Do you really have an idea

Hello again

So I would say that 95% of the population could not do what I do for my mother. Or they are just to selfesh to do so. Or to greedy to give up everything to take care of someone and whatever else needs to be done to make sure their life is full or respect and dignity.

I am truly blessed.

I am broke, but without power is a different story. I is a wise man who knows when to speak and when to listen and keep notes. I am that wise person.

There is only two, OK now three individuals where mom is that I don't respect. One being the LPN Joanne and the other being Sherry. Plus let us not forget about the care aid who made this all possible. That I can no longer put mom to bed.

Otherwise, I am extremely polite and very well liked among all of the staff. I am respectful to all the residents and the staff a like.

I am their every single day, without fail. And I always have a smile on my face. Am friendly to all. I never show my mother that I am suffering from extreme depression right now. I won't! I cannot have mom being worried. I am in serious pain, not just physical pain, but emotional pain as well.

It takes it's toll on me, seeing my mother go through this. Knowing that it is only going to get worse. Knowing that mom is very well aware of her circumstances.

It is a shame that I receive comments from only the one's who don't have the fortitude to even begin to do what I do. I am referred to as an asshole, narcissistic asshole, looser, bum etc..... Instead of negative comments why don't you help. Instead of being without, why don't you help me and therefore know that you have done something that JESUS would be proud of.

I well up with tears, knowing that I have watched my mother decline over the years from this disease. I well up with tears that I have the privilege to wash her feet. As JESUS did with his disciples.It is a great honor to be their for my mother all the time. To have her know that someone is their to care for her, to care about her.

Is not Love the most important aspect of life. To give of one's self freely, without reservations, without wanting anything in return. I want nothing from my mother. I only want to give to her. To do for her, whatever I can.

Yes I would like things, but not allot. I even live without a TV or stereo. Now I live without groceries, or being able to make my mother dinners. Yes I would like a 27" monitor and a USB cable adapter. I don't need anything else, nor do I want everything else.

I have a bedroom suite, a chair and end table. I don't have pots and pans, nor plates or cutlery. But I have mostly everything else for kitchen needs.

This is all I need for a place on my own.

I am short a few hundred dollars a month for most places. And what I find, their are rules that are imposed. As in the place I called today. You can't have people over. It was for a shared accommodations,thought. Or we don`t want someone who is going to be home all the time. What they are saying is they won`t rent to someone on disability or welfare.

I am broke, and have to live in a situation where I can no longer even put any groceries in the fridge, without fear of them being gone, by the time I wake up in the morning or when I get home at night.

I cannot even buy groceries to make my mother dinners, without fear that everything I make or purchased will be taken by this roommate. I tell the landlord and he tells me that he didn't do this. I tell him he admitted it to me.

The landlord tells me that he will get me a small fridge, but where is it. My only recourse is to file a complaint with the Residential Tenancy branch. Don't I already have enough to do, as it is.

Did not your parents raise you. Should we not show them the same respect they showed us.

GOD bless and goodnight.

Kris Schmuland

Last night mom did not have to wait any length of time before she was put to bed. Tonight it was 1/2 hour.

Wow

Hello again

October 24/13

Ready 6:10 PM
To bed 6:45 PM

Mom is fidgety , pointing, again, to the bed. Trying to relax, but can't. Sliding down in her chair. Just wanting to hold my hand and have her spa treatment taken care of. We would almost be done the spa treatment by 6:30 PM. This is how they treat people. No one cares about the fact that I need to leave at a certain time.And mom needs time to relax by just holding my hand until she falls asleep.

Tonight mom had a good dinner that I made for her. She ate what I brought and most of what they served her.

I did not get to the spa treatment until after 7 PM. Mom is to tired by this time for me to do a complete job. As in wash her face, arms, legs and feet. Remember, mom only gets a bath once a week. Do you only clean yourself once a week. Don't you want to be clean and feeling good. So should my mother.

Someone wrote me a comment this day and it is the only time I have written back.

What I do have to say is, if you do not like what I write, than why read it. I do appreciate all who do read what I have to say.  Whether you enjoy it or not. And by the way. Yes I am!  To whatever it is you wish to call me.

There is a saying I live by. What other people think of me is none of my business

Again I will state, what I write is what goes on. The daily frustrations and enjoyments of life. What it takes to care for someone. What mom feels and thinks and how it is for me.

This is the best thing that has ever happened to me. To actually make a difference in someone's life, besides my own. I don't just visit mom, there are many things that need to take place for mom to remain healthy and happy.

None see the happiness on mom's face when I give her the nightly spa treatment.

I will write this though. I do this without any help from anyone. I have sisters who, at all turns, think they know what is right for mom. Who do not even visit their mother, but once a month.

One last thing.

My skill set.

I read people easily and quickly. I can spot someone lying. I remember all conversations. I can get someone to tell me the truth. People will tell me everything about their lives, open up to me.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Let us do what is right

Hello again

I will start by including the notes I have been taking each evening when mom and I wait.

Friday Oct 18/13

Ready 5:50 PM
To bed 6:23 Pm

Mom is trying to sit up, so she can get herself to bed. She is looking at me, why can't you put me to dbed. Uncomfortable, complaining, wanting out of the chair.

Saturday Oct 19/13

Ready 6:00 PM
To bed 6:26 PM

Tonight mom has filthy diapers, now again she has to wait and sit in this mess. Wanting nothing more that to be in bed.

Sunday Oct 20/13

Bath day, so she was in bed when I arrived

Monday Oct 21/13

Ready 6:05 PM
To bed 6:34 PM

Mom is very tired and wanting her to be in bed. she doesn't want to sit in her chair anymore. Mm is becoming increasingly agitated. It started when they informed me that I am not able to put mom to bed. Did not even start mom's spa treatment until 7:00 PM

Tuesday Oct 22/13

Ready 6:05 PM
To bed 6:35 PM

Mom's diapers are full and have been since before dinner. Mom is pointing  to her bed and reading to her is not good enough this evening. She just wants to be in bed. Uncomfortable.

So this is what I have been doing nightly. And will write it down each night. I need to keep a record.

I can't even have groceries in my fridge. The roommate just keeps on taking them. I can't have groceries to make mom dinner, even. Without fear he will just take it while I am asleep. They only way to monitor this is to stay awake until he leaves in the early morning. I can't even eat. I can't afford to eat out and can't put groceries in the fridge. The landlord is suppose to be bringing me a fridge for my room. But it is now Wednesday and nothing.

I can't afford to keep buying mom dinners. And they are not even as healthy as what I make her. So I don't know what to do. I want to take revenge on him. But that is not for me to do. It is GOD who takes revenge. But I am being impatient.

Besides this mom is OK. Healthy. I am not mentioning this to mom as I don't want to upset her. Yet she knows something is up. I have not brought her a home cooked meal in a few weeks.

This is when I need someone to help out.

I want to say this before I go.

I only have one Mother.

I need to do whatever it takes to make her happy and keep her healthy.

No job, or any amount of money is more important than taking care of mom. Yes more money will help me take better care of her. But I am busy traveling to and from White Rock.

I have only one chance at this, there is no do overs when it comes to making mom feel loved and important. And this is why I don't give a crap what other's think or say about me or to me.

So I need to do a few more things on line before bed.

GOD bless and good night

Please pray that I find a place ASAP, I can't live like this anymore. All I want to do is kick down his door and make him pay. But I will refrain from doing this.


Kris Schmuland

Monday and still

Hello again

So it is another day where mom had to sit in her chair and wait to be transfered to  bed. What I did for the last two years. 

I just ask them to push the blank button. So mom waits and is becoming increasingly agitated as the days go on.

It was 6 PM when I had mom ready to be put into bed. And it was 6:50 when I was able to give mom her spa treatment. I need to out of their by 7:45 PM. Not much time. By this time, I am finished and mom is now relaxing.

I am documenting exactly what time mom is ready and what time she is transfered, and what mom is feeling and thinking. Pointing to the bed and then looking at me. 

In the mean time, while this process is starting, I am reading to her. But it is interfering in our quality time. When I hold mom's hand, sing to her and let her just feel the warmth. 

But now I will also be going to the MLA ( Member of the Legislative Assembly) in White Rock to discuss this with them. To take action on this issue now. Or the media will be informed. 

Which I need to do with the insurance company concerning the accident on board the bus. I am in much more pain these days because of this. I can't even afford to pay the service fee for physiotherapy. Which my doctor requires me to go to. To get an assessment. 

Then there is the matter of my hearing. It is not going to well. More and more I am not hearing people. They are speaking directly at me and I just don't hear them.  I am constantly saying pardon me. They have to keep repeating themselves.  And my lip reading ability is not so great right now. I have no idea why. 

I have been doing some research on why mom can't catch yawns. It is fascinating. The area of the mind that causes one to yawn is also associated with empath. I will be writing John's Hopkins psychiatry department and asking them some questions. 

Is this part of Alzheimer's, a stroke.

Mom did eat well this evening. Yet, as soon as she grabs my hand, her eye's close. I know why this is. It involves security, trust and love. 

Which I have an abundance of for my mother. 

I am, thought, getting tired of people telling me that I am wasting my time, and I should be working full time. I am tired of telling them that I am working at the best job imaginable. To give of one's self to benefit another. Nothing in this world is more important to me than taking care of my mother. No job, no women or anything. This is a vow I have taken. To serve GOD by serving my mother. And I take this very seriously. 

This is going to be a busy week for me. 

I am still pissed off at my roommate for stealing mom's groceries. Actually I will never stop being upset about this. It is one thing to take things from me, but to steal from a senior who is ill, is something that is not forgivable.

Revenge is mine saith the Lord. So I keep giving it to GOD to handle. I want to take revenge, myself. To get even. I just need to let GOD handle it. This is hard, very hard. 

He is a cabbie and a drunk. He leaves in the morning smelling of alcohol. I have made some bumper stickers stating "This cabbie steals from seniors". I just have to put it on the back bumper of the cab and he wouldn't even notice.   

I am debating whether to do this or not. 

Yet I have to leave this up to GOD. 

With all of this going on, I do really need to move from this location and be closer to mom. 

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland