Hello again
I can say this. I can no longer bend my neck to read anything. I get an instant headache. I can't hold my arms up to read with my head straight on. I get an instant headache and my back and shoulders kills me.
GREAT! isn't it. On top of not having a bus pass. I was able to get the funds for the phone. So that is working again.
I now have 20 resumes out there, as of today. I need a bus pass and phone to get a job. Now one thing is behind me, I can get working or...................
I did get to see the advocate today. Good news there.
Well not all bad, but I am in serious pain. Besides everything else that is wrong with me. I have not heard anything back yet about my cancer testing from this week. No news is good news they tell me. Whoever they are.
I am still not sleeping, Just getting by on a few hours of sleep each night. I don't want to take anything to help me sleep, if I do, I won't be able to get up in the morning to get anything done. So I am just walking around in a daze........ It is not that bad, as people are smiling at me I think.
So here I am. I need to get the funds together for a bus pass, because at a certain point, they just don't offer the monthly pass anymore. Then it becomes very expensive.
So I walk alone again. No friends anymore. I had nothing to do with this. OK, maybe because I am broke and have nothing at Christmas time.So everyone thinks I am a downer.. Depressing etc......
I feel for them.. But to bad they feel this way.
The worse part is I am completely alone now. Before I was taking care of mo and always had someone to speak with. Now no one at all.
This is a bad time of the year to become completely alone
And it hurts that I have no one. It may sound selfish, but this year I would like a Christmas present. I have not had a Christmas present in over 15 years. A book, would be nice. None fiction about GOD. It didn't matter before because I had mom to take care of and just making her smile at Christmas time, decorating her room and making mom a Christmas dinner was good enough for me. Actually, that is all I ever needed. Just to make mom's Christmas and everyday the best it could be.
Now mom has passed away and I am truly alone. Truly alone.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
Please help out
Saturday, December 3, 2016
Thursday, December 1, 2016
This is the first time, that I can remember that..............
Hello again
I am going to suffer through this tonight. Yes it hurts allot to type, but I need to do this. The pain from this accident is not getting better. I can't even read my phone or anything with my head down. I need to hold things directly in-front of me. Otherwise my neck gets really sore and I get a huge headache. This is not fun. My back, the lower and upper back, hurt like crazy now. And I sit up straight when sitting. I have my shoulders back. I try not to slouch.
Oh yes I went for my testing for cancer today. Not sure what the name is,forgot and keep forgetting. They take a scope and put it............ up............ I am sure you get it. I will let you know.
Now today at midnight, my time, my phone will no longer work( I am month to month) ( Great plan, but month to month.) Runs out at Midnight my time. November 30. On top of this, my bus pass is done for the month. I need to reload my Compass Card. No funds for this either. This is the first time that I can remember that I have not had a phone, not be able to pay for my phone. To not have a bus pass or be able to load my Compass Card The phone bill is not that much $67.00 and to reload the compass card is only $124.00 As you can see it is not much, but when you have nothing, I mean nothing, this is allot of money.
The first time that I can remember. I would not have to deal with the pass issue if my, so called friends, would of kept their promise I never asked for their help, they offered me, then changed their minds.I am trying to sell what little I have left to pay for these two expenses. And I have nothing.
All I need is the phone and pass and I am good. All good. Because I feel I am getting close. I have so many resumes out there now. This week alone it has been over a dozen 12, resumes that I have sent out.. Went for an interview today, but I wasn't offered the job on the spot. So that means they will call me if they want me. But not having a phone, makes that impossible for them to contact me.
This is not news to me, I knew the problems a month ago and all I have been doing is look for work, to on interviews, call the companies which I sent resumes too. Etc.................. And yet nothing. I just want to work. is that so much to ask for.........
Yet I have some, OK many serious problems. Health wise. And none of my problems will go away. I have them for life and they will just become worse as I get older. Parkinson's, Fybromialgia,, chronic fatigue syndrome plus all the other physical issues I have because of the many car accidents which I have been involved in. None my fault. And now, the possibility of cancer Pancreatic cancer( now I remember.)
Now the last thing for tonight. Christmas is upon us. 24 days left and I am completely alone. Not a soul to be around. No bus pass to get around, No phone to at least reach out to find help. I have usually completely set mom's room up by now and we are settling in to celebrate Christmas our own way. And this is a huge problem for me now.... It is really starting to get to me, not having mom around anymore. My first Christmas without her. Mom made Christmas for me. Mom was the one who made me get up and get out there to look for things to decorate her room with. To complete the look for her. To get new Christmas music together. To start to sing Christmas songs with her. But no more and this makes me excessively sad and depressed.
Especially since I have nothing, no one around me, to speak with, to just be with. Have a coffee or tea have someone over for a movie or a bite to eat and just sit and keep each other company. I can't even get somewhere to even be with people. To go to a seniors home or shelter or outreach centre to assist with whatever they have going on for Christmas. Since I am not working and have the time.
So you say to bad to sad for you. This is the way I feel that everyone thinks of me. To bad and to sad for you and your life. I have problems of my own. Yes I am sorry to hear that.......
Most have family to celebrate, to spend time with. Or they have friends. I have none. No friends or family ... I am truly alone and this hurts me as well. Even the pastor was no help, yesterday. He brushed me off. I was not impressed with that. But I do understand where he was coming from. I just walked in off the street and he thought I was asking for the church to pay all of my expenses. Again not so.
I need some spiritual help. Really need some spiritual help. I am suffering. I know, I know.Yet here I am. Alone and with no one and nothing. Can't even get out there and help. To get myself out of myself.
Again I ask for any help. Tell someone please. If I killed myself, no one would even notice I was gone. They couldn't get ahold of me or contact me. Wait there is no one to do this anyways.
So I go now. I am in real pain now. Shoulders, back,neck arms and legs
https;www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https:www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
I am going to suffer through this tonight. Yes it hurts allot to type, but I need to do this. The pain from this accident is not getting better. I can't even read my phone or anything with my head down. I need to hold things directly in-front of me. Otherwise my neck gets really sore and I get a huge headache. This is not fun. My back, the lower and upper back, hurt like crazy now. And I sit up straight when sitting. I have my shoulders back. I try not to slouch.
Oh yes I went for my testing for cancer today. Not sure what the name is,forgot and keep forgetting. They take a scope and put it............ up............ I am sure you get it. I will let you know.
Now today at midnight, my time, my phone will no longer work( I am month to month) ( Great plan, but month to month.) Runs out at Midnight my time. November 30. On top of this, my bus pass is done for the month. I need to reload my Compass Card. No funds for this either. This is the first time that I can remember that I have not had a phone, not be able to pay for my phone. To not have a bus pass or be able to load my Compass Card The phone bill is not that much $67.00 and to reload the compass card is only $124.00 As you can see it is not much, but when you have nothing, I mean nothing, this is allot of money.
The first time that I can remember. I would not have to deal with the pass issue if my, so called friends, would of kept their promise I never asked for their help, they offered me, then changed their minds.I am trying to sell what little I have left to pay for these two expenses. And I have nothing.
All I need is the phone and pass and I am good. All good. Because I feel I am getting close. I have so many resumes out there now. This week alone it has been over a dozen 12, resumes that I have sent out.. Went for an interview today, but I wasn't offered the job on the spot. So that means they will call me if they want me. But not having a phone, makes that impossible for them to contact me.
This is not news to me, I knew the problems a month ago and all I have been doing is look for work, to on interviews, call the companies which I sent resumes too. Etc.................. And yet nothing. I just want to work. is that so much to ask for.........
Yet I have some, OK many serious problems. Health wise. And none of my problems will go away. I have them for life and they will just become worse as I get older. Parkinson's, Fybromialgia,, chronic fatigue syndrome plus all the other physical issues I have because of the many car accidents which I have been involved in. None my fault. And now, the possibility of cancer Pancreatic cancer( now I remember.)
Now the last thing for tonight. Christmas is upon us. 24 days left and I am completely alone. Not a soul to be around. No bus pass to get around, No phone to at least reach out to find help. I have usually completely set mom's room up by now and we are settling in to celebrate Christmas our own way. And this is a huge problem for me now.... It is really starting to get to me, not having mom around anymore. My first Christmas without her. Mom made Christmas for me. Mom was the one who made me get up and get out there to look for things to decorate her room with. To complete the look for her. To get new Christmas music together. To start to sing Christmas songs with her. But no more and this makes me excessively sad and depressed.
Especially since I have nothing, no one around me, to speak with, to just be with. Have a coffee or tea have someone over for a movie or a bite to eat and just sit and keep each other company. I can't even get somewhere to even be with people. To go to a seniors home or shelter or outreach centre to assist with whatever they have going on for Christmas. Since I am not working and have the time.
So you say to bad to sad for you. This is the way I feel that everyone thinks of me. To bad and to sad for you and your life. I have problems of my own. Yes I am sorry to hear that.......
Most have family to celebrate, to spend time with. Or they have friends. I have none. No friends or family ... I am truly alone and this hurts me as well. Even the pastor was no help, yesterday. He brushed me off. I was not impressed with that. But I do understand where he was coming from. I just walked in off the street and he thought I was asking for the church to pay all of my expenses. Again not so.
I need some spiritual help. Really need some spiritual help. I am suffering. I know, I know.Yet here I am. Alone and with no one and nothing. Can't even get out there and help. To get myself out of myself.
Again I ask for any help. Tell someone please. If I killed myself, no one would even notice I was gone. They couldn't get ahold of me or contact me. Wait there is no one to do this anyways.
So I go now. I am in real pain now. Shoulders, back,neck arms and legs
https;www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
https:www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Getting ready
Hello again
Well saw the doctor and checked me out. He told me not to do much and take it easy. Well I am trying.
But I am upset that as of tomorrow night my bus pass is no longer any good and my phone will no longer work.
OK I have things for sale and just wish they would sell so I can get these things listed above.
I have so many things to do, so I am not sleeping well at all. I am afraid that if I do sleep I won't wake up for a while. I am very tired and probably should not be writing this. It hurts just to do this. It is a record or what is happening, pain wise.
After being checked out by the doctor I had such a bad head ache. I know I can't do allot of things right now. Let us hope it doesn't last to long.
Just trying to get by............
Went to speak with a pastor today,He told me the church couldn't help me out.. I then responded by saying to him, that I wasn't there for help I told him. Not financial help. But to try and figure out what the heck is going on. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Or why I am doubting my faith. What is going, what am I doing wrong.
Yes I still need help,financially and ask you to donate to my cause.
I am embarrassed about my missing teeth. They still hurt and are infected. Nothing is going to change until I can afford to get the dentures. So still cannot eat properly.
Now I have to stop as I am in extreme pain. My shoulders hurt and my back and neck.
Tomorrow I go in for testing to see if I have cancer.Been doing the whole preparation for the testing, for the last several days. Will find out within a week if that is the case. This is another thing that is really worrying me now.Just adding to the list of everything else that I have been diagnosed with.
Oh well, I guess.
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Well saw the doctor and checked me out. He told me not to do much and take it easy. Well I am trying.
But I am upset that as of tomorrow night my bus pass is no longer any good and my phone will no longer work.
OK I have things for sale and just wish they would sell so I can get these things listed above.
I have so many things to do, so I am not sleeping well at all. I am afraid that if I do sleep I won't wake up for a while. I am very tired and probably should not be writing this. It hurts just to do this. It is a record or what is happening, pain wise.
After being checked out by the doctor I had such a bad head ache. I know I can't do allot of things right now. Let us hope it doesn't last to long.
Just trying to get by............
Went to speak with a pastor today,He told me the church couldn't help me out.. I then responded by saying to him, that I wasn't there for help I told him. Not financial help. But to try and figure out what the heck is going on. Nothing seems to be going right in my life. Or why I am doubting my faith. What is going, what am I doing wrong.
Yes I still need help,financially and ask you to donate to my cause.
I am embarrassed about my missing teeth. They still hurt and are infected. Nothing is going to change until I can afford to get the dentures. So still cannot eat properly.
Now I have to stop as I am in extreme pain. My shoulders hurt and my back and neck.
Tomorrow I go in for testing to see if I have cancer.Been doing the whole preparation for the testing, for the last several days. Will find out within a week if that is the case. This is another thing that is really worrying me now.Just adding to the list of everything else that I have been diagnosed with.
Oh well, I guess.
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Monday, November 28, 2016
Just getting worse part 2
Hello again
Though it was a good day, still things are just getting worse. At the end of this month I will no longer have a phone. I am on a month to month basis. Don't pay no phone I don't have $70. Then my bus pass runs out at the end of the month as well. I don't have $124 that I need. Someone did say they would help me. but when I called them today, they have changed their minds. They said it in front of me the other day, while making a big speech about maybe GOD is testing the people around you to see if anyone will step up.
I have another two interviews this week. Got the calls today. While on my way to see if the advocate was in. I have called and left messages. I got there and found out that she has not been in, no wonder she hasn't called me back, so when she does call back I need to go to see my advocate. I need a bus pass to do all of these things. I can't walk there. When I go to the interviews, I need a phone if they call and offer me the job.
And I am short on rent. I have most of it. Waiting for something. But that is going to take 10 days to happen. I have put everything I have up for sale on Craigslist at a cheap price, but not a single call, test or email.
Then I find out I am suppose to be covered for dentures, but not exactly. They will only cover a certain amount. They say it is 100% but in fact I would have to still pay $1600 they would cover the rest. Not the 100% they tell me and the denturest.
I am having a difficult time typing,it is hurting my arms, neck and back. Plus my legs hurt and it is difficult walking. My legs are shaking and in pain.
Yes I will get some funds for this accident, but not for 6 months or so. Depending on how cheap I wish to settle for. Have some other money coming in March. But these funds are not here now., When I need them.
I had it all figured out. Before I even moved in here. A job, which I got and everything would be OK. NOT Lost that one and two others that I was offered.
I did send off 6 more resumes today. And will do the same tomorrow.
I need to see my doctor tomorrow as well.
I am very tired. Didn`t sleep last night as I needed to be up for 7 am to call the advocate. I won`t get much sleep tonight either because of everything that went on today and I also have to speak with a pastor tomorrow morning....
So the person that offered to help me with the bus pass, said to me today, while telling me they changed their minds, that I see everything working out for you now. I didn`t even try to tell him what was going on. OK I did a little, he didn`t even listen or chose not to hear me. Which is actually what happened.
Now I am at rock bottom and I am not able to deal with any of this anymore.
I can`t type anymore it hurts to much. And my teeth are not getting any better, in fact they are getting worse. I have to stay this way until I can come up with $1600. In pain. And I can deal with pain, but not dental pain. So I don`t eat much. That is OK, no money for groceries either
Please help me with the dental problems. I need help with the bus pass and phone as well. but my teeth are causing me to loose jobs. I am not physically able to work construction or a warehouse, I need to work doing something lighter.
Please help.
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Though it was a good day, still things are just getting worse. At the end of this month I will no longer have a phone. I am on a month to month basis. Don't pay no phone I don't have $70. Then my bus pass runs out at the end of the month as well. I don't have $124 that I need. Someone did say they would help me. but when I called them today, they have changed their minds. They said it in front of me the other day, while making a big speech about maybe GOD is testing the people around you to see if anyone will step up.
I have another two interviews this week. Got the calls today. While on my way to see if the advocate was in. I have called and left messages. I got there and found out that she has not been in, no wonder she hasn't called me back, so when she does call back I need to go to see my advocate. I need a bus pass to do all of these things. I can't walk there. When I go to the interviews, I need a phone if they call and offer me the job.
And I am short on rent. I have most of it. Waiting for something. But that is going to take 10 days to happen. I have put everything I have up for sale on Craigslist at a cheap price, but not a single call, test or email.
Then I find out I am suppose to be covered for dentures, but not exactly. They will only cover a certain amount. They say it is 100% but in fact I would have to still pay $1600 they would cover the rest. Not the 100% they tell me and the denturest.
I am having a difficult time typing,it is hurting my arms, neck and back. Plus my legs hurt and it is difficult walking. My legs are shaking and in pain.
Yes I will get some funds for this accident, but not for 6 months or so. Depending on how cheap I wish to settle for. Have some other money coming in March. But these funds are not here now., When I need them.
I had it all figured out. Before I even moved in here. A job, which I got and everything would be OK. NOT Lost that one and two others that I was offered.
I did send off 6 more resumes today. And will do the same tomorrow.
I need to see my doctor tomorrow as well.
I am very tired. Didn`t sleep last night as I needed to be up for 7 am to call the advocate. I won`t get much sleep tonight either because of everything that went on today and I also have to speak with a pastor tomorrow morning....
So the person that offered to help me with the bus pass, said to me today, while telling me they changed their minds, that I see everything working out for you now. I didn`t even try to tell him what was going on. OK I did a little, he didn`t even listen or chose not to hear me. Which is actually what happened.
Now I am at rock bottom and I am not able to deal with any of this anymore.
I can`t type anymore it hurts to much. And my teeth are not getting any better, in fact they are getting worse. I have to stay this way until I can come up with $1600. In pain. And I can deal with pain, but not dental pain. So I don`t eat much. That is OK, no money for groceries either
Please help me with the dental problems. I need help with the bus pass and phone as well. but my teeth are causing me to loose jobs. I am not physically able to work construction or a warehouse, I need to work doing something lighter.
Please help.
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Sunday, November 27, 2016
I feel it even more......
Hello again
Well as the days go by, the pain and stiffness are getting worse. It is becoming more and more difficult to move my neck. Walking is hard as my lower legs feel the pain. They become numb after a while. So I can only walk so far, not as far as I could before, and that wasn't that far at all, before having to take a break.
This is the first time, maybe the second time I have written since the bus accident. And my shoulders and back are already hurting me. I just started to type this out. I wish I still had my back brace. I need it to sit up properly.
So anyways, since I don't sleep much anymore. With the pain of my teeth, which by the way, has come back again. And the pain of this accident, I decided to go to church today. The first time I have gone to church in many years. I rather enjoyed the service. Very pleasant. I needed the sermon today. It was spot on.......I just wish I could get my sleep pattern back together. Sleeping at night. Not staying awake all night long and getting hardly any sleep during the week.
The one thing that I didn't like about the service today, was that it is the start of Advant. And I am not liking Christmas this year at all. I am alone and lonely. I have no one to even speak with. One set of friends, a couple. So they are just getting by themselves. And have their own set of problems. They don't want to hear about my problems.
I would already have most of the Christmas decorations up at mom's, by now. Now they sit in boxes. I don't even want to set up any decorations. Not the same anymore. Why would I do this. I am struggling and I am not making it in this life. I thought I had most things going right,but that lasted as long as a pony ride. Which, being my size, doesn't last. Doesn't even get started.
Yes others are struggling as well, yet I feel that I am all alone. OK I am alone. Doesn't sit well, especially when, once church was finished, I had nothing to do, no where to go. Except if I wanted to just ride the bus. This I did. To know where and back.
I really miss mom, I miss decorating for her and seeing the smile on her face.
I ask again for your assistance. With prayer, emotionally, financially
I need to get my teeth fixed as soon as possible and mom's anniversary is coming up soon. A memorial service is in order
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
GOD bless you and good night
Kris Schmuland
Well as the days go by, the pain and stiffness are getting worse. It is becoming more and more difficult to move my neck. Walking is hard as my lower legs feel the pain. They become numb after a while. So I can only walk so far, not as far as I could before, and that wasn't that far at all, before having to take a break.
This is the first time, maybe the second time I have written since the bus accident. And my shoulders and back are already hurting me. I just started to type this out. I wish I still had my back brace. I need it to sit up properly.
So anyways, since I don't sleep much anymore. With the pain of my teeth, which by the way, has come back again. And the pain of this accident, I decided to go to church today. The first time I have gone to church in many years. I rather enjoyed the service. Very pleasant. I needed the sermon today. It was spot on.......I just wish I could get my sleep pattern back together. Sleeping at night. Not staying awake all night long and getting hardly any sleep during the week.
The one thing that I didn't like about the service today, was that it is the start of Advant. And I am not liking Christmas this year at all. I am alone and lonely. I have no one to even speak with. One set of friends, a couple. So they are just getting by themselves. And have their own set of problems. They don't want to hear about my problems.
I would already have most of the Christmas decorations up at mom's, by now. Now they sit in boxes. I don't even want to set up any decorations. Not the same anymore. Why would I do this. I am struggling and I am not making it in this life. I thought I had most things going right,but that lasted as long as a pony ride. Which, being my size, doesn't last. Doesn't even get started.
Yes others are struggling as well, yet I feel that I am all alone. OK I am alone. Doesn't sit well, especially when, once church was finished, I had nothing to do, no where to go. Except if I wanted to just ride the bus. This I did. To know where and back.
I really miss mom, I miss decorating for her and seeing the smile on her face.
I ask again for your assistance. With prayer, emotionally, financially
I need to get my teeth fixed as soon as possible and mom's anniversary is coming up soon. A memorial service is in order
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
GOD bless you and good night
Kris Schmuland
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