I am not impressed with this

Hello again

The pain I am feeling is an uncomfortable pain and it is very irritating. This is causing me to be very impatience with almost everyone.

I have to check it, when dealing with mom. It is hard, as I hurt and am extremely uncomfortable all the time. I have been a little short with mom. This is bringing guilt to me.

It is not mom's fault she is like this. When I say a little short,that is exactly what it is. It is painful for me to do the things I usually do for mom. This is causing the shortness.

I was just starting to go to the pool and am trying to get in shape, again. But that has stopped.

Mom ate well again. And this I can deal with. It is usually the day I do her hair, but tomorrow is now her bath day and they will wash her hair. Besides, mom was tired and just wanted to go to bed after dinner.

She is in bed by 7 pm and asleep by 8 pm.

What really bothers me is when I leave, I am worried all night long, until I get their the next day. If something would happen to mom. I can't get their.

I am very irritated right now. This place is empty, I have nothing.

OK, it was my birthday, yesterday and nothing. Just another day. No calls, no emails. Nothing. This bother's me.

I don't expect mom to do anything for me. And being their, taking care of mom, is the best gift I can get.

I know mom new it was my birthday. She wanted  more hugs and kisses. Very affectionate.

I don't need anything. OK that is a lie.

Anyway.

Today mom was waiting for me. I saw this when I walked in. She was hungry and thirsty. I just love the huge smile I get each day when I arrive. It is beautiful and warm.

I am sorry that there is nothing bad happening for me to complain about. It seems most things are going smoothly. Except for all of my bullshit!

Not being able to find or afford anything.

I CAN'T STAND LIVING HERE ANYMORE. I AM STARTING TO GO CRAZY. SO IT SEEMS

Need to go.

GOD bless and good night.

Kris Schmuland

A nice day in the neighborhood

Hello again

It is beautiful out in Vancouver the last few days. Hot and sunny with a great yellow full moon tonight.

Though I hurt like hell, I still have enjoyed the last few days.

Mom has been hungry, more so than Mother's Day. And has been eating allot. This is a great thing.

Except when I arrive, we go to her room to get her plates and I usually give her drinks. But mom is always pointing to the bed. I understand, she has been in the chair all day and just wants to relax and stretch her legs out.    I have to let her know we will get there, but it is dinner time. I know she just wants me to put her to bed and feed her dinner in bed.

I am OK with this, but while she is up.

It is Wednesday and the day to wash her hair. I know she waits for this and knows that it is the day. One of them anyways.

I decorated her room over the last few days. It looks good. Now to finish scanning all her photo's to put on the digital frame.

Mom is happy about the room change. But now to find a place so mom can have her own room.

It is temporary staff and they are getting mom to bed much latter than she is use to be putting to bed. And it affects my bus timing. Which is getting me home an hour latter than normal.

So I am rushing to get things done. And I have lots to do.

Mom is doing well. Healthy and as happy as one can be, stuck in a chair and sharing a room.

OK it is getting close to midnight and I need to eat and get to sleep.

I really need to move, I can't continue to live in an empty place, with nothing, but a pot, one plate and a set of cutlery.

Please pray

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

Can it be

Hello again

I made mom a nice dinner for Mothers Day, but I forgot that on the weekends mom is not that hungry. And beef, unless it is extremely tender, is hard for her to chew and swallow.

I gave her a piece and mom just chewed it and chewed it. 10 minutes later I tried to get mom to spit it out, but she wouldn't. So I tried to get it out of her mouth, but she bit me. I shouldn't of put my finger in her mouth. My fault.

So today mom was more hungry. I brought her some Chinese food, this she ate.

She is liking her new space. Peaceful for her....

I have to put up her photo's and decorations. Excuse me, mark where I want them to go and the maintenance department will put them up.

I like this new space as well, mom goes to sleep with a smile on her face

As for me, the pain is not subsiding in anyway. A headache all day everyday.

That is it for tonight. I am very tired and need to eat. Something. Have no idea what

GOD bless and good night.

Please pray that I find a place, I need to get out of here.

Kris Schmuland

Oh mom deserves all good things

Hello again

Is it right that we sit passively by and not do everything we possibly can for our loved one's. Especially our mothers who gave everything up to stay at home and raise us.

The homes our filled with seniors whose children or bothers/sisters never come to visit. And then on special occasions, and I am not talking about mothers day, come to visit.

I don't seek recognition for what I do for mom. I don't seek praise.

That is not what it is about.

It is about making sure my mother is happy.

Making sure mom is healthy.

Making sure mom is clean.

Making sure mom has everything she needs.

Making sure mom looks her best at all times.

To be their for her when she needs someone to just stand with her.

To be their for her when she needs a hug

To be their for her when she wants to speak with someone, even though most don't understand her.

To just be their for her.

I only ask that I am prayed for to move to White Rock. To be closer to mom, in case something happens in the middle of the night. I can get their quickly.

Not like it is now. If I received a call in the middle of the night, there is no way I can get their to be with her.

And I am a very loyal individual. I am their for the long run. Period!

Nothing more, nothing less. Actually more is what I want for her.

To take mom to the doctors that specialize in strokes. Physiotherapy etc....

I can't live here anymore.

Is it to much to ask for affordable housing so I can live alone for a change. It has been a while and it is time.

I do what I can to move this forward

And yet I keep getting injured in accidents. And this time I am really injured. Not like every other time I wasn't injured. But I don't need this.

Please pray for mom and I

Happy mothers day

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland