Takening its toll

Hello again

So imagine if you are in a restaurant and the waiter comes up to you while you are eating and grabs at your plate. Well that is what happens at the Al Hogg home. Mom is not even finished eating and the staff are their going are you finished.

Well, mom does not always eat her dinner in the time allotted by them to eat. In other words they only have X amount of time to eat. I really bugs me. Especially now, when I am stressed out and am trying extremely hard to read mom and the distraction is bothering me and mom as well.

It is hard enough to understand mom at this moment in time, but to add additional pressure, makes things crazy. Well it gets me frustrated and angry. Which I don't want to do while visiting with mom.

I am extremely pissed off that no one other than me, does anything for mom. They don't come and take her outside. Or even come more than once a week. That is just my older sister. The younger one doesn't even come at all.

If I had their phone numbers, I would be calling them yelling at them. OK maybe not yelling at them. But explaining to them that this is your mother and she did everything for you, and yet you can't even spend time with her.

I am having a hard time right now, as I am stressed out over not having rent for this month. Being given an eviction notice. Having the PGT make promises and then not to keep them. And even deny they even said that. Even though I have the emails as proof. Go figure, don't you think.

I am freaking out inside, and it is starting to come out in the open. I am stressed and very tired all the time. I am getting irritated very easily. But thank GOD that I catch myself when I am irritated around mom. And calm myself down.

She isn't feeling well and constipated, which was the point of her frustration tonight. She did get angry at me. But again it is because she can't go to the bathroom.

So being as tired as I am and stressed and pissed off as I am. I need to end this blog for tonight. I don't know what to write, except the fact I need help to pay my rent or I am out.

Well I have to do the whole Residential Tenancy Branch thing. Meaning I have to file a complaint against the landlord and that will cause problems. I just want to pay the rent and concentrate on mom.

I now will have to picket the PGT. As I had to cancel my surgery.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

Again

Hello again

Today once again, mom was in her room, alone. Why! can't ask the nurse, anything. Or she will think I am attacking her.

So today I tried for over an hour to get a hold of mom's doctor and no luck. I even left a message with at the receptionist at Al Hogg. But by the response I received over the phone who knows if the message will even be passed on. They didn't even take my number.

So I try again tomorrow.

Now I purchased mom a new night gown and because mom sat in her own filth for who knows how long. The night gown became dirty. I really wonder how long mom sat in this. At least for three hours or more.

I am sick of the abuse.  Moms rights are being taken for granted.

But when I showed mom the night gown, mom said clearly. Oh my GOD. She really liked it. But I need to get more of them. I, while on the phone earlier, asked what happened to moms night gowns that I bought her. They response is always the same. I don't know.

Now today I am very angry and depressed at the same time. I have 4 days left to pay rent and I don't have any money. I really don't know what to do.

I had to use some of the funds dedicated for the cosmetics on a night gown. And asked for replacement funds and for an extra little bit to get more night gowns for mom. No response from the PGT.

And, what the heck.

I am done for today. I am to depressed to continue to write anymore tonight.

And I am really tired.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland.

I have!

Hello again

Today I get to the home and then I find mom in her room, facing the wall. No TV on, no music on. And talking to herself. She grabbed my hand and did not want to let go. She was talking none stop. But because of the stress of becoming homeless, I cannot hear what she is saying. Not just verbally, but I can read her, physically and mentally. Mom speaks with more than verbal dialogue. She speaks with her eyes, hands etc....

So I write about it. And will always write about everything. Now it is uncomfortable for me with that nurse, that threatened me, being their. I feel as if I can't even tell the nurse about mom and her being sick. Bronchitis, which if left un checked could turn into pneumonia.

I keep asking them not to use the pillows off of mom's bed under her feet. I won't put it back on her bed without changing it first, after being under her feet all day long. Well under her feet and legs. But she has shoes or slippers on. And I have to do this daily. So everyday mom gets a fresh and clean pillow case.

Now tonight, mom, as I said, did not want to let go of my hand. She was crying. She was upset because she was left alone and not around anyone. Who wants to be stuck in a corner. This was done, as I don't trust that nurse, at all. I think she should be fired for making threats against me. And I think she might be abusive towards mom. She is just that type of person. I know it and I am usually not wrong about people. I can read people very well. That's what I do and am very good at it. Applied Behavioral Analysis.

I feed mom and tonight she was not that hungry. She didn't even eat all of the prawns I brought her. She only ate one of the kiwi's and barely any of the frozen smoothie.  Very little of her dinner. It is either she was upset or it is because she is sick.

I now have to call and speak with the doctor, as I don't want to speak to the nurse. And if I do, she will think I am attacking her, verbally. See what I mean. How one can be very uncomfortable around this type of individual.

Mom teared up many times this evening and did not want to let go of my hand.

Now

Being a caregiver is very hard at times. Not only do I spend 6 to 8 hours a day, I spend another 2 or more hours a day, arranging her appointments, speaking with her doctors. Advocating for her rights. Calling, writing the PGT for her needs. Writing this blog, about the experiences that we go through. Bathing her, changing her. Shopping for her needs. Her clothing, fruit, drinks etc... And getting the best deal possible. I don't work, as I don't have the time. And, I would never trade anything for the time I get to spend with my mother. I don't regret any of it. Yes it would be nice to have money to get things for myself. Or even pay my rent.

And it was foreign to me, at first, But not anymore. I learn a great deal from mom. Patients, not taking anything for granted.  My emotions are all over the place. And all the while my life is falling apart. Turning to pieces.

And the fact that I have 5 days left to pay my rent or I am homeless. Great don't you think. I am told to call  the guy in White Rock and ask for my rent back. Well I did, and he won't. Simple as that. I have to file a complaint with the Residential Tenancy Branch. To get a hearing, it will take a month or more. I don't have that much time. I only have 5 days. And that is that.

I now have to cancel my surgery. Don't know if I will have a place to live. If I don't have a home. The hospital won't let me leave. I will have to miss a day or two, but I will be right back on the bus and going to see mom. I will be doing this first thing tomorrow morning.

So this was my day. I was able to get funds released to purchase more cosmetics for mom. I need to get mom more fruit. First for her to eat and then to make her another frozen drink. Which they, the PGT won't release.

So now I write, knowing I won't get any help. So I really don't know where to turn to get help with this matter.

I, well,nothing. I am screwed.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

I will continue to pray, as I do everyday and for most of the day. I don't just pray for myself. I pray for mom and other's throughout the day.

I am thinking

Hello again

So yesterday, I asked mom something and she looked at me, as if she did not even know what I was talking about. That blank look on her face.

Yes I don't admit it, but mom has slipped a bit since she has been at this new place. But not all to do with her. But the place itself, restricting mom and her movement, and refusing to toilet her. Keep her wheel chair tilted up all the time. All to make it easier for them. To not have to deal with the patients.

Remember I see and hear everything. Oops. I should not say this. They might think I am spying on them.

Mom is still sick and has bronchitis, I am sure of it. The problem is that mom has had pneumonia before and any lung/chest problems, could be bad for her.

Now tonight mom was very hungry, I brought her a chicken donair. So mom ate the whole donair, cheese, most of her dinner, that the hospital served, and a papaya. Oh yea some of her frozen fruit slushy/drink.

And then wanted to go to bed. As she became very tired after eating that much. It is like, they don't feed her. Or she isn't eating much of her lunch. Not as they say to me, that she eats everything.

My sister was their today, I could tell, by the mess she left in mom's room. She also left the TV on. I play music for mom all the time. I place my phone on her chest, so mom can not only her it, but feel the music as well.

But after the spa treatment, we had to wait for the staff to come in a change her. Well we waited and mom became agitated. And was trying to swing at me. I know she is sick and expect her to take a swing at me. But I have marks on my arm where mom got her nails into my arm. Not the first time, and won't be the last time.

And I did say to the staff member that mom was upset having to wait for so long and she might act out. Which she did. I know my mother and her moods.

After she finished changing mom I knew mom just wanted to sleep. So I told her no more fussing tonight. I won't put the lotion on her arms and hands. This I usually have to do before she gets changed. Otherwise mom gets upset when she is ready to sleep and I fuss with her. So I didn't.

Now you have to understand that the only thing that the staff member has to do is change her depends and clean her up. I do the rest and this is the way mom wants it. I am happy with this arrangement. I put her night gown on and get her into bed. Yes I use the lift to put her into bed. Even though other family members put there loved one to bed with out being hassled.

I am a male and it is sexual harassment. I get threatened with not being able to see mom. I can't even say what I feel and to stand up for mom's rights.  Interesting don't you think. The way they conduct business. No family member involvement. When it comes to saying what you want or don't want your loved one to take or do. Or what you want for them.

They have family involvement when you comply with everything they say. And don't disagree with them. They simply say to you, let the professionals handle it. One could be a doctor and it would not matter. One could be around this disease for as long as some of them have been around it.

Or has seen so many abuses it is not funny. But none of this is taken into consideration. They are right, and everyone else is wrong.

Now I have an eviction notice and no one even cares if I become homeless.

BAD KARMA!

If one has the capacity to help someone, they have a moral obligation to do so. To be kind to the less fortunate.

Yes I am on a pity kick again. And I am less fortunate. I am bordering on being homeless and it is stressing me out. Which is effecting me when it comes to mom. I am not hearing her. I got a little agitated tonight. I kept trying to get her to sit up straight. As she was leaning over to much and this gets food and drinks all over her. And me.

To bad for me, as I should not be even concerned about mom leaning over to much. To be closer to me. Wanting to be hugged and loved. This is all she wanted. I never pushed her a way. I did try to sit her up straight a few times. She does know what is happening.

After dinner she was motioning for me to clean up the table. I like when she does this. Shows she is still cognisant.

Getting late again and I want to relax and try to get up early.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

Still sick

Hello again

So I got home late last night and had some things to do, before I went to bed. Well I didn't even fall asleep until after 3:00 am and I had set my alarm for 8:30am. I slept through my alarm and ended up walking up at 11:30

I was to get to the hospital to take mom to the county fair. Remember, it takes me three hours to get to White Rock. And an hour and a half to get ready to get to the bus loop and then three hours or so to get to White Rock. And on top of this I had to go to look at a place out their. Well I was not able to get to the hospital in time to take mom down to the fair. And I knew before I even got out their that the place was a big no.

Dark, gloomy, could not even get mom in to the bathroom. The bedroom had a very small window. And it was a long ways away from the downtown core. But I knew this even before I arrived in White Rock. Just a feeling. Trying to trust this feeling, usually right.

When I left the place I had to wait for half an hour for a bus. Not good.

When I got to the home, where mom is, one of the staff asked me why I didn't come and take mom to the fair.

I almost yelled at them, and told them why don't they call on of my sisters, who drive, and tell them to get off their ass and come and do things for mom. I travel by bus and it takes me up to three hours to get their.

But I didn't say anything. And again, if the PGT didn't take the van away from me, and give it to my sister, to do things for mom. Which, today would of been one of those days, to do something for mom. I would of been able to and be able to get out to White Rock quicker and take mom out all the time. As she should be taken out.

But no. The PGT doesn't see the travesty behind their decision. And my sisters, who cares if they aren't comfortable around mom, can get off their ass and come and do things for mom. Again they both drive. And have homes thanks to mom and dad.  Who paid for most things for them, over the years. Not so much for me. Yes pity me. Not.

I didn't want them to buy me a home. I saw the money my sisters took from them. And said no thanks.

So mom was still feeling sick today, and really wanted to go to bed right away. But I needed to get her to eat first. I did bring her another fresh frozen fruit drink. Which she loved and ate a large amount of it, tonight.

She did eat some of her meal and cheese. But she was getting angry, and did swing at me. but I am use to it and can, most of the time, duck her swings.

With the stress of maybe becoming homeless, I am not able to relax and free myself of the stress when I get their. This way I can concentrate on hearing mom. Not just verbally. I can pick up on what she wants. And this stress is doing damage to me, and it is making me angry. Which I try to leave everything at the door, when I get their.

And it is not fair to mom, that I am having a hard time leaving everything at the door. And cannot calm myself down enough to hear mom.

But I don't react to anything that happens. But I see mom slipping a bit more. Or it could simply be the cold effecting her. We will have to wait a few days, until the cold is gone.

This is very hard on me, but how every hard it is on me, it is worse for mom. In a wheel chair now, all time..

The staff not doing what is right, for their own benefit. To make it easy for them. As in letting mom move around on her own. Taking her to the bathroom. Her civil liberties are being violated. And they just don't give a crap about any of this. They constantly make threats against me. As in they will stop me from seeing my mother.

This is the kind of abuse my mother and I have to put up with. They say they listen to what the family says's. Not true.

I have repeatedly asked them to stop giving her Tylenol. They keep doing this. I say give her something for her tooth ache and they say they will give her some T3's. Again, you see they don't even listen to anything anyone says. They just like the sound of their own voice I guess.

Time to file a complaint.

Now the PGT better be careful, or I will be contacting the reporter and setting up a picket line across the street from their office. And handing out the flyer.

Mom needs me their, I mean living out their. But she also needs me to not be homeless. It is not good for mom if I am constantly stressing out about where I will sleep that night.

I have no clue what to do. And I don't have anyone to talk to about this.

Things are hard for me, but not hard enough that I will ever let mom down. This disease is not something that has very few moments of pain. But many.

To see your loved one go down hill, and loose the ability to do things, use different body parts. The ability to even speak. Or the use of my mother's left arm, her legs. And being told that your mother is none weight baring. But last December/January, I had mom walking. And she was using the washroom.

It is this place that is making mom worse now. And if it continues, mom will be worse off, then she is now, within 6 months. I see it and feel it. I see how things are.

Not enough staff, but they charge allot for them to stay their. Horrible food, not healthy at all.

Mom being titled back all the time. This keeps them from having to deal with her. As she sleeps this way. Today they had her in a sweater, it what dam hot out today. And their was no need for mom to be wearing a sweater. This will keep her sick longer.

I can't even tell them anything. Because the social worker is crazy and just yells at me and make threats.

So it is now 1 pm and it is time to get to bed, and maybe watch a little something.

I don't know. I just need to get their early tomorrow. I need to get mom outside. Even if it just for a while. I might try to take her down to see my aunt. Five blocks away.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland