Hello Again
I want to say I am very aware of mom's inevitable end of her existence. Yes.. I see it every day. Mom is in a wheel chair, she barely uses her arms. I am the only one who understands her, barely. She cannot change herself. She needs help to go to the washroom. I have to feed her. Lift her up, Move her.
And you don't how this makes me feel on a daily basis'. I am hurting inside. Today was one of those days where I gave mom a good hug and it all came to me. That all of these things are not the mother I know. Yet this is the case and I will do what is necessary. I have to cherish every single moment I have with her. I can't take anything for granted. Yes people think I have nerves of steal. No I don't I just have to be strong and be their for my mother through thick and thin.
Mom;s husband died in December around the holiday's My father. It is a hard time of the year. Especially when I don't like Christmas as it is.
I am their for mom and will continue to do this. Mom was not suppose to make it through last year and here we are again. I don't know how many years we have left and I think it is worth enjoying all of them. Don't you think. These are the memories that will last forever and still my heart. Keep my soul warm. Because I know I did everything I could for mom. And this is why I am always asking for help. Because I need to do this. If I do one thing good in my life. Let this be it. Let me do all I can for my mother. And help me to accomplish this goal.
I live without and that is OK. Well it's not, I would like some things. Clothing, sound/music. I will move to White Rock for mom. I know I am not going to find a cure for this disease, but at least with my knowledge I can extend her life a few more years and maybe learn something for other's. To help someone else in life.
To maybe give my mother as much happiness as possible.To get her out of these homes that just hurt our loved one's. To get mom out and about to see things mom has missed for all these years being locked up. And restrain, and drugged.
To give mom her life back, or some of it anyways. She deserves this. She was their for me and I will be their for her.
I can't have mom live the rest of her life, locked up and drugged. Could you. We all work hard so we can enjoy our retirement, to the fullest. Don't we. You need to see for your self what I am speaking about. Come with me for a day. I will open your eyes up. And you will be disgusted by what you see.
Ever person that has come with me to visit my mother. Has been disgusted and ashamed of ourselves for letting this happen. And they refuse to come back.
Really I want all of you to come for one day. Today I cried like crazy after I put mom to bed and left the building. It was the big hug I gave her. Knowing that one day, I will not be able to do this. I was hurt, very deeply and painfully.
It is a very painful experience to see this happen to your mother. I do understand other's are just plain weak and can't take this. I see this as an opportunity to enjoy each and every moment of her remaining life. This is not to say that I am not going to cry myself to sleep and cry all the way home from visiting mom . Or crying the entire time I am their visiting her. Or does not mean that I won't just sit there while mom is sleeping, because I just need too.
I have never been anything as painful and beautiful before. My soul is touched, my life is touched. This has completely changed my world. It will change yours too.
GOD Bless and good night
Kris
"You have achieved success if you
have lived well, laughed often
and loved much."
- Author Unknown
