Much better

Hello again

Loneliness! I understand this very well. I am alone, and most likely will die alone. I have no one in my life. And because I do this for my mother, all my friends went away. Even friends of 27 years. No girlfriend, not in a very long time. I have dated, but they don't seem to get the fact that between this time and that time, I am busy. I will not abandon my mother. So I know what it is to be alone and to be lonely.

I will not do this to my mother. I want her to know that there will be someone there for her, holding her hand until the end. GOD bless it doesn't happen anytime soon.

I do what I do, number one, it is the right thing to do and number two, we all need someone and her husband, my dad, passed away 7 years ago. And I promised I would look after mom. This I am doing and will always do. I am going to make sure mom is not alone.

Because she can't speak as we do, the other residents don't speak with her. I don't shut up when I am their with her. I think sometimes mom just wishes I would stop talking so much.

It is a sad thing to be stuck where she is, I just want to make it more enjoyable for her.

I really need to emphasize that she needs me to be their for her. It brings about a whole different attitude when I am their. Sometimes I wish there was someone whom I could come home to and let them know what I am feeling or to discuss these things with. Just to have someone there to listen to me.

I am alone and I have come to accept this. It is not a bad thing. Sometimes it is, but it is OK! I know what it is I am in-store for. It has been a very long time since I have had someone to talk too.

This is why I go to counselors, to talk about what it is like in my little world.

And I don't need mom to know what is going on or if I am lonely. Not her problem. GOD knows she has enough of her own.

My mother can not be alone. I will not let this happen. No matter what, I make it their every single day. No matter which way I have to go.

It is important that we all have someone who will be their for them. Again, I am OK with being alone.

Mom is first, I am last.

GOD bless and good night.

Kristopher Schmuland.

What a day

Hello again

I went to my doctors today for the steroid injection. That was the easy part. I arrived at mom's and started to feed her dinner.

Well, I started to feel, not so good. I was extremely nauseous. sweating, very hot. Felt like I was going to throw up and other things.

It felt like I went through an entire week of having a very serious flu in 45 minutes. I am not joking. I have never felt this bad in my life. I though I was going to faint. Fall over. I was having a hard time feeding mom. She could see that I was not doing well.

It was intense! After the 45 minutes I was doing better. But wow. I continued to feed mom though I was feeling sick. We finished dinner and her dessert. I got the dishes done and off to her room for her nightly spa treatment.

Because of feeling bad, I wasn't able to read mom as I usually do.  But mom was talking up a storm. I felt so bad not being able to understand even a little bit of what she was saying. Mom was even laughing and smiling at me and the care aid.

I really do try to read mom and understand her. I am usually very good at this.

We got through this. Mom received her nightly medication. And it was time for me to stand and hold her hand. Mom did offer me many hugs and she put her hand on the side of my face. Offered me kisses.

But I am still not 100% and really just need to lie down and watch something and relax.

So I need to go now.

GOD bless and good night

I am looking so intently at finding a place, it is giving me a headache, on top of the massive headache I already have from the accident.

Kristopher Schmuland

Let it rain

Hello again

Today, as they said, it was and is raining. We needed the rain. To keep everything green. Also to help manage all the forest fires.

We have had months of beautiful weather and today, the first real rain we have had, I over heard someone complaining about it.

She walked away and I said to the clerk. It is only water. Here I am in shorts, no socks and a light pull over rain jacket. I was warm and fine. It is a summer shower. Perfect

Have to love that. It is still warm outside.

I arrived!

Mom was exceedingly happy to see me. Big smile. Eye's lit up. Mom new someone was their to care for her, to talk to her, to interact with her.

I brought her a better dinner tonight, which she loved and ate and ate. I also got her some ice cream.

And off we went to wash her hair, it being Wednesday. We have this down to an art form. 10 minutes to wash and style her hair.

Now for reading more of her book. The Life of Pi. WoW! getting exciting for both of us.

We got her into bed and I completed her spa treatment. I have added a neck massage as well. And I exercise her legs as well. Mom is bending them more and more. As I tell mom, it took along time for her legs to become stiff, so time is what it will take for them to bend again.

This is always followed by lotion on her legs and feet.

Really, my mother is healthy. I am trying to make her life better. And I will make it even better once I move their. Still looking. Even posted an add to see if I can find someone to share with. For the time being. I will be writing an add and posting it where ever I can put it up around White Rock Churches, the hospital, laundry mats etc..... etc...... I am sure that this method of seeking a place will pay off better than posting on craigslist and looking on their. Hasn't produced any results in 2 years.

Maybe I am just a looser who is going to stay this way. I really hate, I mean hate, coming back here. I don't hate much and haven't hatted much. But I hate living here. It is not the traveling. Yes it would free up 6 hours each day. But the place and the surroundings.

I see a lawyer tomorrow afternoon, so I need to go and get to bed. First eat something. I haven't eaten anything all day.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Once again

Hello again

Yesterday was the second time in a week that the skytrain went down. Skytrain is our subway. Last Thursday went down at 5 pm and that was that for the day. And yesterday it went down at 2 pm. If I was 1/2 an hour earlier, I would of been caught on a train and stuck for hours.

But not so. Thank GOD. I arrived at a station just after it shut down. So I went a different direction to White Rock. Allot longer way, but I still got their, with time to spare.

Nothing will stop me from being their for mom. I can get my way out their many different ways.

But twice in a week. And during rush hour.

Well anyways, I was tired and missed writing this last night. I mean I missed writing.

Monday mom gets her hair done. I can do a much better job. But hey, that is what I think.

Mom is healthy, she ate allot last night and tonight.

I have had to put her to bed. As well the care aid was not showing up when she was too. So I will not leave mom sitting in the chair for any extra time than necessary.

This is even after I read a dozen pages of our book to her. It is getting very exciting now. We are sitting at the edge of our seats. I can feel mom get excited and she is getting into the book. Again I can feel it. I hold her hand while I am reading to her.

So mom is doing good. I give her the spa treatments. I exercise her legs. I sing to her. This is on top of our good night song. That I sing right before I am leaving.

I am glad I have mom in my life. Doing all that I am doing for her makes me happy. And mom as well

Need to go now. I am not sleeping well. Barely at all.

Went to the doctor and I have problems with my neck and shoulder. He is going to give me a steroid shot on Thursday, to see what this will do, before sending me to a specialist. In my shoulder.

I know it won't work. But I have to do what the doctor tells me for insurance purposes.

See a lawyer Thursday and the doctor is telling me to hire one. We will see about that. It is an interview for me.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

One of those days

Hello again

Today was a day of having to take clothing off as I got closer to White Rock. It was raining and windy when I left Coquitlam. So I needed a soft shell pullover and a rain coat. As I got closer to Vancouver off came the rain coat. Then when I got to Richmond I needed to remove the soft shell pullover. And when I arrived in White Rock. I wanted to take my socks off.

 I usually don't wear socks in the summer. To hot. And because of what it was like where I live. I thought I better. Big mistake. Not tomorrow.

Over all it was a good day for me. Except I was in pain and I it was one of those days where I didn't hear well. I was saying pardon me allot.

When I arrived mom's eye's were really red. She seemed and was very tired. I got their early so we were able to get her drinks done and starting on her dinner early. Which mean't we finished early. Good thing mom was wanting to go to bed. But first I needed to change her sheets. Fresh sheets.

And it takes longer when I have to do this one handed.

Well, I was able to read mom over a half dozen pages tonight. As there was a casual on tonight and she didn't even get to the room until well after 7.

So I put mom to bed, got her spa treatment done and the nurse came in and gave mom her nightly medicine, before the casual person even came to clean mom. She did and mom didn't like this at all. She was almost asleep. OK she was asleep when the nurse came in.

Well it was done. So I hung around until after 8 tonight. I just like to hang around and hold mom's hand until she lets go of it. Makes mom feel good and makes me feel good.

Going now. I want to watch a movie and just relax. I didn't even want to write anything tonight. But needed too.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland