Hello
I find since the last blog this evening I have become very depressed.
I tell you, I know, I will die alone. Absolutely no one their by my side and no one knowing or giving a crap about me at all.
I will be completely and painfully alone.
This is why I do this for my mother. And why I want and need so much for her. Why I need to do everything for her. Why I want mom to live with me.
So mom will not die alone like I will. So mom will be in a place of her own and not in a hospital, like my father and grandfather were.
A place with peace and loved ones and mom to know that I love her greatly. I am crying while I write this. I do not know what has happened to me.
Mom needs to have the absolutely best possible life she can have and to enjoy every minute of it.
To not be stuck in a place where she can't go out. To spend all her days staring at the walls. Or not being able to speak with anyone. Now I know why it is so important that when I am their,mom does not want anyone else disturbing us.
It is our time. And I want the rest of her life to be our time. To do things with her. To get her back walking again, as I know she can. To have mom talking again. As I know she can.
To have mom pick out her own clothing. To try on her own shoes. To say this is what I want for dinner and to tell me that I am screwing up. For me to be their for her and her for me.
Yes it is selfish, but it is not. I know mom can have and beautiful and full life.
Kris
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Another day today and I just don't know anymore
Hello again
So I am going to start out by saying this. Yes it is cold, blah..... blah....blah... Yes I am cold.... blah....blah...blah. Yes I am wet.... blah...blah..... blah.. I have nothing.... blah.... blah....blah... I am tired of hearing it, I am tired of writing it. And I know you are tired of it as well. It reminds me of the time I tried to quit smoking. Yes I smoke. Wait, I know you are saying how can he smoke, he is always complaining about not having anything, nor eating. But wait. You don't want to know how I feed my nicotine habit. I buy a pack of rolling paper's , and well take it from their. Trust me you really don't want to know.
So anyways, back to my story. I tried to quit smoking several years ago and I got a week and could not stand my own company, to even be near myself. It was difficult. And I thought, if I hate to be around me, imagine what other people are thinking. So I start again, so I could stand to be around me. Have to live with myself. Hard to separate myself. Other wise I would of done this along time ago.
So I can't bare writing about this anymore. Those who read this know. I am broke, have nothing, don't eat, no clothing, socks, underwear. shoes etc...etc....So this is done for now.
Anyways today. I just want to stop and tell you my biggest pet peeve. It is when you roll up your sleeves and they keep falling down. So today, I am so surprised that I can carry what I carry everyday. It is all for mom. And I know 99% of y'all would not be able to carry what I carry. When I get to the hospital and start taking things out. There is stuff everywhere. I am just amazed. Today it felt like I was carrying 100lbs of weight No kidding! And I do this everyday, and I manage it. I do need one of those suitcases with the extendable handles. A small one of course. So I can neatly pack everything in order.
I made mom spaghetti and meatballs today, before I left. Homemade meatballs. I had a feeling that the spaghetti was not going to go over well. I don't really like it, it does not hold the sauce and eating it, makes me gag. But I ended up getting their late and mom was not at a table, but sitting by herself, away from everyone. And no one feed her. I am glad and upset. Dinner is at 5:00 and I arrived at 5:30 past when mom should of ate. Mom is on a schedule at this time. Eat from 5:00- 5:45 then it is time for me to spoil her with her face wash and moisturiser, lip balm, and eye serum. Then her feet washed and massaged and cream put on her feet. I get the staff to take mom to the bathroom and get her into her night clothing. When mom comes back, I wash her hands and arms. And put cream on her hands and massage them, and a separate cream for her arms. Then I brush her hair and put her to bed. Hug her and kiss her. Clean up my mess, which is always a big mess. And then hug her and hiss her good night and away I go.
Now back to where I started. Dinner. So I warmed up the spaghetti and meatballs. Mom ate he meatballs but as I thought did not care for the spaghetti to much. It is OK. Mom ate all the meatballs. I brought her cheese cake for desert and mom loved this. And when mom was done, mom told me. And off we went for her night time ritual. Oh yea I play music for her every night. The old vocal standards. Frank Sinatra, Billy Holiday, Nate king Cole, Michael Bubbla etc.... Vocal standards real music, with real singing. Mom just loves this,. And so do allot of the other patients their. There is usually a crowd of patients sitting outside of moms door listening with their eyes closed and just relaxing. Music therapy. It is good for the soul. It is Slacker Radio. Internet radio.I bought mom speakers for her Birthday, But could not find a radio to play this on, for under $300.00 dollars. Come on now. I just want to play mom music. Well anyways I have found such a radio. And it is $150.00 and then the $6 bucks a month for the subscription Good price for what you get on Slacker Radio. Now I just have to come up with the money for the radio. Mom loves this and would like to listen to it all night long. I feel bad that I have to take my paper weight with me. I mean my phone that does not work. No service.
I could have service and the radio for mom,. if the PGT would do what they are telling me they will do. As in they will help me to move to White Rock. Yea Right! And the $7000.00 lump sum for a car. Which I told them. I don't want the car. I want to use it to get furniture for the two bedroom I want. The second bedroom is to have mom over for nights. And eventually have mom move in with me.
As if this is ever going to happen. Like everything else the PGT tells me. This is why I get so upset with them and put up signs and I will picket them.
STOP SENIORS ABUSE BY THE PGT. AGAINST MY MOTHER AND MYSELF.
Mom likes it when I bake bread or deserts. I have known how to bake bread for years, mom taught me when I was young. This last year is the first time I have attempted to bake any kind of desert. I have been pretty successful, I do say so myself.
Tonight I am completely bagged, and I don't even care if I eat or not. The last few weeks have been sporadic at best for dinners. That is OK. The longest I have gone without eating was 18 days and that was three months ago. Since then it is once or twice a week. What I made for mom tonight was for mom and there was no left overs. Mom enjoyed dinner and that is what is important.
So I will be leaving you now. As it is 1:30 am now. Here in Vancouver, BC Canada and I get up at 7:30am. It takes me an hour or longer to fall asleep, So time to start now.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but
tomorrow is ours to win or to lose."
- Lyndon B. Johnson
So I am going to start out by saying this. Yes it is cold, blah..... blah....blah... Yes I am cold.... blah....blah...blah. Yes I am wet.... blah...blah..... blah.. I have nothing.... blah.... blah....blah... I am tired of hearing it, I am tired of writing it. And I know you are tired of it as well. It reminds me of the time I tried to quit smoking. Yes I smoke. Wait, I know you are saying how can he smoke, he is always complaining about not having anything, nor eating. But wait. You don't want to know how I feed my nicotine habit. I buy a pack of rolling paper's , and well take it from their. Trust me you really don't want to know.
So anyways, back to my story. I tried to quit smoking several years ago and I got a week and could not stand my own company, to even be near myself. It was difficult. And I thought, if I hate to be around me, imagine what other people are thinking. So I start again, so I could stand to be around me. Have to live with myself. Hard to separate myself. Other wise I would of done this along time ago.
So I can't bare writing about this anymore. Those who read this know. I am broke, have nothing, don't eat, no clothing, socks, underwear. shoes etc...etc....So this is done for now.
Anyways today. I just want to stop and tell you my biggest pet peeve. It is when you roll up your sleeves and they keep falling down. So today, I am so surprised that I can carry what I carry everyday. It is all for mom. And I know 99% of y'all would not be able to carry what I carry. When I get to the hospital and start taking things out. There is stuff everywhere. I am just amazed. Today it felt like I was carrying 100lbs of weight No kidding! And I do this everyday, and I manage it. I do need one of those suitcases with the extendable handles. A small one of course. So I can neatly pack everything in order.
I made mom spaghetti and meatballs today, before I left. Homemade meatballs. I had a feeling that the spaghetti was not going to go over well. I don't really like it, it does not hold the sauce and eating it, makes me gag. But I ended up getting their late and mom was not at a table, but sitting by herself, away from everyone. And no one feed her. I am glad and upset. Dinner is at 5:00 and I arrived at 5:30 past when mom should of ate. Mom is on a schedule at this time. Eat from 5:00- 5:45 then it is time for me to spoil her with her face wash and moisturiser, lip balm, and eye serum. Then her feet washed and massaged and cream put on her feet. I get the staff to take mom to the bathroom and get her into her night clothing. When mom comes back, I wash her hands and arms. And put cream on her hands and massage them, and a separate cream for her arms. Then I brush her hair and put her to bed. Hug her and kiss her. Clean up my mess, which is always a big mess. And then hug her and hiss her good night and away I go.
Now back to where I started. Dinner. So I warmed up the spaghetti and meatballs. Mom ate he meatballs but as I thought did not care for the spaghetti to much. It is OK. Mom ate all the meatballs. I brought her cheese cake for desert and mom loved this. And when mom was done, mom told me. And off we went for her night time ritual. Oh yea I play music for her every night. The old vocal standards. Frank Sinatra, Billy Holiday, Nate king Cole, Michael Bubbla etc.... Vocal standards real music, with real singing. Mom just loves this,. And so do allot of the other patients their. There is usually a crowd of patients sitting outside of moms door listening with their eyes closed and just relaxing. Music therapy. It is good for the soul. It is Slacker Radio. Internet radio.I bought mom speakers for her Birthday, But could not find a radio to play this on, for under $300.00 dollars. Come on now. I just want to play mom music. Well anyways I have found such a radio. And it is $150.00 and then the $6 bucks a month for the subscription Good price for what you get on Slacker Radio. Now I just have to come up with the money for the radio. Mom loves this and would like to listen to it all night long. I feel bad that I have to take my paper weight with me. I mean my phone that does not work. No service.
I could have service and the radio for mom,. if the PGT would do what they are telling me they will do. As in they will help me to move to White Rock. Yea Right! And the $7000.00 lump sum for a car. Which I told them. I don't want the car. I want to use it to get furniture for the two bedroom I want. The second bedroom is to have mom over for nights. And eventually have mom move in with me.
As if this is ever going to happen. Like everything else the PGT tells me. This is why I get so upset with them and put up signs and I will picket them.
STOP SENIORS ABUSE BY THE PGT. AGAINST MY MOTHER AND MYSELF.
Mom likes it when I bake bread or deserts. I have known how to bake bread for years, mom taught me when I was young. This last year is the first time I have attempted to bake any kind of desert. I have been pretty successful, I do say so myself.
Tonight I am completely bagged, and I don't even care if I eat or not. The last few weeks have been sporadic at best for dinners. That is OK. The longest I have gone without eating was 18 days and that was three months ago. Since then it is once or twice a week. What I made for mom tonight was for mom and there was no left overs. Mom enjoyed dinner and that is what is important.
So I will be leaving you now. As it is 1:30 am now. Here in Vancouver, BC Canada and I get up at 7:30am. It takes me an hour or longer to fall asleep, So time to start now.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
"Yesterday is not ours to recover, but
tomorrow is ours to win or to lose."
- Lyndon B. Johnson
Friday, November 18, 2011
It is here
Hello Again
Remember in last night's blog, I said I would go to see mom in any weather condition, whether rain, sleet, snow. etc... etc...
Well today was a different Vancouver weather day. It did everything and I am freezing cold and soaking wet.
This morning it was sunny, then when I left, it was pouring rain. then in Vancouver it was just rain. Went to Richmond and it was nice, slight rain. Got to White Rock and it was freezing rain mixed with snow.While with mom it just snowed. I left it was windy and cold. I had to wait 1/2 hour in this wind and rain. All the while getting soaking wet and my canvas shoes with holes are soaking wet. Got back to Richmond and thunder storms. Then back in Vancouver, it was freezing rain and I waited another 1/2 hour for a bus. All the while my hand, left hand and hip and knee are in extreme pain from the cold. And my feet were not to comfortable either.
After I returned to Coquitlam, There was snow covering the ground and an inch of slush to go with it. Since my feet were already wet no big deal. Except ;for the fact I walk with a cane and cannot walk without it. And the slush is slippery, and I have no grip with the cane and my canvas deck shoes don't have grip either. So I was slipping and sliding all the way home. Being careful not to fall. Which almost happened many times.
I am cold, wet and in pain. So you think this is going to stop me from visiting mom, guess again. I will be their as usual. And oh well I will be wet and cold.
My closet consists of 8 pairs of shorts, no soaks without holes. I don't like socks, so I did not get any. Because I did not wear socks for the entire summer. Now I need them. And all of mine have holes in them. Summer clothing, well four summer short sleeve shirts. One summer jacket. Even wearing all of the clothing at once still leaves me cold. I tuck my shirt in, but my only pair of jeans are to big and they fall down.
So other wise it was a great visit with mom. The meeting with the social worker was quick. We discussed the fact that mom was going to be discharged. Which I already new about and mom is going to be assisted in several weeks to see where she can go.
What I want is mom to live with me. I am praying like crazy for the funds to make this happen. This is all I what. Mom deserves to live in a home. Not a care home with strangers. But to live with a loved one. Like me. I am prepared to look after her.
So that was it, and then mom was letting the social worker know, to leave. Mom does not want and let anyone interfere with our time together. The only one she wants to concentrate on is me. That is the best for me as well.
The reason I bitch about the cold is I was 70lbs heaver a year ago. And now I am not and have no protection on my body from the cold.
So I am not to sure now what I am going to do about this cold weather I am not in a position to handle it. I mean I have nothing to keep me protected from this type of weather And I don't want to get sick. Oh wait a minute I don't get sick, thank GOD
I need to get mom dinners and cook healthy dinners for her. Mom is not eating her meals, still. I was able to bring her something tonight and she ate most of it. Now for tomorrow night. I don't know.
In interesting day none the less. I don't have any answers, but I expect them to be solved. I know that some where out there is someone that is going to reach out and give me the needed assistance that I require. I don't know why but I feel it. And in the process, the needed help to get mom and I a place.
So be kind to yourselves
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Always bear in mind that your own
resolution to succeed is more
important than any other one thing."
- Abraham Lincoln
Remember in last night's blog, I said I would go to see mom in any weather condition, whether rain, sleet, snow. etc... etc...
Well today was a different Vancouver weather day. It did everything and I am freezing cold and soaking wet.
This morning it was sunny, then when I left, it was pouring rain. then in Vancouver it was just rain. Went to Richmond and it was nice, slight rain. Got to White Rock and it was freezing rain mixed with snow.While with mom it just snowed. I left it was windy and cold. I had to wait 1/2 hour in this wind and rain. All the while getting soaking wet and my canvas shoes with holes are soaking wet. Got back to Richmond and thunder storms. Then back in Vancouver, it was freezing rain and I waited another 1/2 hour for a bus. All the while my hand, left hand and hip and knee are in extreme pain from the cold. And my feet were not to comfortable either.
After I returned to Coquitlam, There was snow covering the ground and an inch of slush to go with it. Since my feet were already wet no big deal. Except ;for the fact I walk with a cane and cannot walk without it. And the slush is slippery, and I have no grip with the cane and my canvas deck shoes don't have grip either. So I was slipping and sliding all the way home. Being careful not to fall. Which almost happened many times.
I am cold, wet and in pain. So you think this is going to stop me from visiting mom, guess again. I will be their as usual. And oh well I will be wet and cold.
My closet consists of 8 pairs of shorts, no soaks without holes. I don't like socks, so I did not get any. Because I did not wear socks for the entire summer. Now I need them. And all of mine have holes in them. Summer clothing, well four summer short sleeve shirts. One summer jacket. Even wearing all of the clothing at once still leaves me cold. I tuck my shirt in, but my only pair of jeans are to big and they fall down.
So other wise it was a great visit with mom. The meeting with the social worker was quick. We discussed the fact that mom was going to be discharged. Which I already new about and mom is going to be assisted in several weeks to see where she can go.
What I want is mom to live with me. I am praying like crazy for the funds to make this happen. This is all I what. Mom deserves to live in a home. Not a care home with strangers. But to live with a loved one. Like me. I am prepared to look after her.
So that was it, and then mom was letting the social worker know, to leave. Mom does not want and let anyone interfere with our time together. The only one she wants to concentrate on is me. That is the best for me as well.
The reason I bitch about the cold is I was 70lbs heaver a year ago. And now I am not and have no protection on my body from the cold.
So I am not to sure now what I am going to do about this cold weather I am not in a position to handle it. I mean I have nothing to keep me protected from this type of weather And I don't want to get sick. Oh wait a minute I don't get sick, thank GOD
I need to get mom dinners and cook healthy dinners for her. Mom is not eating her meals, still. I was able to bring her something tonight and she ate most of it. Now for tomorrow night. I don't know.
In interesting day none the less. I don't have any answers, but I expect them to be solved. I know that some where out there is someone that is going to reach out and give me the needed assistance that I require. I don't know why but I feel it. And in the process, the needed help to get mom and I a place.
So be kind to yourselves
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Always bear in mind that your own
resolution to succeed is more
important than any other one thing."
- Abraham Lincoln
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Not very nice weather
Hello again
I would like to tell you that I live at the base of a mountain. And this produces all kinds of weather patterns. And I walk in these conditions. Rain, sleet, snow, and whatever else that is thrown at me. And I go to visit my mother in these conditions. I don't drive, I take public transit And it takes me 2 1/2 hours to see mom and 3 hours to come back. Allot of the time on the way back, is waiting outside in this weather, Which is nasty out there now. It is to snow this weekend My shoes have holes in the soul and are not meant for the winter. Only for the summer. And no jacket to keep me warm and dry.
I just hope it does not snow so much that the buses can't operate. Mom will not let anyone else put her to bed but me. And mom needs her nightly beauty treatment. It completely relaxes her and she has the best sleep. And mom is totally calm when I leave. As well as extremely happy.
I have said that the staff have to do nothing but change her and get mom to the bathroom. I handle the rest.
I have been denied again for funds to get shoes and a coat, as well as a scarf. Does not care. Oh yea I have also been turned down for help to get a phone.
I really should be living in White Rock. Just in case it snows so much the buses aren't running. And at that point, if I was in White Rock. I could just walk their. This is why I want to move their. Every one is happy that I want mom to stay in White Rock. But I do not here anything about the fact that I do this everyday.
Just a little praise is good for should. Not to much though. I do this for mom, not me.
I would like to tell you that I am the bad one here. Not my sister's for taking mom's stuff and never returning it. For not doing anything for her. And cheap out when it comes to things for mom. Come on now. Mom and dad gave you the best. They bought them both a house and paid their mortgage payments.
I am the bad one because I write this blog and tell it like it is. I say exactly what happened that day. I don't lie about it either. I say exactly how it makes me feel and mom. I fight for mom's rights, I am constantly at the PGT for wrong doing. I will not except nonsense from the doctors at the hospital. etc..etc.... I will continue to fight for mom's rights. The doctors tell me mom will not walk or talk again. I beg to differ. Mom can walk and she can talk. Without the drugs. But I am the bad one. Well I do understand, considering it is the institutions that are in care of mom that I attack
I meet with the Social Worker and the Doctor tomorrow, and I will write everything that went on at the meeting down, tomorrow night. I am so glad I have a near perfect memory. As I can recall conversations. People do not like to be told that this is what they said at that meeting.
So I write and write. I would love this to be turned into a book. To tell the world exactly what happens and what the family member feels. I love mom and will never stop being their for her. No matter what he weather is like out their. No matter who I have to fight and for how long does not bother me either.
I am leaving now, bed time.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
I really could continue to write for hours and hours. But I need to go to bed.
I would like to tell you that I live at the base of a mountain. And this produces all kinds of weather patterns. And I walk in these conditions. Rain, sleet, snow, and whatever else that is thrown at me. And I go to visit my mother in these conditions. I don't drive, I take public transit And it takes me 2 1/2 hours to see mom and 3 hours to come back. Allot of the time on the way back, is waiting outside in this weather, Which is nasty out there now. It is to snow this weekend My shoes have holes in the soul and are not meant for the winter. Only for the summer. And no jacket to keep me warm and dry.
I just hope it does not snow so much that the buses can't operate. Mom will not let anyone else put her to bed but me. And mom needs her nightly beauty treatment. It completely relaxes her and she has the best sleep. And mom is totally calm when I leave. As well as extremely happy.
I have said that the staff have to do nothing but change her and get mom to the bathroom. I handle the rest.
I have been denied again for funds to get shoes and a coat, as well as a scarf. Does not care. Oh yea I have also been turned down for help to get a phone.
I really should be living in White Rock. Just in case it snows so much the buses aren't running. And at that point, if I was in White Rock. I could just walk their. This is why I want to move their. Every one is happy that I want mom to stay in White Rock. But I do not here anything about the fact that I do this everyday.
Just a little praise is good for should. Not to much though. I do this for mom, not me.
I would like to tell you that I am the bad one here. Not my sister's for taking mom's stuff and never returning it. For not doing anything for her. And cheap out when it comes to things for mom. Come on now. Mom and dad gave you the best. They bought them both a house and paid their mortgage payments.
I am the bad one because I write this blog and tell it like it is. I say exactly what happened that day. I don't lie about it either. I say exactly how it makes me feel and mom. I fight for mom's rights, I am constantly at the PGT for wrong doing. I will not except nonsense from the doctors at the hospital. etc..etc.... I will continue to fight for mom's rights. The doctors tell me mom will not walk or talk again. I beg to differ. Mom can walk and she can talk. Without the drugs. But I am the bad one. Well I do understand, considering it is the institutions that are in care of mom that I attack
I meet with the Social Worker and the Doctor tomorrow, and I will write everything that went on at the meeting down, tomorrow night. I am so glad I have a near perfect memory. As I can recall conversations. People do not like to be told that this is what they said at that meeting.
So I write and write. I would love this to be turned into a book. To tell the world exactly what happens and what the family member feels. I love mom and will never stop being their for her. No matter what he weather is like out their. No matter who I have to fight and for how long does not bother me either.
I am leaving now, bed time.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
I really could continue to write for hours and hours. But I need to go to bed.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
I am worried
Hello again
I am worried about allot of things and very upset that I as the son can't do anything about it. More like extremely depressed. It is difficult for me at times and Ok at the same time. I hope you understand this. I cannot explain how this can be.
I am worried about mom not eating. She is being peckish, and just not eating. When I do bring food mom eats it all. But I am so disgusted with myself that I can't bring mom dinner every night. I would cook everyday before I leave just so mom has a fresh meal. I would have to get one of those bags that keep food hot.
I am worried about mom not walking and her not being able to walk anymore.
I am worried about the winter. It is so cold. And if it snows I can't get their. The buses probably wont run. And mom is going to be upset. This is why it is important for me to be in White Rock and why the PGT should do as it was mentioned to me. And told me that they would do. About $7000. is what I was told.
I am worried about being cold. I am freezing cold. I have never been this cold before. I get home and crank on the oil heater to high and it still does not help. My body is cold all the time. My hands, wow, They are like they were in the freezer. I need to have a warm and dry jacket. And some gloves. and scarf. This is going to be a difficult winter. And I need to be warm it is a long journey their and back.
It is also upsetting me when people tell me you that I am giving up so much I am not giving up anything. I didn't have a life before these 10 years. At least I have more of a life now. I am out doing something.
I still what someone to follow me for a day. I dare someone to do this. A reporter please, would be the best person. To see that I don't make this up. My mother gave up allot for me, and it should be returned.
And the bags that I carry are getting heavy and starting to dig into my shoulder. The only thing that is in the two bags that I carry are my wallet, my pain killers and a not book and some pens. Everything else is everything for mom and more and more is being added to them. They have to weight 20 lbs a piece. It was only ten minutes or so before, when mom was in Coquitlam. And now it is two and a half hours that I carry them.
This cold is killing me. My hip is bad, and my knee is like someone is jabbing me with I don't know what but all the parts of my body that were injured or broken when I was younger. Have become a source of extreme pain. Arthritis I guess.
Now I need so much I am begging GOD
Well it is time to go to bed. I am cold, hungry and depressed
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: 1) To return love for hate; 2) To include the excluded; and 3) To say 'I was wrong.'
~ Ernst Heinrich Haeckel
I am worried about allot of things and very upset that I as the son can't do anything about it. More like extremely depressed. It is difficult for me at times and Ok at the same time. I hope you understand this. I cannot explain how this can be.
I am worried about mom not eating. She is being peckish, and just not eating. When I do bring food mom eats it all. But I am so disgusted with myself that I can't bring mom dinner every night. I would cook everyday before I leave just so mom has a fresh meal. I would have to get one of those bags that keep food hot.
I am worried about mom not walking and her not being able to walk anymore.
I am worried about the winter. It is so cold. And if it snows I can't get their. The buses probably wont run. And mom is going to be upset. This is why it is important for me to be in White Rock and why the PGT should do as it was mentioned to me. And told me that they would do. About $7000. is what I was told.
I am worried about being cold. I am freezing cold. I have never been this cold before. I get home and crank on the oil heater to high and it still does not help. My body is cold all the time. My hands, wow, They are like they were in the freezer. I need to have a warm and dry jacket. And some gloves. and scarf. This is going to be a difficult winter. And I need to be warm it is a long journey their and back.
It is also upsetting me when people tell me you that I am giving up so much I am not giving up anything. I didn't have a life before these 10 years. At least I have more of a life now. I am out doing something.
I still what someone to follow me for a day. I dare someone to do this. A reporter please, would be the best person. To see that I don't make this up. My mother gave up allot for me, and it should be returned.
And the bags that I carry are getting heavy and starting to dig into my shoulder. The only thing that is in the two bags that I carry are my wallet, my pain killers and a not book and some pens. Everything else is everything for mom and more and more is being added to them. They have to weight 20 lbs a piece. It was only ten minutes or so before, when mom was in Coquitlam. And now it is two and a half hours that I carry them.
This cold is killing me. My hip is bad, and my knee is like someone is jabbing me with I don't know what but all the parts of my body that were injured or broken when I was younger. Have become a source of extreme pain. Arthritis I guess.
Now I need so much I am begging GOD
Well it is time to go to bed. I am cold, hungry and depressed
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
The three hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: 1) To return love for hate; 2) To include the excluded; and 3) To say 'I was wrong.'
~ Ernst Heinrich Haeckel
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
I am becoming a popsicle
Hello again
I write to you today as a popsicle. It is Ok when I leave at noon or one pm. But when I am coming home, I leave the hospital at 7 to 7:30 and it is cold, well it is frezing cold out. And I have absolutly nothing to help me keep warm. I have no warm wool coat. No gloves or a scarf. Actually no sweaters either. One pair of jeans with holes in the pocket and a pair of Kakis. The shoes I own have holes in the soul, so if it is wet out, I walk around with wet socks all day long.
A few years ago I was 50 lbs heavier and the cold did not bother me that much. But now, I am not that and the cold is really bothering me. I really need to good warm coat and gloves and a scarf/
And now mom is being discharged and I have no phone to contact the homes to find mom a good place. Yes I want mom to live with me. But I am leaving that up to GOD. Until then mom needs a good place to live. I need to get a second opinion on moms health. I have none, and I need to speak with the doctors an social worker more now than every.
Now if the PGT would keep there word I would be able to do all of this and more as well as move to White Rock.
Trying to get the PGT to keep their word seems like the only way to do it, is to picket them and put up sign's all over the place infront of their building.
I don't have to do this if they do what is needed to do. Mom needs her drinks and snacks and if I want mom to eat dinner I need to bring it for her. I really don't care about myself and my lack of eating I only care about mom having a decent meal and if she won't eat what the hospital provides than she will eat what I make. After all mom started me off on this cooking journey I have been on.
Mom no longer will let anyone else put her to bed but me. As menitoned as soon as I get their the only thing the staff have to do is take her to the bathroom and get her ready for bed. Mom is in my hands the moment I arrive. And mom knows that. This is a good thing.
I would love to write more. I am filed with thoughts, but it is 2:30 in the morning, PST and I need to go to bed.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
"Never worry about numbers.
Help one person at a time,
and always start with
the person nearest you."
- Mother Teresa
Monday, November 14, 2011
follow me on this journey.
Hello again
What I would like to ask is this. I would like someone, anyone, prefer a reporter. To follow me for one week. So one could see exactly how my days go and what I do exactly. My travel and destination. And what happens through out my day and week.
So I am actually a good person and it is about time I realize this. My mother enjoys my visits and I know she can't go without them. I do this not for myself, but for the one that gave me life.
It is not who I am, but what I do. My actions speak volumes about my character. I may have had moments in my life, where I lacked good judgement. But through my journey of the last 10 years. A transformation has taken place deep inside my being. A change. I see the world differently than I once have.
My eyes have opened up wide, and my ears have have are hearing a new world. One of love, one of compassion and caring. I do not do for myself, but to reach out to all who need the help. And the one's who need the most help are our loved one's who are being forced to live in isolation. Void of human contact by the one's whom they raised. Restrained and not being aloud to see the outside world. To be treated like lab rats and have their money taken away from them, by the one's who say they are there to help. The PGT for one and a large part of this corruption that takes place. And they have free rain to do as they please without being accountable to the families. It is a government corporation, who disguises itself as a separate entity.
Corruption at its most high.
I would already be living in White Rock and being a few blocks away from my mother if the PGT in particular., the one case manager would just do as he states in conversations. He does not realize I have a near perfect memory. And can tell a lie from the next province. I can smell lies, I can feel a lie. I am an expert at being able to read people. I can look at someone and know what is going on with them. And these individuals just thinks they can walk all over everyone. Because they have the government is backing them.
But I am not alone in my complaints against the PGT more than I know of, but I do know of a dozen people who have contacted me with very similar complaints to mine. But what I will not do, is give up on my quest to have the PGT keep their words. And to have them justify their actions of ignorance in behaving in a manner that is completely damaging to my mother and myself. Abuse is what this is, to both my mother and myself.
It is an on going situation, that is everyday that I have to fight with them over the words they say. And the lies they tell me.
I am completely pissed off at them, They tell you give us a few day, well these few days turn in weeks and then months and nothing happens. The only way to deal with them is through direct confrontation with the PGT. By passionately demonstrating that I am not an idiot and will not take the abuse anymore.
It is time to do what I say I have to do. Not back down because of fake promises that are made to me.
It is time to go and go to bed. Again I go to this place without.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
What I would like to ask is this. I would like someone, anyone, prefer a reporter. To follow me for one week. So one could see exactly how my days go and what I do exactly. My travel and destination. And what happens through out my day and week.
So I am actually a good person and it is about time I realize this. My mother enjoys my visits and I know she can't go without them. I do this not for myself, but for the one that gave me life.
It is not who I am, but what I do. My actions speak volumes about my character. I may have had moments in my life, where I lacked good judgement. But through my journey of the last 10 years. A transformation has taken place deep inside my being. A change. I see the world differently than I once have.
My eyes have opened up wide, and my ears have have are hearing a new world. One of love, one of compassion and caring. I do not do for myself, but to reach out to all who need the help. And the one's who need the most help are our loved one's who are being forced to live in isolation. Void of human contact by the one's whom they raised. Restrained and not being aloud to see the outside world. To be treated like lab rats and have their money taken away from them, by the one's who say they are there to help. The PGT for one and a large part of this corruption that takes place. And they have free rain to do as they please without being accountable to the families. It is a government corporation, who disguises itself as a separate entity.
Corruption at its most high.
I would already be living in White Rock and being a few blocks away from my mother if the PGT in particular., the one case manager would just do as he states in conversations. He does not realize I have a near perfect memory. And can tell a lie from the next province. I can smell lies, I can feel a lie. I am an expert at being able to read people. I can look at someone and know what is going on with them. And these individuals just thinks they can walk all over everyone. Because they have the government is backing them.
But I am not alone in my complaints against the PGT more than I know of, but I do know of a dozen people who have contacted me with very similar complaints to mine. But what I will not do, is give up on my quest to have the PGT keep their words. And to have them justify their actions of ignorance in behaving in a manner that is completely damaging to my mother and myself. Abuse is what this is, to both my mother and myself.
It is an on going situation, that is everyday that I have to fight with them over the words they say. And the lies they tell me.
I am completely pissed off at them, They tell you give us a few day, well these few days turn in weeks and then months and nothing happens. The only way to deal with them is through direct confrontation with the PGT. By passionately demonstrating that I am not an idiot and will not take the abuse anymore.
It is time to do what I say I have to do. Not back down because of fake promises that are made to me.
It is time to go and go to bed. Again I go to this place without.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Commitment
Hello Again
For legal purpose I have to write this. THIS IS MY OPINION So I due not get sued by one of these companies, The PGT, Riverview or Ocean Side
For legal purpose I have to write this. THIS IS MY OPINION So I due not get sued by one of these companies, The PGT, Riverview or Ocean Side
IN MY OPINION
THE PUBLIC GUARDIAN AND TRUSTEE
OF BRITISH COLUMBIA IS;
Corrupt
Abuses my mother and myself.
Never keeps any of their promises
Abuses their power.
Legally embezzles funds
So I was speaking to a bus driver friend of mine and he told me that because I go everyday it is a huge commitment and that I will have allot waiting for me, in heaven afterwards.
I told him I don't think so, because of past sins. The past is the past and my sins have been forgiven me. Yes it is a large commitment, but I do not see as such. I see it as I am there when my mother needs me the most and this is so true.
No other person would do or could do what I do. first they would not do the traveling. If they did not have a car. There is no way they would go. But I think of the ride as a journey. And I get to see and hear the most wonderful and crazy things. I get to speak with people who are just getting to our city. Or someone who is just going on a vacation or going home.
I speak to people who live in White Rock and they tell me all about White Rock. Yes my feet today are completely soaking wet. And all night I have been walking around in wet socks. And my hair has been drenched all day. Because it is also cold out, I have had to pile on the clothing. What little I have. And wear dirty jeans. This is what I have to do, so be it. If this is what it takes to see mom, than I am glad to wear wet socks all day and night. And walk in the rain and get soaking wet. Wearing dirty clothing and looking like a bum. Which today is what I looked like. No one even looked at me today. People moved away from me today. I guess I smelled bad or something. Like a wet dog. The shoes are canvas, which smells horrible when wet. And the jeans are riped and holes in the pocket, and tattered bottoms. You know what, this is all I have and I will have to keep on wearing them. The other pair of jeans is riped on the side along the seam. About a 3 inch rip. And a pair of cargo khakis. That is it.
Before I go on, my brother in law is spreading rumors
But I have no phone now. And the phone that I have is just a paper weight. I cannot get ahold of the hospital to speak with the law department, the doctors, the dietitian, and everyone else that I have to deal with as an advocate for my mother. Which is pissing me off greatly. I need to have a phone. I cannot do anything without one. There is so much I need to do, and a phone is what I need to do this.
I can not even call places for me to see in White Rock.
The problem is that the worker at the PGT does not keep his word and if he did, I would already be in White Rock with furniture and warm clothing.
So I will continue to write what is on top of this page over and over again. I will copy a letter I have written and paste it on every pole around the PGT office. And every nice day I will be out front with my picket sign. I am done playing games with all of these people.
Come on, it is good that I choose to have mom live in White Rock because it is closer for my sister's. They drive I take a bus for 5 or 6 hours a day. And I make an adventure out of it. And enjoy every minute of it.
When I leave the hospital, I am so happy, happy that mom is happy and comfortable and calm. I am happy that mom and I laughed and talked for several hours. And I got to be their with her. This the best present anyone could get everyday of the week. And the fact that mom will only let me put her to bed. And when I leave, mom is so peaceful I feel GOD has been right there with us the whole time.What more can anyone ask for. Come on. It is the most beautiful thing every. I wish all of you could feel what I feel. Understand what I understand. See the face of the angel that I see in my mother. The beauty that is her. The appreciation of the kindness I show to the other patients in their. And the recognition of the kindness by the patients themselves. By watching the staf see me with amazment for what I do everyday. And the staff saying behind my back, I would never do that. I am to busy to spend that much time visiting someone.
Do you see the beauty of what I do. Come walk in my shoes for a day. And your world will be irrevocably changed forever. You will see the world with new lightness. Your eyes will be opened, you will really hear for a new start on your journey. Your soul will be stirred to a higher level forever. You will never be able to go back to who you once were.
Come with me, come and see my world. How I fight for my mother's rights, how the psychiatric industry is causing devastation to the seniors with Alzheimer's and Dementia.
Follow me and I will take you through this journey. And I will show you how families can't or won't be their for there loved one's. How these people sit day after day, without the contact of another human being. Especially there family members. How there is no active treatment in place to stimulate their senses.
I can and will change the lives of all that I can. Through positive treatment. And through alternative treatments.
I have to leave now. I have to finish my laundry and go to bed. I am finally dried, but hungry none the less.
GOD Bless and good night.
Kris
Judge me by the content of my character.
So I was speaking to a bus driver friend of mine and he told me that because I go everyday it is a huge commitment and that I will have allot waiting for me, in heaven afterwards.
I told him I don't think so, because of past sins. The past is the past and my sins have been forgiven me. Yes it is a large commitment, but I do not see as such. I see it as I am there when my mother needs me the most and this is so true.
No other person would do or could do what I do. first they would not do the traveling. If they did not have a car. There is no way they would go. But I think of the ride as a journey. And I get to see and hear the most wonderful and crazy things. I get to speak with people who are just getting to our city. Or someone who is just going on a vacation or going home.
I speak to people who live in White Rock and they tell me all about White Rock. Yes my feet today are completely soaking wet. And all night I have been walking around in wet socks. And my hair has been drenched all day. Because it is also cold out, I have had to pile on the clothing. What little I have. And wear dirty jeans. This is what I have to do, so be it. If this is what it takes to see mom, than I am glad to wear wet socks all day and night. And walk in the rain and get soaking wet. Wearing dirty clothing and looking like a bum. Which today is what I looked like. No one even looked at me today. People moved away from me today. I guess I smelled bad or something. Like a wet dog. The shoes are canvas, which smells horrible when wet. And the jeans are riped and holes in the pocket, and tattered bottoms. You know what, this is all I have and I will have to keep on wearing them. The other pair of jeans is riped on the side along the seam. About a 3 inch rip. And a pair of cargo khakis. That is it.
Before I go on, my brother in law is spreading rumors
But I have no phone now. And the phone that I have is just a paper weight. I cannot get ahold of the hospital to speak with the law department, the doctors, the dietitian, and everyone else that I have to deal with as an advocate for my mother. Which is pissing me off greatly. I need to have a phone. I cannot do anything without one. There is so much I need to do, and a phone is what I need to do this.
I can not even call places for me to see in White Rock.
The problem is that the worker at the PGT does not keep his word and if he did, I would already be in White Rock with furniture and warm clothing.
So I will continue to write what is on top of this page over and over again. I will copy a letter I have written and paste it on every pole around the PGT office. And every nice day I will be out front with my picket sign. I am done playing games with all of these people.
Come on, it is good that I choose to have mom live in White Rock because it is closer for my sister's. They drive I take a bus for 5 or 6 hours a day. And I make an adventure out of it. And enjoy every minute of it.
When I leave the hospital, I am so happy, happy that mom is happy and comfortable and calm. I am happy that mom and I laughed and talked for several hours. And I got to be their with her. This the best present anyone could get everyday of the week. And the fact that mom will only let me put her to bed. And when I leave, mom is so peaceful I feel GOD has been right there with us the whole time.What more can anyone ask for. Come on. It is the most beautiful thing every. I wish all of you could feel what I feel. Understand what I understand. See the face of the angel that I see in my mother. The beauty that is her. The appreciation of the kindness I show to the other patients in their. And the recognition of the kindness by the patients themselves. By watching the staf see me with amazment for what I do everyday. And the staff saying behind my back, I would never do that. I am to busy to spend that much time visiting someone.
Do you see the beauty of what I do. Come walk in my shoes for a day. And your world will be irrevocably changed forever. You will see the world with new lightness. Your eyes will be opened, you will really hear for a new start on your journey. Your soul will be stirred to a higher level forever. You will never be able to go back to who you once were.
Come with me, come and see my world. How I fight for my mother's rights, how the psychiatric industry is causing devastation to the seniors with Alzheimer's and Dementia.
Follow me and I will take you through this journey. And I will show you how families can't or won't be their for there loved one's. How these people sit day after day, without the contact of another human being. Especially there family members. How there is no active treatment in place to stimulate their senses.
I can and will change the lives of all that I can. Through positive treatment. And through alternative treatments.
I have to leave now. I have to finish my laundry and go to bed. I am finally dried, but hungry none the less.
GOD Bless and good night.
Kris
Judge me by the content of my character.
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