Hello again
It was a WoW day as it was so nice out today. Record broken in White Rock.
I left very early today, so I could get out to White Rock and pick up mom`s clothing that was be adapted. I was to get it yesterday. I left early, the bus was late, very late and then road construction, so by the time I arrived in White Rock, it was to late to do anything. I had enough time to just get down to mom`s after getting her some dinner.
But when I arrived at the seamstress`s today, she was closed and only open a few hours tomorrow. Which I can`t make. I had a doctors appointment to get the results of my CT scan on my brain. Nothing wrong with it. No lesions or tumors.
Well I was able to get to mom`s with enough time to speak with the manager about the TV issue. Of course the same old line. We will look into it. I don`t care it has to be moved. It is intrusive to mom.
Mom was down by the window, and when she heard my voice, I saw her hand go out. And that beautiful smile was on her face.
I took her to her room and did the usual, gave her drinks, a snack and went and warmed up her dinner. I made her a nice pasta dinner, with a chicken kabob. The chicken was a little to tough for her to chew, so she had the meat portion of the served dinner and the pasta.
It is Friday, another day in which I wash and style her hair. Down to the tub room after dinner. I put the music on. On my phone. This new phone has two speakers so it sound better than the old one. I still carry the old phone with me. It has mom`s music on it, but I have put all of the music from that phone onto the new phone, plus ++++ And it sounds better.
You know, by the time I have finished washing and styling her hair, mom is so relaxed that she is almost asleep. Heck mom started falling asleep right after dinner. Holding my hand, full. Me singing to her. This is what I do for her. I sing to her allot. I hold her hand as much as I can. This is why she doesn`t want to let go.
It is a wonderful and beautiful thing. No amount of words to describe it. Now we wait for the girl to come in and put mom to bed. She was late again tonight. Not good for mom.
Well after mom was in bed it was the usual spa treatment. No neck massage for a few days now. Her neck has been kinked, and she has been leaning her head the opposite direction. But everything else. Then the grabbing of my hand and pulling it close to her.
I stayed with her later tonight, as her roommate was up, with the lights on, TV up loud. So I just stayed with her until she fell asleep. Holding my hand. When she is asleep, her hand loosens up. I know it is time to go. I packed and off I went.
Now, I am coming to grips with this diagnosis of Parkinson`s disease. Don`t want to accept it. But I have to. This diagnosis, is making me realize again how frail life is. Time to do more for mom and enjoy my visits with mom even more. Be more productive.
I also am going to start dong things that I have put off. One being to write a letter to the one I lost. Who moved back east. I have her address and phone number, but I want to write her. Okay, I have already written the letter. On my computer and printed it out. Now to write it out and send it off.
All I can do is send it. If something happens because of doing this great. We really enjoyed our time together. We didn`t spend much time apart, when she was here. I spoke with her for a few years after she left. She would of come back if I went and got her. I even asked her to marry me on the phone and she did say yes.
10 years has passed since we last spoke. If it is her. I mean the women I know, at the address I have. I don`t know. Everything is in her name. So I don`t know if she is married or not. Kids who knows, who cares.
I am just going to try. That is all I can do. I am nothing but a good person. I can`t provide for her. I just would like to get in touch and maybe exchange a few letters.
I know what is going to happen with this disease, but it could take a very long time for that to happen. But I need to live life to the fullest. So my plan this weekend is to write that letter, cursively, and mail it off.
I am going now, I have so much TV to watch, which I have downloaded. I am behind. All the shows are ending for the summer break, so I have lots of time to catch up.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Friday, May 8, 2015
Thursday, May 7, 2015
Well past denial
Hello again
The day started out okay, I guess. I don't get calls from anyone. The only reason I have a phone is in case something happens to mom. Sure I can read on it, check my emails. Which, by the way are 90% crap, Spam. The only calls I get are from 800,877 numbers. That is it.
So that is what I dealt with this morning. I dismiss them. Now I had to phone an re-schedule my doctors appointment, as they canceled it yesterday, their computers went down. So they couldn't pull up anyone's medical information. Not long ago, the doctors used charts and files. The medical information was right at hand. Just look in the patients file. Now. as it was yesterday. The computer goes down and the office has to close. The office assistant has to call everyone to cancel their appointments. Progress, really!
So now it is Friday I see him.
As the day progressed I became angry. I am at that stage now. I haven't had a full blow break down yet over this diagnosis. Yet to look forward to.
I was able to get mom a few things she needed. Fruit wise and dinner. Will figure the rest of the week out as the days go by.
Yea, the neurologist tells me I need to change my diet. I need to eat healthier, more fruits and vegetables. Less meat, more sea food as well. As the medication I have to take will cause serious constipation. And it doesn't get any better with continuous use. More fiber. I can't even afford to feed myself now with the restricted diet I have to eat now. Because of everything that has been going on with my health.
Now I need to add even more things I can't afford. The neurologist tells me that it is a must that I make these changes to my diet. It will help slow the progression of my disease by eating healthy.
Another thing, I wanted to learn to play the piano for mom. I sing to her, so I want to be able to play the piano and sing to her. Well at Christmas I had a little extra money and I found a full size keyboard on sale for half price. So I bought it. It is sitting in my closet, waiting to be set up when I finally move. I mention this to the neurologist and what comes out of his mouth is. DON'T it will be to frustrating for you. And this will have a serious impact on your life. Not that having Parkinson's isn't enough.
Anyways.
Mom looked great today. A big smile on her face when I arrived. I still need to speak with the manager about the roommates TV.
Now back to mom. We went down to her room and I gave mom as much to drink as she wanted. Very thirsty again. Then she was hungry. No more drinks. I gave her a snack, a bit of chocolate and some grape tomatoes, while I went and warmed up her dinner. Today mom was happy, but didn't want to let go of my hand. I know mom felt very lonely today. Being in White Rock, I could do something about this.
She has a very strong grip. When trying to get my hand free so I can cut something up, give her something, or anything that involves using both hands.
But mom was hungry, as she was yesterday. And she was awake so there wasn't the issue of her being to tired that she chewed and chewed her food. It was chewed and by the time I looked up again, mom was ready for more. I like this. She get the nutrition she needs. The healthy foods. It was a good thing. I had some inari. Some people don't like this, but I do and it seems mom does as well. Well she likes Sushi, so why wouldn't she like Inari. For dessert. And she ate her papaya and her chocolate. She was ready for me to take her down and was her hair. This she let me know.by banging on the arm of the chair. I know what each thing means.
I did this for her, dried and styled her hair. In the tub room, they have a warmer for the towels and they also have sheets in the warmer. So I always put one on her, if she wants it. Sometimes not. But today she did. So by the time I dried and styled her hair, mom was getting really relaxed. Then off to get her ready for bed. But we had to deal with the loudness of the roommates TV. I have anxiety when things are to loud. Or when to many things are on at once. I think it is the loudness, that bothers me.
I did get the staff to turn it down after mom was put into bed. I gave her the spa treatment, but she only wanted her face and arms done. Plus the neck and shoulder massage. After this, mom was done. Ready for sleep. It was still early. So I told her I was just going to pack up. Oh yea, while waiting for mom to be put into bed, the nurse, excuse me, the LPN, came in and gave her the nightly medication. I forgot to give mom something to drink before I started her spa treatment, so I stopped after applying the lotion to her face, gave her something to drink, and did the touch up. re- applied the lotion. Then finished her face, neck and shoulder massage and her arms and hands.
At this point mom was in no mood for me to continue to do her legs. She just grabbed my hand. After I packed up and pull it towards her. Then fell asleep. Without any problems.
It is the greatest feeling in the world, for me, That my mother has that much love for me, that she just trust me and pulls my hand to her. So she can fall asleep. It is a great feeling, warm, that someone cares for me that much. I don't get this anywhere else. As I am alone. Okay I ruined the mood for you by having a bit of a pity party.
I just stayed, as mentioned, everything was done early, so I had plenty of time to just be there for her. I had the TV on, volume off, the music was on. Music goes on as soon as dinner is done. During diner mom watches the news. I don't have cable, I get everything I watch online. So I am not use to commercials. I really dislike commercials. And that is what is on while I hold mom's hand as she is falling asleep. Okay, there are shows on, but I spend most of the time channel surfing. I end up turning the TV off and just stand there holding her hand and listening to music. Singing, softly to mom.
Well it is now Midnight here, Time to go.
Please I really need your prayers. I need to get to White Rock to live. I have no idea how this disease progresses. It it is going to be a problem for me traveling. As it is I have only told one person where mom lives and I already feel like a leaper. I don't even have any conversations with anyone there.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
The day started out okay, I guess. I don't get calls from anyone. The only reason I have a phone is in case something happens to mom. Sure I can read on it, check my emails. Which, by the way are 90% crap, Spam. The only calls I get are from 800,877 numbers. That is it.
So that is what I dealt with this morning. I dismiss them. Now I had to phone an re-schedule my doctors appointment, as they canceled it yesterday, their computers went down. So they couldn't pull up anyone's medical information. Not long ago, the doctors used charts and files. The medical information was right at hand. Just look in the patients file. Now. as it was yesterday. The computer goes down and the office has to close. The office assistant has to call everyone to cancel their appointments. Progress, really!
So now it is Friday I see him.
As the day progressed I became angry. I am at that stage now. I haven't had a full blow break down yet over this diagnosis. Yet to look forward to.
I was able to get mom a few things she needed. Fruit wise and dinner. Will figure the rest of the week out as the days go by.
Yea, the neurologist tells me I need to change my diet. I need to eat healthier, more fruits and vegetables. Less meat, more sea food as well. As the medication I have to take will cause serious constipation. And it doesn't get any better with continuous use. More fiber. I can't even afford to feed myself now with the restricted diet I have to eat now. Because of everything that has been going on with my health.
Now I need to add even more things I can't afford. The neurologist tells me that it is a must that I make these changes to my diet. It will help slow the progression of my disease by eating healthy.
Another thing, I wanted to learn to play the piano for mom. I sing to her, so I want to be able to play the piano and sing to her. Well at Christmas I had a little extra money and I found a full size keyboard on sale for half price. So I bought it. It is sitting in my closet, waiting to be set up when I finally move. I mention this to the neurologist and what comes out of his mouth is. DON'T it will be to frustrating for you. And this will have a serious impact on your life. Not that having Parkinson's isn't enough.
Anyways.
Mom looked great today. A big smile on her face when I arrived. I still need to speak with the manager about the roommates TV.
Now back to mom. We went down to her room and I gave mom as much to drink as she wanted. Very thirsty again. Then she was hungry. No more drinks. I gave her a snack, a bit of chocolate and some grape tomatoes, while I went and warmed up her dinner. Today mom was happy, but didn't want to let go of my hand. I know mom felt very lonely today. Being in White Rock, I could do something about this.
She has a very strong grip. When trying to get my hand free so I can cut something up, give her something, or anything that involves using both hands.
But mom was hungry, as she was yesterday. And she was awake so there wasn't the issue of her being to tired that she chewed and chewed her food. It was chewed and by the time I looked up again, mom was ready for more. I like this. She get the nutrition she needs. The healthy foods. It was a good thing. I had some inari. Some people don't like this, but I do and it seems mom does as well. Well she likes Sushi, so why wouldn't she like Inari. For dessert. And she ate her papaya and her chocolate. She was ready for me to take her down and was her hair. This she let me know.by banging on the arm of the chair. I know what each thing means.
I did this for her, dried and styled her hair. In the tub room, they have a warmer for the towels and they also have sheets in the warmer. So I always put one on her, if she wants it. Sometimes not. But today she did. So by the time I dried and styled her hair, mom was getting really relaxed. Then off to get her ready for bed. But we had to deal with the loudness of the roommates TV. I have anxiety when things are to loud. Or when to many things are on at once. I think it is the loudness, that bothers me.
I did get the staff to turn it down after mom was put into bed. I gave her the spa treatment, but she only wanted her face and arms done. Plus the neck and shoulder massage. After this, mom was done. Ready for sleep. It was still early. So I told her I was just going to pack up. Oh yea, while waiting for mom to be put into bed, the nurse, excuse me, the LPN, came in and gave her the nightly medication. I forgot to give mom something to drink before I started her spa treatment, so I stopped after applying the lotion to her face, gave her something to drink, and did the touch up. re- applied the lotion. Then finished her face, neck and shoulder massage and her arms and hands.
At this point mom was in no mood for me to continue to do her legs. She just grabbed my hand. After I packed up and pull it towards her. Then fell asleep. Without any problems.
It is the greatest feeling in the world, for me, That my mother has that much love for me, that she just trust me and pulls my hand to her. So she can fall asleep. It is a great feeling, warm, that someone cares for me that much. I don't get this anywhere else. As I am alone. Okay I ruined the mood for you by having a bit of a pity party.
I just stayed, as mentioned, everything was done early, so I had plenty of time to just be there for her. I had the TV on, volume off, the music was on. Music goes on as soon as dinner is done. During diner mom watches the news. I don't have cable, I get everything I watch online. So I am not use to commercials. I really dislike commercials. And that is what is on while I hold mom's hand as she is falling asleep. Okay, there are shows on, but I spend most of the time channel surfing. I end up turning the TV off and just stand there holding her hand and listening to music. Singing, softly to mom.
Well it is now Midnight here, Time to go.
Please I really need your prayers. I need to get to White Rock to live. I have no idea how this disease progresses. It it is going to be a problem for me traveling. As it is I have only told one person where mom lives and I already feel like a leaper. I don't even have any conversations with anyone there.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Monday, May 4, 2015
Bright
Hello again
Today mom was bright, wide awake and extremely happy to see me. Huge smile on her face. She had her hair done today, she looked very good. Nicely dressed, for a change. But the only problem is they tend to put mom in the same outfits, many times a week. I am now bringing these outfits home and bringing them back at a later date.
Didn't get a chance to speak with the manager, but tomorrow.
And so mom was awake and she was very hungry. Being tired the way she was, she didn't eat as much as normal. Because she was tired so mom just chewed and chewed her food. And she was full from just chewing so much.
As soon as mom and I went to her room, mom motioned at me to let me know she was hungry. I gave her something to drink, but it was something to eat is what she wanted. I had banana's, which she ate two of. Some tomatoes and a little bit of chocolate. This is before I feed mom her dinner. Oh yea I had some crackers and she ate some of them as well.
Her dinner was sweet and sour meatballs and honey roasted vegetables. Plus her avocado. And I feed her some more crackers with butter and cheese, plus some avocado on top of them. And mom ate and ate tonight. I was happy about this. A very good appetite tonight.
We finished before the served dinner was even brought in to the room. Again we turned it down. Mom was done and on to dessert. and this we finished early. I quickly changed mom and got a blanket on her, sat down beside her and turned the music on. Mom knew we were waiting for the staff to come in and change her and get her into bed. We just sat there and listened to music. I sang, mom sang, we listened. I held her hand.
And afterward, I gave mom her nightly spa treatment. Tonight she didn't want the neck massage, just he regular spa treatment. After I had allot of time to just be with her, holding her hand. Having our nightly conversation. Then it was time for her to go to sleep. She lets me know. I sang our good night song to her, gave her a kiss goodnight. Lowered her bed, put the mats around her bed.
Then I tucked her in, fixed her pillow and said our goodnight.
I left.
Tonight, on my journey home. I ended up waiting for over an hour. Yes waiting for the buses. I arrived close to my home. A 10 to 15 minute drive, and waited for over half and hour for a bus. I arrived at 9:30 and didn't get home until after 10:30. Most of my time traveling to and from mom's is spent waiting for buses or trains.
I am done. I absolutely hate coming back here at night. I hate being here and can't wait to leave the next day. I won't even speak with anyone here anymore. The landlord is crazy. I am just pissed off and very angry. Mostly because of my diagnosis. I might guess.
Still haven't excepted it. I still haven't told anyone. And if I did, they wouldn't give a crap anyways. See my regular doctor tomorrow. Get the results from the second CT scan of my brain. I really don't think much has changed since the last one a few months ago.
And I guess we will have to come up with some kind of plan for my disease.
I am done with being this....................................
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W.A. Schmuland
Today mom was bright, wide awake and extremely happy to see me. Huge smile on her face. She had her hair done today, she looked very good. Nicely dressed, for a change. But the only problem is they tend to put mom in the same outfits, many times a week. I am now bringing these outfits home and bringing them back at a later date.
Didn't get a chance to speak with the manager, but tomorrow.
And so mom was awake and she was very hungry. Being tired the way she was, she didn't eat as much as normal. Because she was tired so mom just chewed and chewed her food. And she was full from just chewing so much.
As soon as mom and I went to her room, mom motioned at me to let me know she was hungry. I gave her something to drink, but it was something to eat is what she wanted. I had banana's, which she ate two of. Some tomatoes and a little bit of chocolate. This is before I feed mom her dinner. Oh yea I had some crackers and she ate some of them as well.
Her dinner was sweet and sour meatballs and honey roasted vegetables. Plus her avocado. And I feed her some more crackers with butter and cheese, plus some avocado on top of them. And mom ate and ate tonight. I was happy about this. A very good appetite tonight.
We finished before the served dinner was even brought in to the room. Again we turned it down. Mom was done and on to dessert. and this we finished early. I quickly changed mom and got a blanket on her, sat down beside her and turned the music on. Mom knew we were waiting for the staff to come in and change her and get her into bed. We just sat there and listened to music. I sang, mom sang, we listened. I held her hand.
And afterward, I gave mom her nightly spa treatment. Tonight she didn't want the neck massage, just he regular spa treatment. After I had allot of time to just be with her, holding her hand. Having our nightly conversation. Then it was time for her to go to sleep. She lets me know. I sang our good night song to her, gave her a kiss goodnight. Lowered her bed, put the mats around her bed.
Then I tucked her in, fixed her pillow and said our goodnight.
I left.
Tonight, on my journey home. I ended up waiting for over an hour. Yes waiting for the buses. I arrived close to my home. A 10 to 15 minute drive, and waited for over half and hour for a bus. I arrived at 9:30 and didn't get home until after 10:30. Most of my time traveling to and from mom's is spent waiting for buses or trains.
I am done. I absolutely hate coming back here at night. I hate being here and can't wait to leave the next day. I won't even speak with anyone here anymore. The landlord is crazy. I am just pissed off and very angry. Mostly because of my diagnosis. I might guess.
Still haven't excepted it. I still haven't told anyone. And if I did, they wouldn't give a crap anyways. See my regular doctor tomorrow. Get the results from the second CT scan of my brain. I really don't think much has changed since the last one a few months ago.
And I guess we will have to come up with some kind of plan for my disease.
I am done with being this....................................
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher W.A. Schmuland
Sunday, May 3, 2015
Sunday, the end of a week
Hello again
So it seems that it is the end of this week. Thank GOD. For me only! Didn't like it, very stressful for me. Still in denial.
Now mom was tired again. The roommate's TV is in the wrong spot and it is mom's cable that it is hooked up to. Flat screen TV's. The speakers are in the back and where it is located, it blasts right at mom. I have complained over and over again. Nothing has been done.
So mom is tried. This women, nice enough, has the TV on late at night and mom can't sleep. They don't take the remote away from her, so when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she doesn't turn the TV on.
Mom is tired and is getting run down. She has been tired ever since this women moved into the room and her TV was hooked up. I will not allow mom to get run down any further because of someone's TV habits. Will be speaking with the manager tomorrow and if something is not done immediately I will do something about it.
This nonsense could kill her. It effects her eating. When mom is tired, she will chew and chew her food. She will chew a mouthful for 5 or more minutes. Not good.
Anyways, mom's diaper was full when I arrived. Who knows how long mom had to sit in her own excrements. I know it was at least 2 hours. This is why she was leaning today. If she sat straight up, she would be sitting completely in her mess. This way, if she is leaning to one side, It is not so bad.
WHAT I SAY IS THIS. WOULD YOU LET A BABY SIT IN IT'S OWN FILTH FOR HOURS.. I THINK NOT. SO WHY WOULD YOU LET AN ADULT SIT IN THEIRS.
Well at least the girl came early, and mom was changed. It is the day staff who left mom like this. This was a good thing. It mean't I got to finish the spa treatment early and I got to just stand and hold mom's hand for a longer period of time. This I enjoy doing and want to do more of.
Since I can't find a place to move into I need to spend more time with mom. Even if that means I get home even latter.
THIS IS WHAT I AM CALLED TO DO. TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER.
Everything else can wait. It is mom and only mom. She needs someone. I am use to being alone, mom isn't. When I am there, it is her time. And only her time. Mom does not like it when I speak with other's or even speak on my phone. It is her precious time. After all it is only 3 or four hours in a day that mom has someone who actually spends time with her and her alone. This she doesn't get during the day. For most of the day, mom is alone.
Enough, GOD I need a place right now, to move into. Mom is suffering, because of my not being able to do more with her during the day.
GOD bless and good night
I really need help. It is hard doing everything alone, by myself. I will continue to do it, but I need help.
Kristopher Schmuland
So it seems that it is the end of this week. Thank GOD. For me only! Didn't like it, very stressful for me. Still in denial.
Now mom was tired again. The roommate's TV is in the wrong spot and it is mom's cable that it is hooked up to. Flat screen TV's. The speakers are in the back and where it is located, it blasts right at mom. I have complained over and over again. Nothing has been done.
So mom is tried. This women, nice enough, has the TV on late at night and mom can't sleep. They don't take the remote away from her, so when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she doesn't turn the TV on.
Mom is tired and is getting run down. She has been tired ever since this women moved into the room and her TV was hooked up. I will not allow mom to get run down any further because of someone's TV habits. Will be speaking with the manager tomorrow and if something is not done immediately I will do something about it.
This nonsense could kill her. It effects her eating. When mom is tired, she will chew and chew her food. She will chew a mouthful for 5 or more minutes. Not good.
Anyways, mom's diaper was full when I arrived. Who knows how long mom had to sit in her own excrements. I know it was at least 2 hours. This is why she was leaning today. If she sat straight up, she would be sitting completely in her mess. This way, if she is leaning to one side, It is not so bad.
WHAT I SAY IS THIS. WOULD YOU LET A BABY SIT IN IT'S OWN FILTH FOR HOURS.. I THINK NOT. SO WHY WOULD YOU LET AN ADULT SIT IN THEIRS.
Well at least the girl came early, and mom was changed. It is the day staff who left mom like this. This was a good thing. It mean't I got to finish the spa treatment early and I got to just stand and hold mom's hand for a longer period of time. This I enjoy doing and want to do more of.
Since I can't find a place to move into I need to spend more time with mom. Even if that means I get home even latter.
THIS IS WHAT I AM CALLED TO DO. TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER.
Everything else can wait. It is mom and only mom. She needs someone. I am use to being alone, mom isn't. When I am there, it is her time. And only her time. Mom does not like it when I speak with other's or even speak on my phone. It is her precious time. After all it is only 3 or four hours in a day that mom has someone who actually spends time with her and her alone. This she doesn't get during the day. For most of the day, mom is alone.
Enough, GOD I need a place right now, to move into. Mom is suffering, because of my not being able to do more with her during the day.
GOD bless and good night
I really need help. It is hard doing everything alone, by myself. I will continue to do it, but I need help.
Kristopher Schmuland
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