Hello again
Well today is one of those rainy and partial snowy days. Nothing is sticking where I am and where mom is. To bad. It would of been nice. It brightens up things.
I arrived very early today. I had a doctors appointment, so I went first to see mom, drop off my things, give mom a kiss and told her I will be back shortly. Which I was. Needing x-rays on my hip. It is really sore, can barely walk on it by the time I get back to Coquitlam
So people think that I think that I am something. Well folks I have already stated numerous times that I am nothing. A nobody. Looser in most peoples views. I don't date because I have nothing, and anyone my age wants a man that is stable and has things. Which I am and have none of that.
I have problems, I am an accident waiting to happen. I just mind my own business and the accidents come to me. Like this last one. I am just trying to get off the bus and the driver, drives away before I even had a chance to put my cane on the ground or even grab hold of the bar to assist me in getting off of the bus. But no, he starts to drive away, no very slow at that, and the door closes on me, pushing me off the bus and into the bus post.
I can't make this shit up. I am very creative, but this is just out of my league.
So I am injured, AGAIN. But I don't care.
Again, I am stating I am a nobody. I am just a son who is trying to do the right thing by his mother. Nothing more. I get nothing out of this. I am still poor. Live with holes in my boots and shoes. I would rather mom have everything than myself having anything. It is OK with me.
I started out with nothing, going into this, and I haven't lost anything yet. Still the same. .
I was the one who was there for my dad before he passed. I was there, at the home, 4 or 4 days a week. No one else. And then there for mom, while in the same home as dad. I was there for mom for each of her hip surgeries. Through out her ordeal at Vally view. And I am the one who spends 7 hours a day traveling to make sure mom has someone there for her. To keep her company. To laugh with her, to make her laugh. To sing with her, to see her singing along with the music. I am the one who found the perfect music to make mom's life better. To keep her clean. To wash her, give her a daily spa treatment, keeping her calm and relaxed though out the night and the next day. It is I who is there when she is feeling bad, or sick. Holding her hand, wiping her nose, cleaning her eye's. I get her ready for bed, I put her to bed. I am the one, every night feeding mom.
If there are problems with the care, it is I who addresses these issues. I make sure mom is not getting any medication that is going to harm her in anyway. I am the one fighting the PGT and making sure mom gets good food, a vitamin supplement (which the PGT has stopped providing the funds for) no thank to my sisters. I am the one who holds mom's hand while she falls asleep. I am the one freaking out each night, worrying about her.
I am the one who, every year, decorates her room for Christmas. Each year I try to make it more festive. I see no one else bringing mom the poinsettia every year.
I try to make mom feel as home as possible. Her own sheets, pillow cases, pillows and duvet covers.
No one else is doing this, but me. No one else is visiting her like I do. None of her grand or great grand children every come. Not even her own brother. I just don't care if they do or not. I am there!
But again, I am a nobody, I take care of putting myself down all the time. I am completely self deprecating. So what anyone says about me, oh well.
I KNOW THE TRUTH
Last night mom was wide awake, I got some great pictures of her with the Christmas tree. I got some good pictures of her and I. Mom ate better than usual as of late. 17 bites of food, rather than the 15 bites of food. Beautiful smiles.
But tonight mom did not eat well. From what I understand, speaking with the nurses, mom did not eat much of her breakfast or lunch. I did, however, got her to eat 10 bites of her dinner. We will see what tomorrow brings. I am very worried right now. I did have them take her blood pressure. It was in her normal range. So that is good.
Mom is drinking very well and as much or more than usual. This is a very good thing. To keep fluid in her.
Mom was a little grumpy today. But when she is like this, I just keep telling her I love her. And sing more to her, than normal. It makes her laugh. And she grabs my hand and pulls it closer to her and holds on tight.
This I love. Her iron grip.
So I had other things to say, You know it is good enough that I know the truth.
Yes one last thing. Mom had a locked box with all sorts of interesting papers in it. I am just putting this out there, that I was smart enough to make photo copies of every piece of paper in the box. Before it suddenly went missing. With everything else. Again, I made photo copies of every piece of paper in that locked box. These copies are sitting nicely in a safe deposit box.
I am very worried about mom tonight. As usual, but really, more than usual. I requested that the doctor contact me so we can discuss this. If I can't get any answers I will just take her to the emergency room.
GOD bless and good night.
Please pray for my mother.
Kris Schmuland
Friday, December 18, 2015
Tuesday, December 15, 2015
Mom is still not..............
Hello again
Well mom is still not eating properly. I can only get her to eat 15 bites of food, This is even difficult. As she just chews and chews the food. And she doesn't swallow it. It takes her a very long time to swallow her food.
Mom drinks well enough. No problem drinking. But the smoothie, she wants to chew. I keep telling her it is a drink, to just drink it and swallow as you do with your other beverages. I give her the smoothie by spoon, It is in a larger container and I need to give it to her this way. I see her excepting the smoothie as food, because I use a spoon to give it to her. Tomorrow I will put some of the smoothie in a bottle and see how that goes. But it is difficult for mom to swallow food.
Just 15 bites full, that is all I am asking her to eat. And mom is only eating half the avocado and papaya, plus maybe 1 or 2 of her chocolates. This is not good, Mom usually eat the whole papaya and avocado. And the box of 3 Lindt chocolates.
Mom, Mary has been very tired when I arrive and this has been going on for about 3 weeks now. I do not know why. And the staff have no answers either. Or they are giving her something and not telling me. This is something I could see my sister's arranging. Give her this, but don't tell are brother. Well they took the picture of her husband, my father away, without explanation. So I can see them doing this.
So mom being tired, when I arrive. I am getting there allot earlier than normal. So I am getting the staff to put her into bed. And I just feed mom in bed, each night. This gets mom comfortable. I do have to prop her up, so she doesn't lean over. I really hate doing this. But if I don't mom will lean way over and her head is down as well. Making it difficult to feed her. I take the towels out from her side as soon as dinner is over.
Then it is her spa treatment. As mentioned, I had funds put aside for a winter jacket and boots. Mom needs her spa treatment each day. This mom has had, each night, for over 4 years.
But thanks to Gail Anderson or Schmuland and Marilyn Hamon, sister's and Karen Bajwa of the Public Guardian and Trustee of BC the funds have been taken away for me to purchase these lotions for her. At Christmas time at that. Scrooge or bullshit or just greedy sister's and a PGT case manager who is completely discriminatory against me.
I know for a fact that my sister's can't wait for mom to pass away. The sooner she passes the more money they will get. This is the way they look at things. They have no respect for their mother. Otherwise they would be there for her. Bring a piece of fruit for her or a drink or even a chocolate bar. What they get mom for gifts, they get out of the dollar store. The cheap ass lotions and soaps, that I have to throw away. They are just crap, period. They are mostly water and don't absorb into the skin.
Have some respect for your mother. I can't leave any of the lotions in mom's drawers, as they steal them. So many times. Last year I had all of these sample bags in one of mom's drawers. I got them with purchases of her lotions. They come in handy when I am running out and need something to tide me over until the funds got into my account to cover the lotions. There were 6 of them in the drawer and guess what they came to visit and they were gone.
Mom and dad did so much for them. Isn't it about time they do something for their mother. Or if they can't handle mom the way she is. Don't stop me from giving mom something she has had, the nightly spa treatment, for the entire time she has been there.
That is just low, very low of them. Look it is not a secret that I don't like them. I forgive them for being the way that they are. But I don't have to like them. I have always know what they were like. Even from a child I could see them for what they are. Never a doubt in my mind.
We never got along. I just tolerated them. They are stranger to me. I don't give a crap if they come or not. I prefer if they don't come, but it is there mother so I don't say anything bad about them to mom. I bite my tongue.
Not caring enough about there mom to visit her, Don't take away the one thing she looks forward to each day. The daily spa treatment
I ask for help allot, well not that much. Yet I do ask.
I really don't give a crap about myself, what I get or have. Which is nothing. I started this with nothing and I haven't lost anything yet. I don't care about Christmas.
I only care about my mom being healthy and happy. Her having a good Christmas, Excuse me, a great Christmas... Considering it might just be her last. I do hope not, though.
I just want my mom to be good. To live a long and good life, she has already, 87 years, but she can still ;live longer.
This may be selfish, that is OK if you think it is.
I am asking for y'all to reach down and help me make this the best Christmas ever for mom.
Please do this for my mother.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Well mom is still not eating properly. I can only get her to eat 15 bites of food, This is even difficult. As she just chews and chews the food. And she doesn't swallow it. It takes her a very long time to swallow her food.
Mom drinks well enough. No problem drinking. But the smoothie, she wants to chew. I keep telling her it is a drink, to just drink it and swallow as you do with your other beverages. I give her the smoothie by spoon, It is in a larger container and I need to give it to her this way. I see her excepting the smoothie as food, because I use a spoon to give it to her. Tomorrow I will put some of the smoothie in a bottle and see how that goes. But it is difficult for mom to swallow food.
Just 15 bites full, that is all I am asking her to eat. And mom is only eating half the avocado and papaya, plus maybe 1 or 2 of her chocolates. This is not good, Mom usually eat the whole papaya and avocado. And the box of 3 Lindt chocolates.
Mom, Mary has been very tired when I arrive and this has been going on for about 3 weeks now. I do not know why. And the staff have no answers either. Or they are giving her something and not telling me. This is something I could see my sister's arranging. Give her this, but don't tell are brother. Well they took the picture of her husband, my father away, without explanation. So I can see them doing this.
So mom being tired, when I arrive. I am getting there allot earlier than normal. So I am getting the staff to put her into bed. And I just feed mom in bed, each night. This gets mom comfortable. I do have to prop her up, so she doesn't lean over. I really hate doing this. But if I don't mom will lean way over and her head is down as well. Making it difficult to feed her. I take the towels out from her side as soon as dinner is over.
Then it is her spa treatment. As mentioned, I had funds put aside for a winter jacket and boots. Mom needs her spa treatment each day. This mom has had, each night, for over 4 years.
But thanks to Gail Anderson or Schmuland and Marilyn Hamon, sister's and Karen Bajwa of the Public Guardian and Trustee of BC the funds have been taken away for me to purchase these lotions for her. At Christmas time at that. Scrooge or bullshit or just greedy sister's and a PGT case manager who is completely discriminatory against me.
I know for a fact that my sister's can't wait for mom to pass away. The sooner she passes the more money they will get. This is the way they look at things. They have no respect for their mother. Otherwise they would be there for her. Bring a piece of fruit for her or a drink or even a chocolate bar. What they get mom for gifts, they get out of the dollar store. The cheap ass lotions and soaps, that I have to throw away. They are just crap, period. They are mostly water and don't absorb into the skin.
Have some respect for your mother. I can't leave any of the lotions in mom's drawers, as they steal them. So many times. Last year I had all of these sample bags in one of mom's drawers. I got them with purchases of her lotions. They come in handy when I am running out and need something to tide me over until the funds got into my account to cover the lotions. There were 6 of them in the drawer and guess what they came to visit and they were gone.
Mom and dad did so much for them. Isn't it about time they do something for their mother. Or if they can't handle mom the way she is. Don't stop me from giving mom something she has had, the nightly spa treatment, for the entire time she has been there.
That is just low, very low of them. Look it is not a secret that I don't like them. I forgive them for being the way that they are. But I don't have to like them. I have always know what they were like. Even from a child I could see them for what they are. Never a doubt in my mind.
We never got along. I just tolerated them. They are stranger to me. I don't give a crap if they come or not. I prefer if they don't come, but it is there mother so I don't say anything bad about them to mom. I bite my tongue.
Not caring enough about there mom to visit her, Don't take away the one thing she looks forward to each day. The daily spa treatment
I ask for help allot, well not that much. Yet I do ask.
I really don't give a crap about myself, what I get or have. Which is nothing. I started this with nothing and I haven't lost anything yet. I don't care about Christmas.
I only care about my mom being healthy and happy. Her having a good Christmas, Excuse me, a great Christmas... Considering it might just be her last. I do hope not, though.
I just want my mom to be good. To live a long and good life, she has already, 87 years, but she can still ;live longer.
This may be selfish, that is OK if you think it is.
I am asking for y'all to reach down and help me make this the best Christmas ever for mom.
Please do this for my mother.
GOD bless and good night.
Kris Schmuland
Monday, December 14, 2015
I am not sure of anything anymore.
Hello again
Well mom is still not eating much for dinner.No reports of mom not being able to eat her lunch. But they would not tell me anyways. The day staff just don't care.
It is as if mom was given something. The way she is eating and being so very tired at dinner time, is the same way mom acted when they gave her the Ativan. Listless, not being able to eat allot.
I am trying to get her to eat. I just tell her all she has to eat is 15 bits and swallow them. Then we get on to dessert.
This mom has been doing, but taking about an hour and a half to do this, including dessert. It is a patient process. Sometimes the food just comes out of her mouth. I give her plenty to drink while she is eating. To help her swallow. This helps out. But not completely.
I am going to try to speak with her doctor. Try is the word. I have only spoken with them once in the 4 years mom has been there. Not a very good track record.
I checked tonight is mom's back is all bruised up. This is a sign that her skin is deteriorating. And breaking down. As most people who are on their last legs, there back is all black and blue.
Mom's back and skin are fine. But I need her to eat more than she is. Again it is like someone has been giving her something, or given her something.
They just don't seem to get it. One day mom was fine and the very next day this started to happen.
When it comes to the medication and the staff being truthful to me, it is highly suspect. I just don't trust any of the nurses or day staff.
Well mom's room is as decorated as I can get it to be. I don't have anymore money to decorated anymore. The tree is up, the lights are on. I have pictures on the wall and everything else that has been in the boxes.
If this is going to be mom's last Christmas, I really want to go all out with the decorations for her room. Can anyone please help me to give mom the best Christmas every. I need it to be. If this might be her last.
I have to get her eating habit changed, She is so tired. All she wants is her spa treatment. And thanks to Karen Bajwa, Gail Anderson/Schmuland and Marilyn Hamon. The latter are mom's daughters. I will not be able to give her this nightly treatment after the end of this month, maybe half way through January. I need to picket the PGT. This is the one thing that makes mom's day, each and everyday.
No one see's the smile, contentment, the peace, the relaxation that I see on mom's face and through out her body. It is beautiful and calming to me as well.
And these are the same daughters who took the picture of mom's husband off of the wall and took it home with them. Yet they keep saying they don't take her clothing or anything else. They didn't see mom crying each night. They weren't the one's wiping the tears from her eye's.
I was!
I may call them low and what they did even lower. But don't get me wrong. I don't think myself to be special by any means. I am just a son who is trying to do the right thing by his mother. To take care of her the way she took care of her family, when we were in need.
That is all. Other than that, I am nothing. A nobody. I don't think I am special or a big shot. As they think I act like. No not at all.
I have nothing, I gladly give up boots to prevent my feet getting wet, as they have been lately. But oh well. Mom needs thing more than I do. Or a warm winter jacket. Mom needs things. I will just put more things on. Layer up. And I can handle a wet foot. No big deal.
As long as my mother gets to have her nightly spa treatment I am fine with what I have.
All my entertainment is on this laptop. I have no TV or stereo. I would like a TV and stereo. But mom is first and I am last.
People still can't believe I travel all this time to take care of mom. It does and doesn't bother me. I want to live out there, I need to live out there. Yet I will keep doing what I am doing, no matter what. Time goes by. Yes I have thing I am working on. They are getting done slowly. That is OK as well. Yes I could use all the time that I spend traveling to be there more for mom and to finish off one important thing I am working on.
To be honest here. I don't like Christmas and haven't in a very long time. I love decorating mom's room for her, I love cooking a Christmas dinner for her. I love just being with her Christmas Eve and Christmas day, so mom can enjoy herself. Knowing that she is loved.
But I leave mom's place Christmas Eve and come back to nobody and nothing. And I come back Christmas day to nobody and nothing. No Christmas dinner or presents. I don't even know what a Christmas dinner is like anymore. It has been over 12 years since I had a Christmas dinner. I think even longer. I don't even know what a present is. Again over 12 years since I received a gift for Christmas or my birthday. Which I don't even acknowledge, anymore.
This time of the year is a very lonely time of year for me. I see all the families doing there thing. Parties, well I don't care about parties.,. I am so use to being alone on these days.
I spend 4 hours Christmas Eve with mom and the same Christmas day. But again. I leave and know I will be getting back to nothing. A dark and lonely place. A place I just don't want to be. A place where nothing works right. No friends. Ok I have no time for friendships. Really I don't And I am so use to being alone, I really don't know if I could even handle being with anyone.
But it is a very lonely and depressing time of the year for me. I want to do so much for mom, but I don't have what it takes, financially to do this.
I am broke and my cupboards are bare. I am not even hungry most of the time. As it is tonight. I have nothing, but I want nothing. Part of my depression.
I just don't give a crap about myself, as long as mom has a great Christmas, I don't care what happens to me.
Because of this last bus incident, I am left with 3 cracked ribs and a cracked sternum. I just can't make this stuff up.
I JUST WANT TO LIVE CLOSER TO MOM.Especially now that his is going on with her
Please help me, help mom out, by giving her a great Christmas.
GOD bless and goodnight
Kristopher Schmuland
Well mom is still not eating much for dinner.No reports of mom not being able to eat her lunch. But they would not tell me anyways. The day staff just don't care.
It is as if mom was given something. The way she is eating and being so very tired at dinner time, is the same way mom acted when they gave her the Ativan. Listless, not being able to eat allot.
I am trying to get her to eat. I just tell her all she has to eat is 15 bits and swallow them. Then we get on to dessert.
This mom has been doing, but taking about an hour and a half to do this, including dessert. It is a patient process. Sometimes the food just comes out of her mouth. I give her plenty to drink while she is eating. To help her swallow. This helps out. But not completely.
I am going to try to speak with her doctor. Try is the word. I have only spoken with them once in the 4 years mom has been there. Not a very good track record.
I checked tonight is mom's back is all bruised up. This is a sign that her skin is deteriorating. And breaking down. As most people who are on their last legs, there back is all black and blue.
Mom's back and skin are fine. But I need her to eat more than she is. Again it is like someone has been giving her something, or given her something.
They just don't seem to get it. One day mom was fine and the very next day this started to happen.
When it comes to the medication and the staff being truthful to me, it is highly suspect. I just don't trust any of the nurses or day staff.
Well mom's room is as decorated as I can get it to be. I don't have anymore money to decorated anymore. The tree is up, the lights are on. I have pictures on the wall and everything else that has been in the boxes.
If this is going to be mom's last Christmas, I really want to go all out with the decorations for her room. Can anyone please help me to give mom the best Christmas every. I need it to be. If this might be her last.
I have to get her eating habit changed, She is so tired. All she wants is her spa treatment. And thanks to Karen Bajwa, Gail Anderson/Schmuland and Marilyn Hamon. The latter are mom's daughters. I will not be able to give her this nightly treatment after the end of this month, maybe half way through January. I need to picket the PGT. This is the one thing that makes mom's day, each and everyday.
No one see's the smile, contentment, the peace, the relaxation that I see on mom's face and through out her body. It is beautiful and calming to me as well.
And these are the same daughters who took the picture of mom's husband off of the wall and took it home with them. Yet they keep saying they don't take her clothing or anything else. They didn't see mom crying each night. They weren't the one's wiping the tears from her eye's.
I was!
I may call them low and what they did even lower. But don't get me wrong. I don't think myself to be special by any means. I am just a son who is trying to do the right thing by his mother. To take care of her the way she took care of her family, when we were in need.
That is all. Other than that, I am nothing. A nobody. I don't think I am special or a big shot. As they think I act like. No not at all.
I have nothing, I gladly give up boots to prevent my feet getting wet, as they have been lately. But oh well. Mom needs thing more than I do. Or a warm winter jacket. Mom needs things. I will just put more things on. Layer up. And I can handle a wet foot. No big deal.
As long as my mother gets to have her nightly spa treatment I am fine with what I have.
All my entertainment is on this laptop. I have no TV or stereo. I would like a TV and stereo. But mom is first and I am last.
People still can't believe I travel all this time to take care of mom. It does and doesn't bother me. I want to live out there, I need to live out there. Yet I will keep doing what I am doing, no matter what. Time goes by. Yes I have thing I am working on. They are getting done slowly. That is OK as well. Yes I could use all the time that I spend traveling to be there more for mom and to finish off one important thing I am working on.
To be honest here. I don't like Christmas and haven't in a very long time. I love decorating mom's room for her, I love cooking a Christmas dinner for her. I love just being with her Christmas Eve and Christmas day, so mom can enjoy herself. Knowing that she is loved.
But I leave mom's place Christmas Eve and come back to nobody and nothing. And I come back Christmas day to nobody and nothing. No Christmas dinner or presents. I don't even know what a Christmas dinner is like anymore. It has been over 12 years since I had a Christmas dinner. I think even longer. I don't even know what a present is. Again over 12 years since I received a gift for Christmas or my birthday. Which I don't even acknowledge, anymore.
This time of the year is a very lonely time of year for me. I see all the families doing there thing. Parties, well I don't care about parties.,. I am so use to being alone on these days.
I spend 4 hours Christmas Eve with mom and the same Christmas day. But again. I leave and know I will be getting back to nothing. A dark and lonely place. A place I just don't want to be. A place where nothing works right. No friends. Ok I have no time for friendships. Really I don't And I am so use to being alone, I really don't know if I could even handle being with anyone.
But it is a very lonely and depressing time of the year for me. I want to do so much for mom, but I don't have what it takes, financially to do this.
I am broke and my cupboards are bare. I am not even hungry most of the time. As it is tonight. I have nothing, but I want nothing. Part of my depression.
I just don't give a crap about myself, as long as mom has a great Christmas, I don't care what happens to me.
Because of this last bus incident, I am left with 3 cracked ribs and a cracked sternum. I just can't make this stuff up.
I JUST WANT TO LIVE CLOSER TO MOM.Especially now that his is going on with her
Please help me, help mom out, by giving her a great Christmas.
GOD bless and goodnight
Kristopher Schmuland
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