It is over

Hello again

The bus pass situation was solved. I have no funds for groceries, but I can get out to see mom everyday. That, I guess, is all that matters.

Something will work out.

Well Christmas is over and I have been starting to bring the decorations where I stay. Another week and it will be all back here.

Mom has been well. coughing a little today. So I rubbed Vicks on her chest. Upper chest. Give her some lemon/honey tea. This always helps. The last few days she has been eating well. And enjoying her meals. I am doing what I can.

Mom has been tired though, not enough time to even wash her hair. OK, I have the time, but mom just wants to go to bed after dinner. It's OK with me, but I like her to feel good. Clean hair makes everyone feel better about themselves. And tomorrow is bath day, so it would not of been good to do it today. I would of styled her hair nicely, and it would of been ruined. I'll do that tomorrow, when I get their.

Sometimes it is hard, as mentioned I am not a very touchy feelly type of person, but I always make sure I hold mom's hand and hug her. But sometimes, I don't want to always be holding her hand. Yet I will hold her hand. It is hard when I am trying to serve her dinner, or cut up her food. And she is reaching for my hand. I feel bad that I have to cut the food up and not be holding her hand all the time. This is something she requires for security and to know she is feeling cared for. It is all good.

But I do say that mom does not like me talking to anyone while I am their visiting with her. She gets really mad when I am not paying attention to her. I don't blame her. Left alone all day, and then I am their to see her and I start speaking with someone else.


I have said many time mom like red papaya and only red papaya. And lately I have been buying red papaya and it turns out to be yellow. AGAIN. This has been happening far to often lately. Just before Christmas, as I wrote, I complained and the store T&T owned by Loblaws, gave me a fruit basket. Not even a month latter, yellow papaya again, Got a refund, but the last two papaya's where suppose to be red and turned out to be yellow, again. They tell me they will do something about it and it is just words. Nothing else. When this happens, mom won't eat them. She does not like the taste. So mom has had to go without for two days now.

I will be now, writing the head office and complaining to them. This is affecting mom and her enjoyment of life. Enough is enough. I not only need to be reimbursed, but to be given something extra.

Almost midnight and I am waiting for mom's laundry to dry. Her Duvet cover and shame. Plus some of her clothing.

The home keeps putting the same thing on mom. The same sweater two time a week. I think I will just take a bunch of her clothes home and change them out each week. That way the staff will be forced to put different clothes on her. She has enough to make her look good each and everyday. Probable for two weeks straight. So if I just keep changing the clothes out, she will look good and where something different each day.

Anyways, midnight, time to go.

Pray for mom and I, that this is the year I get moved out to White Rock.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Rain and pouring

Hello again

If it doesn't rain, it pours. And the crap just keeps coming.

Monday December 30, while I was finishing up feeding mom, I received a phone call from the Coquitlam RCMP. They proceeded to inform me that my and my roommates place was robbed. They got my number from my roommate.

It appears that the one person who was moving out, broke into both our rooms and was trying to get through the door that goes upstairs, broke into both of our rooms while we were gone. We are just making a guess that it was him.

The cop was asking me what I had in my room. Asked me about my laptop and other valuables I had in my room.

I told him, that I have my laptop with me, as my mom wanted to watch a movie. (The sound of music, live version) then I told him I had some things in a locked desk drawer. The officer told me that the desk drawer was broken into and tossed.

I had the money for my monthly bus pass in that drawer, in a envelope. $175.00  and $75.00 worth of grocery gift cards, I received from the various agencies that I deal with. The officer told me that there was nothing left in the drawer.

I told him that I had an old desktop computer, He told me that was in the middle of the living room.

I got mom into bed, did a quick spa treatment and left. I got home and found my room tossed. Then I spoke with my roommate and he told me that his big screen TV, his Samsung speaker dock, his laptop and a bunch of cash was gone, His room was also a mess.

My landlord was their when I arrived home, changing the doors on our rooms and the lock on the front door. So were the police asking me again about what I had in my room.

I was their the next day, visiting mom, as usual. And I will be their tomorrow. I had a little money on me to get me their and back. I have no idea what I will do for the rest of the month for groceries. I think I have the bus pass situation solved.

You see I don't give a crap if I eat or not. I don't care if I have anything. I just care about getting to see mom everyday, as she is use to and trusts that I will be their for her.

Mom does not have much to look forward to each day, but that her son will be their and I will be their until she falls asleep at night. And she knows I will always be their for her. To take care of her. This is what she needs. A person who cares enough that they will always be their for someone, and to make sure they are well looked after.

This was my day. I was up until 4 AM putting my room back together.

Mom is fine by the way, she ate well tonight. I couldn't bring her anything, so she had to eat what was served. lucky it was something she liked.

Well I have to stop writing now. I could write about this all night.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

Sunday Dec 29

Hello again

I have not written since Wednesday as I have been really depressed.

I suffer from Clinical depression and anxiety disorder, OCD, Chronic pain. But the doctor tells me I am in a rut. Is suffering through this for 15 years a rut. I think not. I am seeing that he has no clue about depression. I have seen psychologists. I would not drive for years after a car accident PTSD and this is why I saw a psychologist. It helped. I was able to drive again.

It has been really bad. Before Christmas and is continuing. As I have been alone every night and have not even had a conversation with a single person, since before Christmas. I am not talking about saying hello to the nurses. I do, however, converse with mom. Other than that, no one. I am feeling very alone and depressed.

I just wanted a Christmas for once. And maybe a present. But I guess I am not worthy of any of this.

I already feel down on myself and if it were not for me looking after mom, who knows if I would even be around anymore. The only thing that keeps me going is being able to look after mom. I am thankful that I can do this. And so is my mother.

If it were not for me being their for mom, I don't think she would be around either. So it works out for the both of us. I think mom would of given up a long time ago. Being alone, and lonely.

I guess it would seem that we both need each other.

But when I get to the home were mom is, I put everything aside and put a smile on my face for mom. She doesn't need some sorry ass son, whining and complaining.

The anti depressant medication that the doctor prescribed is not very good for me.

I am not sleeping, nor eating.

After I buy my bus pass, I will have very little left over.  I have no idea how I will make mom dinners, or get the fruit she needs or make her smoothies for the next week. Let alone feed myself. If I can just get through the week making mom dinner and getting her fruit, plus making her smoothies, I don't care if I eat or not. I just care if mom gets what she is use to .....

I can't even afford a new tip for my cane. It is worn out and it is wood on pavement. I am slipping all over the place. If I am not careful I will slip and fall and hurt myself even more than I am now.

Just getting to move to White Rock would improve my mood considerably.

Since Christmas, mom has been good. Eating well and allot. She enjoyed Christmas, is enjoying her Duvet and Cover. My sisters brought her some nice pants and a sweater.

I can't even write anymore. I am just not feeling well. I am tired and hungry and the way it is going I am not going to get either.

But mom is well and happy.

Tonight I wanted to leave a little early, but mom would not let me go. She has a strong grip. She wanted me to stay longer. Or at least until she was almost asleep. But I needed to leave. It ended up I left at the normal time.

It is OK though. I got home at a decent time anyways.

I am no longer going to wish for anything or even look at flyer's anymore. Not worth it. Nothing happens anyways

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland