It is the same as before

Hello again

So I spoke with the manager and guess what. It was the same response as with the last manager. We don't have any rooms available or we don't know what to do. I will have to check it out and get back to you.

This is exactly what the last manager said to me each and every time I complained about the roommate. So I am glad I phoned the Complaint department again today.

As mom was extremely tired when I arrived today. I go their early so I could was her hair. And then when I fed her dinner, her eyes remained closed. But I am glad that mom trusts me enough to allow me to feed her.

She did eat, but was almost asleep when I got her ready for bed. Then before I could finish her spa treatment, that was it. She just wanted me to stop and hold her hand while she fell asleep. This was OK with me. I didn't get to finish, but tomorrow is another day.

Still mom is constipated and I am trying to do what I can. Again since they keep giving her Tylenol all the time, it is going to be hard. I am feeding her foods with fiber, the smoothie is good for this. I just have to get mom to drink the tea ( poop tea) as I refer to it. It is a little on the strong side ( spices ). Have to put allot of lemon in it, sugar and milk. But she will drink a little of it, she needs to drink the whole cup. Not 1/4 of it.

So after the spa treatment, I stood their and held mom's hand. It is funny though, when she gets really relaxed her hand, that I am holding relaxes as well. But when I go to remove my hand, she closes her hand so I don't let go.

What I need is a hot water bottle as well, to place on her stomach. This will help relax the bowels. I love it when she smiles at me. Everyone see's this when I arrive. They know mom is now in the presence of someone who is truly their to care for her.

And my little rant. I am now seeing homes with their Christmas trees up. And I have nothing and no one. It would be nice to have something.

To find a place and furnish it. Including a TV.

I need to go, tired and still not hungry. I don't know how long I can go being not hungry. OK I do know.

GOD bless and good night

I have chosen a life of servitude, looking after my mother

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

Depressed and growing

Hello again

Yes that is right, my depression is growing with each day we draw closer to Christmas. Everyday, I walk through the mall, to get to the bus stop and more and more decorations are up. The entire Christmas village is now up and awaiting Santa. Come On, It is not even the middle of November.

Homes are already putting up their lights. Come on.

I get back to writing about this after I write about mom.

So mom was overly tired tonight, and I found out that the roommate was awake at 3 in the morning thinking it was breakfast time and calling for the nurse. Now is this anyway mom can get the proper rest she needs and deserves. I think not!

We all need proper rest, and most of us need to sleep in the dark,without noise. Not like this. And because of this, mom was, what I call sleep eating. It is when she is so tired that she can barely keep her eyes open, but trust me enough that she knows I am feeding her. But she, when in this condition, just overly chews her food. What I brought her tonight, mom loves and could not chew it properly. A shame, this is something she looks forward to when I tell her I am bringing it for her the next night.

So she ate the dinner they served, which is mostly pureed food. Easy to chew and swallow for her. Mom is still having constipation problems. I just have to keep getting her to drink the tea. The poop tea as I put it. And mom laughs at this .

I like the fact that mom has sarcasm in her. It makes me laugh and know mom is still alive inside. Her mind is still very active.

I asked the LPN about how much Tylenol mom is getting each day, and she is getting six of them a day. No wonder mom is plugged up. 1 Tylenol is 1 to many according to me and what I believe. She just said to me that if I want this to be changed I will have to speak with mom`s doctor.

Yes, I spoke with the manager, briefly, tonight, and asked what a good time to speak with her, is. And now know.  So I will go early tomorrow/today and speak with her about the roommate. I also will be calling the patient quality care office, as they have not phoned me back since I first called weeks ago now.

But I got mom ready for bed. Tonight I wanted to wash her hair but she did not even want this to happen. Usually, mom is running her hand over my hair letting me know that she wants her hair washed. But not tonight.

Three days in a row that mom has been overly tired.

So these are all the things that make me depressed that I am not living in White Rock. I get worried about mom. I need to be closer. I have found 3 places that are $650 - 700 a month. Very close to mom's. But they are just a little more than I can afford.

It is this time of the year my dad passed away. And it is this time of the year I really get freaked out about mom. I am worried all the time, every single day.

This makes me even more depressed. 3 places. I can go without food and things. I can manage this. But I just need a place. And here they are. Of course bills are extra. I don't need cable. But heat and lights I do need. As well as the Internet. I need to keep writing and publishing this blog. And this is the only entertainment I have. I get all of what I watch on line.

This is making me even more depressed.

My hearing is getting worse. I have chronic pain. All day, everyday. I have no way of getting mom anything for Christmas. And for me, that is a joke. There will be just coal in my stocking. Oh yea, not even this. I have so much to do and it seems overwhelming to me. I have to write all the phone calls I need to make, down, so I can at least be somewhat organized. If that is possible.

I am not even hungry lately, so I just go to bed. Watch a few things and fall sleep with the computer repeating what I was watching. Only to be awaken at 4 in the morning and then having a hard time falling back to sleep

I just only want to be living in White Rock. As mentioned I can go without furniture. Again, I have a bedroom suite, I need pots and pans and dishes, plus cutlery. Oh yea I do have one set of cutlery. I mean I have 1 fork,2 knives and 2 spoons. Good enough for now. I can get a plate and a bowl. So I guess I just need pots and pans. Oh yea, if I have no groceries I guess I don't need pots and pans. Right I need them to cook for mom.

But I am sure I can get everything from Craigslist.

I am going now. As I said I am not hungry again. I guess it is good that I have not groceries.

Pray for me, Help me please

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

The beginning of the season of dread

Hello again

Yes this is the way I think about the holiday season. And no I always don't think of it this way. The only family I have is my mother. And I am extremely glad for this. I spend all of the holidays with mom at her place. Then I leave and am alone.

I don't know what it is like to have a proper holiday as you do. Before I get to mom's and after I am extremely depressed. It is starting already. I am getting irritated that I can't be living in White Rock. That I have absolutely nothing. Including no friends anymore. They stopped calling because, once again, they don't believe I should be just looking after my mother.

They don't get it.


Yes I will decorate mom's room, making it look great for her. Not this place, though. Why! I don't even want to be here at all. I dread coming home at night. There is mold. The bathroom ceiling is starting to leak again. As it did before these new owners bought it. And they just put new dry wall up and covered it up. And now it is leaking again. I can't even have groceries in the fridge anymore. So I don't really eat much. I get up early and go to the store to get something to make for mom, for dinner.

I have to live in my room. Which is full of boxes and not very comfortable. When  I say I have nothing, I mean I have nothing. One pair of jeans, that fit, a few shirts. Not even a winter jacket. A few old sweaters. I had to spend money on a new pair of shoes, because the one I had where covered in blood, which I could not get out......

I have an old bedroom suite, a desk and this old laptop. A few other things.

I have lost everything because of my alcoholism and pot addiction I had. Yes it has been many, many years since I drank or smoked. But it takes a long time for our body and mind to get over the problem. No excuse, just reality. I am just starting to get my long term memory back. Being able to remember what I am reading.  As well as many other facets of my life back.

Now I am done complaining about my sorry ass self.

Well mom is finally doing better with her bowels. No thanks to the home. The smoothie is with a Vega one supplement. Which has lots of fiber. And I have this tea for her to help her along. It is not the best tasting tea, but we are getting use to it. I add sugar, lemon and milk. So mom has been drinking it. I drink it as well, to show mom that I would not give her anything that I wouldn't drink or eat myself.  Her belly is getting flat again. A few more days.

Now it is a matter of speaking with her doctor and getting her off Tylenol. There is other things that can be given to her for the pain. Less harmful.

Mom has been tired, no thank to the roommate who has been having extreme hallucinations lately. And the daughters don't even care that she is disturbing mom. Well they are only their twice a week for an hour each time. How would they know anything. But they do know their mother has the TV on all the freaking time, and the lights and then the freaking delusions. OK I am getting pissed off just writing about it. This is this Debby's fault. ( Name changed). I complained over and over again. But I am not a women, so this bitch calls my sister and tells her it is hard on your mother to be moved, or it is important that she gets the Tylenol for the pain.  Gender biased.

But mom ate allot for dinner and had a good dessert, plus her Poop tea and some earl grey tea. I got her ready for bed and she was lights out. Of course she has to hold my hand, and I love every bit of this. As I was feeding mom, she place her hand on my face. The sign she wants her spa treatment. And smiled at me. I lit up with joy. It is the warmest feeling on could imagine.

Now I must go, it is after midnight again and I need to go to sleep. OK, I want to watch two shows and fall asleep while watching them. I am hungry, but I am not. I have nothing anyways.

I just don't want to live here anymore. I need to be living closer to mom. To be their more for her and to be able to deal with these people face to face.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

It is another day a good one

Hello again

So mom is back to being plugged up. This is what happens when she is pumped full of Tylenol.

So I started to put the Vega One supplement in with her smoothie, and I have a the tea to help her out. Mom just has to get use to the taste. I will just add sugar and some lemon.

But mom was hungry today. Not like yesterday, where she was so tired, she just didn't want to eat. Not even her chocolate. But not so tired tonight. She ate and ate. And plenty of her smoothie.

Please don't get me wrong when I complain about mom's roommate. It is not the roommates fault that she has these problems. It is the doctor and the staff's problem that they do nothing about it. It is this Debbie's fault that this roommate was put in the room with mom. Two different type of people. To different personalities. One quit, being my mother, the other, loud, intrusive, bothersome, delusional with hallucinations on a very regular basis'.

I fight for my mother and will always fight for her rights. I also have to fight for the things I need. But it is hard to fight for two things at the same time. So I have a choice and I will and do choose to fight for mom's rights. If I have the time I will try to fight for the things I need. As in my disability.

I got mom ready for bed, then just asked the care aid to push the button on the lift to get mom into bed. Again I am OK with this new arrangements, as mom is also changed at the same time and in bed before 6:30 PM. Good for both mom and I. This way I get to hold mom's hand while she falls asleep and completely relaxes. I have an hour of just holding mom's hand.

So this is the second weekend in a row that I was picked up by a women. This one was even better looking than the one from last weekend. Don't get me wrong, the women from last weekend was attractive.

But, I just don't have the time. And when I let them know, I am an unemployed caregiver for my mother, who is also disabled and has nothing. Well, at this point, they just politely say they have to go. And that is that. Or I just tell them I am to busy and what I mentioned above.

I did say that I have not had a conversation with anyone in a few weeks. Except for these two women. Sorry

This is just a distraction from my goal. And that goal is to give mom the best care possible. Believing in GOD, this would be the devil trying to take me away from my servitude of looking after mom. I won't buy it.

Anyways it is after midnight again and time for me to eat and watch something.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W.A.Schmuland