one can handle in life. I have had enough. I am at my wit ends, I don't think I can handle anymore.
First off I have Parkinson's disease. The onset of Parkinson's disease. I have what they call an essential tremor. My right hand shakes and I have a problem with my walking, gait. This is a terminal disease. I will die from this, a horrible, painful death.... I don't have the space or time to write everything down about his disease.
Then Fibromalgia. a nerve disease that causes pain through out my body.
I was diagnosed with Osteopinia,15 years ago.Years before I should every have this, I mean at least 30 years before I should every get this A bone disorder. That causes soft bones, easily to break. This has caused me to loose my teeth. This is why I have dentures. And the rest of my bottom teeth have broken off leaving me with missing teeth. I don't and can't afford to replace the dentures with new ones that will fill in the missing teeth. I also need to have surgery to remove the teeth that are impacted, before I can get dentures. I have broken allot of the bones in my body already, most of my fingers, both wrists,
I now have diabetes, Type 2, easily managed with a proper diet. This I cannot afford either.
I was born with Spina biffita occulta. A space between the vertebra. The doctors have always been surprised that I was able to play all the sports I have and not of been seriously injured.
The doctor also tells me I have chronic fatigue syndrome. That is why I am always tired. Or maybe I just can't sleep, so this could be why I always look tired.
I have no spleen, this was ruptured when I was 5 years old. I needed to have it removed. I had staff infection from the first operation, so I needed to be operated on again. This time I died and was brought back. So I have died once already in my life. Having no spleen is suppose to cause me to get sick more often. More than a normal person. I get these different shots every 5 years. But I just don't get sick. I mean at all. A good thing.
Then there is the fact I spent over a dozen years taking care of and looking after both my parents and the last 12 year looking after mom. The weirdest thing is that while looking after my mother, my life was OK, I didn't have much, but enough. What was left I spent on mom.
This, as I have mentioned over and over again, was the best years of my life. The absolute best years. I enjoyed taking care of mom. I was given a gift from GOD and the best gift anyone could every of been given. I managed. So I was poor. I had people to speak with. I had a life. Some say it wasn't a life. No social life. I was OK with that. I was doing something for someone else who needed me to help them. I never complained and I never will. If the hospital would of caught the infection in time, mom would still be alive. I do need and will file a wrongful death suit against the home. First I need to get myself together. So I spent 16 years of my life doing something that I was suppose to do and did it without reservations. I just did it, because it was what I was suppose to do. Honour your mother and father. Be there for them as they were there for me. PERIOD!
There is allot more going on with me and wrong with me. But I just can't write anymore this evening. I need to eat something. Being midnight, my time.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V4B0A7
The above address is only good until January 13, 2017 My mailbox, That I paid for last year at this time. A year at a time. Just can't afford it right now. The only way I get my mail regularly was having this mailbox. Where I live, I just don't get my mail on time. It goes into the landlords mailbox and I have to wait or continue to knock on their door. But they are not home all the time. So if I am getting something today, it will take me at least three or four days to get it from the landlords, if I get it at all. I am already missing some mail. Even if it is extremely important mail. Cheques, forms etc....
Then the landlord complains that I haven't done this or that. I don't get my freaking mail.
All I want is to have some kind of life without so many of these problems. Well to late for these, I already have them.
Just a life where people don't think I am garbage, won't talk to me because they think they might get what I have. Someone to be there for me when I need someone to talk to or just be actually touched. I miss having a girlfriend, it has been over 20 years since my last steady (more than 2 months) girlfriend. Yes, that is the absolute truth. Over 20 years. I am very lonely and alone.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Today I start with this;
Most people in their lives are only in 1 maybe 2 car accidents. That is in their life. Me, on the other hand, have been in over 10 car accidents. 8, yes 8 of them, I have been injured. People think that I received allot of money from them. Not so. You see once your in an accident, the doctor tells you that you can't work. Now what! One has to live somehow. Yes if you are working at the time of the accident, ICBC, will pay you up to $300 a week. That is if you are working. Now if you are still injured and trying to recover from the previous accidents, you get nothing. Social services here we come. Welfare. And one does not get even close to enough to live on... I go to the food bank, I try to get help where I can. But still I am not making it, at all.
The roommate moves out and I am stuck with the whole rent. And it is difficult to find another place to live, especially at this time of the year and one is on a limited budget. Being poor is what I am saying. Something that is affordable.. That is a laugh a minute. So I have to live with someone. A stranger and your stuff is not secure, protected from the new roommate. A stranger is what you end up living with. So now one needs to put their stuff in storage. There is $!50.00 a month. Minimum. Depending on how much stuff you have...
So I have been injured in all of these accidents. One of them I fractured my L3,L4 and needed wear a back brace for over a year and a half. A brace that consisted of a hard plastic back, that went down to below my butt, and in the front, was what a girdle is like. Tied up and uncomfortable. The only thing I am glad about is that I was not paralyzed because of this injury
Another I lost the use of my right arm for almost a year. because of long thoracic nerve damage. My shoulder blade wings outward. Just swollen and painful. So I had to become left handed. A difficult task if one is right handed. Now everything I do, I automatically reach and do things with my left arm. My right arm does not function like it did.
Still another accident I broke my collar bone, but the doctors told me that nothing was wrong. It wasn't until afterwards, after I settle, that I find out it was broken.
Then another, I separated my shoulder and again, there is nothing wrong. But now I have a huge calcium build up on the top of my right shoulder, stopping me from lifting my right arm up over my head.
And whiplash, back problems from others. Plus, plus plus.......... other injures. I would need pages and pages to describe everything that has happened to me because of car accidents. I will do just that if needed.
Now this car accident. I injured my neck, I can't lift my neck without it going to the one side. I instantly get a headache and the start of pins and needles through out my body. Legs, arms, back and hands. I hurt my back, it is difficult, OK extremely painful to lift anything. Because of this I cannot lift my arms up to the reading position to read a book or use my phone. I can't lift my arms up to the 10 and 3 position to drive a car. This gives me an instant headache and back ache. Just can't do it. I have difficulties sleeping, making food, and even cleaning. bending over to pick things up. I did say I made a full on turkey dinner on Christmas, which I ate myself. What did happen was at the end I had pins and needles through out my entire body. I need to wear this neck brace, but it is not the one I need. I wear it anyways. It does help out. I know what I need.. I just have to find the right doctor. So this time I am not going to just accept the normal.. " Everything is fine,from the doctors" I know better. Having pins and needles through out your body is not fine. Headaches all the time is not fine. Can't lift anything is not fine.
Let us now speak on the other issues, what I have been diagnosed with. Now most people will only be diagnosed with 1 or maybe 2 of these. Mostly 1 of these diseases. Not me, just like the car accidents. Many at a time. Can you understand now, why I say that I don't know how long I have left, that life is trying to kill me. One good thing is I haven't let it do so yet. This GOD gives you only what one can handle in life. I have had enough. I am at my wit ends, I don't think I can handle anymore.
First off I have Parkinson's disease. The onset of Parkinson's disease. I have what they call an essential tremor. My right hand shakes and I have a problem with my walking, gait. This is a terminal disease. I will die from this, a horrible, painful death.... I don't have the space or time to write everything down about his disease.
Then Fibromalgia. a nerve disease that causes pain through out my body.
I was diagnosed with Osteopinia,15 years ago.Years before I should every have this, I mean at least 30 years before I should every get this A bone disorder. That causes soft bones, easily to break. This has caused me to loose my teeth. This is why I have dentures. And the rest of my bottom teeth have broken off leaving me with missing teeth. I don't and can't afford to replace the dentures with new ones that will fill in the missing teeth. I also need to have surgery to remove the teeth that are impacted, before I can get dentures. I have broken allot of the bones in my body already, most of my fingers, both wrists,
I now have diabetes, Type 2, easily managed with a proper diet. This I cannot afford either.
I was born with Spina biffita occulta. A space between the vertebra. The doctors have always been surprised that I was able to play all the sports I have and not of been seriously injured.
The doctor also tells me I have chronic fatigue syndrome. That is why I am always tired. Or maybe I just can't sleep, so this could be why I always look tired.
I have no spleen, this was ruptured when I was 5 years old. I needed to have it removed. I had staff infection from the first operation, so I needed to be operated on again. This time I died and was brought back. So I have died once already in my life. Having no spleen is suppose to cause me to get sick more often. More than a normal person. I get these different shots every 5 years. But I just don't get sick. I mean at all. A good thing.
Then there is the fact I spent over a dozen years taking care of and looking after both my parents and the last 12 year looking after mom. The weirdest thing is that while looking after my mother, my life was OK, I didn't have much, but enough. What was left I spent on mom.
This, as I have mentioned over and over again, was the best years of my life. The absolute best years. I enjoyed taking care of mom. I was given a gift from GOD and the best gift anyone could every of been given. I managed. So I was poor. I had people to speak with. I had a life. Some say it wasn't a life. No social life. I was OK with that. I was doing something for someone else who needed me to help them. I never complained and I never will. If the hospital would of caught the infection in time, mom would still be alive. I do need and will file a wrongful death suit against the home. First I need to get myself together. So I spent 16 years of my life doing something that I was suppose to do and did it without reservations. I just did it, because it was what I was suppose to do. Honour your mother and father. Be there for them as they were there for me. PERIOD!
There is allot more going on with me and wrong with me. But I just can't write anymore this evening. I need to eat something. Being midnight, my time.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V4B0A7
The above address is only good until January 13, 2017 My mailbox, That I paid for last year at this time. A year at a time. Just can't afford it right now. The only way I get my mail regularly was having this mailbox. Where I live, I just don't get my mail on time. It goes into the landlords mailbox and I have to wait or continue to knock on their door. But they are not home all the time. So if I am getting something today, it will take me at least three or four days to get it from the landlords, if I get it at all. I am already missing some mail. Even if it is extremely important mail. Cheques, forms etc....
Then the landlord complains that I haven't done this or that. I don't get my freaking mail.
All I want is to have some kind of life without so many of these problems. Well to late for these, I already have them.
Just a life where people don't think I am garbage, won't talk to me because they think they might get what I have. Someone to be there for me when I need someone to talk to or just be actually touched. I miss having a girlfriend, it has been over 20 years since my last steady (more than 2 months) girlfriend. Yes, that is the absolute truth. Over 20 years. I am very lonely and alone.
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Monday, January 2, 2017
What day
Hello again
I have no idea what I am doing. Does GOD want me to work right now. It doesn't seem that way, but if I don't work I don't live in a home. I become homeless. This is something I can't deal with. It is hard to deal with all the illnesses that I have, let alone moving again. Especially since I can't do the moving myself. I can't lift anything. Just making dinner tonight caused me to have pins and needles in my arms and face. My neck is just killing me lately. I think going downtown in the cold and snow has had some serious affects on me.
All I did today is just think back, taking care of mom and it being easy. I lived, not well, but I lived, I had somethings. I have more things now, but they are just things. Easily replaced. Well not that easy to replace.
I can't seem to sell the little I have left to sell. Everyone wants something for dirt cheap. I can't sell my things for that cheap...
I am looking for another place, not being successful at doing this.I am happy here, if only I had a job, my disability, anything.
I did nothing today, except go to church. I spent allot of time just walking around, resting and walking again. Nothing else to do and no bus fare to get anywhere. The problem with this is I need a bus pass for this month. I have so many appointments to go to. 8 that I know of so far, maybe more. Plus support groups for the different aliments that I have. I need someone to speak with. My pastors don't seem to want to speak with me, but they want me to stay at the church.
The one thing I feel like is I am garbage,that people look at me as I am just a piece of nothing. Nobody wants to speak with me, nobody wants to touch me. What I have is not infectious. People just want to avoid speaking with the poor person who has nothing, is nothing and nobody wants. I haven't been touched in a very long time. Sure the placid hug, but to really be touched and cared for by someone, this never happens to me.
I feel that I don't have much time left,I am not trying to kill myself, I think life is trying to do this to me. I just don't know what my future holds. Nothing goes right in my life, even thought I try and try and try. The only good thing I have done is take care of my mother. I have no idea why this is happening to me. I haven't done anything wrong. I try to be good to everyone. But I am alone and it seems this is the way it is going to be. Without anyone to even bother with me. This is the way my life is. No one even bothers to speak with me, as if I am a piece of garbage.
I need to go again.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V3B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
I have no idea what I am doing. Does GOD want me to work right now. It doesn't seem that way, but if I don't work I don't live in a home. I become homeless. This is something I can't deal with. It is hard to deal with all the illnesses that I have, let alone moving again. Especially since I can't do the moving myself. I can't lift anything. Just making dinner tonight caused me to have pins and needles in my arms and face. My neck is just killing me lately. I think going downtown in the cold and snow has had some serious affects on me.
All I did today is just think back, taking care of mom and it being easy. I lived, not well, but I lived, I had somethings. I have more things now, but they are just things. Easily replaced. Well not that easy to replace.
I can't seem to sell the little I have left to sell. Everyone wants something for dirt cheap. I can't sell my things for that cheap...
I am looking for another place, not being successful at doing this.I am happy here, if only I had a job, my disability, anything.
I did nothing today, except go to church. I spent allot of time just walking around, resting and walking again. Nothing else to do and no bus fare to get anywhere. The problem with this is I need a bus pass for this month. I have so many appointments to go to. 8 that I know of so far, maybe more. Plus support groups for the different aliments that I have. I need someone to speak with. My pastors don't seem to want to speak with me, but they want me to stay at the church.
The one thing I feel like is I am garbage,that people look at me as I am just a piece of nothing. Nobody wants to speak with me, nobody wants to touch me. What I have is not infectious. People just want to avoid speaking with the poor person who has nothing, is nothing and nobody wants. I haven't been touched in a very long time. Sure the placid hug, but to really be touched and cared for by someone, this never happens to me.
I feel that I don't have much time left,I am not trying to kill myself, I think life is trying to do this to me. I just don't know what my future holds. Nothing goes right in my life, even thought I try and try and try. The only good thing I have done is take care of my mother. I have no idea why this is happening to me. I haven't done anything wrong. I try to be good to everyone. But I am alone and it seems this is the way it is going to be. Without anyone to even bother with me. This is the way my life is. No one even bothers to speak with me, as if I am a piece of garbage.
I need to go again.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V3B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Happy New Years y'all
Hello again
Let me tell you about my new years eve. First of all I was invited by my friends, the couple, and another couple with them. There was another person I know, out here in White Rock, as well. So I met up with the guy here in White Rock to go downtown together.
He was 1/2 late meeting me. I was standing in the cold while it was snowing like crazy. So I froze while waiting. Downtown we went. The bus was ride was OK, lots of snow coming down. Thank GOD the bus had it's own lane, as there was a traffic accident in the car lanes. The bus just went right by the accident. A good thing. We arrived downtown and the plans changed, we are not meeting everyone at a restaurant. All knowing to well that I am a very poor person. This is one thing that made me upset. Instead of going to the restaurant and watching everyone eating I should of just said I will meet them down at the waterfront. Not fun for me. Then we get down to the waterfront and no one knows what is happening. I did. At the same time, I am hurting, my neck is killing me, I am experiencing pins and needles through out my body.
We found a spot to see the early family fireworks, then the guy I went downtown with takes off. We tell him to meet us back here. The fireworks, that is another story. They lasted no more than 2 minutes. I am very serious about that. It takes me longer to smoke a cigarette than the fireworks lasted. Now I was not doing well, I waited for this guy to come back, the couples were around as well. So I am standing there and this guy walks right by my, 2 feet infront of me and he sent a text message saying where are you guys. The couples decided to go to this other spot and check it out. I tell them I am leaving, I need to ear, I am hungry and hurting. But, being a nice guy, I decided to wait to see if this guy would come back, 15 minutes I waited and no show. That was it, I couldn't take anything anymore.
I left and found a washroom. Then off to the train and bus to get home. All I received while on the bus was text messages. I didn't answer any of them. Period. Wasn't going to happen.
So here I am, at home, I arrived 45 minutes before midnight and turned my computer on, started to type this. Remember, it takes me allot of time to type these posts out these days, many breaks. Now 12;38 still haven't eaten yet, waiting for it to cook.
My mistakes was going to begin with. Knowing I was in pain. And knowing I had no funds to do anything, but walk around. Which, thinking about it, I should of just gone by myself. Would of been much better. Or just stay home. Yea I wouldn't of done that, I would of went somewhere.
Now I am in extreme pain and the pins and needles are all over. My neck is really bad and I am having a difficult time typing this. But I persist.
Behind in everything, Don't know what I am going to do. No word yet on my disability application. Can't find another place to live. No help from anywhere.
My life seems to be going down the drain and quickly at that.
I need to eat before I pass out. and I need to get up at 7 am to get to church for 10 am. If I even sleep at all.
I should of stayed home and talked with mom, at least we could of got caught up. Would of had a better time.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
htts://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Please pray and if you can offer any assistance, it would be appreciated
Happy 2017 to you and yours
Let me tell you about my new years eve. First of all I was invited by my friends, the couple, and another couple with them. There was another person I know, out here in White Rock, as well. So I met up with the guy here in White Rock to go downtown together.
He was 1/2 late meeting me. I was standing in the cold while it was snowing like crazy. So I froze while waiting. Downtown we went. The bus was ride was OK, lots of snow coming down. Thank GOD the bus had it's own lane, as there was a traffic accident in the car lanes. The bus just went right by the accident. A good thing. We arrived downtown and the plans changed, we are not meeting everyone at a restaurant. All knowing to well that I am a very poor person. This is one thing that made me upset. Instead of going to the restaurant and watching everyone eating I should of just said I will meet them down at the waterfront. Not fun for me. Then we get down to the waterfront and no one knows what is happening. I did. At the same time, I am hurting, my neck is killing me, I am experiencing pins and needles through out my body.
We found a spot to see the early family fireworks, then the guy I went downtown with takes off. We tell him to meet us back here. The fireworks, that is another story. They lasted no more than 2 minutes. I am very serious about that. It takes me longer to smoke a cigarette than the fireworks lasted. Now I was not doing well, I waited for this guy to come back, the couples were around as well. So I am standing there and this guy walks right by my, 2 feet infront of me and he sent a text message saying where are you guys. The couples decided to go to this other spot and check it out. I tell them I am leaving, I need to ear, I am hungry and hurting. But, being a nice guy, I decided to wait to see if this guy would come back, 15 minutes I waited and no show. That was it, I couldn't take anything anymore.
I left and found a washroom. Then off to the train and bus to get home. All I received while on the bus was text messages. I didn't answer any of them. Period. Wasn't going to happen.
So here I am, at home, I arrived 45 minutes before midnight and turned my computer on, started to type this. Remember, it takes me allot of time to type these posts out these days, many breaks. Now 12;38 still haven't eaten yet, waiting for it to cook.
My mistakes was going to begin with. Knowing I was in pain. And knowing I had no funds to do anything, but walk around. Which, thinking about it, I should of just gone by myself. Would of been much better. Or just stay home. Yea I wouldn't of done that, I would of went somewhere.
Now I am in extreme pain and the pins and needles are all over. My neck is really bad and I am having a difficult time typing this. But I persist.
Behind in everything, Don't know what I am going to do. No word yet on my disability application. Can't find another place to live. No help from anywhere.
My life seems to be going down the drain and quickly at that.
I need to eat before I pass out. and I need to get up at 7 am to get to church for 10 am. If I even sleep at all.
I should of stayed home and talked with mom, at least we could of got caught up. Would of had a better time.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
htts://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Please pray and if you can offer any assistance, it would be appreciated
Happy 2017 to you and yours
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