Hello again
I really am just about to give up completely. Not happing anymore. Can't get out of this mess.. I was doing OK a few months ago. Everything seemed fine. A job, a roommate that wasn't around much, What more can a person ask for .. That is all I need.
I really don't need much. I don't care if I have a girlfriend or not. OK I do care a little bit, it has been a long time since I had a steady relationship. But who wants a man as messed up as I am. Who has nothing and is about to be kicked out of his place. Yes I did say about to be kicked out of my place. The landlord called me this evening, stating that most people pay their rent on time, don't get behind. Not as I am anyways. But I had to quick talk to get myself a little time to get caught up on this. As I did with my bills. I still need to go into the insurance place tomorrow and tell them not to put the payment through the bank, or it will bounce again. I just got all of that straightened out, and now again.
Now, being as desperate as I am, I am about to give up completely. I really don't know what to do. I pray each night for a financial miracle, but nothing. I don't need allot. Yes I do need funds for a new denture for my bottom teeth. So others don't see the missing (3) missing teeth. (Which I feel is holding me back from getting a job in the first place) That is why I have been putting the gofundme link up, anewmesmile. That is not the most pressing issue at hand. It is not becoming homeless, again. A few years ago I was homeless, I just never said anything to anyone. Slept on peoples couches for a few months, until I found a room. And I had to put my things in storage. Which, it looks like I might have to do that again. There is $150. a month again, or more,as I have more now. Something I really can't afford either.
I can't lift hardly anything. It is hard for me to even cook. Lifting the pots and pans. Chopping etc... Now moving anything will prove impossible. I just can't do it. I am afraid of What damage it might cause. I already have pins and needles through out my body. Can't keep my knee's bent, or it is difficult to walk afterwards.
What I need to get caught up and keep living in a home is not allot. But not allot is way more than I have. I will be on the phone next week trying to find any help I can get. I am awaiting something, OK disability, if I get this I will be able to live, just live, until I find a less expensive place, or I get into the subsidizes places I have applied to. this is why I put my mailing address after each post, I will not be able to afford that either, after January 13, 2017. And the place I live doesn't give me my mail on time or not at all. I know I have several letters coming here, but haven't got them.. Tonight, while speaking with the landlord, I asked if there was mail for me, they told me one letter. So where is the rest of my mail. That is why I have a mail box, because I don't trust them to give me my mail. And I am rights.
I put the address up to see if I might get some help from someone or assistance in some way or another. I will keep putting the address up until the 13 th of January.
I just don't know what to do. Stay in White Rock. It is OK, nothing going on after, well 7 pm at night. But Ok none the less. I don't have to stay here, I moved here because mom was living out here. So I don't have to stay in White Rock now. This I have no idea on at all. The problem being, my doctor is out here, and I like him, my church's are out here and I like them and all the other things I am hooked up with are out here. The doctor is more important. It is very difficult, in Vancouver, to find a family doctor. Allot of people just use the walk in clinics.
So here I am, just before new years eve, our time, and I am on my last straw, leg etc....
God Bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada, V4B0A7
https://gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Please I beg of you to pray for me. I need all the help I can get right now. And to think a few short months ago, I was doing well. How quickly things turn for the worse.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Wednesday, December 28, 2016
Just pissed
Hello again
Maybe I am beyond the depressed stage, but I do know one thing I am just pissed off now. I am doing what I should be doing. Applying for jobs, being hurt and it is worse than I thought, Giving everything I can to the landlord, selling what I can sell . And what, nothing. I am behind in rent, bills, no bus fare, no nothing. A crappy, lonely Christmas. I can't type for any length of time without it hurting me greatly. And this is one thing I like to do. So now this accident is taking this to away from me. I will continue, no matter how much it hurt, to write this blog. Even if it takes hours to write this. Taking breaks.
I have no answer to any of this. Even Christmas day, after watching the movies, I applied for a few jobs and have been doing this since.
Does anyone have any idea what it feels like to have tingling in your body. Pain all the time. OK I can't lift shit. But I should be able to do something.
Didn't make it to the hospital today. I will try again tomorrow. Just way to busy for me to wait. Just to much pain for me to sit there and wait.
I can't keep this up for much longer. I am desperate. But the truth is no one gives a crap. This is obvious.
So I am out for tonight.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Maybe I am beyond the depressed stage, but I do know one thing I am just pissed off now. I am doing what I should be doing. Applying for jobs, being hurt and it is worse than I thought, Giving everything I can to the landlord, selling what I can sell . And what, nothing. I am behind in rent, bills, no bus fare, no nothing. A crappy, lonely Christmas. I can't type for any length of time without it hurting me greatly. And this is one thing I like to do. So now this accident is taking this to away from me. I will continue, no matter how much it hurt, to write this blog. Even if it takes hours to write this. Taking breaks.
I have no answer to any of this. Even Christmas day, after watching the movies, I applied for a few jobs and have been doing this since.
Does anyone have any idea what it feels like to have tingling in your body. Pain all the time. OK I can't lift shit. But I should be able to do something.
Didn't make it to the hospital today. I will try again tomorrow. Just way to busy for me to wait. Just to much pain for me to sit there and wait.
I can't keep this up for much longer. I am desperate. But the truth is no one gives a crap. This is obvious.
So I am out for tonight.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
I really don't know If I did.........
Hello again
Well I hope everyone had a good Christmas. You know what my Christmas was like. I wish it would of been different. I really do miss Christmas with my mother. I miss decorating her room. Making mom dinner. Watching mom enjoy the entire holiday season. It didn't matter to me if at my own home I only had a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, with just a set of lights on it. All was good as I was never there, only to sleep, do laundry and cook. Other wise I was at mom's taking care of her.
Christmas was always great.Even this last Christmas.when mom was very ill and dying. I didn't want to believe it, but there was the truth. Yet we did have a good, as it could be, Christmas. Just writing about it is making me extremely sad. I miss my mommy, she was my best friend. I could always trust her for help when I am making a decision on something. Even when mom lost her voice, and everyone sad mom was gone. Meaning that the real Mary Rose Schmuland, was lost to Dementia, I still would get mom's opinion on things. Mom was not lost, she just had a stroke and do to these strokes, she lost her voice. Aphasia. Yet mom was still there, inside and could answer all questions and give a reply.
So my Christmas's were always great. But now I am without my mother and without Christmas. Yes I never received a Christmas gift nor did I have a Christmas dinner. It was never about me, always about making sure mom was having a great time.
This year I just thought, things could be a little different. That I could have a decent Christmas. OK I enjoyed my dinner that I made. Except I was alone, eating alone, watching a movie Christmas day. But and yes there is this big but, I would of liked a gift. I did reach out to different organizations for help. I did write to different shows, trying to win some prizes, I entered many, many contests Yet nothing. I really just wanted my first Christmas without my mother to be a way of helping me move forward,
I wish I wish I wish for something good in my life.
I am behind in my rent and bills, thanks to a roommate moving out. I just can't afford this place. I am trying to find another place to live.I just don't have the funds to move and I am extremely hurt. Moving will be very difficult for me and I don't have the help I need.
I am trying to fined a job, even though my doctors have told me that I can't work, if I do, my neck can get worse. Yet I need to work to survive. The insurance company is not going to help. Even if I am seriously hurt. Yes I can walk, but I am getting tingling throughout my body. And I am going to the hospital tomorrow. I don't care how long I have to sit and wait. I am going. I hate the hospital.
Since I can't lift anything for now, I am changing the direction of my job search. To one where I don't have to lift anything.
This has taken me over an hour to write, many breaks. I am out, I need to eat now.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Well I hope everyone had a good Christmas. You know what my Christmas was like. I wish it would of been different. I really do miss Christmas with my mother. I miss decorating her room. Making mom dinner. Watching mom enjoy the entire holiday season. It didn't matter to me if at my own home I only had a Charlie Brown Christmas Tree, with just a set of lights on it. All was good as I was never there, only to sleep, do laundry and cook. Other wise I was at mom's taking care of her.
Christmas was always great.Even this last Christmas.when mom was very ill and dying. I didn't want to believe it, but there was the truth. Yet we did have a good, as it could be, Christmas. Just writing about it is making me extremely sad. I miss my mommy, she was my best friend. I could always trust her for help when I am making a decision on something. Even when mom lost her voice, and everyone sad mom was gone. Meaning that the real Mary Rose Schmuland, was lost to Dementia, I still would get mom's opinion on things. Mom was not lost, she just had a stroke and do to these strokes, she lost her voice. Aphasia. Yet mom was still there, inside and could answer all questions and give a reply.
So my Christmas's were always great. But now I am without my mother and without Christmas. Yes I never received a Christmas gift nor did I have a Christmas dinner. It was never about me, always about making sure mom was having a great time.
This year I just thought, things could be a little different. That I could have a decent Christmas. OK I enjoyed my dinner that I made. Except I was alone, eating alone, watching a movie Christmas day. But and yes there is this big but, I would of liked a gift. I did reach out to different organizations for help. I did write to different shows, trying to win some prizes, I entered many, many contests Yet nothing. I really just wanted my first Christmas without my mother to be a way of helping me move forward,
I wish I wish I wish for something good in my life.
I am behind in my rent and bills, thanks to a roommate moving out. I just can't afford this place. I am trying to find another place to live.I just don't have the funds to move and I am extremely hurt. Moving will be very difficult for me and I don't have the help I need.
I am trying to fined a job, even though my doctors have told me that I can't work, if I do, my neck can get worse. Yet I need to work to survive. The insurance company is not going to help. Even if I am seriously hurt. Yes I can walk, but I am getting tingling throughout my body. And I am going to the hospital tomorrow. I don't care how long I have to sit and wait. I am going. I hate the hospital.
Since I can't lift anything for now, I am changing the direction of my job search. To one where I don't have to lift anything.
This has taken me over an hour to write, many breaks. I am out, I need to eat now.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
V4B0A7
https://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
Monday, December 26, 2016
A pathetic attempt
Hello again
So that is right, Christmas day was an absolute pathetic attempt at a holiday. I invited 4 people and no one showed up. 2 people didn't even call to give me an excuse. One was taking a nap, the other just didn't have an excuse.
I feel like the king in the bible who invited all of these people to dinner and all who were invited decided not to come. Lame excuses were given. So off he sent his servants to gather up all the towns folks to fill the castle...
I don't have a castle, and I don't know anyone.
Now, I had a turkey that was thawed out so it needed to be cooked. This I did. As I did mention, I made everything needed for a Christmas dinner, put it all on the table, filled my plate and sat down in front of a TV and watched two movies... I had two slices of the turkey breast and a leg. Plus something of everything else I cooked. Which was everything needed for a Christmas dinner. On top of this I made my home made cranberry sauce. Wow it was good. I can't stop eating this. On toast this morning.
Now tonight I will have another turkey dinner and tomorrow I will take everything off the bird and freeze it. To add to the other turkey in my freezer.
I set up my small tree, the one I used at my place in Coquitlam, the large tree I set up in mom's room, I decorated it and there it sat. Empty before Christmas and on Christmas day. Not a single gift under my tree. Nothing. This really made me feel good and wanted!!!!!!!!!!
Now let me sum this up... No one came for Christmas dinner, and under my tree was empty. I didn't even receive a call, text message or an email from anyone. Then again I don't know anyone...
OK on top of this all the work, making dinner, caused allot of pain. It was just to much for me to deal with. I am in so much pain today, my back. And I can barely move my neck. I have tingling in my arms and back. Sharp pain through my neck. I can't even raise my neck without it falling to the side. Typing is very difficult tonight.
It also looks like I need to find a new place to live. I am behind in my rent, bills etc... I really like this place.
Writing this blog is something I look forward to.
So I am out.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada
V3B0A7
Until January 13, 2017
http://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
So that is right, Christmas day was an absolute pathetic attempt at a holiday. I invited 4 people and no one showed up. 2 people didn't even call to give me an excuse. One was taking a nap, the other just didn't have an excuse.
I feel like the king in the bible who invited all of these people to dinner and all who were invited decided not to come. Lame excuses were given. So off he sent his servants to gather up all the towns folks to fill the castle...
I don't have a castle, and I don't know anyone.
Now, I had a turkey that was thawed out so it needed to be cooked. This I did. As I did mention, I made everything needed for a Christmas dinner, put it all on the table, filled my plate and sat down in front of a TV and watched two movies... I had two slices of the turkey breast and a leg. Plus something of everything else I cooked. Which was everything needed for a Christmas dinner. On top of this I made my home made cranberry sauce. Wow it was good. I can't stop eating this. On toast this morning.
Now tonight I will have another turkey dinner and tomorrow I will take everything off the bird and freeze it. To add to the other turkey in my freezer.
I set up my small tree, the one I used at my place in Coquitlam, the large tree I set up in mom's room, I decorated it and there it sat. Empty before Christmas and on Christmas day. Not a single gift under my tree. Nothing. This really made me feel good and wanted!!!!!!!!!!
Now let me sum this up... No one came for Christmas dinner, and under my tree was empty. I didn't even receive a call, text message or an email from anyone. Then again I don't know anyone...
OK on top of this all the work, making dinner, caused allot of pain. It was just to much for me to deal with. I am in so much pain today, my back. And I can barely move my neck. I have tingling in my arms and back. Sharp pain through my neck. I can't even raise my neck without it falling to the side. Typing is very difficult tonight.
It also looks like I need to find a new place to live. I am behind in my rent, bills etc... I really like this place.
Writing this blog is something I look forward to.
So I am out.
GOD bless and good night
Kristopher Schmuland
#409-15216 North Bluff Road
White Rock, BC
Canada
V3B0A7
Until January 13, 2017
http://www.gofundme.com/krisschmuland
https://www.gofundme.com/anewmesmile
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