It is unusually

Hello again

I found out today that it was actually -20 c with the wind chill, yesterday. Not the -15 c I thought it was..So no wonder the poinsettia froze to death. All who saw the plant, in it's frozen form, where wondering if it bounced back. And on top of this I was frozen as well. It took me hours, once I got home to warm up.

And today was no better. Just cold!

Well I said to them today, when I arrived, that I will have to go and see. It turns out that the day staff, through it out. I complained about this,as I was going to take it back and see what I could do. Not now.

You know I am not a rich man and I scraped together the cash to buy this plant for mom. My thought was that if I can't give her nice presents for Christmas I would at least get mom a Christmas poinsettia. And that turned out well, don't you think. 

The other thing is, that the story is starting to be spread around now. All who saw the plant have now been telling other's about the frozen plant. So the story is getting out their. About the day that caused a poinsettia to die  within ten minutes. 

So the weekend and mom was tired, so she barely ate anything for dinner. She just wanted dessert and off to bed for her nightly spa treatment. I did get her to eat. Not as much as I would of liked her to eat. 

The lights are on in her room. Christmas lights I mean. The music was playing,, Mom was happy. 

That is all that matters. I don't care how cold I am. OK I do, but I am not going to stop going to see her. No matter how cold it gets outside.

Well anyways, I have to figure out how I am going to get mom another poinsettia. I don't have anymore money. That was it. This why I have decorated her room so much, as I can't give mom what she deserves for Christmas. 

I need to end this for the night, I have allot to do yet before I get to bed. Laundry, cooking mom something for tomorrow. Enter more contests. Maybe I might win something, that would be good for mom for Christmas.

As I wrote last night, Send mom a card, go to the store, buy a card, write something nice, and mail it. Mom would love it. 

The address is on yesterday's blog.

Pray for mom and for me, that I would be able to give mom something for Christmas.

GOD bless and good night

Kris Schmuland

The weather outside is frightful

Hello again

It has not been this cold in Vancouver for 30 years. This is what the news was saying this morning. And they are calling for temperatures to reach - 20 or greater with the wind chill, this weekend.
Vancouver is a coastal city, surrounded by water. And it is cold to the bone here in this city. So this temperature, is bad for all of us.

I will tell you how cold it is. This is what happened to me today. I will start by saying that from where I get off the bus to mom's home is a 10 minute walk.

And a grocery store is right where I get off the bus. So today, I went into said grocery store and bought a beautiful Poinsettia. I left the store and walked straight to mom's. By the time I got their the plant had frozen to death. It was so windy and cold. Minus 15 with the wind chill.

I have never watched anything die like this before. Never, ever. I got to mom's and one of the staff was coming out, I told her I just bought this and walked straight down here, and the plant is dead. No one could believe it, either.

My hands and body was so cold it took until, well almost the time I had to leave for my hands to warm up.

So I told mom the story and she laughed.

By the time I got home tonight I was freezing cold. I have nothing to keep me warm in this extreme weather we are having and it is not letting up anytime soon. I had layers on, not good enough. I still can't find the other gloves to the one's I have. And I can't afford to even buy a cheap pair. I am cold, very cold.

Well I was their early enough so I washed mom's hair. She feels so much better when I do this for her. Of course, first of all, I needed to wipe her eye's and wipe the medication off, from around her mouth. This I have to do daily. And then give mom something to drink. She is so parched by the time I arrive.

I made fish for mom today. It is Friday, mom is Catholic. And a salad for her.

Mom has good days and bad days. That is what it is like with someone who has had strokes and has Dementia. I see it all, I have watched it all unfold in front of me. It is very sad, but my being their makes mom's days allot better and happier. And this I would never trade for anything. I will never ever stop going to see my mother. No matter what. She deserves my full attention. After all, mom is the only person I love  and is the only person I will touch. Remember I really don't like to be touched at all. And I say to people who want to hug me, No hugs, I don't hug people.

Now I tried this at mom's Birthday and nothing. I asked that people send mom Birthday cards. I provided the address and not a single card.

I am going to try this again, and ask that you spread the word. I can't afford anything nice for my mother this Christmas. And it would be so nice to sit down with her and go through Christmas cards from people all over the world.

So I ask that who ever reads this send a Christmas card to my mother. And tell all the people you know on social media to do the same. I ask with GOD's grace that one does this for my mom.

Her address is

Her name is Mary Schmuland

The address is

Rm 342
Al Hogg  Pavilion
Third floor
15521 Russell Ave,
White Rock, BC
V4B 2R4

It would mean a great deal to my mother if you would do this for her. It would also mean allot to me as well. Thank you.

So I am hoping my room is warm now. When I go home it was cold as well. Even my laptop was cold.

I know I say this all the time. But it means so much to me, that mom always wants to hold my hand. It not only fills mom with warmth and security, but it gives me great peace.

I need to go now, it is late and I am tired and cold. I still need to do things online

Please, write to my mother, send her a Christmas card. Pray for us both. Pray that I find a warm jacket soon.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher  W. A. Schmuland

Dear Santa

Hello again

Dam it is cold outside, here on the coast. I realized I don't have any winter clothing, while wearing a T shirt under a cotton sweater. Not warm enough at all. I don't have a pair of gloves. I have many left hands of gloves but missing the right hand. No idea where they went.

And the coat I have is a spring/fall coat. Not warm enough at all

Besides wanting Santa to help me move to White Rock. I really would like a wool pea coat and some winter clothing.

You see, it is not normally cold like this in Vancouver. It is usually raining and that mean the temperature is in the low teens 10 - 13 c But it is -10 c and then a wind chill. We usually get our cold weather in February for two weeks only. It has been cold for a month now. And tonight, when I got off the bus and had to walk home, my fingers where freezing cold. Still not warm yet.

So yes Santa, a winter coat and winter clothing. Even my legs are cold and still not warm. And it has been an hour since I walked in the door.

Thats for me.

And for mom. A point Setta, another warm comforter. ( The one she has now is not mean't for this weather, even though they have the heat on. ) A down comforter and Duvet cover and pillow cases. Some nice chocolate and maybe a few articles of clothing.

That is my list. And I feel really guilty for even writing it.

There it is. Whatever

Well today mom got her leg rests, she is happy and more comfortable with them on. More relaxed, less strain on her legs.

I ended up getting their with not enough time to wash her hair. I will make a point of doing this tomorrow/today. As she needs it done.

I got in and mom was all smiles for me. I loved it. Almost cried. OK I did tear up. Just to see her happy. I made her a nice pasta dinner, which she enjoyed.

Oh yea, the staff had turned mom's Christmas tree lights on and were all admiring it. I put her Christmas music on for her, as she wanted. And just the look on her face, the smile and the relaxed attitude made me almost tear up again.

OK it is or was an emotional day for me. I look around and realize I can't afford anything I want to get mom. Really pisses me off that there is no help for someone who has devoted their life to taking care of a loved one. Who has lost their voice  because of a stroke. Has lost the use of their entire left arm. Can't bend their knees or ankles. Is wheelchair bound and completely and absolutely dependent on everyone for everything. And on top of this everyone around her doesn't even try to make an effort to communicate with her. Thinking my mother is further along in her illness than she actually is. And treating her this way. Completely condescending towards her. People speaking to mom like she is a baby, and mom looking at me, with the thought, I am not a baby and one does not have to repeat themselves to me or speak to me as if I was 1 years old.

Anyways, mom ate well and I got her into bed for her nightly spa treatment. I really want to live in White Rock so I can stay longer. It is such a warm and wonderful feeling watching mom fall asleep. Mom holds on to my hand and doesn't want me to leave.

I know I have decorated mom's room and set up a nice tree, but I want to do more. To make her room a Christmas wonderland. Decorations everywhere.

And the last Santa letter I read was real, and wishful thinking. As it seems this one will probably be.

So we will see how the next few weeks unfold.

Pray that it is a wonderful time of the year for mom. And if you can find it in your heart pray for me as well

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

Getting closer

Hello again

So it is getting closer, Christmas I mean, and mom's room is decorated. I am now worried about getting her Christmas presents. I know I won't have anything under the tree. Because I have no tree.

Next week in mom's Christmas dinner at the home. Really, the 19 th of December. I will be making mom something nice for the actual Christmas dinner. As mentioned a Cornish Hen. With the fixings.

I got to White Rock and picked up a few things for mom's dinner tomorrow, then I started to walk towards the shop where I was going to get mom a beef rap. I saw the bus and ran for it. It wasn't until I was at the home that I realized that I forgot mom's dinner, so I stayed on the bus and went back uptown. I was able to back in time for her dinner.

I wanted to wash her hair, but didn't have the time and when dinner was over, mom was to tired for me to wash her hair. So I will get their early tomorrow and do this for her.

Mom is alright. she is doing well. Her leg rests will be their tomorrow/today. Which will be great for her. Mom's legs will finally be supported.

If you want to get something done, you have to do it yourself.

Mom was getting the cherry tomatoes by herself this evening. I encourage her to do things for herself.

What can I say. I am freaked out about Christmas. It is freezing outside and I don't even have a warm enough jacket. Piss me off.

My hearing is worse off, I am in constant pain. Yet nothing.

I met someone, from another floor today, that just turned 100. and he has his wits about him. I have know him for awhile now.

I feel at times mom deserves more than I can and have been able to give her. I do my best and sometimes I feel it is not good enough.

I know mom loves me and what I do for her. And I love helping mom at every moment.

It can be difficult when one is in pain all the time. But I do my best

I need to go now.

I am very tired. As last night I was in a very bad mood, and I don't even know why. The day went well. Maybe I am even more tired of living here, than I realized. Especially I saw a place and it was only $75.00 out of my price range. Piss me off.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

Another start

Hello again

So I have mom's Christmas tree all set up and decorated. I put things up on the wall, and have a few more things to do. 

The tree is decorated with Blue lights, silver, white and blue ornaments. Plus a couple of other whimsical items. It looks very nice. Mom loves it. 

I filled a USB drive with 1 g of Christmas music. All of what mom likes. And have been playing it while decorating the tree. 

What is left is, I have these plastic, clear snowflakes. I am going to glue them to a fishing line to make it look as if it is snowing. Several strands of different lengths. Placed behind the Christmas tree, and a meter on either side. And with the blue lights of the tree, it should look nice. We will see. 

I had another idea, but can't find what I wanted. And I have not drawn in years, so this would of taken me to long to draw. OK I was looking for a door mural, of children looking out a window, and in the background, behind the children, was a decorated house. While it is snowing outside. And then have these snowflakes in front of this wall mural. Brilliant idea! Trust me I have looked in many different stores for this. To bad I didn't think of this months ago.

And yes, I can draw. I am a very good artist. OK, I use to be. It has been a very long time since I drew anything. I have not even wrote a poem in a long time. I use to write like crazy. To the point where I would stop and write on anything, if I had an idea. I have been drawing and writing, since I was a very little kid. And good at it. 

Left brain/Right brain. Creative and analytical. 

Now for mom. The last few days mom has her appetite back. Great, she has eaten everything I put in front of her. What I bring and what is being served. 

On Sunday it was bath day, so mom was in bed. I brought the tree over to the bed after dinner to decorate it in front of her. It is only a 5 foot tree. Mom was so happy, looking on and helping when she could. By handing me some decorations. And the same tonight when I finished it off. 

It didn't take to long and I stood there and held her hand for 45 minutes while she fell asleep. 

I wish I could be living in White Rock so it is not a 3 hours ride home. Well it is sometimes a little longer, as I am experiencing some depressive issue and anxiety. Which is causing me to have to get off the bus occasionally. As I get to anxious, if it is to crowded, or someone is sitting to close to me. Or someone's breath or body oder is to repulsive for me to handle. 

I get off the bus, so I don't freak out on the bus. Which is causing me to get home latter. See why it is important for me to be living in White Rock. Not just for this reason, but also, so I can stay even longer, visiting mom.

Otherwise mom is healthy, doing as well as she can be, having a stroke, not being able to speak or walk. Not being able to use her left arm. And stuck in a wheelchair. 

Oh, speaking of wheelchairs. Her leg rests are not here yet. Three weeks and counting. 

Well I need to go, Feeling very depressed and still have some other writing to do.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

To be someone

Hello again

Mom tonight was so tired that I could barely get her to eat anything. I did, however get her to eat a little. Nothing I brought, a bit of the dinner they supplied. Half a papaya and an avocado. But mom never declines the smoothie. This she drank. But again very little.

This freaks me out greatly, when mom is like this. I get very worried that something is wrong. But what is wrong is that she is not being moved, that the roommate is delusional and they are not protecting my mother from her.

They tell me that the roommate goes to sleep at 9 PM. It is not when she goes to sleep that concerns me, it is when she wakes up in the middle of the night with her delusions and is calling for the nurse and arguing with them at 3 in the morning.

But after I gave mom her spa treatment, I set the tree up. OK, I set the tree up last night, and I put the lights on the tree tonight. So when it was getting to the point for me to leave, mom was agitated. What I mean is that she just wanted to go to sleep and for me to leave. This is when I knew mom was OK. I think. We will see tomorrow.

Again, I will be calling the complaint department. Since they have not called me back yet. So what we say, is not important to them. And speaking with the manager again.

So the month of my dislike is upon us. I will not be re hashing anything, as you know why I feel this way.

Loneliness is not fun. Especially having nothing makes it even harder. I keep trying, but seem to just fall deeper into this depression. Just thinking about this last year, not getting anywhere. I am hopeless.

I can't even continue to write anymore tonight.

GOD bless and good night

Kristopher W. A. Schmuland

I have chosen  a life of servitude, taking care of my mother. Without hesitation.