Hello again
Life keeps throwing me curve balls. OK it is the poor or hastened decisions I make. For example moving into were I am. I was told one thing, upon moving in. Only to find out what was told to me was a lie. And the lies continue daily.... I wanted to leave Coquitlam so bad that I just decided to move here.
Thank GOD I did not move here before Christmas. I would never of brought my mother to this place. And this women keeps trying to get me to call her my adoptive mom. I ONLY HAVE ONE MOM AND DAD. I will never call her that. And next time she brings it up I will be letting her know, under no uncertain circumstances I will ever call you mom. This would be a disgrace to my actual mother
It is now 3 months since mom passed away and I am no closer to giving her a service than I was 2 months ago. OK $156.00 closer. My campaign is not working. What the heck do I need to do to get help from someone. Anyone.
COME ON! REALLY! I just want to give my mom a proper burial and I can't even do that.
This is what I have always mean't by saying I do things for myself because I can't get help with anything. I am alone. Well if I can't get help with the simple things, like support because I have just lost my mother and not dealing well. How can I get support to give mom a service.
The truth is everyone is to busy taking care of themselves. No one cares about a person who is suffering, who just lost his mother, who he looked after, every single day for over a decade. Someone who traveled 3 hours each way, by bus, to take care of his mother. Who never complained about it. And I still don't .. Even when people say to me, you traveled so far, you must be tired. Well I am not and I was never tired of traveling to take care of my mother.
My mother was all I had left in this world. I have absolutely nothing left. I am alone and lonely. I have nothing. I have nobody. No girlfriend, no family, no friends.
Does anyone even knows what it is like to walk each day with nobody to speak with, to talk too or even cry on someone's shoulder. Do you! I think not. To even understand what I am going through. NO ONE. This is obvious, considering there is no one around for me. Not a soul.
I walk through my days hurting, crying, in pain. I lost the only person I had left in this world. And now she is gone, I am alone and without everything. Well I had nothing while I took care of mom, that was by chose. I made the decision to give everything I could to make sure my mother had a fresh home made meal each day, That she dressed nicely each day, that her room looked as my like a real bedroom as I could make it. Each Holiday mom had a delicious holiday meal, that she had someone who loved her to spend those Holidays with. To give her everything I could and I had no regrets about doing it either.
Sure I was poor, but oh well;. Mom had what she needed to feel and look as good as she could. Mom had someone on her side to fight for her rights. And I did just that. All the time. Even if it mean't they didn't like me. OH Well, Get it right and I would not of had to file complaints against you or Fraser Health.
To bad is all I have to say. I am not loosing any sleep over your dislike of me. I am loosing sleep because I lost my everything. My mother the only person that cared about me and that I cared about. The only family I had left in this world.
I AM ALONE
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
When..................
Hello again
Well yesterday I went out to Mission and picked up mom's ashes. It was a little weird carrying mom's ashes home by bus. I just said this seat is taken, I had mom on the seat beside me. So I was not about to give it up for anything. Hence, this seat is taken.
I didn't realize that an urn and ashes were so heavy. 10 lbs at least. But it was OK. Now I have to get us to having mom's ashes in my room.
When I got home, I cleared out a space in my closet. It is OK, I have so much stuff that my closet doors won't close. I took a couple of boxes down. That just had cables and old cell phones and chargers in it. Down to the storage room for those boxes.
Now mom sits where those boxes were. A visible spot. I can see her and I am now talking to her. Would it be weird if I bought a Mother's day card and placed it in front of her urn. I don't know, but I am weird to begin with. That is what I will do. To continue to celebrate my mother.
I am starting to have extreme anxiety now. I have mom and it is time to have a service for her. To celebrate her life. Even to have her buried with her parents.
I need this now, to have closure for mom. Everyone wants someone to celebrate their lives. And mom is no exception.
It needs to be done and needs to be done right away. This is, I am sure, what you would want. And everyone.
I have had to take some extra medication to handle my anxiety today. I don't take them often, but have them just in case. And today is one of those just in case days.
It is a beautiful urn that mom is in. I have a bit of dad's ashes as well. Placed inside the urn with mom. In a separate bag of course. But together at last.
I think now that I have mom's ashes she will come to visit me. At least I am hoping that.
I am missing mom very much now, since I picked up her ashes. It is final. I see her urn, I have seen the ashes in the urn. I know mom has passed on.
And with this, allot of emotions are coming my way. I am feeling deeply the loss of my mother. This is very difficult for me. I never experienced this before.
Because of my sister's I didn't get to say goodbye to my father. Now it is mom's turn, and she needs everyone to come and say goodbye to her. Tell the world what she was like. How she touched lives. How she brought everyone together on Holidays. Even though we did not like each other. Mom brought peace to those occasions. She brought us together.
That is the last time I celebrated any Holiday with everyone together. Since then I just made dinner for mom, and celebrated the Holidays with her. Just mom and I. This happened for over a dozen years.
I refused to celebrate anymore Holidays. That is just the way it is going to be. I will go somewhere and read on those days. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Well we won't include my birthday, as I have not celebrated it for 15 or more years. But I will honor mom on her Birthday as well as my father. And on their anniversary
The one thing I am upset about it all the photo's of mom and dad are with my two sisters and they just keep denying that they have them. Though I know they do, as I have seen the photo's at my sister's home.
I do hate it when I am lied too. And I know it. This is a gift I have, but also a curse. Being able to be a human lie detector.
So now is when I ask for your help. Again.
I am asking that you help me to give mom a celebration of life, memorial service. By donating to:
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
It is all that I ask. It is all that I need. It is what mom wanted. It is what should of been done within two weeks after her passing.
It would of been done, if it were not for my sister's going behind my back and canceling the service..All would of been done.
Yet I would not have mom's ashes. They would be sitting still.
I do thank GOD that HE helped me get mom's ashes.
If it were not for GOD I would be no where right now. That is how messed up I am. I AM LOST. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TO DO NOW.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GIVE MOM A MEMORIAL SERVICE THAT IS FITTING FOR A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WHO DID NOTHING BUT GIVE OF HERSELF.
I cannot right anymore tonight. I have to much anxiety within me.
Thank you for your support, by giving to this cause
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
Well yesterday I went out to Mission and picked up mom's ashes. It was a little weird carrying mom's ashes home by bus. I just said this seat is taken, I had mom on the seat beside me. So I was not about to give it up for anything. Hence, this seat is taken.
I didn't realize that an urn and ashes were so heavy. 10 lbs at least. But it was OK. Now I have to get us to having mom's ashes in my room.
When I got home, I cleared out a space in my closet. It is OK, I have so much stuff that my closet doors won't close. I took a couple of boxes down. That just had cables and old cell phones and chargers in it. Down to the storage room for those boxes.
Now mom sits where those boxes were. A visible spot. I can see her and I am now talking to her. Would it be weird if I bought a Mother's day card and placed it in front of her urn. I don't know, but I am weird to begin with. That is what I will do. To continue to celebrate my mother.
I am starting to have extreme anxiety now. I have mom and it is time to have a service for her. To celebrate her life. Even to have her buried with her parents.
I need this now, to have closure for mom. Everyone wants someone to celebrate their lives. And mom is no exception.
It needs to be done and needs to be done right away. This is, I am sure, what you would want. And everyone.
I have had to take some extra medication to handle my anxiety today. I don't take them often, but have them just in case. And today is one of those just in case days.
It is a beautiful urn that mom is in. I have a bit of dad's ashes as well. Placed inside the urn with mom. In a separate bag of course. But together at last.
I think now that I have mom's ashes she will come to visit me. At least I am hoping that.
I am missing mom very much now, since I picked up her ashes. It is final. I see her urn, I have seen the ashes in the urn. I know mom has passed on.
And with this, allot of emotions are coming my way. I am feeling deeply the loss of my mother. This is very difficult for me. I never experienced this before.
Because of my sister's I didn't get to say goodbye to my father. Now it is mom's turn, and she needs everyone to come and say goodbye to her. Tell the world what she was like. How she touched lives. How she brought everyone together on Holidays. Even though we did not like each other. Mom brought peace to those occasions. She brought us together.
That is the last time I celebrated any Holiday with everyone together. Since then I just made dinner for mom, and celebrated the Holidays with her. Just mom and I. This happened for over a dozen years.
I refused to celebrate anymore Holidays. That is just the way it is going to be. I will go somewhere and read on those days. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Well we won't include my birthday, as I have not celebrated it for 15 or more years. But I will honor mom on her Birthday as well as my father. And on their anniversary
The one thing I am upset about it all the photo's of mom and dad are with my two sisters and they just keep denying that they have them. Though I know they do, as I have seen the photo's at my sister's home.
I do hate it when I am lied too. And I know it. This is a gift I have, but also a curse. Being able to be a human lie detector.
So now is when I ask for your help. Again.
I am asking that you help me to give mom a celebration of life, memorial service. By donating to:
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
It is all that I ask. It is all that I need. It is what mom wanted. It is what should of been done within two weeks after her passing.
It would of been done, if it were not for my sister's going behind my back and canceling the service..All would of been done.
Yet I would not have mom's ashes. They would be sitting still.
I do thank GOD that HE helped me get mom's ashes.
If it were not for GOD I would be no where right now. That is how messed up I am. I AM LOST. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM TO DO NOW.
ALL I WANT TO DO IS GIVE MOM A MEMORIAL SERVICE THAT IS FITTING FOR A BEAUTIFUL WOMEN WHO DID NOTHING BUT GIVE OF HERSELF.
I cannot right anymore tonight. I have to much anxiety within me.
Thank you for your support, by giving to this cause
GOD bless and goodnight
Kris Schmuland
Monday, April 25, 2016
The day is tomorrow
Hello again
Well tomorrow is the day I pick up mom's ashes. Luckily, I have a ride out to Mission. Otherwise it is four 4 buses there and four buses back. In other words an entire day of traveling. It will only take a half hour to do what we need to do. Take some of my dad's ashes out and put it in a bag so I can put them into mom's urn. And take some of mom's ashes and put them with dad's ashes.
Now for the hard part. To give my mother a service. One that she deserves. My mother was a giving women, who made sure there was always a seat at Holiday time, for someone that didn't have a place to go. And mom did all sorts of things for other's. Without regret. She made dozens of bags for the place she worked and didn't get anything in return for this. She just did it because. She was that type of women.
Mom did sewing for everyone in the family...... Mom worked hard and even had a cleaning thing on the side. After working full time for the hospital. She gave and gave and gave of herself. And never complained. OK once in a while.....
My mother raised me to be just like her. To give to other's This is why I was able to take care of my mother for all those years. And it was the right thing to do. ... That is just the way I was raised. Everyone knew it was I who would be looking after mom and dad. Not the girls. This was know long before either of them became ill.
There was nothing better than to take care of my mother and father. Nothing at all... I loved every minute of it. It didn't matter to me if they were 100 miles away. I would still be there for them. Yes I traveled all over the LowerMainland to take care of mom. Dad was just in one place. Mission. But mom was in Mission, then two places in Abbostford, then to Coquitlam and finally in White Rock.
I have no idea how many km's I traveled. It doesn't matter anyways. I just did it. It was the right thing to do.
I can remember mom being up at 5 am to start her day. Sewing something that needed to be finished. Getting everything ready for the day. At one time, driving me to my swim club at 5 am. And picking me up afterwards. Then she went to work for the day. No wonder mom fell asleep in her chair, while watching TV. I have that chair. I just need to recover it. Which I am going to do. This chair will always be with me.
Now I need to give mom the service she deserves. I need your help with this. I am poor. I gave up everything so I could take care of my mother. I have no regrets doing this either. But this left me without. And without the money needed to give mom a proper service. The one she should of had. That was all arranged. Now there is no money to do this. And I have no money to do this as well.
So I seek the kindness of strangers to accomplish this goal. Giving mom a proper memorial service. A grand goodbye.
I ash for your donations to do this. As I mentioned, tomorrow, Being Tuesday over here. Is when I pick up mom's ashes.
I ask for help. As I gave help to mom and dad without asking for anything in return.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
I thank you and GOD thanks you.
GOD bless you and goodnight
Until we meet again.
Kristopher W.A.Schmuland
Well tomorrow is the day I pick up mom's ashes. Luckily, I have a ride out to Mission. Otherwise it is four 4 buses there and four buses back. In other words an entire day of traveling. It will only take a half hour to do what we need to do. Take some of my dad's ashes out and put it in a bag so I can put them into mom's urn. And take some of mom's ashes and put them with dad's ashes.
Now for the hard part. To give my mother a service. One that she deserves. My mother was a giving women, who made sure there was always a seat at Holiday time, for someone that didn't have a place to go. And mom did all sorts of things for other's. Without regret. She made dozens of bags for the place she worked and didn't get anything in return for this. She just did it because. She was that type of women.
Mom did sewing for everyone in the family...... Mom worked hard and even had a cleaning thing on the side. After working full time for the hospital. She gave and gave and gave of herself. And never complained. OK once in a while.....
My mother raised me to be just like her. To give to other's This is why I was able to take care of my mother for all those years. And it was the right thing to do. ... That is just the way I was raised. Everyone knew it was I who would be looking after mom and dad. Not the girls. This was know long before either of them became ill.
There was nothing better than to take care of my mother and father. Nothing at all... I loved every minute of it. It didn't matter to me if they were 100 miles away. I would still be there for them. Yes I traveled all over the LowerMainland to take care of mom. Dad was just in one place. Mission. But mom was in Mission, then two places in Abbostford, then to Coquitlam and finally in White Rock.
I have no idea how many km's I traveled. It doesn't matter anyways. I just did it. It was the right thing to do.
I can remember mom being up at 5 am to start her day. Sewing something that needed to be finished. Getting everything ready for the day. At one time, driving me to my swim club at 5 am. And picking me up afterwards. Then she went to work for the day. No wonder mom fell asleep in her chair, while watching TV. I have that chair. I just need to recover it. Which I am going to do. This chair will always be with me.
Now I need to give mom the service she deserves. I need your help with this. I am poor. I gave up everything so I could take care of my mother. I have no regrets doing this either. But this left me without. And without the money needed to give mom a proper service. The one she should of had. That was all arranged. Now there is no money to do this. And I have no money to do this as well.
So I seek the kindness of strangers to accomplish this goal. Giving mom a proper memorial service. A grand goodbye.
I ash for your donations to do this. As I mentioned, tomorrow, Being Tuesday over here. Is when I pick up mom's ashes.
I ask for help. As I gave help to mom and dad without asking for anything in return.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
I thank you and GOD thanks you.
GOD bless you and goodnight
Until we meet again.
Kristopher W.A.Schmuland
Sunday, April 24, 2016
It is now and nothing
Hello again
So this weekend was OK, but today, being almost three 3 months since mom passed away. It was a difficult day for me. To many memories were just coming back to me, pouring in. I look at my mother's photo's and I start to cry and think that I just don't want to be around anymore. My life's work, what I feel I was put here to do. Is over and I don't know what to do.
Move on, people say. Can you move on if you spent the last 10 years caring for someone. I think not.It is not like a job, it is far more emotionally intense. Seeing the decline of your loved one, Knowing that there is going to be and end. But not knowing when that will be. It could be now, it could be 10 years from now. I had to deal with that every single day.
Mom would go down hill a little and I would think, is this the end. Bur pray that mom would hang in there and get better. She does, until the next time. Or watching the staff so closely. Making sure they don't do anything to make your loved one worse off. Which as we all know, is exactly what happened at the end. They went against my word and it killed my mother.
I really have nothing left. Just to give mom and memorial service and that is it. Then, unless something extraordinary happens, I am done.I don't see what is on the horizon for me. Nothing. I have no job, I am disabled. I have no girlfriend. I am living in a place that was a big mistake. But the one thing about moving here, is I didn't do it while mom was alive. I would never bring anyone over. I don't and won;t. I can't bring a girl here or anyone.
These are nightmare people. A huge mistake. If I could, I would be gone, now.
So again, I sit in my room. I do not and will not associate with these people.
My mother was my world and for the most part, is still my world.
I just want to give mom and memorial service and that will be that.
I look for help and there is no help for anybody, from anybody. I have no family.....
I am alone, without anyone to share my burdens with. To just listen to me. I ride the bus, because I have nothing to do.
This week I pick up mom's ashes. Then what. I can't give mom a service, I can't bury her where my grandparents are buried.
I am not creeped out from having mom's ashes with me in my room. Not at all.
Again I am asking for your help to give mom a service.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
I need to go now, I am hungry as I have not been eating properly as of late
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
So this weekend was OK, but today, being almost three 3 months since mom passed away. It was a difficult day for me. To many memories were just coming back to me, pouring in. I look at my mother's photo's and I start to cry and think that I just don't want to be around anymore. My life's work, what I feel I was put here to do. Is over and I don't know what to do.
Move on, people say. Can you move on if you spent the last 10 years caring for someone. I think not.It is not like a job, it is far more emotionally intense. Seeing the decline of your loved one, Knowing that there is going to be and end. But not knowing when that will be. It could be now, it could be 10 years from now. I had to deal with that every single day.
Mom would go down hill a little and I would think, is this the end. Bur pray that mom would hang in there and get better. She does, until the next time. Or watching the staff so closely. Making sure they don't do anything to make your loved one worse off. Which as we all know, is exactly what happened at the end. They went against my word and it killed my mother.
I really have nothing left. Just to give mom and memorial service and that is it. Then, unless something extraordinary happens, I am done.I don't see what is on the horizon for me. Nothing. I have no job, I am disabled. I have no girlfriend. I am living in a place that was a big mistake. But the one thing about moving here, is I didn't do it while mom was alive. I would never bring anyone over. I don't and won;t. I can't bring a girl here or anyone.
These are nightmare people. A huge mistake. If I could, I would be gone, now.
So again, I sit in my room. I do not and will not associate with these people.
My mother was my world and for the most part, is still my world.
I just want to give mom and memorial service and that will be that.
I look for help and there is no help for anybody, from anybody. I have no family.....
I am alone, without anyone to share my burdens with. To just listen to me. I ride the bus, because I have nothing to do.
This week I pick up mom's ashes. Then what. I can't give mom a service, I can't bury her where my grandparents are buried.
I am not creeped out from having mom's ashes with me in my room. Not at all.
Again I am asking for your help to give mom a service.
https://www.gofundme.com/ka556fdk
I need to go now, I am hungry as I have not been eating properly as of late
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
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