Hello again
It really pisses me off that I can't find a place to live in White Rock. That I go look at places and they are alcoholics or drug addicts.I don't drink or smoke pot. And I can't be around it either. I have an allergy to booze and pot. My life spirals out of control into the toilet.
I can only afford so much and I am not going to pay 600 for a shared accommodations or a room. Where for a few hundred dollars more I could, if I had the funds, get a basement suite.
It bugs me that I pray and pray for GOD to help me find a place. I do what I have too, to get help to get a place. As in speaking with advocates to get me on the lists for subsidized housing. And nothing. It has been over two years now and nothing.
I have never had this much problem finding a place, ever.
And everyone is always saying, you haven't found a place yet. Well if your poor, it is difficult to find an affordable living space, that is decent.
I feel like yelling, I AM POOR AND CAN'T AFFORD ANYTHING. Maybe you could help. But I don't.
I don't want to live where I live anymore. I don't like having to clean up after anyone. And it is difficult to do so, as well.
I am in pain all the time, but I don't complain to anyone about it. That was apparent this week, when a staff member asked if I was working. She didn't have a clue that I hurt all over, that my back goes out every other month. I can't walk up or down the stairs. I can't keep my legs bent or the pain is to great.
Enough already, I say. I know I am disabled. Not just physically, but because of this I have mental health issues. I carry a heavy burden. I know mom has serious issues, but I won't let her know it bothers me. She doesn't need that in her life. She knows what is happening to her. Mom just needs someone to be there for her, to support her and to make sure she is well looked after. To take care of her. As she took care of me.
I don't want mom to worry about me, or to think that it is a burden for me to come take care of her. NOT AT ALL! I will never show mom that I am in pain or anything else.
Yes I can't find a place, but I will never stop going to see her. No matter how much time I could save to spend with mom. Stay latter at night.
Anyways, mom was extremely happy to see me this evening. Big smile on her face, I had some nice treats for her for after dinner. And brought her a nice homemade beef pot pie. She really enjoyed this, plus baked beans. Yet the whole time mom was looking right at the dessert. I have to make sure I hid it or not put it out on the table. So mom will eat dinner. (yes like a child) but come on. she is ailing and who cares. I don't.
I just wish I could stay longer, as I let her know, when I have to leave. Where is GOD in all of this. I am a nice person and I don't want to move to White Rock for selfish reasons. I just want to be closer to mom. Especially since the summer is coming upon us.
I got mom changed and brushed her teeth, than read our story to her, while she waited to be transferred to bed and have her diaper changed. Than her spa treatment. Mom got her medication early tonight. So I was able to stand their and hold her hand while she feel asleep. I love this part of the night. Makes me feel worth while.
I sang our good night song to her, She opened her eyes for a moment and then I could here her say she loves me.
Off I went.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland.
Friday, March 14, 2014
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
We are all alone
Hello again
It was a beautiful day in the lower mainland. The sun was shinning and warm. When I got to White Rock I took a few minutes to sit in the sun.
To bad I couldn't take mom down to the beach to enjoy it as well. Well we did go outside. This is what I mean't by sitting in the sun. I covered mom up, to keep her warm. We just went to the garden on the side of the place. For only a few moments. Mom loved this. I wish I would of gotten their earlier so we could of spent more time outside. A little at a time.
This change of time has messed my sleeping up. Still going to bed at the same time, but getting up earlier. I have been exhausted the last few days.
Mom was tired, but ate well. I read her more of our story. We both are really getting into it. She closes her eye's and listens to me. It is great.
I put on new sheets today. The one's I purchased for her. brought the other's home to wash.
We listened to music and I got her to sing along with me. Of course she wasn't completely clear, but she tried and thats all that matters.
She has eye drops now, because of an infection in her eye's. I keep telling them that the lights are the cause of the build up of sleet in her eye's and that is why I had a pair of glasses made for just this reason. They really don't listen.
I was to finish the letter to the new manager tonight. It is to late and I need to get some sleep. Or try. I work on it in the morning and finish it off tomorrow night, when I get home. Then off to the library to print it.
Mom is healthy, great blood pressure. Really good. Better than mine. I know mom is tired of this nonsense. I might have to look into finding a different place for mom to live. One where she gets her own room. None of this roommate crap. There is a place across the street that everyone has their own room. I will check it out.
I know mom can afford to have her own room. This just won't happen where she is now. There are only four private rooms per floor and there is a waiting list for these. Of course mom is on this list.
Mom's rosary beads broke this evening. There were bead everywhere. I bought these for her 10 years ago. I need to replace them right away. Part of her faith and belief system. They were wrapped around her statue of Mary.
Anyways I need to go, so
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
It was a beautiful day in the lower mainland. The sun was shinning and warm. When I got to White Rock I took a few minutes to sit in the sun.
To bad I couldn't take mom down to the beach to enjoy it as well. Well we did go outside. This is what I mean't by sitting in the sun. I covered mom up, to keep her warm. We just went to the garden on the side of the place. For only a few moments. Mom loved this. I wish I would of gotten their earlier so we could of spent more time outside. A little at a time.
This change of time has messed my sleeping up. Still going to bed at the same time, but getting up earlier. I have been exhausted the last few days.
Mom was tired, but ate well. I read her more of our story. We both are really getting into it. She closes her eye's and listens to me. It is great.
I put on new sheets today. The one's I purchased for her. brought the other's home to wash.
We listened to music and I got her to sing along with me. Of course she wasn't completely clear, but she tried and thats all that matters.
She has eye drops now, because of an infection in her eye's. I keep telling them that the lights are the cause of the build up of sleet in her eye's and that is why I had a pair of glasses made for just this reason. They really don't listen.
I was to finish the letter to the new manager tonight. It is to late and I need to get some sleep. Or try. I work on it in the morning and finish it off tomorrow night, when I get home. Then off to the library to print it.
Mom is healthy, great blood pressure. Really good. Better than mine. I know mom is tired of this nonsense. I might have to look into finding a different place for mom to live. One where she gets her own room. None of this roommate crap. There is a place across the street that everyone has their own room. I will check it out.
I know mom can afford to have her own room. This just won't happen where she is now. There are only four private rooms per floor and there is a waiting list for these. Of course mom is on this list.
Mom's rosary beads broke this evening. There were bead everywhere. I bought these for her 10 years ago. I need to replace them right away. Part of her faith and belief system. They were wrapped around her statue of Mary.
Anyways I need to go, so
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
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