Hello again
Today it will be two days that mom has been in bed. And once again. They do not even leave the music on for her, nor the TV. I complained this evening. And complained that they are still putting mom 's laundry into the homes laundry bin. I have to go dig through everyone's dirty laundry to find mom's. Come on now, I could catch something. I don't know what the other residents have.
Some have cancer and are on heavy dangerous drugs that get on their clothing.
Besides this, mom is doing fine. Stable. Yesterday, mom did not eat any breakfast or lunch. They didn't understand why. They asked me to take it easy on mom to allow her to chew her food. She got sick again yesterday morning. That is why she was in bed. They just don't get it. It takes however long it takes for mom to finish eating, when I feed her. That is how long it takes. I don't rush her at all. Do I need to repeat myself over and over again. Yet mom ate everything that I brought her to eat.
Well tonight, mom finished her dinner early. And the care aid was not even going to come until after 6:30. I changed her nightgown and wanted to change her sheets, but her diaper needed to be changed before I did everything else. I went and found out who was on mom's ward and it was some guy. I don't think so. I just told the nurse that I am going to change mom. I want to changed her sheets and I just want it done. Not the first time I changed her and won't be the last. I was completely done, with everything by the time the guy came to see if I needed help. Done I said, done. But thank you.
So tonight mom was just tired. Not only did they not put anything on for mom to entertain herself with, they didn't even give her anything to drink. Again I know how thirsty mom is. As soon as I get their mom wants something to drink immediately. And she consumes allot.
I have been thinking about allot of things lately. One being I will never hold a baby that is of my own flesh and blood. I am nothing and what women would want to be with someone like me.
Alcohol ruined my life. My 20's were straight. I managed to get an education and I worked in that field; for awhile. In the states. I came back, early 30's and started to drink. It didn't take long for me to become an alcoholic and ruined everything I was involved with, everyone, and all plans for my life. Let's face it, it is in your 20's and 30's that one's goals start to come together. You meet the right person, fall in love and have children, get a house etc.............. Not when you are an alcoholic though. It is all about the drinking, at least it was for me. And I couldn't keep a relationship together long enough. I just wanted to drink and smoke pot. And I lost the only person that I truly loved because of my drinking and smoking pot. She left and went back east, she even would of come back if I would of went and got her. To busy in my last few years of drinking.
I have been clean for many years now. Many, over a decade now. Yet I still can't seem to get it together. I do, however suffer from severe depression. I tell you that if it were not for my looking after my mother. I don't know.
I do know that taking care of my mother is the best thing I have ever done. And looking after her is what is keeping me going.
Now I am just a complete looser. That is the way I feel anyways. I can't even manage to find a place closer to my mother. I have no money to do this I am stuck in this pit and am trapped and can't seem to get out.
That is my pity.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Thursday, February 19, 2015
A simple day
Hello again
I felt good today. I slept. I didn't wake up siting on the edge of the bed wandering why I was up and why I was sitting here.
My family doctor is worried about the results from the neurologist. He agree's with the assessment.That I have a neurological disorder. Well at least someone is worried about me. There is no one else in my life to help me or even be there for me. All of my own making!
Alone, alone I say.
Now mom had an accident. I mean. Well I mean she went in her diaper. I am not sure when, but it was like that when I arrived. Again this is how they treat the residents. Leave them sit in their mess for hours at a time. I also arrived to mom's face being a mess. Stuff all over it. Again they couldn't bother to wipe off whatever it was they gave her.
I have allot to do this weekend. Many letters I have to finish and end off to the complaint department and others. Can't mention it right now.
Mom ate a good dinner anyways. I got her changed, it was then I noticed how bad it was and wondered how long she had been sitting in this mess. I needed to change her sheets, pillow case and put a new nightgown on her. After I already did this.
Accidents happen and it is no one's fault.
I will, when I notice this, change her and clean her myself. I put the gloves on and it is now sterile. This is how they treat paying residents. They pay a good penny to live their.
I still can't find a place. Of course not. have very little I can pay for rent. That is why I have had roommates. Not anymore. I need to be alone. For mom's sake.
Good bye
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
I felt good today. I slept. I didn't wake up siting on the edge of the bed wandering why I was up and why I was sitting here.
My family doctor is worried about the results from the neurologist. He agree's with the assessment.That I have a neurological disorder. Well at least someone is worried about me. There is no one else in my life to help me or even be there for me. All of my own making!
Alone, alone I say.
Now mom had an accident. I mean. Well I mean she went in her diaper. I am not sure when, but it was like that when I arrived. Again this is how they treat the residents. Leave them sit in their mess for hours at a time. I also arrived to mom's face being a mess. Stuff all over it. Again they couldn't bother to wipe off whatever it was they gave her.
I have allot to do this weekend. Many letters I have to finish and end off to the complaint department and others. Can't mention it right now.
Mom ate a good dinner anyways. I got her changed, it was then I noticed how bad it was and wondered how long she had been sitting in this mess. I needed to change her sheets, pillow case and put a new nightgown on her. After I already did this.
Accidents happen and it is no one's fault.
I will, when I notice this, change her and clean her myself. I put the gloves on and it is now sterile. This is how they treat paying residents. They pay a good penny to live their.
I still can't find a place. Of course not. have very little I can pay for rent. That is why I have had roommates. Not anymore. I need to be alone. For mom's sake.
Good bye
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
Strange days
Hello again
I needed to be up and out of here first thing this morning. But I spent most of the night, waking up and just sitting on the edge of the bed. Going, why am I sitting here and then falling over and back to sleep until the next hour when I woke up sitting on the edge of the bed.
Stress. I really hate living here. I am so broke it is not funny. I will get by, after all this is my life of my choosing. So stop complaining is what I need to repeat to myself over and over again.
I am in this catch twenty-two. 7 to 8 hours of traveling each day. I would like someone to travel with me to see exactly what it is like. And how this affects mom.
Anyways. I woke up late, as I finally fell asleep about 6 am and then slept through my alarm. Barely made it to the appointment.
Oh did I forget to mention, the hot water tank failed overnight. I had to take a freezing cold shower this morning. It woke me up, yet I remained tired all day long.
Now mom was very happy to see me today. And being Wednesday, I washed her hair after dinner. Dinner was the big salad again and Sushi.
The home had an oven problem, so nothing was ready for the residents at 5 pm. Dinner time. They had to wait. Though mom did not. I brought her to her room and asked if she wanted to eat in there. Yes was loud and clear. We got what was needed done. Give her something to drink. Then we ate. Mom ate and I fed her. We were almost finished dessert when the served dinner came.
Tonight I sang allot to mom and mom was singing as well. Okay it is mumbling, but I know that this is what she was doing. I love it when mom sings along with me.
Mom got changed and we were just about to start her spa treatment when the nurse came into give mom her medication. Mom was not very impressed with this at all. She kept looking at me while she was given her medication.
One thing, she is getting it to early. This is her medicine for the night. And getting it at 6:30 is very much to early. It should be given to her at 9 pm. But mom is fast asleep at that time. You do or you don't.
That's all folks
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Please pray for mom and I
I needed to be up and out of here first thing this morning. But I spent most of the night, waking up and just sitting on the edge of the bed. Going, why am I sitting here and then falling over and back to sleep until the next hour when I woke up sitting on the edge of the bed.
Stress. I really hate living here. I am so broke it is not funny. I will get by, after all this is my life of my choosing. So stop complaining is what I need to repeat to myself over and over again.
I am in this catch twenty-two. 7 to 8 hours of traveling each day. I would like someone to travel with me to see exactly what it is like. And how this affects mom.
Anyways. I woke up late, as I finally fell asleep about 6 am and then slept through my alarm. Barely made it to the appointment.
Oh did I forget to mention, the hot water tank failed overnight. I had to take a freezing cold shower this morning. It woke me up, yet I remained tired all day long.
Now mom was very happy to see me today. And being Wednesday, I washed her hair after dinner. Dinner was the big salad again and Sushi.
The home had an oven problem, so nothing was ready for the residents at 5 pm. Dinner time. They had to wait. Though mom did not. I brought her to her room and asked if she wanted to eat in there. Yes was loud and clear. We got what was needed done. Give her something to drink. Then we ate. Mom ate and I fed her. We were almost finished dessert when the served dinner came.
Tonight I sang allot to mom and mom was singing as well. Okay it is mumbling, but I know that this is what she was doing. I love it when mom sings along with me.
Mom got changed and we were just about to start her spa treatment when the nurse came into give mom her medication. Mom was not very impressed with this at all. She kept looking at me while she was given her medication.
One thing, she is getting it to early. This is her medicine for the night. And getting it at 6:30 is very much to early. It should be given to her at 9 pm. But mom is fast asleep at that time. You do or you don't.
That's all folks
GOD bless and good night.
Kristopher Schmuland
Please pray for mom and I
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
If I had
Hello again
Last night I couldn't sleep. Just kept waking up every hour. fall asleep, wake up. Then just sit on the edge of the bed wondering why I am up. I am a train wreck today. Dropping everything, can't even hold onto the fork to feed mom.
Now mom was very impatient today. I can only move so fast, I said to her. I am trying to get your dinner ready. But not quick enough. This happens. Mom wanted it right now. No waiting. She was even banging her hand on the arm rest of her chair. Just wanted me to hold her hand. She kept reaching out for my hand.
I did the best that I could. As quick as I possible could, without dropping everything.
Finally we go to the dinner. I made her the big salad she loves. I call it the rose salad. Everything in it. I haven't made this for her, since before Christmas. I usually make it once a month. It is very healthy for her and me. No matter how hard I try, it is always a large bowl full. We have it for three days. I mean we both have plates full of this salad. And I use the last of it as a stir fry.
Well mom ate all of the salad I brought and a large papaya, plus the other dessert. I am trying to cut down mom's eating habits. She has gain 14 lbs in the last two months. Okay, Christmas is the time everyone gains some weight. But the last month, as mentioned, mom was eating both meals. The one I brought and the served meal. So that needs to stop. To unhealthy for her.
The plan is, if she likes what I bring, that is her meal. If not, the served dinner is what I feed her. I just need to put the served dinner to the side. Otherwise it gets thrown out. It is that time of the year to get healthy again. Loose some weight gained over the winter.
Since here in Vancouver, we don't seem to even have a winter. Breaking records almost daily. The hottest in Canada for a few days in a row.
I hope it doesn't get to hot. My shorts are packed up and I have no idea where and in what box. I thought I was going to be living in White Rock by now. RIGHT!
Now, mom has been watching the news while I feed her. Tonight, though, as soon as dinner was done, mom wanted the music on and for me to get her ready for bed. I did this as quickly as possible. We had to weight for the care aid to come and put her into bed. I put a blanket on her and just held her hand, singing to her.
The LPN came in and gave mom her nightly medication before the care aid came. Even at this time, mom was asleep. The LPN had a hard time getting mom to take the medication. I was able to get mom to take it. Then we waited some more. By the time the care aid came in, mom was almost in a deep sleep. And when I came back in, mom was ready for the spa treatment. After I adjusted her pillow and bed. A big stretch and back to sleep she went. I think she slept through the entire spa treatment. Didn't open her eye's once. But smiled.
I just quickly packed up and spent the rest of the time just standing there holding her hand, singing to her. As she smiled and slept.
I love singing to mom. It makes mom feel good and myself as well. I am getting better all the time.
I have not been able to stop thinking about this women I loved and she moved away. I know she loved me as well. It has been a little over 10 years now since I have seen her. I don't know why, all of a sudden I started thinking about her again. And it has been days since she has been on my mind. I thought I was over her. I do wonder how she is doing, what she is up too. Nothing else. I can't even take care of myself. Let alone have someone in my life. I am a mess and nobody deserves to be around me, right now. Maybe never. I don't want to date.
I have one goal and that is to move to White Rock. I don't need much to fill an apartment. I mostly have everything I need for a one bedroom place. There is only a few things I need. A kitchen table being one of them, coffee table, end tables. And the small things. A mop and broom, dust pan etc.....
Enough! I am getting angry now. My stress level is extremely high right now. And it gets this way, the closer I get back to Coquitlam each night.
Now mom is doing fine. Steady, no major changes.
I am going now, I really need to get some sleep. I already feel that I am loosing it. Lack of sleep will not help with that.
Pray, please.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland\
Oh, I am waiting to see another neurologist for a second opinion.
Last night I couldn't sleep. Just kept waking up every hour. fall asleep, wake up. Then just sit on the edge of the bed wondering why I am up. I am a train wreck today. Dropping everything, can't even hold onto the fork to feed mom.
Now mom was very impatient today. I can only move so fast, I said to her. I am trying to get your dinner ready. But not quick enough. This happens. Mom wanted it right now. No waiting. She was even banging her hand on the arm rest of her chair. Just wanted me to hold her hand. She kept reaching out for my hand.
I did the best that I could. As quick as I possible could, without dropping everything.
Finally we go to the dinner. I made her the big salad she loves. I call it the rose salad. Everything in it. I haven't made this for her, since before Christmas. I usually make it once a month. It is very healthy for her and me. No matter how hard I try, it is always a large bowl full. We have it for three days. I mean we both have plates full of this salad. And I use the last of it as a stir fry.
Well mom ate all of the salad I brought and a large papaya, plus the other dessert. I am trying to cut down mom's eating habits. She has gain 14 lbs in the last two months. Okay, Christmas is the time everyone gains some weight. But the last month, as mentioned, mom was eating both meals. The one I brought and the served meal. So that needs to stop. To unhealthy for her.
The plan is, if she likes what I bring, that is her meal. If not, the served dinner is what I feed her. I just need to put the served dinner to the side. Otherwise it gets thrown out. It is that time of the year to get healthy again. Loose some weight gained over the winter.
Since here in Vancouver, we don't seem to even have a winter. Breaking records almost daily. The hottest in Canada for a few days in a row.
I hope it doesn't get to hot. My shorts are packed up and I have no idea where and in what box. I thought I was going to be living in White Rock by now. RIGHT!
Now, mom has been watching the news while I feed her. Tonight, though, as soon as dinner was done, mom wanted the music on and for me to get her ready for bed. I did this as quickly as possible. We had to weight for the care aid to come and put her into bed. I put a blanket on her and just held her hand, singing to her.
The LPN came in and gave mom her nightly medication before the care aid came. Even at this time, mom was asleep. The LPN had a hard time getting mom to take the medication. I was able to get mom to take it. Then we waited some more. By the time the care aid came in, mom was almost in a deep sleep. And when I came back in, mom was ready for the spa treatment. After I adjusted her pillow and bed. A big stretch and back to sleep she went. I think she slept through the entire spa treatment. Didn't open her eye's once. But smiled.
I just quickly packed up and spent the rest of the time just standing there holding her hand, singing to her. As she smiled and slept.
I love singing to mom. It makes mom feel good and myself as well. I am getting better all the time.
I have not been able to stop thinking about this women I loved and she moved away. I know she loved me as well. It has been a little over 10 years now since I have seen her. I don't know why, all of a sudden I started thinking about her again. And it has been days since she has been on my mind. I thought I was over her. I do wonder how she is doing, what she is up too. Nothing else. I can't even take care of myself. Let alone have someone in my life. I am a mess and nobody deserves to be around me, right now. Maybe never. I don't want to date.
I have one goal and that is to move to White Rock. I don't need much to fill an apartment. I mostly have everything I need for a one bedroom place. There is only a few things I need. A kitchen table being one of them, coffee table, end tables. And the small things. A mop and broom, dust pan etc.....
Enough! I am getting angry now. My stress level is extremely high right now. And it gets this way, the closer I get back to Coquitlam each night.
Now mom is doing fine. Steady, no major changes.
I am going now, I really need to get some sleep. I already feel that I am loosing it. Lack of sleep will not help with that.
Pray, please.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland\
Oh, I am waiting to see another neurologist for a second opinion.
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Sunday Oh Sunday
Hello again
I didn't get much sleep last night. It was after 4:00 am before I fell asleep and then I woke up every two hours or so. Until I had enough, just got up. Screw it, I said.
That left me a few hours to wait until I needed to leave. Almost fell asleep, So I left. I arrived in White Rock at 3:30 pm. Checked my lotto ticket and nothing. I buy one a week, just in case. You can;t win if you don't buy. I mean one a week. That is it.
Well after that I just sat for a few moments to just relax and enjoy the sun. Have a smoke. I am down to 3 packs a week now, from 7. "Within the last month. Eat or smoke, that is my decision I have to make each week. I have chosen to smoke most of the time. Not anymore.
After my smoke, I just walked down to mom's, getting their very early.. I am glad about this. More time to spend with mom. They had her in her room, watching TV. Or not. I just grabbed her drinks out of the fridge and off to her room I went. Of course mom was very thirsty, as usual. And as soon as I finished giving her something to drink. Mom was hungry. I had already packed everything up to go out to our usual spot, by the balcony, but mom wanted to eat in the room. So I quickly unpacked everything and set the table,sort of, Went and warmed her dinner up.
There we go, Dinner and dessert. But we had to wait until the care aid came to put mom to bed. Issues involving that.
With this one nurse on, I can't put mom to bed. But the most important issue is, mom having to sit in a soiled diaper. I tried to explain this to the nurse, that I don't want mom sitting in a soiled diaper for hours. This has happened to many times. I have and will change her myself if something isn't done about it. I am tired of getting here and this is the case. As usual, didn't register.
I need to be bringing this up with the manager. Oh wait, that won't do any good either.
I still have to finish the paper work and scan a form into the email for complaint office. I have been so busy and tired. But not actually getting any sleep. That I have had a hard time getting this off. I would say my ADHD is kicking in.
I do say my stress level is rising. Now the facial ticks are manifesting sooner than before. It wasn't until I reached Coquitlam that they started. Now as soon as get on the bus in White Rock, they are starting.
Sucks
I need to get to bed.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Please Pray for mom and I
I didn't get much sleep last night. It was after 4:00 am before I fell asleep and then I woke up every two hours or so. Until I had enough, just got up. Screw it, I said.
That left me a few hours to wait until I needed to leave. Almost fell asleep, So I left. I arrived in White Rock at 3:30 pm. Checked my lotto ticket and nothing. I buy one a week, just in case. You can;t win if you don't buy. I mean one a week. That is it.
Well after that I just sat for a few moments to just relax and enjoy the sun. Have a smoke. I am down to 3 packs a week now, from 7. "Within the last month. Eat or smoke, that is my decision I have to make each week. I have chosen to smoke most of the time. Not anymore.
After my smoke, I just walked down to mom's, getting their very early.. I am glad about this. More time to spend with mom. They had her in her room, watching TV. Or not. I just grabbed her drinks out of the fridge and off to her room I went. Of course mom was very thirsty, as usual. And as soon as I finished giving her something to drink. Mom was hungry. I had already packed everything up to go out to our usual spot, by the balcony, but mom wanted to eat in the room. So I quickly unpacked everything and set the table,sort of, Went and warmed her dinner up.
There we go, Dinner and dessert. But we had to wait until the care aid came to put mom to bed. Issues involving that.
With this one nurse on, I can't put mom to bed. But the most important issue is, mom having to sit in a soiled diaper. I tried to explain this to the nurse, that I don't want mom sitting in a soiled diaper for hours. This has happened to many times. I have and will change her myself if something isn't done about it. I am tired of getting here and this is the case. As usual, didn't register.
I need to be bringing this up with the manager. Oh wait, that won't do any good either.
I still have to finish the paper work and scan a form into the email for complaint office. I have been so busy and tired. But not actually getting any sleep. That I have had a hard time getting this off. I would say my ADHD is kicking in.
I do say my stress level is rising. Now the facial ticks are manifesting sooner than before. It wasn't until I reached Coquitlam that they started. Now as soon as get on the bus in White Rock, they are starting.
Sucks
I need to get to bed.
GOD bless and good night
Kris Schmuland
Please Pray for mom and I
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