I can, I think

Hello again

So I arrive at mom's and she was given her medication early, which makes her tired at dinner and she does not want  to eat much. Mom just wants to go to sleep.

But I did get her to eat a fair bit. Plus lots of fruit, the smoothie, papaya and an Asian pear. So she was full. I got her ready for bed quickly. brushed her teeth, left handed, as I am having difficulties using my right arm. Then the care aid came in to put her to bed and change her pad.

This time there was a new person, who she was training. I waited and spoke with them. When they finished and left, I went to grab something from the closet, I almost bashed my eye on the lift. The care aid did not put it up high enough. I was at eye level and could of done some real damage.

I have asked, polietly, for them to raise the bar as high as it can go. I am taller than most of them. This is what I keep writing about, the poor care the residents and there caregivers get. They just don't care and don't listen to anyone. Even though I have asked many, many times to please raise the bar as high as it goes.

Well I am just going to print a note out and put it up right below the lift. So if I do accidentally injure myself, because of their neglect, I have proof that I did everything I could do to have them pay attention. To cover myself.

Mom was ready for her spa treatment, this I completed as quick as I could so mom could get to sleep. I finished and we had over half an hour for me to just be there for her, holding her hand. And when I sang mom her good night song and gave her the good night kisses, mom was sound asleep.

Now I am in more pain than normal. My right arm is extremely painful. Not functioning correctly. I have to place it right beside my body to use it without to much pain.

My back is killing me.

Now with this comes some annoyance, which is making me a little impatient. When mom is really tired, she tends to lean to one side. This makes it very difficult to feed her. I try to straighten her out, and ask her if she could not lean. This is not what one should be doing. Mom will not remember, she just does it again. And lately, it is hard on me. I am doing my best to just stay calm.

I am in pain, which I try to explain to mom, but she just reaches for my hand and leans over. I am trying to get things done, while, trying to keep mom's arms from getting in the way.

When she is this tried, mom is very impatient. Wants everything right now. And I am slower than before this accident. I, again, let mom know that I am slower than normal and she will have to be patient with me. That I will get to it as quickly as I can. Very politely I do say.

I don't get angry with mom. It is not her fault that this is happening to her. I just need to find a solution to this pain and learn to deal with it. As quickly as I can.

One solution is to take more pain medication. But it doesn't solve me having to carry all sorts of things to mom's and back.

Yes I can't carry nearly as much as I could before this. I have to bring things back and forth, otherwise things go missing.  It is, having to carry it the distance. As a result of this bus accident.

If I lived right their, I wouldn't have to carry anything that great of a distance, as I do now. This is the better solution, then taking extra medication.

Otherwise mom is in good health. She is upset that she has to be in their and not getting out. I can see this in her eye's. Another reason for me living closer to her. To take her out, over for lunch or dinner.

I ask again to pray that I find a place, which I can afford.

Have to go, need to relax and do nothing. Watch some mind numbing TV show. Turn my brain off for a few hours

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I have to say

Hello again

Mom was in her room again today, when I arrived. And they positioned her in such away that she couldn't even see her TV. This is ridiculous. And why are they putting her in her room to begin with. This is isolation. She needs to be around people. Not by herself.

This is another reason I need to be living out their.

Mom ate really well tonight. She ate everything, plus more. And we were finished early. So mom was able to get put in bed and changed well before 7 pm. I was finished her spa treatment by 7 so I read to her, while she was in bed, then just held her hand. Gave her something to drink And just stayed, holding her hand while she fell asleep.

Nothing special happened today. Besides being in pain and not being able to use my right arm completely. Back sore.

The place that is across the street is great, except I can't afford it. So I have to let it go. This really upsets me. But what can I do. Cry I guess.

Please pray that an affordable place comes up right away

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

I do really know

Hello again

It has been an emotional day for me.

I am realistic about mom and her health, but I choose not to dwell on it or bring it up around mom. Or try to think about it to much.

Today I came upon me that mom might only have a few years left.

I have seen mom's symptom's change over the last few years, as I noticed them before mom has been in White Rock.

A year ago mom would eat the beef donair and love it. But now, she just can't chew it anymore. OK, mom will just chew and chew and chew the beef, and not swallow. I have to remind her to chew and swallow. I feel like a pain in the ass for doing this. So she can chew, but to swallow. This could be a serious problem.

Last year I would bring her steak, it would be tender, and mom would just devour it.  I brought her a nice steak not long ago and mom just chewed and chewed the meat. Even though it was tender. It took her at least 5 minutes to chew and swallow the small piece of meat I cut for her.

At least she can eat the meat she is served. It is minced. So that is a good thing

This is the only thing that I have noticed.   Her personality hasn't changed.

Mom is more relaxed in her new space. Sleeps better. Tonight when I left mom was snoring away.

For me I am in more pain than I would like. And I am just angry that I can't find a place to live, which I can afford in White Rock.

The place I looked at the other day, is perfect. Big and right their. I just can't afford it. At all. It is double what I am paying now.

Is it to much to ask for, that I find a place close to my mother, so I can have more time to take care of her and visit with her.

This disease is going to take her. And if I am stuck in Coquitlam and can't be there for her. I will never forgive myself. I need to be right there.

It has been a very long time since I have been looking and nothing. Everything is always out of my price range. I choose to take care of my mother. No one else in my family is taking the time to be their for mom. And everyone is always telling me that I am going to be blessed.

Who cares if I am blessed after mom is gone. It should be now, so I can share the blessings with mom. What good is it afterwards. I won't care then

It is now, that is important. The hear and now! Not latter!

I have to go. I am done for the night. And every time I try to turn my neck and it cracks, I get light headed.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland